Chapter 29: Chapter 27

Her return goodnight was lost in the attic stairs opening. I closed them behind me and went to find someplace to crash. I was exhausted. Mr. Sada’s second floor guest room and Doofus’ adorable snores called to me, but I was intercepted before I could make it inside.

The doctor was leaning on the wall just around the corner, his goggles up on his forehead. When I approached, he grinned and lifted his chin. “Hey there you are.”

I squinted. “The mordren?”

He raised his hands into a defensive position. “Resting comfortably, properly immobilized. I set his hand, welded the bone together, and put it all in a cast. He’ll need to keep that on for a few weeks, but the bones will mostly heal like that. Same with his shoulder and elbow. Both joints have torn ligatures that I can’t fix without a surgical suite, but he should regain some movement and use from both limbs, even without surgery. He’ll never use that eye again, it’s toast. I dug buckshot out of it, been a while since I’ve seen that stuff.”

His speech was animated as he went down the list of injuries and I just stared, wondering at the man who had in a day become the member of an extraterrestrial private health practice. It occurred to me that humans must have been part of BuyMort even before Earth.

“The detached scalp is the easiest to heal, that should be fine in a few days. I got it stapled down real good, with some great cellular bonder anti-bio mix underneath. That’ll be a scar and nothing more. Knocked some of his teeth out, and the jaw is broken too. I welded those and wrapped it. Left you a few days’ supply of really strong stuff for him. Should keep him from feeling too much of this during the worst of it, and it’s all included in your contract. You went for the premium package, that includes pharma. He needs a liquid diet for at least a week though.” His list finished, the doctor took a long breath and shook his head at me. “Look, buddy, here’s the bottom line. I do medic stuff, not high end orthopedic surgery. That mordren’ll live. He won’t be able to use either hand for weeks, maybe months. And he’ll never, ever be the same again.”

I flinched and leaned against the wall with a short sigh.

“You did that to him, right?” Doctor Miles asked.

I hesitated but nodded.

“Well, color me impressed. This Earth is rowdy, I’ve never seen a mordren so badly beaten hand to hand against a human.” Dr. Miles shrugged. “But care and feeding for a mordren won’t be easy. I already wrapped up my report with BuyMort, which means his merc company knows everything and knows he won’t be a fighter again without serious investment. You name a high ransom, and this guy has a history of failure like this, they’ll just ignore it and leave him to rot.”

My face must have looked pretty miserable because he shoved off the wall and pushed me lightly. “Hey, don't sweat it. Did what you had to, I don’t judge.”

“Can it be fixed?” I stared at the ground as I asked.

He shook his head slowly and shrugged. “The surgeries alone would be millions. If you got him augmentation for each permanent disability, that’d be tens of millions more. No offense brother, but your operation here ain't that grand.”

We stood in silence for a tense moment before he waved a hand. “By the way, your hobbs, they don’t need me.”

I frowned again. “I’m sure I saw one of them was gut-shot.”

Miles frowned and shook his head. “Yeah but they don’t need me. That hobb leading ‘em is sharp, she got their wounds patched to acceptable levels. They’ll heal on their own in no time. Like tomorrow morning, no time.” He hesitated at the still present confusion on my face. “Oh boy are you greener than I thought. hobbs heal fast brother. You can break em and slice em and burn em and they’ll just heal right up from it. That’s why they’re pretty much all mercenaries, it’s how they live in BuyMort.”

I blinked a couple times and considered that. “Well, thanks for the tip. Got any more for me?”

Doctor Miles smiled at me with a slight squint. “No I do not, but I do have a patient to get to. I’m looking for the albino conda. She in that attic?” When I didn’t immediately respond he continued, “the Nah’gh priest.”

“Oh, yeah she’s in the attic.” I met his eye and reached to shake his hand. “Thank you, Doctor.”

“Well, the thanks is the five star, yeah?” Dr. Miles met my eyes and grinned wolfishly, before shaking my hand. He then produced a card and handed it to me. “Call me anytime. I can get you in touch with a good surgical suite, it’s aboard a mordren military station in orbit around your Earth, all top notch equipment.” 

Then he raised an eyebrow and pointed at my starfish suit. “What the hell is that thing? I’ve been operating in BuyMort for fifteen years and I’ve never seen anything like it.”

My hand went to the box on my chest, and I blinked in surprise. “I actually don’t really know, Doc.”

He raised an eyebrow at me but nodded and shrugged. “Well. Don’t let me keep you then.”

I nodded and thanked the doctor, then moved to walk past him. Really, I could have asked him a million more questions, including where the hell he came from, but I was too tired. He climbed the stairs behind me as I entered the guest room and closed the door. Doofus was asleep on the corner of the bed and looked extremely comfy. I left the lights off, I could see well enough with the moonlight coming in the window, which overlooked the backyard and the mordren being bundled into the shed, under hobb guard. After they had him secured, I closed the window and turned away. I didn’t bother getting undressed. Just took a leak, splashed some water in my face, and crashed on the bed with my jeans open. It felt like I was snoring before I even landed on the blankets.

When I awoke, it was to the high pitched screaming of Mr. Sada in the basement.

I grabbed the pillow and shoved it over my face, but when gunfire followed the scream, I rolled my eyes and got up. As I was fastening my pants, BuyMort deducted a familiar amount from my morties total and informed me that my dream purchase had been made. Doofus groaned at me from the bed and slumped into a more comfortable position, indicating he wasn’t inclined to join me. I left the room, and a pod zipped in from outside. I really hated how often they were nearby.

It stopped in front of me in the hallway, and Therizze stepped out of its rainbow beam. “Good morning honey, I’m your dream come tru-” She stopped and cocked her head at me. “Oh hey, you again. Let me guess, just a dream?”

I nodded rapidly, lips pressed firmly together. It was difficult to resist shushing her, but I did motion for her to follow me back into Mr. Sada’s room at the end of the hall. She was wearing even less this time. A very skimpy and mostly see through bit of lingerie bedecked her body, and she chuckled at my discomfiture. Once we were in his room and the door to the hallway was shut, I turned and faced the Nah’gh prostitute. She lounged against the side of Mr. Sada’s box spring, her short coil beneath her propping her up. “Hey, Therizze. I am so sorry this happened again.”

She smiled and waved a hand. “No skin off my tail honey, I get paid either way. I enjoy my work, but an unexpected break is nice too. You keep this up, we’re gonna have to start sharing breakfast!” Therizze laughed and I flinched as more gunshots sounded. This time Hord shouted for help.

“I would love that, but I have to go help with that whole situation, whatever it is. You can hang out in here until your pod comes, and I’ll try to remember to give you five stars.” I bowed slightly as I backed out of the room and closed the double doors behind me. She smiled and nodded, still lounging on the bed in her skimpy underwear. It left little to the imagination below, and none what-so-ever above. Very see-through, and she was clearly quite cold.

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When the doors clicked closed, I heard Molls’ voice behind me and froze. “Tyson? What’s going on?”

I walked with purpose toward her and pointed downstairs. She was in the corner of her hallway, the attic stairs looming open behind her. Her upper body was all wrapped in blankets, but her lower portion and very long tail were still mostly down the hallway. I noticed fresh bandages on both of her wounds. “I’m on my way to find out. You should stay upstairs Molls, it’s not safe.”

“I heard a voice, is someone here?” She asked from inside her blankets.

“Yes, but just leaving. Accidental dream purchase, nothing to worry about.” I tried to smile convincingly, and she nodded with a small yawn. My heart was in my throat, and I desperately hoped she wouldn’t ask for more details.

“Okay, let me know what’s happened please, I’ll be nervous otherwise.” Molls turned and started heading back for her stairs, and I breathed a sigh of relief as I turned and ran downstairs.

My shotgun was at the ready as I unlocked the basement door and entered. The gobbs were awake again, and standing around grumbling, looking at the door. I scowled and shut it behind me as I ran down the stairs.

Mr. Sada and Hord were backed up against the wall, as a trio of slimes feasted on the knocked over pallet of goblin d’jhz. As I watched, one of the slimes used a tendril to throw a bottle of d’jhz on the floor and shatter it, spilling the liquid for the slime to roll over and begin absorbing. Bubbles arose from the floor, and the slimes were all jiggling and vibrating at one another, making high pitched squeaks, and burbling farts.

“Go away! You’re supposed to be underground! Go fix your ship and stop stealing my stuff!” Mr. Sada raged impotently at them from his corner. Hord finished reloading his pistol and leveled it at the slimes again. They already had several bullets each, harmlessly lodged in their bodies, trailing slow bubbles to the top. 

I raised a hand to stop Hord and approached the slimes quietly. All I wanted was to slip past, and they really didn’t seem to care. They were very animated about the broken bottles of d’jhz all over the floor. When I passed them, one turned slightly to follow me, but none of them stopped gobbling at the thick liquid on the floor.

I moved over to the bathroom door and walked in, closing the door behind me. Mr. Sada and Hord both gaped at me as I went, but I ignored them. The fire extinguisher I was after was on the wall behind the bathroom door. I grabbed it and pulled the pin, priming it for use, then I opened the door and started shouting.

“AHHH YOU BETTER RUN SLIMES!” I shrieked as I came out of the bathroom. 

Mr. Sada and Hord both jumped, and Hord momentarily pointed his handgun at me before realizing his mistake and lowering it. The slimes all turned toward me, and one of them released a high pitched squealing fart. I squeezed the handle of the extinguisher and pointed the nozzle directly at the slimes. White extinguishing foam erupted from the end and streamed through the basement onto the first of them. I stopped a few feet away and watched.

The slime’s color started to change where the foam had hit it. It extended a tendril and wiped the extinguisher foam off its body, but the tendril started changing color too. The slime’s body darkened where the foam touched it, and the surface seemed to solidify and crack. 

A series of excited burbling sounds began, and all three slimes panicked. One of them rushed me, and I hit it with the extinguisher’s foam too. It made a high pitched screaming fart noise and immediately slimed in the other direction as quickly as it could. The three slimes moved as one to the shelving unit I had moved the other day, and shoved their ways through it, into the giant vent beyond. As they slid in between the metal bars, the darkened patches of their bodies sloughed off and were left behind.

I turned to look at Mr. Sada, and he was clutching his empty little chrome handgun. The slide was open, but he was just kind of holding onto it for the sake of holding onto something. His eyes were wide and bloodshot, and I was guessing he hadn’t really slept much. 

Too much drywall would do that to you. 

Instead of telling him off, I walked over and sat down beside him on the mattress. He was positioned on the far side of it, sitting with his knees up and his back against the concrete wall of the basement.

“Mr. Sada. These slimes are not guests. They are a problem. Is that vent how we access the abandoned army base?” I raised an eyebrow at him.

He blinked at me several times, before something seemed to click, and he started shaking his head. “No-no-no! That’s my way off this planet!”

I sighed and shook my head, before standing up to leave. “They’re going to eat you if you leave with them. That’s what they do, they eat everything.” I turned to face him. “You need to order more goblin d’jhz. I’m broke, I can’t.”

Mr. Sada nodded quietly. He blinked a few times and stared at the vent behind the shelf.

To Hord, I said, “Get the gobbs to build a fortified and fully sealed gate over that vent. Mr. Sada will pay for parts.”

From his corner, Mr. Sada grunted. “Hey, now. Going around spending all my morties. Dickhead.” I glared at him and he nodded with a sheepish look on his face. “Okay, okay. I get it, these things are needed. But I ain't made of morties, and food is getting expensive.”

“What do you suggest?” I sighed at him. My plans for Spider City were still a ways off, and I really didn’t want to just go selling off big chunks of it. The hope was to cultivate the area. Build it up, encourage the spiders to grow, build, and nest. Keep them contained and protected. Hire someone to work directly with them, obviously, but it seemed a rich enough resource to justify some expense.

He sighed. “Well, I have one thing, but I gotta look it up first. We can deal with it in the morning, it’s fine.” Mr. Sada pulled up his psychic phone, and the face on his TV rolled its eyes and faded back into the fog. I saw it appear on his phone, and it was glaring at him expectantly.

I turned to leave and shoved the extinguisher at Hord on my way by. “There. Now we know this chases them off.” That done, I stomped up the stairs and locked the basement door behind me on the way out.

The gobbs were all there, standing in the living room with their arms crossed. The big gobb was in front of them.

“Just don’t. You all have plenty of d’jhz left, it was just some slimes that needed to be chased off. Mr. Sada is ordering more, and we have more work to be done. Go back to bed.” 

I waved them off and turned to go back upstairs. It wasn’t even light out yet, and I needed more sleep. After checking in to see that Therizze had gone, I went upstairs to report the situation to Molls. She was bundled in her blankets on top of the thick comfy duvet. The window’s blinds were down, and its big blackout curtains were drawn. The only light in the room came from a bright device in Molls’ lap. The screen I had seen her using before.

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