Chapter 216: Am I Crazy Or Did Something Super Outrageous Just Happened?

Just glaring was enough to scare the soldiers.

I returned my gaze to the duke. "Now, what was all that talk about Zamsau? How did you two end up acquainted?" I held him by his collar. "Oh and spare me the BS. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure you know how my lovely little stick feels when it lands, right?" I threatened him with my cane, which was gracefully hanging from my waist. 

He nodded like a little kid. "Please don't hit-hit me again!" He pleaded. "I'll tell you everything!"

He was too easy. And I thought God's would-be apostle would be someone capable. But I was glad he wasn't. 

But then again the guy had an issue with keeping secrets. 

Taking my silence as a yes, he continued. "Two months ago he came to me in my dreams. He instructed me to poison my father and then the mountains. I poisoned a river that was frequented by dragons. They drank the water and spread the poison amongst themselves. It's to the north.

And he said if the city gets ruined, he'd give me a legendary weapon and help me rebuild the city. But if you manage to save it, he'd make me the next emperor of Alfeim. Both ways, I'd still have my kingdom and just one city was worth the risk." His voice echoed with madness. 

The guards outside stared at us with disbelief. I suppose that was only natural. 

Shouldn't it have been the other way around? Shouldn't he have offered to make you emperor if your city did get destroyed?

I guess he was too idiotic to think about the gravity of the stuff he said. Not to mention the guy actually killed his own father because of a dream.

"Don't tell me that's why you went to the forest for hunting and took half of your army, my lord?" a soldier asked, barely hiding his rage. "And you poisoned Lord Kernexo?" The duke didn't even look at him. The soldier got his answer just like that.

"I was an idiot to think all this shit had a deeper meaning. You were played, country bumpkin. He's the god of the underworld. Why the hell would he keep promises?" I said, chuckling a little. "And you could have easily gotten this entire country for yourself if you just stayed put and played nicely. Too bad."

No wonder that flying lizard was so mad. Maybe he was really right about humans being vile. I guess he really was justified in his own way. 

I guess humans really were evil creatures. But the same went for everything. After all, even gods had two sides. 

I guess I had to make it up the lizard somehow. 

But I couldn't forgive Ashirnae. Next time we meet, he'd have to die.

The duke looked at me with disbelief, face paled. Punching him would have been nice, but I wanted to savor that look on his face a little more.

"By the way, how long do you plan on dressing like that?" Susan placed a hand on my shoulder, carefully looked at my dress head to toe, and giggled to herself. 

I actually kind of forgot about it. "My armor and-" I looked at the guards. "Care to bring them to me? Or are you guys still loyal to him?

One of the soldiers threw my cloak at me. "The armor was damaged. The pants are being washed." He didn't look at my face. But I got a good look at his. It was the same guy who was on guard duty and saw me jump off the window.

"Thanks." I wrapped myself in my robe. It was better than walking around in a sexy almost-about-to-be-torn dress. A thousand times better.

And then all of a sudden there was a ruckus outside the castle. I peeked through the curtain. A lot of people came out and were by the door with their torches and pitchforks. Almost like a mob, hunting witches or something.

I don't even get time to get changed?                 

"They're not here for us, are they?"

"Yo-you're finished!" the duke still yelled weird shit.

"I'm pretty sure they don't feel that obligated, at least not to you." I didn't even feel like talking to this prick, not anymore.

The mob was yelling something and a cross dresser was leading them. There were other familiar faces too. I guess I should have seen it coming. 

"Well at least they kept their end of the bargain." I grabbed the Duke's ear. "Time to move wench!" I dragged the duke out. I always wanted to say that. But apparently my mother taught me to respect women: hence I never got to say it. At least now I could, as this pathetic excuse for a human wasn't a woman. I could say anything I want.

"You do know he's a guy, right?" Susan whispered.

"Not anymore."

Both Lianne and Susan looked at me with a lot of emotions. Most of them were negative though. Oh, and by the way, the duke was still going commando. 

I pulled his ear like crazy and walked out of the castle like I owned the place. The soldiers looked terrified and pale. There was some disgust in their eyes as well. Meanwhile, I grinned all the way. 

A few of the soldiers tried to get in the way, but the ones that were trailing behind us, stopped them and when they whispered something into the soldier's ears, everyone just showered the Duke with disgusted looks. 

"You know, you'd make a decent villain. Maybe you should consider becoming one," Susan said.

"Sorry but I've already got other reservations."

She burst out laughing. Lianne giggled. 

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Lianne seemed to be oddly quiet though.

What was she plotting this time?

***

Once out, I met the full force of the mob.

"All hail Lord Daarc and his betrothed princess Lianne!" someone shouted and then the mob shouted in unison.

Everyone bowed. The soldiers, the people, the adventures. Everyone. "Wait, what?"

"Well, I thought I'd pull some strings since you didn't plan things too extensively. Oh and I asked the princess beforehand about her consent, so everything is fine." Susan fingered her hair. My eyes twitched. What kind of shit was I about to be pulled into this time?

"What about my consent!?" 

They all ignored me.

"Betrothed!?" The duke seemed to be more shocked than me. I let go of his ear and he tried to run, but the soldiers held their spears near his neck and he just stayed put.

Before I could glare at her, Lianne took the charge and addressed the crowd. "Raise your heads brave men of Helsing. Today we have gathered here to witness the great deeds of my future husband. Let me make this clear. He is the man who defeated two monarchs and two grand monsters. He has gone on par with my father. But he is not entitled to the title he's been given. I believe there was a conspiracy. A conspiracy…." Lianne went on. I kind of felt ridiculed as she continued singing my praise. 

And she also made up a good lie about how I liberated Alfeime and it was all the demon's fault. Honestly, I kind of felt bad for the demons being framed like this while all that crap just happened because a certain prince couldn't handle a bit of jealousy. 

Not entitled to the title…huh? 

Susan came close and whispered things in my ears. "You see, the people never really get all this riled up unless they know someone has actual authority. If they knew you weren't up to the task or someone who wasn't in power, they'd never have gathered like this."

I didn't disagree. People always flocked around powerful individuals after all. "But still-" It didn't mean I was just going to accept it without any qualms either. 

"And so, right here, right now, I declare, Daarc Green, my future husband as the new Duke of Helsing, and the Archduke of Alfeime. He's on a quest to rid this world of evil. And I, in his stead would ensure the peace of this country. You have already witnessed how grand his strength is. He didn't pay any heed for his health and only cared about your safety. What do you say!?"

At that moment the crowd burst into cheers. "All hail Duke Daarc!" the crowd sang in unison. Jori initiated that damn phrase.

Duke, Archduke? 

Strangely I kind of forgot what the gravity of those titles meant. My head was going kind of funny and my body felt lighter than usual. 

"Huh? Duke? Archduke, what are you saying!?" And when reality did come crashing down, I kind of wanted to run away. 

This was so corny that I wanted to laugh like crazy. But these guys weren't messing around. And everyone was dead serious. 

Oh shit….

"Wasn't expecting, that one…." Susan tried to smile.

"You-you can't be serious! Princess!" The duke was losing his mind. Forget him, I was losing my mind. "He can't be both at the same time."

Wait, you're more worried about that?

"Umm…. Lianne. This isn't funny." 

Please tell me this is a joke! 

I looked at Lianne, with tears in my eyes. Shock probably wasn't the best word to describe the feeling.

"What is funny…, Darling?" She emphasized on the darling part a bit too much and smiled as playfully as she could.

I was thunderstruck! 

Nay, flabbergasted!

Yay! More politics. Just what I needed. 

I almost cried at the irony of my own words. 

With just one sentence, Lianne had established three things. First, me being the duke would end the ongoing war of humans and elves. As I was a human and she was an elf, things couldn't have been more equal, at least for the time being. Next, this also solved the problem of the current duke being a total garbage. And lastly, since I won't stick around, this just meant Alfeim won without a doubt.

I really hated politics.

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