Chapter 90: 089 Fish

Titanyana woke from her bed in a cold sweat. Shaking, she reached for the glass of water sitting undisturbed on her bedside table. It was refreshing, soothing her parched throat, but did nothing to ease her panic and anxiety.

"I've really gone and done it now haven't I?" Titanyana chastised herself while sinking further into the covers, embarrassed by the morning light. There was nobody around to see her in this childlike state, and yet she couldn't shake the feeling she was being watched by a stern pair of eyes. "You had to go and break down in the middle of practice didn't you Tanya? You couldn't wait until you were alone."

She bought her sheets over her face, leaving only her ears to poke out. She would've liked to bring them underneath as well, but the sound of the sheets rubbing together around her ears was always just a bit too loud for her tastes.

Titanyana had spent so much time making herself seem dependable. She made great efforts to make herself look like a competent teacher and a reliable fighter. She repressed her desire to react around her benefactors in order to not embarrass herself. To think she had ruined in so quickly.

She grabbed the end of her tail and began to stroke it. It didn't do much to ease her fears, but it did help her trembling. This was an instinctual method of relaxation to the Nekh, though it was considered immature to do. Right now, alone and afraid of the future, worrying about how childlike she appeared was the last of her worries. She was far more concerned about what Donovan's reaction was going to be.

What would she do if he determined her to be undesirable for the position after all? He had mentioned something about a trial period hadn't he? Was that over? Did it matter if it was over? Couldn't he just fire her anyways?

Titanyana didn't think Donovan was that callous, but she couldn't discount the fact that her performance in front of him in the courtyard was particularly poor. He could definitely interpret that as her will crumbling after a single defeat, couldn't he?

"What am I going to do now?"

Titanyana was alone, afraid, and out of options, at least she felt she was. A knock on the door interrupted her wallowing.

"Titanyana? Are you awake?" The voice was not Donovan's, nor was it Diana's.

"Gretts?"

"That would be me, yes. Do you mind if I come in?"

Titanyana didn't answer. Personally, she didn't have an issue with Gretts coming in. She was an extreme comfort in the immediate wake of her breakdown, she just wondered if it was okay for the heir to the throne of Nekh to be seen in such a state.

"I'll take that silence as confirmation then. I hope you don't mind." Despite her blatant disregard for common courtesy, Gretts did not come off as rude. She opened the door in a smooth and predictable manner, silently closed it, and then walked over to her bedside with a serving platter held firmly with both hands. "You are looking much better than last night. I take it you slept well?"

Titanyana didn't answer. She didn't want to seem cold to Gretts' warmth, but would responding really be the best option here? Could she even say if it did?

"Hm. Well, I brought you some breakfast and tea, so feel free to consume it at your leisure." Gretts placed the platter down on her bedside table. A delicious scent tickled Titanyana's nose as Gretts lifted the cover from the meal. A few fruits were neatly sliced and lined up around the platter's edge while strips of a sautéed lean meat with cooked veggies occupied the plate. Those seemed delicious, but what truly drew her attention was the otherwise unremarkable side of porridge.

It had a scent she loved, but could never hope to have found on the Great Csillacra.

"Fish?"

Seafood was perishable, more so than just about any other form of meat that she knew of, and there did not exist a sea from which fresh fish could be gathered on the Great Csillacra.

"Do you like fish? I'm sorry I could only use a few morsels of it for the congee, but I can make a dish that features it for your dinner if you so please."

Titanyana's ears flicked, her inner turmoil shifting momentarily to consider the proposition.

"No. Um. I, I like fish, but I don't think you should make fish for dinner. It's expensive, right? I don't have the money to pay for it."

"Pay for it?" Gretts was taken aback. "Do you honestly expect to have to pay for the fish?"

"Um, well, I- Am I not going to be expulsed from my position?" Titanyana had only grown more convinced that she was going to be fired since Gretts opened the door. The fact that Gretts was left in charge of interacting with her in lieu of Donovan could only mean he was no longer interested in her right?

"What a preposterous idea!" Gretts hurried to collect Titanyana in an embrace. Her skin, ever so slightly wrinkled with age, was comforting in its warmth. "Donovan told me to take good care of you sweets. Do you think he would tell me to take good care of someone he was discarding?"

Titanyana's ears slowly pressed to the top of her head in shame. Surely she had no way of knowing that, but it left a bad taste in her mouth nonetheless. She had been doubting her benefactor, her only ticket to salvation, and pushing herself further away from him. "I don't think he would."

"Then don't worry about it. I will handle Sir Strauss should he have any issues with you, and I have reason to believe Lady Diana will support us in such a scenario. For now, eat up and rest. You can tell me what it is that set you off afterwards." Gretts planted a gentle kiss on Titanyana's forehead as she rocked her to and fro in her arms.

- - - - -

The food tasted as good as it looked, with the fish congee in particular raising her spirits. It tasted good enough to get her to let go of her tail, the tip of which soon began to flick in delight. Fish was a staple of her people's culinary culture. Not only did they have a natural predisposition to enjoying such food, but fish was a reliable source of food even with the decline in split. 

Fish, it would seem, did not care much about the amount of split at their disposal when factoring their growth, and were always present and plentiful so long as they didn't go too overboard in harvesting them. They could be relied upon to make up for the poor crop harvests that were ever increasing in frequency, and gave their decreasing population a solid base of secure jobs.

This fish was no doubt a species she had never seen or heard of, but there was evidently not much difference between fish. They swam in salty soups, and ate bugs or whatever. Titanyana didn't remember the details, but it didn't matter. It was a taste she had not been given the chance to revel in for close to a year now, and she was not eager to let a bad mood ruin it.

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She was even less eager to let that mood spoil her seafood once she was reassured that her fears were unfounded.

Mostly.

There was still the little matter of how Donovan's impression of her would change once she returned to give him training.

"Are you satisfied?"

"Mhm."

Gretts smiled while she removed the tableware from Titanyana's lap. "What do you say to getting washed up? I won't ask you to go out and train with the rest of them, but getting up and walking about might do you some good."

Titanyana looked down at her hands, now tightly grasping the topmost cover. She didn't want to leave her room. It might have been true that Donovan wasn't holding anything against her, but that didn't mean she wasn't still embarrassed.

It didn't mean she wasn't still afraid.

"Alright missy, I'm not asking you anymore. Up, up, come on. I saw that look in your eyes. You need to get out of this room." Gretts began to pull Titanyana up and out of her bed. "You can't be using this room as a hiding place, you're a warrior aren't you? Get a change of clothes ready, and I'll get a warm bath drawn for you. I will not stand by and let you sit here, afraid. I don't know what trauma got triggered yesterday, but I know from experience that you don't overcome it by hiding from it."

Once Titanyana had been fully brought to her feet and made to stand on her own, Gretts collected the platter with the dirty dishes and made for the door. "Don't you dare climb back into bed!" With those words Gretts slammed the door shut. For a few moments afterwards, the sound echoed throughout the room, something Titanyana's ears very much did not like.

Alone again and left to her own devices, Titanyana once more brought her tail to her front before taking it in her hands.

- - - - -

"Good morning Gretts." Diana greeted the head maid of the barracks as she rounded the corner. "Was that for Titanyana?"

She was obviously referring to the platter.

"Indeed it was. She seems to be recovering just fine, splendidly even, so I am preparing a bath for her so that she may clean herself. She is still rather dirty from the events of yesterday, though she doesn't seem to realize it." Gretts continued her walk towards the kitchen, not even thinking about stopping to chat with Diana. Diane followed her, not minding the breach of manners. "More than anything else though, I think she needs to get out of that shell of hers."

"Shell?"

"I'm sure you've noticed how reclusive she is, no?" Gretts glanced momentarily towards Diana to see her reaction. "She doesn't seem to like talking with others, myself included, and it makes it very difficult to help her. I don't know if that's because she has some sort of ideal as to how a warrior should act or if she has some sort secret or if she is just naturally predisposed to not communicating, but it simply isn't healthy."

Diana, keeping pace with Gretts, closed her eyes momentarily to recount her interactions with Titanyana. "She certainly seemed like a woman of few words, but is that really because she's a recluse?"

"Take it from someone who has seen their fair share of basket cases, that girl has serious issues when dealing with people outside of a professional context. I don't know if its because she was sheltered growing up or whatever, but she needs to grow out of it."

Diana continued to walk alongside Gretts, trying to think of a way to continue the conversation. "Do you think I might be able to join her in the bath?"

"If you really want to, just try not to make her uncomfortable." Gretts disappeared into the kitchen momentarily to drop off her burden. Upon exiting she took a second to ask Diana a question. "Is the academy not in session today?"

"It is. However they haven't yet found anyone to act as my guide for my first few days there." Diana sighed to express her exasperation at the situation. "Honestly, I think I'm going to miss all this free time I'm having, even though I'm hating it at the moment."

"HA! I get that, though I don't think you are going to be nearly as busy with the academy as you believe. You come off as quite competent, the teachers and students there are anything but." Gretts momentarily widened her eyes to emphasize her point. "That isn't to say you'll be doing nothing of import, only that there really could be better uses for your time."

"Is it really that bad?"

"Unless I specify otherwise, assume I give advice from my own experience."

"Then why does it exist? Wouldn't people be better off just not going if that was the case?" Diana could not fathom an educational institution that did not educate its students.

"A good question, but one with a somewhat stupid answer. You see, the academy does not exist to educate as it once did, but instead as a place for the next generation to interact and socialize. You know? Build connections?" Gretts once again began to walk off with Diana in tow. "Keep this between us, but I've heard that the Arboreal Maiden intentionally made it that way so as to reduce the wars between nations."

"Really?" It wasn't really shocking to Diana, she had a grasp on the Arboreal Maiden's personality and goals and understood it was within the realm of possibility.

"Yes, yes. The thinking has something to do with building good relationships. Now, I suggest you go get ready for the bath. I still have yet to draw that bath, and I think our whole day would go faster if you just left me to it. Okay?"