Chapter 36: 35.1

Chapter 35.1

Translated by Springlila
Edited by Springlila

 

Trigger warning: Anxiety/Panic Attack

 

“Go in. I will come on Friday morning.”

 

“Yes, see you then.”

 

“…You’ve been feeling weak since before.”

 

Choi Sung-hoon wrinkled his brow as if worried about me and looked at my face carefully. I tried to smile brightly and keep talking a while ago, but I’m not sure how it came out.

 

“But I’m full of energy? Maybe it’s because I’m a little sleepy.”

 

“Let’s go to the hospital on Friday.”

 

“Even if you’re healthy. Choi Sung Hoon, you should go. People who don’t usually go to the hospital and are in good health are suddenly struck down by a major illness.”

 

“We can go together.”

 

Choi Sung-hoon bowed his head and kissed my lips.

 

I clenched my fists and tried not to hug him as our rough, warm lips met and parted.

 

After sending Choi Sung-hoon, I sat down in front of the front door.

 

Choi Sung-hoon delicately arranged the things his parents took care of in the refrigerator and various places in the kitchen.

 

I didn’t know it when I first met him. He was such a kind and sweet person.

 

I thought he was just a psychopath gangster who was angry about his brother’s accident.

 

He’s such a sweet person, so I’m sure an Omega will be happy to marry him.

 

I scratched my cold chest as I exhaled harshly.

 

‘To that person, Seo-yu si is just a joke for a moment. Not just a dominant, especially if it’s extremely dominant. Each has its own territory.’

 

I would have been misunderstood if Ho-in hadn’t advised me before. Maybe it was about me.

 

I’m glad to hear about this today.

 

A dry and sad laugh kept leaking out.

 

Marriage.

 

He was getting married

 

…After making me fall in love with you.

 

After cratching my chest, I realized my mind was unstable and jumped to my feet. I found a tranquilizer in the drawer next to my bed and ate whatever I could get my hands on.

 

My counselor advised me to take a tranquilizer as soon as possible when I was extremely unstable. Because I’m not sure what I’m going to do.

 

But I didn’t seem to get better even after eating it.

 

There were many things I wanted to ask him.

 

That person must be a good Omega, right?

 

You already have a baby?

 

When were you going to tell me?

 

When my heart ready?

 

Were you saying that you could break up with me at any time because I’m just a sex partner?

 

Ah… Shit.

 

Life was so crazy that I couldn’t bear it.

 

My head hurts, my chest hurts, and my stomach hurts as well. It hurt as if someone was ripping my intestines, I wrapped my arms around my stomach and leaned against the bed. I took a deep breath and thought.

 

I couldn’t help but love.

 

It was irresistible.

 

It was his fault for being too kind to someone like me while he had someone to marry.

 

 

It was the first time someone was so kind to me… I was so lonely.

 

Even today, he was a person who told me that I could cry while hugging me tightly, and I couldn’t help but fall in love.

 

I’d never felt such pain before. I had always met lightly, fallen in love lightly, and then broken up, but I had no idea that love was like this.

 

There was nothing I could do about it.

 

I was so miserable that I reached out to the open drawer and took out a can of sleeping pills. I tried to eat as much as I could, but there was only one pill left inside.

 

I swallowed the sleeping pill and closed my eyes while clutching my aching stomach, which felt like it was being torn apart… Something cold caught my foot.

 

I opened my eyes with difficulty.

 

It was a black river.

 

Black and cold water covered the floor and invaded the room.

 

I struggled to climb onto the bed. The floor of the room was already obscured by the river.

 

Just as fate tells you to know your situation at the happiest moment.

 

A cold wave came from afar, expanding its territory. To swallow me up without a second thought…

 

* * *

 

I woke up in a cold sweat. I couldn’t sleep because my stomach hurt so much. I struggled to get up, knowing that a single injection given by the hospital could completely eliminate the pain, as opposed to the pain reliever available at the pharmacy.

 

I washed up and was getting ready to leave when I received a call from Choi Sung-hoon. After some thought, I responded…

 

“Hello.”

 

– Did you just wake up? Your voice is hoarse.

 

“Yes… just now.”

 

– It’s eleven o’clock. Have you left yet?

 

I wondered how he knew I was going to the hospital, and then I remembered that I had told him I would meet my relatives on the second and third days of the holiday. Choi Sung-hoon said he couldn’t come with me because he was going to meet his relative as well.

 

“I am going in the afternoon. My relative’s house is also in Seoul.”

 

– Well… I’m off this morning.

 

“Rest well. It’s also difficult to deal with relatives and adults.”

 

– It’s not particularly difficult, but… May I take you?

 

“What? No, no. You said it was you were in Busan.”

 

– It doesn’t matter. There’s plenty of time until the afternoon.

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“I’m sorry, I can’t.”

 

Choi Sung-hoon stopped asking after I repeatedly refused. He said he was bored because he didn’t have anything to do until the afternoon. I resisted the urge to ask if he was going to marry the person he was dating or the person chosen by his family

 

“What are your hobbies, Choi Sung-hoon ssi? It’s a long holiday, so enjoy your hobbies.”

 

– I don’t know. Hobby…

 

“Something you usually do during your free time. Like watching a movie, reading, or playing an instrument.”

 

After reciting it, it seemed that Choi Sung-hoon was 10 billion light-years away. But now I understand. He appears to be capable of playing people’s screams, but he may actually be someone who was capable of playing romantic instruments such as the violin.

 

– What’s your hobby, Seo-yu ssi? I want to try what you do.

 

“…”

 

I couldn’t answer. I’m always interested in what other people do in their spare time. What on earth was I doing with my time… I think dating was my favorite hobby.

 

“If it were me, I think I would just sleep. Sleep is the best medicine.”

 

– That’s right. Are you feeling okay today? I didn’t want to talk about it because I thought you might not be ready, but my mother told me the reason why Seo-yu ssi was upset…

 

– Director.

 

Choi Sung-hoon was called by someone next to him to talk.

 

He wasn’t alone. Was he with the Omega he was going to marry? I hear him address Choi Sung-hoon by his rank, he must be a subordinate. You said you were bored at home alone.

 

“You seem busy, so I’ll hang up.”

 

– Oh, Seo-yu ssi. Just a second-.

 

The inside of my stomach tingled again. I hung up the phone before he finished speaking.

 

Then I sat still.

 

I couldn’t think of anything.

 

I was just sitting there when the vibration of my phone startled me awake. At first glance, I thought the phone’s screen was broken.

 

6:30 p.m.

 

I had been sitting blankly for nearly seven hours. I’ve often been blacked out like this since 10 or 11 years ago, but I think this was the first time this winter.

 

The source of the vibration that woke me up was the chat room of Choi Sung-hoon’s family. I did not enter it so that the ‘unread’ mark does not disappear.

 

I left the house with a sore back. I brought the owner’s grandfather a holiday gift, the house was buzzing with the arrival of his grandchildren, and the grandfather had a bright smile on his face.

 

The owner’s grandfather then gave me a Korean beef set.

 

I was going to grill the Korean beef, but I got nauseated and decided to put it away.

 

The fruits brought from Choi Sung-hoon’s home were edible. I ate five apples bigger than my fist in one sitting. Then I got an upset stomach and couldn’t sleep properly.

 

On the last day of the holiday, I felt even more down.

 

I’d been feeling uncomfortable since the morning and there was some blood coming out from my bottom. I found a nearby hospital, made a reservation, and then left the house.

 

I got a call from Choi Sung-hoon, but I didn’t answer it.

 

I haven’t received it for the seventh time since last night.

 

Shit, I should’ve told him to contact the Omega, who will marry him instead. They said you had a child.

 

I can chew on Choi Sung-hoon.

 

Because I was broken hearted.

 

The broken heart wasn’t as miserable and sad as I thought. All the breakup songs that just flow out were like my story. It seemed like the sky was crying, all of a sudden my body began to ache here and there. I could see a black river or hear the sound of the river’s ripples, and I just lose the will to live.

 

I became so helpless that it was hard to believe that it had only been two days.

 

I got on the bus to the hospital and looked out the window blankly. The phone kept vibrating. Choi Sung-hoon kept sending messages when I didn’t answer the phone.

 

Ha… I told you to call your Omega. I should change the saved name as well. Because it would be rude to his spouse.

 

My lower stomach continued to hurt, so I wrapped my arms around it. When I picked up my phone to turn off the annoying vibration, there was a message from Won-jo on it.

 

Won-jo [It’s good today for alcohol, go? My treat]

 

There was nothing good about today. It was so gloomy.

 

[I broke up…]

 

Won-jo [Hahahaha]

 

Won-jo [It went pretty long]

 

Won-jo [Hahaha]

 

Won-jo [Let’s have a drink]

 

Fuck you bastard… Won-jo laughed and giggled looked like he was in a good mood, but when I reject his invitation, he got sulky and cursed me.

 

The ○○ psychiatric clinic was quite far from the bus stop. The first place I went to was convenient because it was close to the subway station, but it was closed since it was a holiday.

 

The parking lot near the building’s entrance was completely full. This was due to a lack of psychiatric clinics open during the Lunar New Year holiday. Despite the fact that my arrival was delayed, I arrived earlier than expected. I intended to go to internal medicine after receiving sleeping pills, but I should have gone to internal medicine first.

 

I walked on a nearby well-kept walkway because I had nothing better to do. But my back began to hurt so badly that I had to stop. My stomach ached so badly that my hands trembled and I couldn’t catch my breath. While trying to sit on the ground, I managed to sit on the bench and take a deep breath.

 

I rubbed my stomach and took out my phone. Ex-boyfriends’ holiday messages sparkled. Seeing a lot of red lights at a time when my heart was empty, I’m glad I didn’t block them. I also responded one by one, wishing them a Happy New Year.

 

Choi Sung-hoon’s family chat room was also on fire. The last message was [Meatball].

 

“…” 

 

I suddenly wanted to eat a meatball, so I immediately started walking. There was a market near the hospital, but only one stand opened. I sat at the inner table and ordered meatballs and a variety of pancakes.

 

“A bottle of soju, please.”

 

“Oh, my. Student. Do you drink in the middle of the day?”

 

“I’m craving for a little drink today.”

 

The boss brought me makgeolli. It was the first time I went to the stand in broad daylight on the last day of the Lunar New Year holiday to drink makgeolli and eat meatballs as a snack.

 

It was doable to break up with a heart. Except for the constant tingling pain in my lower abdomen.

 

I thought, tearing the pancake into pieces.

 

But why am I here today?

 

I was doing something and all of a sudden came to buy meatballs.

 

“…”

 

Ah, I’m finally crazy… Hospital.

 

I sighed and called the hospital. When the staff learned that I was canceling the reservation, they were delighted and quickly hung up. I stared blankly at the disconnected screen.

 

Can I still go to the doctor if I drank alcohol? I can go, right?

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