Chapter 265: Truth Comes With A Price

[This chapter is dedicated to Sann1. Thank you for supporting this story and my other stories as well.] 

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"You did what?" 

"We were given a document that was part of a research and asked to put our observations. I just happened to think that some data on that study was missing. And Dr. Sison said I was the only one who thought that way. That's why she chose me as her assistant and that's why I was given access to that study… which by the way, wasn't much. I mean, of course, you knew that." She scoffed sarcastically. 

"I wanted to tell you why I freaked out when I found out you were working on that particular research, but then, until now, that study was still highly treated as something an intern should not know. I need to have a talk with Dr. Sison first." 

"I don't care about the clearance needed for that research. It doesn't explain why you had something installed on my computer without my knowledge, Noah." 

"I'm sorry. I have no excuse other than, yes, I doubted you. I thought you would…" he didn't finish his sentence and tried to pull Jess to his arm but she crossed her arms over her chest and stepped back—away from him. 

"You think I'll be just like your wife?" She asked in a tone of voice laced with bitterness and disappointment. 

Noah clenched his jaw when he saw the pain in Jess's eyes, "Baby, I'm sorry," he sighed. He has no excuse for what he did. 

"Ex-wife," he corrected her. "And no, you are not in any way like her." 

"I don't know if I should be flattered or what. I hate lies, Noah. However small the lie was, it was still a lie. And no matter what your intention or reasons were, the fact remained. You did it because you were doubting me. You were saying, I am not like your ex-wife but then, it crossed your mind that whatever she did, I will do it too. And that—hurts. A lot!" she wiped her left cheek for a lone tear escaped her eye. "I took a gamble but it looks like it wasn't worth it at all," she said with a sad smile. 

"Baby, tell me how I can make it up to you. I will talk to—no, I will get you the clearance to know about that research and tell you everything -" 

"Enough," she cut him off. "It's not about the research, Noah. And you knew it. You didn't believe in me. That's what it was." 

Noah lowered his head in shame. Jess was right. He did it because it crossed his mind that Jess, just like Nicole did in the past, would betray him. How can he explain to her that when he did that it was in a rush of emotions, of the trauma of the past. 

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But that was before Jess's life was put in danger and he realized that he can't live without her. And this time it wasn't just empty words. When he first heard the news that she was sick and that she could die, and that people were after her life. Those things no longer matter. And, Jess maybe won't believe him if he tells her now—even if she did what Nicole did in the past, he would forgive her. 

He won't let her go. To hell with everything. But the fact that he lied will no doubt raise suspicion in Jess's mind about whatever he says now. In the end, he had no choice but to apologize repeatedly. Although an apology alone will not be enough to forgive him at this point. 

"I'm sorry, Jess. Please," he reached out to her, and just like what he was expecting, she rejected his touch. "I'm sorry, baby."

"I don't know what to feel right now, Noah. I am angry but at the same time…" she uncrossed her arms from her chest and dropped them. She was on the losing end. Just like what she told Ellise, she fell in love. And she couldn't understand herself, in spite of everything, she still trusts Noah. She must have gone crazy. 

"Let's sleep on it," she offered him a tight smile. "I don't have the energy to talk anymore. Let's just pick up this conversation after we get some sleep." 

"I don't think I'll be able to sleep, knowing that you are in pain and I am the cause of it.' 

She smiled sadly at Noah. "You can't do anything about it right now. I can't tell you I'm not mad just to do what they say of not sleeping angry, because right now I am angry and I'm not going to lie that I am okay, that this fight is over because it's not. It's far from over, Noah. And it's not going to be over if we don't get honest with each other. And I mean it when I said, each other." 

She laughed wryly. "I should practice what I preach. But because honesty comes with a price, it's something difficult to do." 

The crease on his forehead deepened and his eyebrows knitted tighter. "You have something to confess?" 

"Yes and no. It was no longer a confession if it was something that I guess right now, was something you already know," she smiled sadly. "I love you," she replied to the questions in Noah's eyes. 

When he heard Jess's confession, he gasped audibly and a pang of pain and guilt overwhelmed him. He was caught lying and yet, Jess was telling him that she's in love with him. 

She finally said those words that he has been wishing to hear from her. And instead of being overjoyed, he was engulfed with guilt. He felt unworthy of those declarations of love from her. Hence, in shock, he stood there with his mouth agape, closing, and opening, he was unsure of what to say. 

He wanted to tell her that he loves her too but his 'i love yous' would sound so cheap right now.. Because you should trust people that you love, but he didn't trust Jess.

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