Chapter 318: Doubts

I woke up before dawn. Apparently, I was being hugged by a bunny as usual. 

Biteria had crept into my bed. 

She was hugging me very intently and from the front side too. So our chests were touching a bit more than I liked. Her face was literally a centimeter away from mine.

There was nothing I could do about this plus she was a rather soft pillow, so- yeah, I just rolled with it. I saw her as my pet anyway. 

She often purred rather cutely in her sleep though. If only she was that cute when she was awake.

I closed my eyes and just tried to sleep. It was very hard though when a soft, cute bunny girl was pressing her chest against mine and her breath was falling on my neck. Moreover, I could literally hear her heartbeat. 

Though technically she was supposed to be an undead, she had no smell and she didn't have any rot either. She was warm too, almost like she was alive.

It was odd and this just made me realize, I really didn't know much about the world.  Even now, even after everything, there were so many mysteries. 

Also, the worries from last night came haunting back too. With an inward sigh, I got out of Biteria's clutches, out of the bed, and finally out of the room. 

It was still kind of dark, so it was hard to tell if everyone was just sleeping. They probably were. 

The outside was also pretty dark- though the eastern hemisphere was starting to brighten up. 

I walked towards the water. I needed to get fresh. Maybe run for a bit and swing my spear around. This was my daily routine anyway. 

Something about magic was bothering me though. And seeing Biteria use dark magic last night made me even more curious. 'Shouldn't I be able to use that too?' I focused a bit on my hand and instead of darkness, warm light manifested. Failure. 

It did wake me up a bit more though.

"Why are you wasting mana, first thing in the morning?" Alisa yawned. 

She was right behind me. 

"Did I wake you?"

"No, my bladder woke me."

Yeah, too much information.

"I'll go get fresh."

"You didn't answer my question."

'Shouldn't you just go pee already?' Thinking about it made me feel uncomfortable too. 

Okay, we were getting off-topic here. "I was thinking about last night."

"Don't let it bother you. You've made a choice, I'll respect that, that's all."

Apparently, I wasn't clear enough. And I kind of didn't want to clear this misunderstanding either. 

So, "Anyway, you should be moving."

She rolled her eyes and went away. 

I reached the bucket of water, washed my face, and went for the men's room myself. 

***

Breakfast was brief. 

The couple from our room actually joined us. 

And I kind of recognized them. They were the same couple I saw in the middle of the street yesterday, who made a scene.

It wasn't like they had something to talk to us about- rather there wasn't any space in the inn, so they had to sit with us. 

The inn was filled with adventurers. I didn't see any typical townsfolk at all.

"But young man, I have to agree, you sure are lucky." The man had three large scars on his face. He was pretty built- like really well. 

"Because?" I drank my soup. 

We actually didn't talk much but he suddenly started talking. 

He chuckled. "The girls! Look at the cuties." Strangely he sounded nice- and he wasn't being weird about it either. He was just being blunt, perfectly blunt. 

His partner was rather quiet though.

"They're just my companions. I already have a fiancée." And I hadn't talked to Lianne about the stuff that happened in Xylax. Alisa said she'd sent a mail, but yeah, I personally had to send a letter too.

My companions were pretty quiet too.

The man was about to say something but he paused. "Ah, my apologies then. I got ahead of myself."

The conversation died. 

It was awkward. 

I let out a sigh and just kept on sipping the soup. 

'Was this- is this really alright?'

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"Sometimes," The woman began. "You have to discard certain ideals and sacrifice certain things in life. After all, who wants to be unhappy by clinging to blind ideals?"

Who was she talking to? She was eating and her focus was on eating. We'd never talked before, so surely she couldn't be speaking to me, right?

And yet, I found myself staring at her. 

And she stared back. "Clearly, they have feelings for you, and you have feelings for them. Your awkwardness, your shyness, and the vibe you showed off last night were the proof of that. So, why are you pushing them away?"

She was observing me carefully. Looking only at me. And I was looking at her. 

'Wait, you saw us yesterday?'

At the time they were in the guild too so it was possible they'd heard at least something when these three confessed and they happened to be coming up like us. The possibility was slim but it wasn't impossible. 

"You're wrong. I see them as-"

She smiled. "Look, I'm a woman and I've been with this man for over thirty years, and traveled the world, met people, saw people get married, get killed, I know love when I see it."

I let out a breath. "Well, you're wrong this time."

She giggled. "Hopefully, one day you won't regret it."

I stayed quiet for a second. "Even if hypothetically, I responded to their love, if I had similar feelings towards them, but disappeared- died just some days later, then what? Wouldn't that be even sadder? And if I couldn't treat them the same- if I couldn't treat them equally-"

And why the hell was I telling this to a random stranger? Something really was wrong with me. 

I felt like punching myself in the face. I was so confused and I was so agitated. 

"But that's life. That's how life works. No one lives forever: and life doesn't treat anyone equally. It's hardly fair. And if you know when you'll die, that's a blessing in disguise. After all, you get to live your remaining time just as you want, without worrying about the future."

"But that's just-" It was just another broken ideology.

I couldn't formulate an answer and I couldn't really look at her anymore. 

Biteria was seated next to me, and she just patted my head, like I used to pat hers. Lately, she was treating me a bit more maturely, than even I. 

It was weird being petted by your own pet. 

And yet, I felt better.

I didn't eat anymore- I felt full. 

"After finishing up, we've to go check that land and the sword." And as any other person, I tried to distract my mind.

"Right," Alisa said. 

The rest nodded. 

I could think about the complicated stuff later. 

'But isn't that just running away?'

***

The eating phase and the paying phase were over. 

My companions packed up everything for me and were waiting just at the door.

I, however, stood at the corner, near the woman and the man. 

"Thank you."

She didn't really clear anything and I was just as confused as I was before, but I felt a bit better. I was really dreading over my decisions and I wanted to-

"Don't mention it. Guiding poor souls is our duty." The couple puffed up their chests with pride.

"Poor souls?" I chuckled.

"Daarc let's goo!" The half-elf sure was excited. 

I gave them a wave. "I'll be there."

I looked back at the duo but- they were gone. 

'Wait, doesn't that mean they wer-'

"Miss, another beer!"

Oh wait, they were just sitting behind me, ordering stuff. 

The woman kind of slapped my butt. "Go get 'em kiddo. You only get to live once!"

'That's sexual harassment you know.'

Everybody started laughing and it sure was embarrassing. 

I still moved towards the door with a smile though. 

This only made me more confused about my decisions but- I'd eventually figure things out. 

Hopefully.

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