Chapter 176: 138. Overdue Conversations

"Are you sure you're going to be ok?" Kaylee asked as she stood next to the bed.

I nodded as I mumbled, "Yeah. I just need some alone time I think? Sorry, I know you want to help."

My girlfriend sighed, "All right. Call if you need something."

"I will. Thanks Kaylee," I replied quietly.

She watched me for another few seconds, then finally turned and headed out of our room. Her ears and tails were all drooping a bit as she left, and she pulled the door closed behind her so I'd have some privacy.

I stifled a sigh as I rolled over and pulled one of my big plush cuddle buns into a hug. It was about half past ten Monday morning, and I was still thinking about the Cassandra stuff me and Melanie talked about Sunday afternoon. Like how the wolfgirl had seen my other self all the way back in January, and how she could recognize when I wasn't me. Or how sometimes not-me did stuff that I had no knowledge or memory of.

After a minute or so of laying there I noticed I could hear my girlfriend talking with Sasha. I couldn't make out what they were saying, but it sounded like the two of them were in the living-room. The three of us were the only ones home, since Melanie and Cerys and Willow all left for work about an hour earlier. And Nina went back home yesterday afternoon, after we wrapped up the last of the club stuff.

We hadn't made any decisions or figured out yet what to do about the stuff we'd learned. Cerys suggested we should sleep on it and think about everything we found and didn't find. So all that was sort of on hold, but every time I tried to figure out what we should do with that stuff I kept coming back to the conversation I had with Melanie. And that kept reminding me of the stuff I told Miss Fuller back on Wednesday. That was nearly a full week ago, and as much as I didn't want to do it I knew I should probably try and talk to my other self.

So after wasting another few minutes avoiding the subject, I held my plush bun a little tighter and took a deep breath. Then I whispered, "Cassandra? Are you there?"

"I'm here," not-me responded right away. As if she'd been waiting for me to talk to her.

I suppressed another sigh then asked, "Are you always lurking around? Are you always there?"

"Not always, no. But I'm never that far away," she answered.

Like before, her words showed up in my head like thoughts rather than something I heard with my ears. Her thought-voice sounded like mine, but it was just different enough that I knew it wasn't me. And while I couldn't help feeling self-conscious like I was talking to myself, I also knew that on some level I really wasn't. I was talking to someone else, some other being who lived in my brain or possessed my body. Like Eirys did with Diane.

"I don't think it's quite the same as Eirys's situation," not-me said a moment later. "That was definitely a case of possession, Eirys was an outsider who joined with Diane. You and I are much closer, neither of us are outsiders."

After a moment she added, "Or I suppose technically, we're both outsiders. The original occupant of our body passed away nineteen years ago. You and I both came along after the fact."

I closed my eyes and sighed as I hugged my bun, but I forced my self to ask some of the difficult questions I wasn't sure I wanted answers to. "How many times have you done stuff without my knowing? How much of the stuff I think I did was really you? Melanie says you killed Cerys's dad. Have you... What else have you done like that?"

Not-me was quiet for a couple seconds. When she finally replied I could almost picture her shrugging her shoulders, "I have no idea how often it's happened. I don't keep track, we don't have some sort of counter or odometer that ticks over every time one or the other of us is active. I can say that roughly half the time I'm active you're still awake and present, and until we spoke to each other on Canada Day you attributed my actions to yourself."

"Such as killing Mr. Ainsley," she added. "Yes, that was me. As I've told you in the past, I make the difficult decisions and I take action to protect you, our family, and our friends. I know you know that, you called upon me at our sister's birthday because you knew I could deal with the council thugs."

I gulped and braced myself as I asked, "So why don't you just take over completely? Why don't you be here all the time? If you're so strong and brave and smart and you can do all that stuff, why do you even need me? I'm shy and anxious and useless and I get embarrassed about all the power we have..."

My other self seemed to sigh, "You aren't useless Cass. Like I told you before, you're our heart. You're kind and compassionate, you're caring and tender and sensitive and loving."

"I don't think our friends would like me as much as they do you," she added. "Simply put, I'm as unsuitable to handle our regular daily interactions with friends and family as you are when it comes to wielding our divine might and smiting threats like those council idiots."

She finished up by saying, "You and I need each other. We're two sides of the same coin. You're our warm friendly caring demon that everyone likes, I'm the decisive judgemental goddess ready and willing to use our powers for the benefit of our family, our friends, and our followers."

I frowned as I continued to hug my plush bunny. Her words reminded me of something else I'd been wondering about, back at the end of July.

"Is Stephanie Ford a follower now?" I asked quietly. "You told her to pray to me right? Did she? How come... Why don't I know about that sort of thing? Do other people pray to me too?"

Even though I couldn't see her, I could somehow imagine not-me shaking her head as she replied, "You are our demonic half Cass. I'm our divine side. They pray to me, not you. That's why you don't hear them. And that's another reason it's better for both of us that you remain in charge most of the time? Because the more followers a goddess has, the more work it is keeping up with all the prayers."

"We have over three thousand followers worldwide," she continued. "They're not all praying nonstop, but it's like having an inbox you can never get completely empty. So while you're there being with our family and friends and taking care of our normal life, I'm working in the background, taking care of my divine obligations."

All that stuff left me with a lot of mixed feelings. But I realized she avoided or ignored the first question, so I asked again. "What about Stephanie Ford? Is she a worshipper or not?"

Not-me responded, "Yes, she is. She prayed to me that night, she asked for a miracle and I granted it. She's prayed a few more times since then, mostly to thank me for helping her."

"What about Kyle and Danny?" I asked. "You didn't ask them to pray right, you just reversed what you did to them because Willow asked us to?"

She answered, "Yes and no. They don't pray to me, they aren't worshipers or followers. They do have faith in us, buoyed by fear. That's not as helpful as if they were actively worshipping or praying, but it does still help."

I wanted to ask something else, but my phone buzzed with a text. I stifled another sigh as I picked it up and checked, then felt a lurch in my gut. It was eleven o'clock, and the text was from my sister. She was at the animal shelter and she wanted to know where I was. We were both supposed to be there for our shift today.

"I can teleport us there right now," not-me said, "But you'll have to do the work. You're the one who's good with animals, not me."

I slowly pulled myself up and out of bed. Then as I put on my shoes I replied, "I can teleport too you know. I don't need your help for that."

She responded, "I know you can Cass, but if you teleport into the shelter someone will notice. I can do it so your arrival will be unseen."

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"Oh right," I sighed. Then I picked up my purse and added, "Ok then."

A moment later I was in the shelter's reception area, as if I'd just come in the front door. I met up with Nina and Mrs. Norton, then for the next several hours I was busy looking after the cute cuddly critters.

I was able to lose myself in the work, even the unpleasant stuff like cleaning litter boxes or cages was enough of a distraction. It meant I didn't have to think about Cassandra or goddess stuff, I didn't have to worry about voices in my head or someone who wasn't me doing stuff that I wouldn't remember later.

And I got to spend time cuddling and playing with kitties and guinea pigs and other cute fuzzy friends. Working with the animals helped in other ways too. Like as much as I didn't want to think about the other stuff, there was a kind of satisfaction knowing this was something not-me couldn't or wouldn't do. That meant the cute critters needed me specifically, not her. It helped me feel less useless.

Before I knew it my shift was over, and Mrs. Norton was saying bye as my sister and I headed out the front door together. As we set out across the parking lot together Nina asked how my day was and how the kitties and other little critters were today. And after I told her about my day she filled me in on the dogs and puppies she was working with.

By the time we'd both finished we were more than halfway to my place, and I asked "I guess you're coming back to the clubhouse again?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "I figured we'd probably all be talking about the cave again tonight, or the missing geology student."

"Right," I grimaced. "Good point."

We were both quiet after that, I couldn't help thinking about the cave stuff and the missing geology student and what I saw when I tried to scry for him. The cave situation on its own was creepy but it was also mysterious and I could see it being something Club Luna would be interested in exploring and figuring out. But having someone die in there made it a lot more serious, and I knew we couldn't keep that secret.

Nina and I reached the house just as Cerys pulled in with the mini-van. She'd borrowed it to drive herself and Melanie to work, and they also gave Willow a lift too. The three of them emerged from the vehicle and the five of us went inside together, where we found Kaylee and Sasha chilling on one of the sofas in the living-room.

We all got some drinks then everyone got comfy. The two wolfgirls were cuddling on one of the sofas, while Sasha sat between Willow and Nina on the other sofa. I was on one of the big comfy recliners, with my girlfriend sitting sideways across my lap so we could cuddle.

"I've been thinking more about our current investigation," my cousin announced once everyone was settled. "Kaylee filled me in on some details from your earlier visits to the cave, along with some other information that Melody provided at the time. I've also been reading through the notebook we found, although I had to look up most of the complicated terminology so I could actually understand Rick's notes."

She turned towards Willow and asked, "You said you visited that cave four times when you were trying to invoke Hecate. When was that exactly?"

The sorceress shrugged, "I don't remember the exact dates, but I could look them up if you want it that precise?"

"If you're ok with approximate dates," she continued, "The first was in January, the night before the full moon. Second time was the February full moon, third was the March full moon, and the fourth time was the night before the April full moon. And like I've already said, the fourth time it worked and I got the power of my DnD character. That's all I got though, I didn't get my character's knowledge or experience or skills or anything else."

Sasha asked, "Did you perform the same ritual each time? Or did you vary it? Was there anything different about that fourth attempt, anything new you hadn't tried before?"

"Yeah," Willow sighed. "The wording and stuff was probably a little different each time I tried, but there was one big difference that last time. The first three I was using egg yolks as a 'sacrifice'? I read that was a substitute for blood, so I was taking eggs with me from home when I went out there. But the fourth time we were out of eggs, so I uh, cut myself and used my own blood. Maybe that's what did it?"

"Probably," the fallen goddess agreed.

My girlfriend asked, "What's this got to do with the missing geology student?"

"I don't know yet," Sasha replied. "But I don't believe Willow was really in contact with Hecate. I suspect whatever lurks in that cave may be much older. It may even be something primordial."

"What makes you think that?" Cerys asked.

Sasha replied, "It's a hunch, but I'm basing it on a number of facts and coincidences?"

"First," she began, "According to information Rick Kovacs gave Melody which she passed on to the club, and further information I found in his notebook, the landscape at the nature preserve was created during the last ice age. It could be twelve thousand years old, perhaps even more. Second, I detected seven ley lines converging on that point, which is incredibly rare and unusual. Third, something in that cave gave Willow access to a great deal of power."

"Then there's the matter of those mysterious runes," my cousin added. "Runes which I understand were also found at a cave in Kentucky, a thousand kilometres away."

After a brief pause she continued, "You know many cultures around the world have myths about civilizations within the Earth? Like an inner world, or a hollow Earth? Some cultures see it as the place souls go after death, such as hell or the underworld. Other cultures believe it's where their people came from, it makes up part of their origin stories. Either way, I'm not suggesting that the world is actually hollow, that was disproved back in the late seventeen-hundreds. But those beliefs and myths had to come from somewhere. Maybe the cave here and the one in Kentucky are both doorways or portals, perhaps they even lead to the same place?"

"We also have a blurry photograph that may depict some sort of unknown being," Sasha added. "I'm not sure what role that may have in all of this, but I will note that there are a lot of folk stories regarding mysterious creatures and caves."

We were all quiet for a few seconds after the former goddess was finished. Then Kaylee broke the silence.

"So what does all this mean for us?" my girlfriend asked. "What do we do about it?"

Cerys responded, "We need to dig deeper, we need to get to the bottom of this. We -"

"No pun intended?" Willow interjected with a smile.

The blonde wolfgirl rolled her eyes and continued, "We need to solve this mystery, and we need to find something conclusive about Melody's missing friend. Club Luna needs to finish exploring that cave, and we can't give up this time."

"But maybe not all of us," she added as she glanced around the room. "I'd like Cass and Nina to both be there, considering they're basically immortal. And I want to go, plus as club leader it's my responsibility. But the rest of you can sit this out if you want."