Chapter 101: 100. Reluctance

When I checked in with Sarah I found she was doing ok. She obviously felt bad about how she'd upset Rebecca, and she'd already apologized to Jenny for putting her at risk.

Sarah apologized to me as well, she hadn't really thought about how her first meeting with Andy could result in all four of us ending up in some sort of Imperium spotlight. Apart from the guilt she was mostly doing ok, though she was as worried as I was about this situation jeopardizing our relationship with Rebecca.

Fortunately the two of them were both ready and willing to talk to each other. In fact as soon as she was done in the cockpit Rebecca came to speak with Sarah. And both of them agreed to have that conversation in private, so I left them to it.

They were at it a good long while, by the time they both emerged from the cabin an hour or so later it was just about dinner time, so I got started on that. And despite some lingering tension, nothing unfortunate happened at dinner. In fact it was pretty much like any other meal, with friendly conversation, some banter, and even some of the usual flirting and innuendo.

"So um, considering Jace Wheeler will be coming aboard the day after tomorrow, I don't suppose you'd be interested in joining Amanda and I in our cabin tonight?" Sarah asked the boss while I tidied up the galley. "I was just thinking, we should take advantage of the time we have, since we'll be ferrying a passenger for the eighteen days after that."

Rebecca grimaced, "Still not looking forward to that. Even when it was me and Gabe, or way back when it was me and El and Gabe, we almost never took passengers. Some freighters are built for it, they have a couple staterooms specifically for taking on fares? Obviously the Demeter isn't one of those ships."

"Is that common?" Jenny asked. "To have passenger berths?"

Sarah responded, "My understanding is it's about fifty-fifty. A lot of merchant ships will have some extra accommodations because ferrying people can bring in some extra credits? Or extra ecks, I mean. But obviously it means having strangers aboard, and there's the extra expenses of providing them food and life support, plus cleaning up after them. Which is why some freighters don't bother."

"It's a security risk too," the boss added. "Carrying a passenger means we'll have to keep most of the ship locked down. Cockpit, engineering, airlocks, storage compartments... Basically everything other than the lounge and mess."

Our AI crewmate offered, "I can take care of that captain, I can lock and unlock compartments as necessary. I can also keep an eye on our passenger, the internal sensors cover everything but the cabins."

"Thanks Jenny," the captain responded.

By that point I'd finished all the tidying up. I turned my attention to our redheaded girlfriend and reminded her, "You never did answer Sarah's question Rebecca. We'd both like you to join us tonight."

She blushed slightly but nodded, "Of course I'll join you. Even if we weren't going to be dealing with a passenger soon I'd want to be with the both of you."

That made me feel better, and I was positive Sarah was happy too. We all bid Jenny a good night, then me and my two girlfriends headed for our cabin together. And even though we were in bed a little early, we all managed to stay up fairly late.

We were a bit late to wake in the morning, and both Sarah and I conspired to keep Rebecca in bed with us a while longer too. Not that our redheaded girlfriend tried very hard to get away. So it was probably mid-morning by the time we were finally ready to face the day.

By the time we finally emerged from our cabin, Jenny was already up, dressed, and waiting for us in the mess. Meanwhile the three of us hadn't even bothered with clothes yet, me and Rebecca were in nightshirts while Sarah wore a t-shirt and panties.

As we joined our android crewmate the boss got coffee for all three of us while my other girlfriend set the table and I got the food ready. Breakfast was good but simple, I heated up some of the left-over BBQ from Gilly's. Then as the three of us ate, we all discussed our plans for the rest of the day.

"I'd still like to visit the Vesfar Urox office if that's ok?" I asked Rebecca. "It's been a while since I got Nyssa's message, she might be getting worried that I haven't written her back yet."

The boss sighed but nodded, "Ok Amanda. Jenny, Sarah, do either of you need anything else? This should be our last trip into the city. We're going to stow the grav-sled this afternoon, so the main hold is clear and ready to take on cargo first-thing tomorrow."

The others both shook their heads, then Jenny added "I was going to wait till after you were finished breakfast, but you received an FTL overnight captain. It's from Ms. Ortega of the Freeborn Shipyard."

"Thanks Jen," Rebecca replied. "I'll have a look at that after breakfast. And I suppose I need to touch base with Gwen as well at some point today too."

I could tell Sarah was curious about the message from Helen, it had to be regarding the Kennington question. Our engineer didn't ask though, which was probably for the best. I figured if Rebecca wanted the rest of us to know about that she'd tell us.

When we were done eating Sarah volunteered to take care of the cleaning up, while I went back to our cabin to have a quick shower and get dressed. Then I grabbed my tablet and had a seat in the lounge while I composed a new message for Nyssa.

I kept it brief, mostly I let her know me and my girlfriends and shipmates were doing well but we were keeping busy. I reminded her there'd likely be times I couldn't respond because of our schedule and told her not to worry. Then I told her I was glad she was going to focus on her education, and asked her to keep me updated on what she was studying and how she was doing. Finally I wrapped it up by reminding her and mom I loved them, and that I was sorry the rest of the family was upset but I was really happy and enjoying my new life.

By the time I was done Rebecca was finished in the cockpit. She was dressed and ready to go as well, so the two of us headed down to the lower deck. Rebecca got behind the controls of the grav-sled while I sat beside her, and Jenny took care of the airlock as we left.

Our trip into the city was happily uneventful. We wasted most of an hour at the Vesfar Urox office again, but I was getting used to that routine. The one at Rolandan-2 was definitely more efficient though.

As Rebecca and I got back into the grav-sled I couldn't help noticing she seemed stressed again. She hadn't said anything, but I could see it in her eyes, and her posture. Especially her neck and shoulders, she just looked tense.

I couldn't help feeling like maybe it was my fault she was uptight, like maybe she really didn't want me contacting my sister again after all. I reached over and slipped my arm around her waist as I asked quietly, "Rebecca? If you didn't want me to write Nyssa again, why didn't you say something earlier?"

She actually tensed up a little more at my words, then sighed and shook her head. "Sorry Amanda, I didn't realize I was being that obvious. It's not that, I already said I was ok with you corresponding with your sister."

"So what's troubling you?" I asked. I kept my arm around her waist and even moved a little closer to her so I could cuddle against her, despite the fact that we were sitting in the grav-sled next to the FTL building.

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My beautiful amazonian girlfriend sighed quietly, but didn't answer right away. Instead she put her arm around my shoulders so the two of us were in a nice side-hug together.

After another minute or so I asked, "Are you still upset about Sarah contacting her Navy friend? Or worried the Kennington's captain is going to break her promise and notify the Imperium about us?"

"That's not it either," she shook her head. Then with another sigh Rebecca added, "I mean, I'm definitely still worried about the Navy wanting a closer look at you and Sarah, or maybe all four of us. But that's not what's bothering me right now either."

"So what's on your mind?" I asked softly. "Do you want to talk about it? You know I'm here for you, you can always talk to me."

She gave me a weak smile, then grimaced. "Thanks Amanda. This isn't the best place for a quiet talk though. Actually, since we're in the city why don't we go somewhere private? Just you and I."

I was a little surprised, and not entirely sure what she meant by 'somewhere private'. Or what she had in mind when we got there. But I trusted her completely so I just smiled as I agreed, "Of course Rebecca."

She started up the sled then got us moving. It was only a ten or twelve minute drive from the Vesfar Urox building to the next stop, which I was surprised to learn was basically an up-scale bar in the nicer part of the city.

Rebecca secured the grav-sled, then I followed her into the building. The place seemed almost empty, though it was just early afternoon so I wasn't too surprised. The interior was nice, it actually reminded me a bit of that luxury hotel we stated at on Rolandan-2. There was some quiet peaceful music playing in the background, a dozen tables in the open space in the middle of the establishment, and another dozen private booths around the outside.

A smartly-dressed waitress led us to one of the booths, where Rebecca and I sat together on the same side so we could continue cuddling or hugging while we talked. The boss ordered a double of some fancy-sounding whiskey, while I ended up with a fruity cocktail drink that sounded tasty.

Our conversation waited till the beverages were delivered, then after the waitress left we both had a sip of our drinks before I finally spoke up.

"So what's on your mind," I asked quietly. "I get the feeling it's something significant, considering you brought me here to discuss it?"

"Maybe I just wanted to enjoy a fancy drink with my girlfriend?" she teased with a wry smile.

I smiled back, "Maybe. I can tell you're stressed though, so how about you tell me what's troubling you?"

She had another sip of her drink then sighed, "It's the job. I'm really not looking forward to having a passenger on board the Demeter for an eighteen day jump. The more I think about it, the more I don't want to do it."

"You're not alone on that," I responded. I slipped my arm around her waist again as I cuddled up against her side. "I'm not looking forward to it, and I know Sarah isn't either. We can do it though. Realistically all it means is the three of us have to get dressed every day, and I'll be cooking four meals instead of three. We'll find things to do to keep us busy so we don't have to sit around making smalltalk with Jace for the whole trip."

"He'll probably have his own plans anyways," I added. "Maybe he'll bring a datapad full of books or something. He said his first trip off-world was spent in a hammock in a cargo hold, so it's not like he doesn't know what to expect."

Rebecca nodded slowly, then sighed again and had another sip of her whiskey. She finally admitted, "I know you're right Amanda. There's more though."

I could already tell it was more than just not wanting to have Jace Wheeler hanging around the ship for eighteen days. I had another sip of my drink, it was sweet and tasty and didn't seem to have much alcohol in it, which suited me fine. I didn't want to get drunk, I was more interested in helping my girlfriend.

"You don't want to go back to that planet," I said.

She grimaced but nodded, "We're not just going to Deveron-8, we're going to Ganvis Station. That's about as close to where El died as you can get, without going to the exact spot. There's too many bad memories tied up in that place. It's not just where I lost my first love, it's where I lost myself. The person I used to be died there too."

After a larger swig of whiskey she continued, "At least I got over that, I'm not mourning or grieving that life anymore. I promise. I'm comfortable and happy with who and what I am now. Even if Jenny does someday figure out how to do the other stuff she mentioned I wouldn't take her up on it. But the most important person in my life died on that dirtball planet, and I guess I still haven't got past that loss."

I held her a little tighter as I replied softly, "I know Rebecca. I don't have any easy answers for this, but I can promise you that both Sarah and I will be there for you. We'll help you in any way we can. I'm sure Jenny will too."

"I know," she sighed again. Then she drained her glass before setting it down.

I had another sip of my drink then suggested, "When we get there you could stay on the ship? Let me and Sarah and Jenny handle things. We don't even need to do much, right? Just oversee the offloading of the cargo. Then we can leave. Head over to the spaceport for fuel and maybe find another cargo. Or not, maybe we just leave."

"For that matter, forget the eighteen days ok?" I continued. "The other day you mentioned comparing eight thousand ecks against the morale of your crew, remember? Well you're part of the crew, and your morale matters just as much as the rest of us. More so, in fact. If the captain's unhappy, everyone's unhappy. So as your navigator, copilot, and emotional-support fox, I'm advising you right now to make it a level-one jump tomorrow. Forget the eighteen days, we'll have Jace off our ship in six hours. Twelve at most, what with liftoff and landing, loading and unloading."

By the time I was finished talking Rebecca had her arm around my shoulder, and her head leaning against mine. She had a weak smile on her face as she replied, "Thanks Amanda. I almost feel silly saying this, but I think I needed someone else to make that decision for me."

Then she sighed, "As for what I do when we get there, I'll make that decision when the time comes. Me staying on the ship while you and Sarah deal with the cargo feels a little too close to what happened thirty years ago. I don't want a replay of that, I don't think I could handle it."

"Understood," I said as I gave her a gentle squeeze. "Now how about we head back to the ship? Or if you want to relax here for a while that's fine. If you're having another drink though, I'm going to be the one flying the grav-sled home."

Rebecca smiled, "It's a deal."