Chapter 113: Interlude – The Ramblings of a Psychopath Fed-Up with his Persistent Delusion and its Consequences on Said Delusion

God damn it. God fucking DAMN IT!!! I mentioned the end goal of the god damn novel before I even got to the namesake of the god forsaken book! Arc hasn't even begun constructing Dockyard Sol yet! Task Force 0 hasn't been formed yet! They don't have a planet yet! They haven't even graduated yet! For fuck's sake, Titanyana hasn't even approached them about the salvation of her people yet! All because I wrote myself into a corner babbling on about selective pressures in the process of evolution and why the Great Csillacra might want this or why the Arboreal Maiden needed them to have that and DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT!!!!! FUCK!!!!

It feels like I've been spinning the wheels here for fifty god damn chapters with no real progress but there is so - much - fucking - exposition that needs to be laid out or else NOTHING will make sense!!!! I haven't mentioned Split-Space or the RSG. I haven't provided and accurate picture of the socio-political environment of the galaxy, or an idea of how the economic system works at all! I've got so much I want to do and talk about but I can't do it too fast in a exposition dump because it'll then just look like the ramblings of an insane lunatic who just wants to talk about the neat little fantasy universe he's created in his head because he thinks its just a funny little haha thing. I need to put STORY and CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT and mix PLOT RELEVANT DETAILS into this shit or else it just comes off as STUPID FICKING NONSENSE!!!

Am I really going to have to make a character to replace the one-off jackass justice from when Rize and Diana got in trouble??? You bet your ass I do!!! Am I going to have to make the reformation of the Sanctum's justice system a persistent sub-plot for at least the next hundred or so chapters??? Take a wild fucking guess! All because mister author here thought it would be a good idea to make a (moderately) functional world and he is psychotic enough to be annoyed when changes take place that don't make any damn sense. If big shit changes, it needs a big shit explanation. I don't wanna just blow it off with a-

"Yeah, so I just completely overhauled the way our justice system works because one retard found a way to take advantage of the system."

-RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

I'm gonna need to write dialogue for this, characters, and I'm still struggling like a slug to keep the main story moving along!!! Which idiot said that writing a book was easy?!?!?! Who said that to me?!?!?! I ought to take them out back and skin them. 'All you need is an idea and the drive to write it.' - fuck off. At this rate I'm gonna need a masters in clinical psychology if I'm going to figure out what the hell's wrong with me, cause I can guarantee no sane human on the planet is willing to put up with me, and as we all know the insane ones get rounded up and shot (for various reasons, most usually involve murder).

Is this what Tolkien felt like??? Having to create and entire language and culture and history because of a bedtime story he used to read to his kids? Because every time I publish a chapter that closes one loose end I go "Mother fucker, now I've got seven more loose ends to either tie to something else or cut off." And let me tell ya, I don't like just cutting shit off. The voices won't let me. Every time I try they just say - 

"What will the people think of you if you cut off that potential storyline? That's content! That's at least a chapter there! Why don't you just fit it in, riiiiiiiiiiight there, next to the important main plot beat. It won't interrupt the flow of your story at all. Surely it won't cause anymore headaches in the future-" and then it does, it fucking does. Every single time I've just listened to them and gone, "Oh yeah, that's an easy fix!" It immediately comes right around to bite me in the ass because inevitably it needs more. 

The ten chapters before the last one weren't even in my initial plan, I was just going to go right to the tournament, but then I realized that they needed to sign up for it. And then they needed to prepare for it. And then I thought now would be a good time to introduce (most of) Trebar's primary squad and their general personas. Then I realized that Nemo, the Velar (there, I just went ahead and said it so it wouldn't be a surprise later FUCK), would have to immediately realize that Donovan was bound to be her king (because that's how eyes work). And then I realized that I should probably have them do some training together so that we get a feel for just how different Donovan was to even the elites of this world. And then I realized that Titanyana was going to have to fight Zhoie because they are both battle junkies. And then I realized that I was going to have to give the Arboreal Maiden a proper disguised introduction. And then I realized that Titanyana was not going to take kindly to a monster showing up and charging Donovan without warning. And then I felt bad about having to do that to her (no matter how much it needed to be done) and spared some dialogue and a few paragraphs for describing her situation and condition that inevitably bit into the time and space allotted to that chapter and then I wrote the last chapter and its been like this from chapter one.

Do you have any idea how many tangents I've gone on that have no need to be here? The Oberlux voyage should have been like ten chapters even if I stretched it and somehow I managed to get it all the way out to seven-fucking-teen. But there was just stuff that needed to be mentioned at that time that couldn't feasibly fit anywhere else. Hell, the plan was to have the tournament concluded by chapter 100 - WE HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED IT YET!!!!!! ITS AT LEAST FIVE GOD DAMN CHAPTERS AWAY FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!

I have loooooong since thrown out any storyboard, I just can't stick to it. It just isn't possible. Every time I would come up to what should have been a major story beat I end up having to push it back a bit and fill in some information that needs to be there in order for other stuff that happens later down the line to make sense. Do you all remember that rant about sin and virtue with the Arboreal Maiden in the Inner Sanctum?!?!? I didn't plan for that shit to happen, especially not there, but I didn't have a choice!?!? If I wanted to play with religion as a means to manipulate culture and politics, then I needed to get that shit out of the way early and that was the only place that fit. Because guess what? The Arboreal Maiden and the Great Csillacra were doing that very thing to us, and it needed to be mentioned there, amidst the rest of their war crimes.

All I have to base future events off of is the good old brain mark one, nothing is written down because inevitably everything will change, and at the moment I don't have anyone psychotic or insane enough (that I trust) to finish it for me. If I die, that's it, story is over. I don't think I'll ever get bored and stop this lunacy, though I may have to slow it down eventually if, like, work happens, or if I ever find a girlfriend (don't count on it).

You guys are simply along for the ride. My characters have no idea what's in store for them, and I only have an inkling, so I'm just going to chug down this soda and continue writing in a caffeine and insanity driven craze.