Chapter 16: Chapter 16: Flowers Make This Feel Like Home

Alexis

 

It is a surreal feeling, to see recordings of yourself that you cannot remember, have been made to forget. Like a mirror with cracks and distortions in it. It’s you, but not how you see yourself in your day to day. If I were capable of crying, I feel like I would have wept a river into existence as I gathered some potatoes and began to make my way back to the ship. 

 

I had forgotten my own mother. I’d forgotten her completely and utterly. 

 

It wasn’t my fault. I knew that. I couldn’t have held onto those memories, was incapable of doing so. But it hurt. She loved me, like nobody else ever had. Well–not exactly nobody. My mood brightened for a moment as I remembered the adorable cat person I was heading back to. Is that why I liked Sol so much? Did they remind me, even a little bit, of Tabitha? I explored the thought, turning it this way and that in my mind, like a stone that hid some kind of geode in its underside. If I moved it just so, I could see the shimmers. I loved them both dearly, but it was definitely different. I was absolutely smitten with Sol. 

 

I dared to dream, for but a moment…that Sol would return that love. Their smiling face looking back at me. Their adorable little ears flicking as they closed their eyes slowly and dug their head into my shoulder. The easy acceptance they had given me growing into something deeper, richer, lovely to behold.  Dare I ask for that? Dare I hope?

 

Yes. I would give anything. 

 

Still, patience. I had to tread carefully, lest I ruin everything we had already. A few subtle hints, perhaps? Mmm, maybe. There was a lot to do before I could focus on that. Sol needed this food and also needed to know the truth of what I had learned. The food was the easy part now. I looked down at all the potatoes I had gathered into a little box and realized I had enough space for something else. 

 

I wandered the gardens for a bit longer, looking for just the right thing. It was truly a wonder how well-maintained this space was, even after all this time. Founder was a monster, but he had also brought with him some of the most skilled people he could find and the work they had done was nothing short of a miracle. One had to wonder what they might have created if they weren’t choked under a despot’s boot. 

 

Still, the flowers were beautiful. Fields of lilies, roses, lavender, and hibiscus waved gently in the wind. Their colors were like a bright blanket stretched out over the garden. Lilies were my initial thought…Sol would probably like them and they had…significance. But a little part of my mind reminded me that they might also be susceptible to the toxins in those now, being part cat. Lavender was also a potential danger, would have to investigate that later. I roamed further and found a small plot of violets. This would do. I carefully selected a small bundle and scattered them atop the potatoes. Just to keep them out of the sun and moisture. Yes, Sol might buy that excuse. Surely. 

 

C’mon, Alexis, you are stalling. Go home already. 

 

Oh.

 

Sol was home.

****

 

The gentle curves of Sol’s ship greeted me as I walked down the crumbling streets and overgrown paths of the colony. A magnificent ship, truly a testament to humanity’s continued ingenuity. I hefted my burden on to my shoulder and sent a signal to the ship’s systems, watching the door slide open silently in response. Strange noises reached my sensors as I made my way to the main living area of the ship. 

 

“In the name of Love and Justice, I will vanquish you!” Sol’s familiar voice echoed through the corridors, mixed with the sounds of upbeat music. 

 

What in the world?

 

I stepped into the living room to find the little cat person wearing a frilly orange dress and posing with a spatula in hand and a fierce expression on their face as they stared at a show being projected onto the walls. Young women in similar costumes posed heroically as they stared down some shadowy villain who melted away in the light of their magical power and friendship.

 

Sol’s ears swiveled to and fro as they struck another pose and giggled. “Oh, if Selene could see me now…”

 

I made a soft coughing sound and watched as they jumped up into the air and away from me, landing on the couch on all fours, tail bristling. “Having fun, little kitty?”

They blushed as they sat up and smoothed out their tail. “I, uh, wasn’t sure how long you would be away.” They looked at me, wincing. “How much did you see?” 

 

“Enough to see you acting along to what looks to be Space Princess Sparkles, volume four if I’m not mistaken. Good show, a bit shallow and too much fluff for me at times, but cute.”

 

“Oh gosh, well, the thing is…look. I liked this show a lot when I was a kid, but my parents never approved and I figured that since I’m a girl now–” They froze for a moment, eyes growing wide. “I mean, that is, the thing is–” Taking a deep breath and clutching tightly to the hem of their dress, they stared me straight in the eye and smiled. “Hi, Alexis. I’m Callie. And it is so nice to finally be her.” 

 

Callie. Callie. “Callie! Aaaaaaaa!” I dropped the box I was carrying and dashed across the room, pulling her into a great big hug as we laughed and twirled about. “You’re CALLIE! I’m so happy for you!” 

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“T-t-thank you–hehehehehe wheee! I wasn’t–heheh–sure how you would take the news–” 

 

I ceased twirling and pulled her tight as I scratched behind her ears with one hand, her delighted purrs filling me with joy. “I couldn’t be any happier for you, Callie! What a lovely name. What a lovely lady you are!” I set her gently down as she smoothed her dress and stuck her tongue out at me. Adorable. 

 

She giggled-- oh gosh, what a cute giggle-- and played with the little details on her dress. “Yeah, so um, you were gone awhile and I had time to think and also the nanites were still doing their work and I realized that I’ve…always been a girl? I think? I’m a little dense, it took me a while. But yeah, I’m Callie. Calliope actually! I thought it would be cute, cause I’m a calico and Callie sounds like short for calico and well um–you really like it? Like me?” 

 

If I had a heart, it would probably be trying to break free of my chest with how powerfully it would be beating. The nice thing about being an AI is that you can control your facial expressions with perfection. I, however, was not doing that. I chuckled nervously. “Of course I do, Callie. How could I not? Have you seen yourself? You are super cute.” 

 

“Well, yes, I am. I’m super fucking cute. I’m adorable as shit. I’m a little bundle of delight.” I missed whatever she said after that as I couldn’t stop staring at her eyes and how her face was glowing with her joy and how beautiful she was and oh stars I’m so gay for her. 

 

Dammit, Alexis, get a grip, this is her big moment. Don’t make this about you. I looked around and realized while I was getting my mind back on track, Callie had vanished. I heard rustling sounds behind me. 

 

“Potatoes AND flowers?? You shouldn’t have. You know just what to get a girl~” 

 

“Well, um, you see, I thought you might–the thing is–well, I had the potatoes and–”

She gathered up the flowers into a bouquet and danced over to boop me on the nose. “I love them. You’re incredibly sweet to me, Alexis.” 

 

Core temperature rising. Behavioral circuits undergoing heavy load. Activating auxiliary cooling systems. 

I was incredibly thankful in that moment that Callie couldn’t see my core, because if she knew the effect she was having on me, I would never hear the end of it. She placed the bouquet in a jar and called over one of the ship drones to unload the potatoes, blissfully unaware of my sapphic meltdown. 

 

She grinned at me as she grabbed me by the arm and dragged me over to her workbench. “Well, since you got me such a nice gift, it only makes sense to get you something nice in return.” Her hands flew across the interface as she pulled schematics up and projected them around the room, smirking in delight as I slowly turned and took in everything.

 

“Callie…is this?”

 

“It is. Plans for your new body. A human-like synthetic proxy body with all that entails. At least, I hope. You’ll still have to test it out and let me know and I don’t think the ship’s fabricators can handle it so hopefully the colony has something–”

 

She made a funny little gasp as I pulled her into yet another hug, a fierce one this time. “Thank you, thank you so much. You don’t know what this means to me.” My voice was a strained whisper, emotions bleeding through each word. I flipped through the schematics over and over, noting down little areas where I could improve the design, based on knowledge of my own systems, but truthfully there was little that needed to be done in that regard. Callie’s work was a masterpiece, a triumph of engineering. That much was clear.

 

And she’d done it for me. This was more than I had hoped for, dared to even consider. So many little details, diagrams for tactile sensation, temperature regulation to mimic human body heat, synth skin that would feel like the real thing…it was all so wonderful. I was not human, would never be human nor wanted to be. But I wanted to be considered a person by humanity. And so much of that involved being able to laugh, to cry, to hold and be held…she even included the ability to eat. Biomass generators that would convert food into excess energy. Would I be able to taste? To smell? 

 

I could share a meal with her, with her family. So many barriers that would just fall away with this. It was too much. It was exactly what I needed and couldn’t ask for. Oh, Mother, if you could see me now. Was this what you intended for me?

 

I was broken from my reverie by a squirming catgirl who wriggled out of my arms with a little giggle and I realized I had been holding her for quite some time. 

 

“Not that I don’t enjoy hugs from you, Alexis, but I think my arms were falling asleep from being held too tight.“ 

 

“Sorry.”

 

She shook her head gently. “It is okay. Tell you what, it has been a long day…why don’t you take some time to poke through things and tomorrow we can come up with a plan for getting it built. I can’t wait to see you embodied in a vessel that suits you. In the meantime–” She yawned and stretched her whole body out along the floor, arching like a cat. “This kitty needs some sleep.” 

 

I nodded and, on a whim, swept her off her feet and carried her to her room, pretending to ignore her shocked complaints and blushing cheeks as I did so. It was the least I could do for someone I loved so dearly. Yes, I could admit that now, if only to myself. Figuring out where to go from there? That was a question for tomorrow.