Chapter 13: Insanity

When my thoughts returned to me, I couldn't see, and after some minor flexing soon discovered I could not move either. That was fine and was about the condition I had expected to find myself in. It was something of a relief.

Thank god that paid off.

I had been out of options the moment I reacted with fear. There had been a screwed up somewhere, and Michael had come to suspect me. It was something to look into later, though I did have a few theories. With nothing else to do while awaiting my rescue or delivery, I fell into thought.

Meera could have betrayed me. Or really, reported me. Or they saw what I was doing to her. Or it could have been how I interacted with Sensei. Any number of things. Hell, it could have just been that I was too eager to "serve," and they got suspicious…

It didn’t matter. All that mattered was the fact that I was still alive. It wasn’t the ideal way to get out of that place, but the fact remained that I was out. Still trapped, but that should be fixed shortly; Silas would be coming for me. He would definitely be coming, of that I was sure. After all, I was Eira, and we had a relationship. Though the specifics of that were still lost on me, it was definitely a thing.

After all, I am Eira, or more accurately, we are me?

It was all in the warning given to me by the man in the mirror; the process would change me, and it would be best to accept those changes.

A ‘Singularity’ that’s what he called me. Something unique, according to the standard definition. There are other definitions as well, much scarier ones, given the implications.

My internal conflict itself had jogged my memory and helped me figure out how I had been conflicted. That I started acting without meaning. The flashbacks had been the final trigger. Not my memories, Eira's.

Somehow, I'm both her and myself merged… But, no, even that isn't quite right. We are joined, one singular. And not just us… If I accept that, I would have to allow the possibility of others.

“The same.” That’s how the man in the mirror described Eira and me.

Can I even say “me” anymore..?

At the end of the day, it was a rather difficult thing to accept. But not doing so would just throw me into conflict with myself again. My working theory was no longer time travel. No, this was probably some parallel Earth and Eira; it's Timothy. Whatever was done to her in this reality somehow stretched to Timothy’s world and dragged him into it.

“A threat to all layers.” So, something happened to Eira and pulled… Timothy into it… They merged, into me. But, then, I’m not quite Timothy, not quite Eira. Mostly me… No, Timothy, though; I have his memories and his personality.

Accepting that you were not yourself was far from the easiest thing, and even now, there was some semblance, some inkling of distress underlying my thought process. But the angst and uncertainty were gone; I was calm. That made things reasonably straightforward. Timothy seemed to have been the dominant mind if the memories were anything to go by. Eira, then, appeared to have a considerable influence on him. Most likely, that was owing to this originally having been her body.

Eira’s distaste for Michael had driven the hatred I’d felt. The feelings she harbored for Silas had caused a disconnect between her and Timothy. Her fear at the sight of restraints, likely stemming from what was done to her, triggered my complete breakdown. It would take some time to fully come to terms with everything, especially as I still felt like Timothy. But that left one thing out, one question that lingered at the back of my mind.

“A threat to all.” That’s what the man said. All, not both. If Timothy is the dominant force and Eira the second, how many more are there? If this was Eira’s body, that explains her influence. But what about him? And what about anyone else’s? “All,” not “both.” There are likely others here with me…

…How much of me is me?

…

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It was an extremely troubling question. Even more disconcerting was the fact that I answered myself. Not with words, but a general feeling of “...” agreement. It was hard and frightening. But I still couldn’t see anything, so what was I supposed to do? All I could do was wait. Wait, and think. Think and wait.

It was maddening. Mostly the inability to see or move. The lack of people bothering me was actually kind of nice.

Damnit! Is he not going to come after all? Or did I miscalculate… I know this is a gamble, a huge gamble. But after breaking down like that, what other options did I have…?

If I had run, then Michael would have caught me. If he didn’t, then the automated defenses would have gunned me down. If I had somehow made it through all that, I would have been trapped inside the enemy base. There was nothing I could do except fight and hope they didn’t kill me. Wherever I was going, they would probably run experiments on me to figure out what had gone wrong, perfect their methods, and prevent it from occurring again. Without outside help, I was totally trapped.

Damnit! Just calm down! Shift already! Coyo! Are you still hanging around!?

There was no answer. Just like I had known there would be. 

Deep breaths.

Coyo wouldn’t be able to help me since we had made a contract. 

Not that a True Demon would be inclined to just hand out favors like that, he only helped me earlier because it struck his fancy.

The skill worked similarly to my theory about Timothy, Eira, and however many more people had been fused into me. It was, in fact, part of the reason I had come up with that theory in the first place, as outlandish as it was.

He can’t hear me because he isn’t active. Until I can shift, I’m on my own.

Establishing a contract had three prerequisites; one needed to know the name of the demon, the genus of the demon, and have the demon's consent. For a worm like Coyo getting that consent was relatively simple. For any higher rank, though, it would be a task in its own right. Worms would just be happy to have an anchor to this world. Bonus points if it was an interesting one like I apparently was.

Everything would be fine if I could just shift without help… It should be simple, but for whatever reason…

Forcing myself to calm down and breathe was easier said than done. Still, I tried once more. A clear head and a calm heart that was all I needed. Yet, there was something still sticking, getting in the way. The two times I had managed to shift previously had been Coyo’s interference; with my mind coming apart at the seams, I had not been in the right state. But that instability had introduced a way in from the outside; Coyo had, in all likelihood, possessed me for a brief instant and forced the shift.

That was the reason I could not remember the exact moment that it occurred; my own mind… minds had been suppressed by his influence. 

Making a contract, then, was a mistake. I must have still been shaken by what all was going on.

With the contract formed, Coyo had given up much of his freedom and bonded with me.