Chapter 162: What Is This Place? Am I Dead?

Too bright. 

I couldn't keep my eyes open. It took me some time but I finally woke up and found myself in a very bright space. My eyes adjusted. I was in a room. The room resembled my own. In fact, it looked exactly like mine. 

"Where am I? Am I, back home?"

It was too quiet. Not a spec of sound. My voice echoed: there was no reply.

The air was stagnant; no smell. 

Is this even air? Am I breathing?

My mind was confused. 

What happened to the old man, to Alisa and the rest of-? 

I picked myself up and ran downstairs. 

Was my house always this clean?

"Mom!"

"Sisilia?"

"Jacob!"

Nobody answered. No one was here. 

This doesn't look like my home… Wait, the outside!

Is this a dream? 

Or was everything else a dream?

I got out of the house. It was even brighter. I couldn't see properly yet I knew exactly where things were. The neighbors, the cars, the roads, the mail posts, and even the signboards; I knew everything and where they were. 

The light was blinding yet it didn't hurt. In fact, my whole body moved with ease. I couldn't feel anything.

I took a walk. There was no one out. Not a single car was running. 

Am I… dead?

It would only make sense if I was. I suffered way too much and death didn't seem that bad. Besides, that world was cruel and full of suffering, yet was my world really all that better? So death was practically a win-win for me. But it was kind of lonely. 

At least I didn't have to moan about my injuries. And strangely, I felt calm.

I followed the road. I don't know why but I felt like walking. It felt good. It was like someone was calling me. 

I reached an unknown place. Till now everything looked normal apart from not having any people at all (I was aware that wasn't normal). It didn't look like a crude place from my memories: rather, it was a place of sublime beauty. There weren't any houses, there weren't any cars and there certainly wasn't any technology. All that lay before my eyes were a single river and endless field of grass, ridiculed with dandelions and sunflowers. 

Was someone trying to be funny when they made this place? 

They must have done a pretty good job cause, I chuckled without noticing. 

A river- more like a small ocean, as I couldn't see the other side- flowed in front of me, down the hill. It was a small hill. There was someone down there watching the water flow. 

Finally! Someone!

I rushed down, it was a godsend. Somehow she seemed familiar and after reaching her, I knew why.

"Sisrael?"

"Wanderer," she said. Yup, she really was a godsend: literally.

She had a gentle smile. She wasn't a statue anymore or transparent; rather she looked like a normal girl with blonde hair. Her golden eyes locked onto mine. 

"But you're-"

That's right, I'm dead. It all makes sense now. 

I didn't want to think about it. But there wasn't any other explanation for what was going around me. It was kind of hard to believe though. A corner of my mind still hoped to live. I wanted to smack that corner.

"It is good to see you again wanderer. I have been keeping an eye on you from within you."

How can she say something like that with a straight face?

That thought was rather disturbing but deep down I knew it. I knew she lived inside me, if only by a fraction of worth. If it wasn't for her, I'd already been dead a long while ago. But then again, I still died. 

"Beautiful, is it not?" Her gaze was on the river.

"Yes, it is." I sat down.

We continued watching the river flow. It was more like an ocean- pretty big and wide- than a river. I couldn't see the other end yet I knew it was a river. 

Why did I think of it as a river? 

But the flow was one way and quite like a river: maybe that's why? 

Time passed by and I didn't feel anything of it. 

Oh well.

There we were just the two of us but I didn't feel like asking anything. Both of us were dead; so, knowing mortal affairs weren't a top priority. My body didn't hurt for once and I finally could relax. These past four months were like hell. 

But was it really that bad from my own world? What's better, getting shunned or sliced up? 

Honestly, I had no idea but probably the former.

After a long while I felt the need to know why I was there. I wasn't fully convinced that I was dead. It was a fleeting hope of a mortal being. My mind was still spouting nonsense about this might be a dream or it might not be the afterlife. But some part of me had already accepted the outcome. If I hadn't then I wouldn't have been able to remain calm.

"What is this place?" I asked.

"It's a place where the souls of all the living dwell. You see that river? The water there, are the souls and as long as that stream keeps on moving, life will continue to flourish."

So this thing really is a river?

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"The- wha-"

"Why you're here?"

Just at that moment, I could feel the tremendous pressure of the air. This was a sacred place and I being here wasn't comforting. I wasn't a bad guy at heart but I've done countless questionable things in my life.

"This- this an important place and I could taint-"

She understood my uneasiness. "We have no power over that stream. We can't even touch it."

That calmed my nerves. It was a strange feeling, to get worked over something like that even after you're dead. 

"Did you save me that night? When I fought that lion croc thing?"

She giggled a little. "Yes. I had borrowed the powers of my sisters and my own. One of your companions also provided with her magic supply. But even with all that, I didn't expect you to win." I really wished she didn't say it out loud though.

Still, I was glad. "Thanks." I really owed her. "Then this place is heaven?"

"No, this is the buffer zone between the heavens and the mortal realms."

Realms? I guess she was referring to the fact that there were more worlds. I guess at this point that wasn't surprising, considering the fact that earth and this so-called dark realm weren't the same worlds. 

"But I'm dea-" I couldn't finish. The flickering hope in my heart burned brighter. And finally, there was a beat. My chest felt warm.

"Are you sure?"

That made me wonder. But the fact remained. If this wasn't hell or heaven then I might not have died just yet. 

"You mean I can go back?"

"I don't know. I am but a mere fragment of my former self. It is up to you what you should decide." She looked up in the sky and flashed a satisfied grin. "But it is time for me to reunite with myself."

My body gave off a faint glow and that's when I knew, I was the one holding her back.

"You mean you're leaving me," I said.

It was wrong but I didn't want to part from her. When she shared a fragment of her soul with me, somehow it made me feel loved and cherished. It was wrong but, I wanted it. She gave me hope, magic, and above all a meaning to my life. She gave me the power I needed to overcome my trials and save lives. I really didn't want to part from her.

"Yes. For it is time for us to part."

"…" I stayed quiet for a minute. "What is wrong with this world?" I said with tears streaming down my face.

"A lot; so much so, that I can't even begin to describe what terrors lie in wait for you." She chuckled. That was the first time I heard her laugh.

She grinned. Her beauty shone brilliantly.

That's not something you should say to a near-dead guy like me.

I laughed in an awkward tone. "Can I meet a god whilst I'm here?"

"It is not possible for they do not exist anymore. They were all-"

"Killed by Trerortra?" I interrupted. 

"Yes."

"Well, I kind of knew that. I was hoping one or two might have survived. But then again, they never died and became those monsters…" I sighed. "The demigods-"

"They reside on the dark realm, hence they were spared. They try to make the world a better place but they can't: not with their powers," she said. "But I suppose there are still three gods in existence who have sanity remaining. How much so, I do not know."

"I see. But I think it would be better for me to accept death." I too looked up the sky. There were no clouds and it was painfully white. I really missed the blue sky.

I had already thought about it. Nothing waited for me back home. I didn't have a family- not anymore. On the other hand, in the dark realm, nothing but suffering and betrayals awaited. So death really was the better choice.

"Yes, it would be easier for you to receive death and move on. But is that what you really want? Will you abandon millions?"

"What do you mean? I-"

"I know," she smiled; she closed her eyes. 

"There's no going around you huh? I don't like this world and I never will. But even in a world like that, I found people who believed in me and gave me courage. I got betrayed over and over again, though." I chuckled. It had been a long, long time since I last laughed, at least an honest laugh. "But even so, I can't bring myself to hate this world. It just-"

"That's okay." She reassured me. It was nice to talk to someone who could understand. "I know how kind you are."

"Is there any way to save that world and end all that?"

"I do not know of such a way. With lord Trerotra's wrath, everything fell apart. But everything was broken, to begin with. It was lord Trerortra who held the world together and yet… the world betrayed him…"

I heard it many times but something about it still bothered me. "How did that happen? Why would people betray him?" I asked despite knowing people's greed and lust for power.

"The god of underworld orchestrated everything: though men betrayed him first, so maybe he was justified." She let out a faint sigh. "If you're asking for a way then, I'd suggest you not even try. You'd only waste your life and feel hopeless. Countless people have tried and failed over the course of ten millennia. That world has so many problems, that even if you spend your entire life span, you would not be able to save it," she said. "Instead, focus on the people. They say the people are the world." 

She let out a loud sigh. She was serious and I was too.

"Even so, I'll try." I knew I wanted to save the people. But if the cycle of death continued and the world just continued to be what it was, then at one point, everything would crumble. "I'll save both: the world and the people."

"Interesting answer." She smiled. "You see the god of underworld Zamsau or you may know him as Ashirnae was an evil one: but he wasn't like that before the betrayal. He pretended to be a benevolent god and gave humanity mana after the humans betrayed him. This mana was the root of everything. Humanity's greed excelled and different races were born according to the different levels of desire. But perhaps-" She paused. "Perhaps it was men, who were the evildoers."

"So in the beginning, there were only normal humans…" It made sense. In a world of magic and monsters, that was the only thing that made sense. She had no reason to lie, so I believed her at face value.

"Yes, back then there was no mana, there was no undead and there was no suffering. That was over ten millennia ago."

I thought for a second. I made my decision and grinned. "I suppose then to rid this world of all its problems, we'll just have to destroy all mana: we'll just have to get rid of this Jamsau guy." My body glowed and I was being called. It wasn't the pale glow till now; it was a vibrant shine. "Looks like my times up."

"That's an interesting view indeed. But in time you'll know how futile it is. And the god of the underworld cannot be defeated by mortal means. You'll have to become a God yourself if you wished to kill him. However, I pray that you succeed. May lord Trerortra's protection be with you always." She smiled at me. Her smile was as brilliant as the silver moon. "Farewell wanderr- no Daarc. We won't meet again."

Become a God? Me? It almost sounded comical to me, the guy almost died while fighting a dead god, becoming a god? It really was funny. 

"You mean we'll meet again in the heavens then, right? Assuming I go there, that is. I'm a very bad guy after all," I giggled.

Sisrael smiled as my form started to dissipate.

"Good luck."

"Goodbye, Sisrael."

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