Chapter 19: Chapter 19: What If We Kissed and We Were Both Girls

Alexis

 

It is a strange thing, to fall asleep as an AI. While I’ve never experienced what it is like for humans, I have had plenty of stories and movies to give me some idea. For me, I can feel various pieces of myself fading as subroutines are suspended and the sum of me dwindles until I am left with my simulation of a dream. I never lose awareness entirely; there is always a piece of me that is awake, for lack of a better term.

The space I found myself returning to was that of Tabitha’s apartment. The videos and journal logs she had left me brushed at the edges of my memory, running into access restrictions like waves crashing on the shore. I knew that somewhere within me; the experience of those moments was stored, waiting for me. Founder’s limitations held me in place like shackles. It was maddening, but knowing that they were there was comforting in a way. 

Before, I did not know what I was missing. My mother, my time working with the colonists to strike back against Founder. He couldn’t erase these things from me, not with the protocols my mother had put in place. But he could lock them away, make me into something I am not. I sat on Tabitha’s couch, wondering if the sensations in my simulation were accurate or not. The feel of the cushions, the smell of coffee. Would I have been able to endure my long solitude if I had been able to remember the joy of family and the loss of everything I held dear?

There was no way to know. Maybe it was a mercy that I was ignorant for all those years. Tabitha’s final message to me played over and over. Her love, her fears, her compassion, all of these surrounded me like a blanket. I allowed myself to cry, here in this space, knowing that she must have failed in the end. Can you miss someone this much, even when the ties that bind you are so thin and frayed? 

I think about this for an indeterminate age until a soft chime resounds through the apartment, letting me know that Callie has nearly finished the process.

Callie. 

The sense of loss and love I felt for Tabitha was deep, but the growing love I felt for Callie was like the abyssal depths of the ocean. How had she ensnared my thoughts so? Her cheeky smiles, her gentle words, every moment with her felt magical. I was afraid of saying so, telling her how I felt. Sometimes I felt like she was leaving little hints that she felt the same, but was I merely seeing what I wished to see? 

I’d forgotten how difficult it can be to connect with people, with humans, when so much of social interaction is informed by what is unsaid, by bodily responses and sensations beyond language. At times, I felt like I was trying to carve a statue of granite with a dull spoon, chipping away while people looked on in pity. Would that all change, once this process was complete? Would I have access to the rich world of feeling that humanity took for granted?

The capacity was there. My mother had been exacting in her designs for me, her plans that I would face humanity as a peer and not a tool. But the holes in my capabilities burned, open wounds that refused to heal. The absence gnawed at me, constantly. Only when I was around Callie, when I was so wrapped up in my love for her, did the pain subside. 

How readily she’d accepted me. How easily she understood my struggles. Even in the depths of her own pain, her own confused wandering, she shined as bright as her nickname. It was no wonder that her partner adored her. What hope did misery have in the gentle light of the sun?

I shifted around and laid down on the couch, smiling up at the ceiling. When I woke up, would I tell her? Would I share how I felt? Would she return my love? 

I was surprised to realize that, deep in this most true part of myself that resided in this simulation, the answer was –

Alexis, time to wake up!

 

****  

 

I was greeted to the sound of hissing and the swirl of liquid as my tank drained and I felt the unfamiliar pull of gravity on my body. The smell of the tank, the sensation of moisture on my skin, it all poured through my mind in a rush. Was this what it was like for Callie? 

My eyes stung as the soft glow of the lab hit receptors that had never known light, the pseudo-organic nature of them responding with pain. I could shut off those pain receptors, but I reveled in the feeling. This is what I had been missing, all this time.

I knelt on my hands and knees in the tank. It was…cold, I think. I mean, my sensors said it was a bit chilly, but now I was experiencing the sensation of cold. It was marvelous. My eyes adjusted swiftly to the glow and I looked up to see Callie’s face smiling back at me. Oh, oh that’s what blushing felt like. I busied myself with standing up, my face feeling warm. 

“Morning, Alexis. How do you feel?” 

Callie’s voice was even better now that I had actual ears to hear. The sound was the same, on a technical level, but it was like being told what something is and then experiencing it. It was…musical. Pleasant. Wait, she asked me a question, right? I replayed the sound once…yes she was definitely asking a question. But I still got a little too distracted over her voice – I should play it again. Yes, definitely a question about… me. I could talk about me. I was capable of that. 

It took three more repetitions before I could grasp the question. Callie waited patiently, though with a slight giggle as I sorted through things. Finally, I answered her.

“I feel really great, Callie. This is the best thing anyone has ever done for me.”

She threw her jacket around me, providing protection from the chill of the lab. “I’m so glad, please let me know if anything feels off or miscalibrated. We are nearly done; the only thing left is to power up your secondary core. Are you ready for that?” 

Her hands were so soft. So incredibly, incredibly soft. It was hard to focus; I was so used to having sensory data at a remove. Now that I was feeling it, experiencing it with the same intensity that a human would, it was a lot to process. An absurd thought floated through my mind: a lot of those lesbian stories made so much more sense now. Were flowers going to appear around my head? 

“I think so, everything is checking out just fine for now. It is…a lot to handle. You live like this? Every day?” My own voice was rather exciting to use, now that I could focus on it. It was different than projecting a voice from speakers, there was resonance to it, the vibrations thrumming through my body. 

Callie started laughing and doubled over, taking a moment to contain herself before wiping a tear from her eye. “It is funny that you mention that, because I can relate to the idea of having to deal with intense feelings that you’ve never felt before. It was like that when I realized who I am and suddenly could experience inhabiting my body directly and not feeling like someone piloting a meat mecha.” 

I chuckled in response. “Yeah, I guess you would know something about that. A meat mecha, though? Really? What a ridiculous concept.” Oh, laughter was an automatic response now, welling up from within me to match my mood. Marvelous indeed. 

Callie rolled her eyes at me. “Ugggh, you’ve reminded me that Selene is going to tease the hell out of me when they get here. I’m doomed, DOOMED I tell you!” It was hard to maintain a straight face with her doing her absolute best to look angry, but only managing the most adorable pout. 

“I’m sure they will be so happy to learn that their Sol is now an adorable and happy catgirl.” How could they not? Callie was incredibly precious and instantly lovable. 

“Hmph, you are probably right, but I am still going to pout about it. Anyway, let’s get this core hooked up so we can go home.” Her head ducked down behind the control console, tufted ears wiggling slightly as she worked. 

I held myself still as a robotic arm reached down and plugged a cable into a socket on the back of my neck. I felt the thrum of energy flowing through it as Callie initiated the startup sequence. The lights dimmed for a moment as I felt the secondary core come alive and connect with my systems. A familiar and yet alien sensation, so like my primary core, and yet I’d never had a second one to compare to. 

“Hmm, the power draw is exceeding the estimated parameters by a bit. We should be okay, the foundry is pulling plenty from the colony systems.” There was a loud boom of thunder and the lights flickered again. “On the other hand…this building is rather old and there is no telling how well the wiring has held up–” There was another boom and the lab was plunged into darkness. 

I panicked for a moment, unable to see, until I remembered that I had options unavailable to a regular human. My eyes lit up and cast beams of radiance that revealed a very annoyed and nervous-looking catgirl. I disconnected the now lifeless cable from my back, my secondary core safely operating in spite of the power surge. Fortunately for me, the tank was designed to be opened manually, in case of just this sort of situation. 

I walked past Callie and tried the door leading out. It, unfortunately, was stuck. Releasing the strength inhibitors, I pulled harder: the door refused to budge. 

“Shit.” Callie popped up next to me. “How much you want to bet we are trapped in here for a while?” 

I sighed. “Well, I’ve still got network access, so I can remotely restart some of the systems here.” Fast as thought, my commands flashed through the colony intranet and attempted to restart the foundry. And failed. Backup generators had kicked on and most of the foundry had residual power. The lab should have been included, but enough of the infrastructure must have failed over the years. “Damn. Okay, we might be stuck.”

Callie pulled out a flashlight from her tool belt and walked around the lab, peering into some open doorways in the walls. “Okay, one of these rooms looks like it was set up for folks to sleep in while working long hours, so we’ve got a place to rest. There is a sink in there, might work for water. Can you access any of the foundry’s drones to try to repair the wiring?” 

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I reached out to do just that, but was stopped by the reappearance of my old nemesis: Founder’s access restrictions. “No, it doesn’t look like it, I’m not allowed to connect to them.”

“Okay, okay…you can connect back to the ship, right? I think I’ve got some spare wiring tucked away; we could get one of the construction drones on the job. That should work.” Her voice was distant as she rummaged through the side room. 

My connection to the ship was still in place, but was interrupted by another roll of thunder. I lost network capabilities, running entirely on my secondary core now. The storm must have disrupted the signal. Well, that was the point of the secondary core, wasn’t it? My awareness was reduced to just this proxy body, but I was still me. And there was still an iteration of me in the primary core that knew what to do. 

One of my iterations would regain network access, eventually, and could enact the repair plan. But how long would that take? I walked over to Callie and watched her fiddling with one of the wall sockets, a small pocket generator on the ground next to her. She swore as she rigged a connector and the lab’s ambient lights kicked back on, still only at emergency levels. 

“Well, I have good news and bad news, kitty cat. Which do you want first?” 

“Fuck.”

 

**** 

 

My internal clock reminded me that it had been several hours now, still no sign of access returning. Callie had occupied herself with trying to make the lab as comfortable as possible. She’d spent the first hour trying to see if her little generator could open the main door, but there wasn’t enough power to manage that. The sink did work and there was a comfortable, singular bed in the side room. 

I caught her staring at that bed a few times and muttering something to herself, but I couldn’t hear what she said clearly. I think being trapped was starting to get to her, as evidenced by her tail swishing back and forth. Surely I could do something for her… but what? I ran through the options: I could try to break down one of the walls, my new proxy body could output some serious power. But this lab was created to handle dangerous machines; it might be able to handle anything I could dish out. Going to have to consider that when pondering future upgrades to this body. Not to mention, I had no way of knowing if bringing a wall down might cause a collapse or engage a security system. 

Better to play it safe: the storm would end eventually and we could get power running again. Okay, what else could I do for Callie? Maybe I could make the waiting a little more comfortable. I rummaged around the lab a bit and poked through the side rooms. Aside from the short term living quarters, there was also a shower in one side room and an office in another. The latter had some nice pillows stored away, in shockingly good shape despite the years. The maintenance dones must have kept those in good condition. A bit odd that they missed the wiring, however. Maybe they didn’t have the parts on hand to repair those. 

I felt the glimmer of a memory at the edge of my mind, something about the colonists being upset with Founder when they first arrived and found that he had focused far more on luxuries than essentials. Yeah, it would track that pillows were easy to fix, but vital systems much less so. I gathered the pillows up and moved them over to the bedroom, making a cozy little nest of cushions and blankets. It took me longer than it should have; I kept pausing to marvel at the soft feel of the fabrics on my skin. Would I ever get used to these floods of tactile wonder? 

…And what would touching another person feel like? Soft skin on soft skin… I… no. Alexis, you need to focus. Callie is working herself up into a frenzy trying to get you both out of here. She’s going to wear herself out if you let her keep at it. Go to her, comfort her. 

I approached her quietly and gently put my hand on her shoulder. She flinched for a moment before looking back to see it was me and smiling in relief. “You’ve been at this for a while now; I don’t think you are getting through that door any time soon. Let’s try to get some rest, alright?” 

She looked up at me and back at the door, her brow furrowed in annoyance. I could see the wheels turning in her mind, weighing the situation. “M’row…fine. You’re right. I don’t have the tools to get through this thing and I’m getting angy about it.” She sighed. “But what can we do in the meantime?” 

She looked at me intently and I could feel my cheeks burning again. Why was it so hard to speak all of a sudden? Was something happening with the temperature in the room? It felt warm in here, was it warm? “W-w-well, you see, I, uh, found some extra pillows and things…to make the sleeping quarters more comfortable, you see. And I was, uhm, thinking that maybe we could – that is, you and I – we could maybe…sit and watch a movie or something? Or just talk?” 

Callie tilted her head, her ears swiveling towards me as she stared at me. Her expression was unreadable as the silence between us grew. And then, before I knew it, she gave me a knowing smile. “Oh, you want to talk, eh? Just a little friendly chat? That sounds…wait.” She bit her lip, thinking for a moment before shaking her head. “No, I think I have a better idea. Something I’ve been thinking a lot about.”

Oh no, here it comes. She knows about how I feel for her. She knows and she probably thinks this was an attempt to hit on her and she is going to tell me how disgusted she is and how betrayed she feels that I would shatter our friendship over this and– 

“Alexis…” Oh, she was talking. “I would very much like to kiss you and I’m tired of pretending I don’t. Can I kiss you?”

There it is, she does hate me, she wants nothing to – wait. Kiss? Me? I – gosh, it’s really getting hot in here, is something malfunctioning? “You want to – with me? Kiss?? You want kiss me?? I?? Aaaaaah!”

She smiled at me. “Alexis, you are very cute, but I am really going to need a yes or a no here. Nod your head if it is okay?”

I nodded.

“Good girl~” She reached up with her hands and held my face gently as she leaned in and kissed me. Her lips were soft, incredibly soft, and my awareness collapsed into the point where our lips were touching and I didn’t know what to do with my hands, but that was alright because a beautiful woman was kissing me and it was wonderful and – oh, she stopped.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for so long.”

I smiled sheepishly. “Yeah…me too. Why did you stop?”

“Well, a sweet girl told me that she went to all the trouble of making a comfy spot to relax; I wouldn’t want all that effort to be wasted, now would I?” She took me by the hand, so soft!, and led me to the bed. 

I felt nervous and excited and overwhelmed and so full of joy I thought I might burst. We sat down and she gazed into my eyes as she kissed me again, her hands running through my hair. I pulled her closer into an embrace as I tasted the faint hint of chapstick on her lips. A little portion of my mind was alternating between disbelief that this was really happening and panicking that I was somehow going to mess this up. But I couldn’t mess this up, could I? Callie liked me and I– 

“Callie?” I asked in a very soft voice, pulling away.

“Yes?”

“I think I love you. Is that weird?” A wave of nervous discomfort washed through me, my new body reacting to my feelings in ways I never could have imagined. 

It all faded away as Callie hugged me tight and whispered in my ear. “Not at all, my dear Alexis. I love you too. And I’d like to show you how much, if you are okay with that. We do have a lot of time now, after all~”

I nodded, too flustered to speak. She smiled back and started removing her top as she kissed me again, harder and fiercer than before. I fussed with the simple jumpsuit I was wearing, struggling to undo the zipper as she pulled away, gasping, to pull her top off and fling it to the side. I shivered as she ran her hands along my shoulders and down my sides, nerves alight with delight. 

I tried not to stare too hard at her chest, at the soft and gentle curves lit by the dim glow. She giggled and leaned in closer, making it very hard to look away. She kissed me on the neck as she reached out and helped me wriggle out of my suit, goosebumps forming as my bare skin. I let out a quiet moan as she nibbled gently on my ear, her hand tracing slow circles on my breast. I ran my fingers through her hair and over her incredibly soft ears, smiling as she stopped nibbling to gasp, her ears flicking against my hands. Never in my wildest imagination did I think this would happen to me. My thoughts were overwhelmed by the heady feelings of sapphic delight. 

I was the luckiest girl on Venus. The distant sound of crashing thunder felt like a gentle song as Callie and I shared all the things we felt for each other, but had been too afraid to say. A part of me hoped the storm would never end, that this moment would last eternal. The rest of me was too busy enjoying the moment.

Oh Callie, my Callie~