Chapter 1: Cracking an Egg(nog)

Nothing made me more nervous than going to parties. Even though I’d be going with just my friends, I still felt an undercurrent of anxiety that followed me everywhere I go. I still felt like the odd one out even though other people have their own problems. But everytime I went to a house party in college, it seemed like everyone there could just let their mask slip and just be. I never could do that, no matter how much I wanted to do it deep down.

That disconnect is why I always felt more comfortable with my friends. Even if I didn’t feel fully secure with them, I at least knew that we had open and honest relationships.I truly do appreciate that. And yet I still didn’t fully fit in. Could I tell them? Should I tell them? Can I even do it? Such questions gnawed at my core, but I couldn’t let that anxiety show in public. Especially not when buying alcohol. Last week I turned 21 and we’re celebrating that together by watching some bad horror movies, with copious amounts of booze of course. I liked horror movies, and although I didn’t want to get drunk per se (a bad hangover is the best counter-argument against that idea), maybe loosening up a bit was just the thing I needed.

I entered the local liquor store. Many of the types of alcohol on display were pretty unfamiliar to me. When you’re under legal drinking age, just having alcohol was enough of an accomplishment. Now that I could actually choose, the options were overwhelming. Near the back with the bourbon and whiskey was a full shelf of unsold eggnog bottles. They were only 10 dollars plus tax for a bottle. Compare that to buying one of the bottom-shelf whiskeys for 18.99, this was a steal. It seemed odd to me that no one else was interested in it, but I guess people lost the appetite once Christmas ended a month ago. Less for them just meant more for me after all.

*****************

8 PM at night. I arrived at my friend Dylan’s apartment. Knocking twice and then three extra times for security’s sake. he opened up the door and gave me an enormous hug.

“Hey Austin! I missed ya so much buddy.” He said, suffocating me with affection.

“Yeah, missed you for like what, a week?” I sarcastically replied.

“A week’s still a week and it’s more time without you around. C’mon! The movie’s set up – have you seen the first Friday the 13^th movie?” He asked me.

“Never seen.” I replied. Even though I liked horror movies, I didn’t see the first movie. The fact that Jason wasn’t even in it really turned me off. You’d think for someone so iconic, he’d actually appear in his own first movie but I didn’t want to spoil the surprise. I went into his kitchen and set down the bottles of eggnog. Looking around his strewn-together apartment, I noticed that the others haven’t arrived yet. Hopefully there wasn’t anything wrong. Not that I minded being alone with him. In fact, I was kind of looking forward to it a little.

“Everything alright?” I asked.

“With what?”

“Nothing in particular. Why hasn’t everyone else arrived yet?”

“They said the train was having some technical difficulties. Hopefully it’s nothing too bad, but you never know. What did you get for drinks?” He asked.

I pulled out one of the bottles for him to look at. He picked it up and chuckled a little bit.

“Eggnog? Not what I had in mind to be honest.” He said, unscrewing the cap.

“You thought I’d get vodka or something?” I asked.

“Yeah or like whiskey. Just...y’know, more ‘manly’ drinks I guess. Not that I mind though, I just thought you wanted to go hard now that you can drink.”

I chuckled nervously. Dylan was someone way more masculine than I ever was. He regularly went to the gym, hiked up mountains, and whitewater kayaking. It’s cool, but unfortunately I’m too much of a wimp to ever think of trying it out. By comparison, I was quite skinny and withdrawn. Doesn’t take a psychologist to see that I wasn’t very secure in my masculinity, and as a result that caused me a lot of stress. Despite that, it was kind of affirming for me to be around him. I stood out among his usual crowd of friends who were of his ilk, but that didn’t stop me from feeling safe around him. I knew that no matter how frail I felt, he’d at least be here to protect me.

“Yeah, b-but hey they were on sale.” I said, blushing a little. Really hope he didn’t notice that, but I could confide in the fact that guys can be extremely dense sometimes. Why am I referring to guys as a collective? I’m a guy right? My first instinct was no, but I rallied myself. You’re a guy, nothing more, nothing less. Just here to hang out with my friend. Keep it cool Austin.

“Ah yeah, that’s fair.” He poured us two shots of the eggnog. Smirking at me, he asked “Well, you ready to take a chance?” I stared at the creamy tan liquor in front of me. This isn’t going to drink itself, after all.

“Don’t you mean take a shot?” I asked, raising my eyebrow as I lightly booped him on the nose.

“Fuck, I got the two mixed up. Whatever, shots?”

“Shots, yeah. Let’s fucking do this.”

*****************

You are reading story Cracking an Egg(nog) at novel35.com

The rest of the night’s events blurred together in a half-forgotten haze. There was something about a movie – that much I knew. Everything else was a series of amorphous images that dipped in and out of reality. A cute girl and a guy kissed each other, they ordered pizza together, and then after that just pure nothingness. Something about a lake and a murder? Didn’t matter. Guess that means I have to rewatch it again, woo. Slowly waking up, my stomach began aching badly. And my head too. I was utterly drained of energy, especially the energy to get up.

“Man what happened...” I asked to no one in particular, but there was something off. Whoever just said that didn’t sound like my voice.

“Hello?” I asked again, as my suspicions were confirmed. That voice was coming from me. But it didn’t sound like my voice. It sounded light and softer even if the intonations were still me. People don’t wake up sounding like girls out of the blue. I rushed to the bathroom. Unable to see myself at first, I got the mounds of hair out of my eyes and before me stood a cute girl. Was she really me?
I moved my hand. The girl in the mirror did the same. Oh my God. It really was me. My black hair was now much longer. Touching my own skin I was astonished at how soft it felt. Looking down, I could see I had a pair of breasts now. Feeling them confirmed that they were indeed my breasts. My entire body was now slim and lithe with the t-shirt I wore hanging off my body, large enough for a male but not for a woman.

“Am I really...a girl?”

Part of me had always wanted to be a girl, but even though I knew about trans stuff, I never considered myself transgender. There was always something off about me, but I hadn’t really had the vocabulary to express it until now. Or maybe I was in denial even if I knew. I don’t know, and I don’t care. I’m fixed now. I really am. It was as if someone took all the weights from me, finally freeing myself at last. The happiness I felt was positively euphoric. I’m now me. I twirled around a little alone and giggled. My bliss was short-lived as Dylan opened the door, mouth agape.

For a minute we just awkwardly stared at each other, unsure what to say while his mouth hung open like an idiot. In all fairness, I didn’t know what to say either. Do I bring up the fact that I’m now a girl, or would that be too on-the-nose? Did we kiss last night, or was that just the hangover blurring things? The mere possibility that we might have even kissed made me blush a little. I need to confirm that we did that. Awh jeez. Before I had the chance to at least try and explain things, he got there first.

“It was the eggnog, wasn’t it?”

I didn’t have a problem talking beforehand, but considering my new voice it was a struggle for me to blurt the words out.

“I...I t-think so?” I stammered. I don't get why if he also drank it, it only worked for me. If that's what turned me into a girl then why isn't he one too?

“You ARE Austin right?” He asked, looking at me up and down. I buried my face in my hands, dying from embarrassment. I let out what could be only described as a girly squeal.

“Yeah, that’s you.” Even when I was a guy, that was a noise I’d make whenever something startled me. My gender may have changed, but that hasn’t.

“That’s...kind of the thing. I’m not so sure about that.”

“What do you mean?” He asked, coming into the bathroom.

“I uhhhh welll uhhh….I guess you can say I was Austin, but now that doesn’t fit me anymore. It’s not like I’ve changed deep down but I didn’t set out to do...this either.” I’d ask why the eggnog didn’t turn him into a woman as well, but the fact that he stood there by me confirmed all I needed to know.
“Doesn’t seem like you mind though. You’ve always given me trans vibes.” He smiled, ruffling my hair. How could just one trick like that reduce my brain to a blushy mess? Seems like all the oversized hoodies wasn’t enough to make people think I really was a guy, huh?

“Y-yeah...it was that eggnog I think. Maybe it reacts differently to different people? But as I am, I don’t feel like I can be him anymore. It’s just all so new and-”

“Audrey.” My eyes lit up upon hearing that name.

“How?” I asked. It wasn’t even the first name I had in mind! I had many names I was thinking of choosing, but now he’s doing it for me!

He awkwardly shrugged his shoulder. “In your dorm I saw you had one of your notebooks open, and I was just curious what you wrote in it. I didn’t know any of this until I read it and since then I’ve kept it a secret. I’ve always kind of known that you were trans, but I didn’t want to tell you. I wanted to be there for you but I didn’t know how I could even broach the topic. But now...it’s impossible not to. I’m s-”

“You don’t need to apologize.” I said, cutting him off. “I’m...so glad you did that for me. Did everything, I mean. I...I don’t know what else to say.”

“You don’t need to.” He said as he leaned in for a kiss on the forehead. All I could feel was relief. He was a great guy and everything, but I didn’t ever think he’d be the one to crack my egg. For all these years, I couldn’t tell myself that but he could. Didn’t know whether or not that made me feel better or worse, but all I could feel now was just belonging. I embraced him as tightly as I could, feeling safe in his strong arms. Never before in my life had I felt this affirmed or happy, and there’s nothing I would ever trade this feeling for.

“T-thank you Dylan..”

“You’re welcome Audrey.” Did I love him? I think those questions are hard to answer just purely because love isn’t rational. It’s easy to say that with the benefit of time and experience, but in that moment I felt like there wasn’t anything I could choose, other than to fall in love with him. He’s been my bedrock for so long and now all I want is to be with him. He cracked my egg for me when I couldn’t. It was all so overwhelming, but I knew deep down that after this - everything would be easier. I have him. And he has me. That’s all we ever need.

You can find story with these keywords: Cracking an Egg(nog), Read Cracking an Egg(nog), Cracking an Egg(nog) novel, Cracking an Egg(nog) book, Cracking an Egg(nog) story, Cracking an Egg(nog) full, Cracking an Egg(nog) Latest Chapter