Chapter 176: [Vol.2] Quest 152- Mourning, 1st Half

In the southeastern section Orario many gods gathered to pay their respects to the recently deceased.

“Many adventures lost their lives in the battle…and yet the death toll keeps rising...” Astraea said.

“Urgh!!” Ganesha has tears coming down his face. “Forgive me! I know words are meaningless but still…I’m sorry children!!! As one of the leaders of the group all I could do is shed tears and howl!! But-forgive me!!”

“The children’s souls are no longer here. On this ground there are no sprites to mourn for and nothing will be blessed. That’s a ritual for those living on the surface. For us gods…it’s just being emotional.”

“Yes…praying that their souls will reach where they must is the least we can do. We’re not even allowed a short moment to give a silent prayer for them…”

 

Two days later after the Longest Night.

Cirrus’s childhood room.

“…” Cirrus opens his eyes.

He looks up to see the familiar ceiling. Flashes of what he did race across his mind.

“Fuck.” He said softly. He slowly got up and sat on his bed. He placed his hands to his face as more tears began to pour out. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

He didn’t want nor liked that part of himself. The part that grew to love the violence and carnage of it all. He felt ashamed he relapsed like that.

‘It was for peace!! MURDERER!! They deserved it!! They bombed-SAVE ME!!-homes and-SPARE ME PLEAS-people!!’

Cirrus was making excuses for himself.

“…I need to keep going. There are still people who need-!?” as he tries to get up he could feel his whole body sore, muscle cramps upon muscle cramps. “Ugh…(Exousía, Adorn).” His body began to quickly heal, and the soreness was gone. “…Hecton how bad was it?”

One of his heads popped up under him.

“Very sir. You turned a good part of a street red.”

“…Fuck.” A painful frown grew on his face. “Tell me it was a bad dream?”

“I would but I would be lying.”

“…Dammit.” Looking at his door it felt so far away, he didn’t know what lay before him. The shallow whispers of the people, the aversion of their gaze and staying away from like he was infected with a disease. His heart felt a bit colder than before. “…Move forward. What done…is done.” He reached for the doorknob and-

 -Bam!!

“Ahh!! Fuck!!” The door smacked him in his face.

“Oops! Sorry!!” said Ai. “Cirrus! Your finally awake!” she dropped the tray of food and hugged him tightly.

“A-Ai…” he slowly hugs her back. “Um…”

“Cirrus.” She looked up to his emerald eyes. “Thank you for stopping me back there. I was…still-am still heartbroken over Ardi’s…” Pain could be seen on her face thinking and even saying her name. “Look you were there for me, so I want to be there for you!”

Cirrus couldn’t win against her puppy dog eyes that were filled with sincerity and love.

“I…” He feels unworthy of such kindness. “I don’t deserve your affections Ai, but…” He didn’t want to tell her, what would she think if she learns of the sins he committed in the Kaios Desert. He didn’t want her gaze to be the same as the people he would see in the city.

“Cirrus!” she grabbed his face and pulled it in close. “No matter what I will still be there.”

Cirrus knew the only way to keep going with this baggage was to have some help. Nox and Circe were there to help but it was different between them and Ai. They were spirits, their essence precedes their existence, they were born to find and serve under their “Hero/contractor” faithfully. That is why the line between actual care and love is blurred so much with the sole reason for their existence. Ai was not a creation; she was a existence that preceded her essence.

‘Let her in…let her in!’ Cirrus thought to himself. ‘If you can’t tell the one you love your darkest secret then we are fucked.’

“…I…” Hesitation and fear gripped his throat.

‘Say it!! Come on!! Say it!!!’

Cirrus mustered as much courage as he did and took that first step.

“I...I...I killed…a...lot of people.”

 

Cirrus told her, he told her from when he first stepped foot onto the desert sand to the time he finally left. They both had to sit down after cleaning the dropped tray and went through the long bloody tale.

Ai took it all in and processed it. He did what he did to try and topple a Evilus Familia that worked hand-in-hand with the countries royalty. Cirrus told her that at the time he was 8 years old and that he had reached level 3. Knowing how smart he was it was fathomable albeit a bit hard to believe a child so young would resort to such brutal tactics to root them out. Very early on she got word of the Golden-Horned Demon in Orario, many assumed it was to demonize him but it was quickly buried by time and more feats of heroism he did leaving many to forget those early tales of him in the Kaios Desert.

“…” She could see the regret, guilt, and shame in his eyes and face. He couldn’t even look her in her eyes. “Cirrus.”

“!” His body flinched a bit. He was scared of what her words will be.

She slowly placed her hand on his shoulder.

“…Tell me. Do you regret doing it?”

“…Yes.”

“Do you feel guilty?”

“Yes.”

“…Will you take a different path? One where you aren’t killing?”

“No.” he said as sternly and with no hesitation. “If I go back now then the lives I took would have been meaningless…and they have-no must have meaning. If they didn’t then I…” he looks to his hands to find them caked in blood to the point he couldn’t even see the markings of his palms or even the joints of his fingers.

“What do you think will be at the end of this path you are dead-set on going down?”

“…Peace. Peace brought on by sin. That is how the world works. Blood must always be the grease to turn history’s gears for progress to be made.”

“Is there no other path?”

“…Yes but it will take too long. In that time the lives of several more innocents will have died or suffered…”

“But your suffering right now?”

“…That is the price for making them fear me.” his eyes grow cold. “When peace is achieved I will more than willing to pay for my sins, but I won’t let someone who preach about justice or even right or wrong when they have done nothing but treat the symptoms and not the disease itself.” His fists clench tightly.

Ai knew his words were true. In the time she has been policing the city never did she think that crime was lowering, simply slowly rising and building up at such a pace one could not see it grow. Ai then thought to herself-

‘Was this what Kaguya meant? This path he’s on is eating away at him, I could see how bad it affected him to even cause him to lose his cool and go into a frenzy…that is how I thought Cirrus would look like, not one bit. But I still love him but…would I be able to walk the path he does?’

She thought on it and immediately she couldn’t, she couldn’t commit herself to taking that first step. She thought how lonely it was on that path, Nox despite having witness it firsthand could only sympathize for his blight she doesn’t understand it fundamentally what he is going through.

“…I don’t know what to say. I…I feel…I feel… happy you opened up to me about this, I know I don’t have the right to criticize or chastise you after all I also have blood on my hands. Murder even if justified is still murder.” She leans her head on his shoulders. “You know the one to kill…her was a child?”

“!” Cirrus shook form the revelation.

“Ardi tried to help her but…the moment she latched onto her she-they were…” Pain was all that could be felt from her words. “Evilus recruited people who were at their most vulnerable and twisted them. Maybe they would have chosen a different path I don’t know but…you at least offered and warned those people to leave that day, you gave them a choice. And it is my choice that I still love you.”

Cirrus felt his heart greatly lighten from her words. He turns to her, and she placed her hands over his.

“…Thank you…” he rested his head on hers. “I love you to.”

 They simply held hands in silence.

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After a while they got up.

“I will be going to help. Cirrus, Lord Ouranos and Fels wishes to speak with you regarding…you know?”

“Hm.” Cirrus nodded. “Take care. I’m still not in the best of shapes. Even after resting for so long my bones feel old.”

“Alright. Nox come with me.” she said walking out the door to see her by it.

“Cirrus?” she says waiting for his approval.

“Go, and protect as you would for me Nox.”

“Understood.” she turns into a owl and sits on Ai’s head. ‘Oh I should tell you I made extra food downstairs! So eat up and get back to full strength!’

“Thank you Nox. And see you two later.”

 

After getting himself new clothes he walks down to the kitchen to find Lenoa and Lili waiting for him.

“Ah…you two.” He said a bit nervous.

“U-um Sora about what-“

“We eavesdropped on you and her, Cirrus.” Said Lenoa. “Help me up.” Cirrus walks over and helps her up. “These walls are rather thin you know, why do you think I told you to find your own place?”

“…Lili?” he looked to her and she nodded her head. “Haa…can you tell me what is going on in the city?”

“Very bad.” Lili said with concern. “They made this city into a prison; they got the main gates locked and even burned some of Lady Demeter’s farm land.”

“Shit. Is the Guild rationing the food and water?”

“Hm. Many of the strongest Familia are doing what they can but it’s a slow decline.”

“…Alright. Stay here okay. I don’t want you caught or worse dead, understand me?”

“Y-yes!”

“Good.” He pats her head. “I will be going out. You have enough supplies right?” he said taking the plate of food on the table.

“We have enough Cirrus.” Lenoa said walking to her chair. “Ai went and procured enough to last us a few days.”

“Alright. I’ll see you guys when I do.” He nods and heads out to the back eating the food.

 

Cirrus arrives at the Room of Prayer where Ouranos sits on his throne.

“Cirrus.” He said. “Have you come to tell me what happened?”

“…Yes. But where is Fels?” He said looking around.

“Doing their job. They wished to be here to speak with you buy it seems Fels picks the worst of times to do his duty. Regardless I will inform them of this conversation, so go on.”

“Alright.”

Cirrus told him what he told Ai. He could his eyes slightly widen.

“…Mmm…I understand your reason. You are of the mind that the end justifies the means correct?”

“Yes.”

“…I am at least glad you feel guilt over your own actions. That alone tells me there is a good heart within you.”

“Thank you for the kind words Lord Ouranos.” Cirrus nodded.

“But as much as I would reprimanded you for your excessive use of violence on the streets against Evilus now is not the time to deliver you a fitting punishment that you seek, not for what you did in Orario but of the Kaios Desert. So to lighten it I order you to put an end to this chaos. Do you accept this or-“

“I do.” He said with such confidence and energy Ouranos felt a bit at ease.

“Then go. Recover your strength and return to the fray!” Ouranos commanded.

“Yes!! My lord!!”

 

He soon left to get new gear and a weapon.

“Fuck…Brilliant Nightmare is on the moon.”

He looks next to his home to find Eupheme’s forge out.

‘Guess she’s out helping to...god she’s going to bash my head in for losing it.’

He walks back into his home and turns on the light. To his surprise all of his stuff is are intact.

 ‘Nox, Circe how are the conditions of the city? Are the people stressed, hungry, scared, or tiered?’

‘Cirrus!’ said Circe. ‘It’s good your awake! But yes that is what just about everyone is feeling right now.’ Said Circe. ‘I’m doing my part in making potions, but this has gotten worse then one could have imagined!’

‘Yeah, Ai is currently helping with the rescues and it’s getting bleaker, and bleaker…’

“Shit…”

Cirrus walks to his basement after checking his locks.

‘So what are you going to do? Go after Zald and Alfia?’ asked Nox.

“I’m going to finish a request for a kind soul. Besides finding them is pointless when they will come to us."

‘Ah…I will tell Ai what you’re up to. Oh by the way it seems many people wish to meet with you specifically the Loki and Freya Familia.’

“Hmm do they wish to see the son of the Empress? Or how I’m doing?”

‘Can’t say for sure; they have their hands full with the city.’

“Well tell me if anything happens you two.”

‘Got it!’

‘Understood!’

As Cirrus was about to get to work Nox chimed back in.

‘Ah sorry but um…do you think you can help with patrols? I know your still recovering from exhaustion, but I saw Alise and the others, and they are running on fumes. It's real bad.’

“…” Cirrus looks at the branch and sighs. “…I’m coming. They can’t be allowed to break.”

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