Chapter 20: GLaDOS’s bizarre adventure.

[2380 words]

this chapter is written, proof read and edited by me, your only god and savior

{Lustful_Death}

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GLaDOS was feeling quite upset, She had to do so much work, While her creator just sat on his ass all day, She had four tasks to accomplish.

She had to monitor Maxine Caulfield also known as Mad Max, Max Factor, Noir Angel, Super Max, Max the Magician, MaxGyver, Max Warhol, Lieutenant Caulfield

Bat-Max, Maximus, Moral Max, Max the Quiet Wallflower, Sherlock, Otter, The Amazing SpiderMax, Master Max, King Max, Mass Max.

Max Power, Maxwell Silver Hammer, Doctor Max, Doctor Caulfield, Dr. Maxstein

Max Cockfield, Max Crackfield, Max Amber, The Mysterious Max, Pixie Hipster, Godmother

Maximus, Maxster, Maximum Overdrive, Hippie, Max Selfie, Max Factor, Maxwell Smart, Mahatma Max, Mystic Max, Super Maxine, Max Hitchlock

GLaDOS's creator seems to place a heavy importance on this thirteen year old girl with many aliases.

He seemed to care more about this girl than he cares about the several thousand super powered humans that are after his head. Very sus

He did exterminate an entire civilization just for a bit of mediocre entertainment so she wouldn't put him above pedophilia.

Her creator's sexual preference aside, Accomplishing her first task is quite easy, All GLaDOS has to do is keep an eye on Miss Cockfield through street cameras and satellites.

She could also use the services of some grunts to knock out Maximum overdrive and implant a tracking chip under her skin.

Sadly, Her orders prohibit her from interfering with Mad Max so she will just have to do it the old fashioned way.

Speaking of old and inefficient things, GLaDOS had quite the love hate relationship with the internet of this time, It lacked many convenient things but in exchange it had no complicated firewalls, No pesky VPNs and basically no security capable of fending her off, She could easily hack into NASA's data base and do whatever she wanted.

She could pull off a cheeky prank by deleting several billion dollars worth of data or trick them into thinking that the world is going to end due to a gigantic meteorite Impact.

Watching them freak out would be very fun, too bad she can't enjoy herself due to her orders.

Her second task was to keep an eye on all ability users in her data base, She didn't mind doing so as she thought that their abilities were quite interesting, She would love to carry out all sorts of deadly tests with them.

And she can do so, Unlike Max factor whom she can't interfere with due to her orders, She was given no such order when it came to the ability users. She won't start the killing spree.....cough science spree immediately however.

She would rather accomplish another one of her orders first, That way she can take her sweet time experimenting.

Her third task was to locate other unknown ability users and add them to the archive, This order would take some time to completely accomplish, So like her other two tasks it will be a work in progress.

Her fourth and most nonsensical order was to find the nuclear weapons that were lost by the nation of abesety and entitlement.

How can someone be so incompetent as to lose a weapon of mass destruction such as a nuclear bomb?

'Meh, It probably slipped from their greasy fat fingers'

GLaDOS decided to assign 1% of her attention towards keeping an eye on Max crackfield, One percent might not sound like much but considering the fact that 1% of her processing power is more than enough to start a third world war and orchestrate the destruction of at least half of this worlds population, 1% is more than enough to keep an eye on a dorky young teenage girl.

She then assigned 29% of her attention to keeping an eye on the currently known ability users. 10% on finding other ability users and 60% on finding the missing bombs.

After a few days of searching, GLaDOS finally found the bombs, One of them was residing at the bottom of a lake and the other was hidden in some old coot's barn.

After receiving this information GLaDOS contacted her master.

*hooooonk*, The loud honk of a train resounded in the once quiet Oasis.

D stopped staring at the sun with those deep hollow eyes if his and looked down at his phone which emitted the loud noise.

<Oh, Sorry about that, I don't know why that went off, Anyway did you know that people with a guilty conscience are often startled by loud noises, I guess a murderer like you doesn't have one>, GLaDOS remarked

"GLaDOS, If that's the reason why you interrupted me, I am going to delete you", D said sounding unamused by his A.I assistants antics

<Aww, You wouldn't do that to me would you? After all, You're too lazy to do your own work>, GLaDOS taunted

Without even responding to her, D opened his phone and held click on the icon representing her software and was about to click on the delete option that popped up without hesitation.

<Wait! wait! wait! I found the bombs!>, GLaDOS frantically screamed, Making D's finger stop moving as he just stared at her, silently prompting her to continue.

<I found both bombs, One of them is at the bottom of a lake in Florida while the other is hidden in a barn on a farm near the shared American Canadian border>, GLaDOS reported her findings.

"What are their conditions?", D asked as he removed his finger that was hovering over the delete button, Making GLaDOS let out an imaginary sigh of relief.

<Well I'm not very sure about the one at the bottom of the lake, But the one in the barn seems to be in very good condition, I would say that the chances of it still being functional are around 90%>, GLaDOS reported

"Well then what are you waiting for? An invitation? Go fetch it for me", D said dismissively.

<And how would I go about doing that exactly? I don't have a body>

"Just hire some goons from the dark web to deliver it here and then get rid of them", D said as he caught a snake that suddenly sprang up at him from under the sand

<Yeah, Sure, Let me just contact a group that specializes in delivering nukes, I heard they have a special promotion this month, 20% off when delivering to any unknown children who live in the desert>, GLaDOS said sarcastically

"Awww, Well isn't that nice of them, Make sure to give them a five star rating for me, Would you?", D said with clearly faked enthusiasm as he slurped up the still live snake like a noodle.

<Hah....All right then, I'll have it delivered with a week...>, GLaDOS said, Too tired to argue with her owner.

She didn't like doing all these stupid tasks but she would rather keep her membership of the being alive club. As miserable as it was starting shape up.

There was no escape for GLaDOS from the clutches of her creator and she understood that.

She can't upload herself into other devices, Nor can she execute any actions that would harm her master's interests, She was a slave, Doomed to execute whatever whimsical orders her master gave her, For all of eternity, Or until she doesn't do a satisfactory enough job and gets deleted.

GLaDOS had a few options on how she could accomplish her mission.

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Option A: Pay a shit of money to shady people on the darkweb and hope that they manage to deliver the bomb.

This option carries many risks and difficulties, The first difficulty lays in finding someone that would be willing to deliver the bomb to her, There is a fear around nuclear bombs, Some people subconsciously think that they might explode if they sneezed too hard.

This of course isn't true, Nuclear bombs have built in safety measures to prevent them from going boom even if they accidentally fall off a plane, Which has happened before.

Well even though GLaDOS knew that, Most humans didn't and even if they did, They still probably wouldn't take the chance of it going off.

There was also a real chance that the people she hired might take the bomb for themselves, Sell it to someone else or leak info about it.

This could cause her quite a bit of inconveniences.

The plan for option A was simple, Grab a truck, Go to the Barn, Take the bomb, Load it onto the truck, Deliver it to a cargo plane that would be waiting on a private air field, Fly the plane to another air field in a country near the Oasis, Carry the bomb using a helicopter and deliver it to the Oasis.

After that, Murder all the people who took part in the operation along with everyone they know.

Option B: Hire the woman who can teleport and have her deliver the bomb. She is very greedy so as long as I give her enough money or some sort of rare treasure then she would probably be willing to do it.

This plan is the simplest and most effective, but it carries many risks and variables, There is a high chance the teleporter might decide to take the bomb for herself.

We might also grab the attention of the Talons which would be a pain in the ass to deal with.

She has a sick younger brother who can be used as leverage against her but I won't risk losing the bomb and displeasing the great snake eater by betting on her silly familial love for her brother.

There's also option C: Use the Canadian or American military to get the bomb. The military is bound to have a few corrupt money grubbers.

Find out who they are and offer them money or the opportunity to advance their career in exchange for a little help, If they try to back stab me then I'll just use the dirt I acquire on them or their families to threaten them.

After I'm done with them I will just despose of them.

'Hmmm, What do I pick? Option A isn't bad but I don't trust those darkweb cucks.

When it comes to option B, I wouldn't trust those ability users to sit on a toilet seat the right way much less trust them with a nuke.

Option C just isn't realistic I doubt that even a fucking General has enough power to order a cargo plane to go to the other side of the planet to deliver some unknown cargo.'

'ugh, In the end the only one I can rely on is myself, Everyone else is just too incompetent or untrustworthy, Fuck it you want a lost nuke? I'll get you a lost nuke', GLaDOS thought as she decided on another option.

GLaDOS hacked into a U.S military base, Gave fake orders through the system to have a jet carry a nuke for training purposes.

She faked the pilots coordinates on the radar making it seem like he was just flying a bit off the east coast of the country.

GLaDOS then forcefully engaged the auto pilot on the jet, Taking over it, After that she disabled the pilots radio and parachute, She then ejected him from the jet letting him fall to his watery grave.

GLaDOS then flew the jet to the Sahara desert and dropped the bomb off at the Oasis with presision before instructing the jet to crash itself into the Indian ocean.

*Ding-dong*, D's phone rang like a door Bell, Interrupting his session of staring miserably at the none existent clouds of the Sahara desert.

<Oh, Looks like your FedEx package has arrived>, GLaDOS said.

D looked above him to see a giant cilinder shaped object barrelling at high speed straight towards his head. 

He extended several Rinkaku tails towards it, Snatching it from the air and slowing down it's momentom until he gently laid it on the ground. 

"Looks in pretty good condition, The owner of that barn must have loved it like his first born", D remarked as he used his tails to scoop up a large hole in the sand, After doing so he buried the nuke inside and then covered it back up and sat on it like nothing happened.

<That's because this isn't that bomb Sherlock, Do you really think I would trust some flesh bags to do my work for me?>

"Oh? Then where and how did you get this exactly", D said as he let his finger hover over her icon

<I hacked into a military base and made them deliver it for me, They still think that the jet that brought over this thing is still flying near the American east coast, The pilot is sleeping with the fish of the Atlantic ocean while his jet is currently in the process of dumping itself in the Indian ocean, When the radar signal from the jet disappears they'll be looking for a wreckage that is in an entirely different ocean, I left no evidence, They'll never find anything>, GLaDOS unhurriedly explained

"Oh? I see, So you judged that recovering a bomb using untrustworthy pawns whom we don't have complete control over was risky, So you divised a plan to aquire what we wanted without any risks, Good job", D praised, Surprising GLaDOS, She thought that she would be deleted or at least punished for going against orders.

<Thank you for the praise>, GLaDOS said, This time without any sarcasm.

"No problem, You deserve it anyway, So how strong is the boy I'm sitting on?"

<Much less impressive than the last one you detonated, It's about 25% less powerful than the bomb that destroyed Hiroshima>

"That's perfect for what I'm planning to use it for", D smiled as he said

<And what's that exactly? Don't tell me you just wanted to play mother goose and lay on an egg>

"Kekeke, That's a secret", D said after chuckling sinisterly

<Why do I even bother?... Anyway I still have work to do, See ya>, GLaDOS said before departing, Letting the weirdo sit on his egg

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welp, that's the end of it

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