Chapter 438: 438: Deep Thoughts 2, now with 98% More Kamiko

As they walked Kat found her thoughts getting less and less specific. She just didn't know where she wanted to take them. It was easy to see what Kamiko's family had, *And what is her last name? Do demons have them? I never asked…* and realise that it might be something she wanted, but it was another to work out how to get there. What Kat knew was limited, and she didn't really feel like finding a potential husband or wife candidate.

While Kat's thoughts were mostly just running in circles getting nowhere, Kamiko's thoughts were also somewhat deep. She was thinking, mostly on her encounter with Envy and how she wanted to go about finding a therapist.

------ Italics denote Kamiko's thoughts from here ------ 

*Where should I start?* Thought Kamiko. *I've admitted I need therapy, that… it wasn't as hard as I thought it was to admit. Also… money shouldn't really be that big of an issue. As much as I might feel a bit bad about asking Mum and Dad for money like this, not only will Mum get a huge discount if I go through either medical or Lust because of her position, I can also get access to the better ones. 

Is that what I want though? Sure I probably will need Mum's help paying for these sessions but do I want her to pick someone out for me? I… I don't know, that's actually a much harder question. 

I certainly don't want to see anyone from Medical, I don't think. Not only is this not related to a medical problem and thus not really their expertise, then even if I do trust Mum to pick someone out for me, they still have to worry about the fact that she's their boss. Depending on their employment contracts certain information might have to get sent to her. 

I mean… I don't think I have anything that bad, but one of them is Meridthna. I want to talk about her and I'm not sure how happy Mum would be about that fact or if there is a general watch on information about her, I wouldn't put that past Mum. She wouldn't do it maliciously, and might have even forgotten she'd put out the order, but I can see her wanting to know any time her name comes up from patients or perhaps if she actually checked into one of Medical's facilities. 

So, no Medical, but do I take her advice when it comes to finding people in Lust. I… I don't really know.* Kamiko smiled to herself. Despite her worry she knew her mother would try her best to help if given the chance. She'd make it somewhat over the top in all likelihood, but this wasn't something she'd tease her about. Kamiko knew her mother liked to push things, but also knew when to stop very well.

*The thing about letting her pick someone from Lust… is that even if she'd chose someone she thought could help me the most. She'd only be able to choose well if I outlined at least some of my problems, and… I'm not quite ready to go over them all with Mum yet. Dad either, he wouldn't be much help anyways.* 

Kamiko cringed at the thought. She certainly didn't like badmouthing her father. She knew he was a good man, one the nicest demons around, with a core of iron when it came to protecting his loved ones. A shame then, that the core of protection also held his tongue whenever it came to fighting within the family.

*Still, as much as everyone else might loath to admit it, he gives the best hugs.* Kamiko also knew that he was the best person to go to when you wanted someone to just listen. More than once she could remember latching onto him like a limpet and bawling her eyes out when he was younger. *Mum would make fun of me for weeks after the fact for that. Sure she'd give me a day or two to make sure I'd really recovered but… she'd keep brining it up and making jokes about it to help me move on.* 

That was another thing, now that Kamiko thought about it. Her mother was great, and she'd helped Kamiko through rougher things, mostly rumours that other girls her age had brought up, and Dad had no idea how to combat. *But in saying that… she just… she likes to pick at things. Perhaps it's because of her career as a doctor where she needs to needle people all the time and ensure they're telling her the full truth. 

It does however, keep the pressure on quite regularly. If she notices you getting hung up on something her response is embarrassment or laughter. She really does think it's the best medicine, and with how much research she's done, maybe she's actually right… but… hollow laughter might be more painful then silence.* 

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Kamiko quickly wrenched her thoughts away from that dark turn. She was happy, she'd figured out an issue, and she was dealing with it. There was no need to make it unnecessarily dark. *I should probably also talk to this therapist about Kat. She's not done anything wrong of course but… I have no idea how to maintain a healthy friendship.* 

Kamiko thought this, not knowing that Kat really had no idea either. Her only real friendship was with Lily, and that wasn't exactly a normal friendship. Kat would count Sylvie as a friend and little sister figure, but that certainly didn't count either. Kat could make acquaintances very easily but failed to retain friends. A skill and a defence mechanism she'd grown over the years.

*Still, having one friend is certainly progress. Might have to… unpack a bit about the whole not having friends for over a decade thing… but I have a big family, and they helped. Or did they…?

That's one of the big things about this realisation isn't it? I've had to rely on my family perhaps more than most, and in turn I've had no chance to properly work through the issues I have with them. They have become to important and central to my world view for me to even contemplate airing my grievances and having them dealt with.*

*Then again…* Kamiko started to perk up, her eyes regaining a bit of colour. *I managed to speak to the triplets about my biggest problem with them. I mean, it was only that one issue, but it was a big step. AND THEY DIDN'T HATE ME FOR IT. That's… well I don't know if I was really scared about it, but I was afraid of how it would change the way I'm treated.

I'd love to say it hasn't changed it… but it's not like they've had the time to show any change. It was also interesting to see that it wasn't something they were all equally aware of. Perhaps… perhaps I am also guilty of treating them as interchangeable?* 

Kamiko cringed at the thought but it sort of rang true in a weird way. She wondered if she thought of them almost like two separate groups. Merra, Erra, Kerra as well as The Triplets. *I'd need to really think about that one. I'm not sure if I do that… but if I do perhaps I'm part of the problem? I only want them to be individuals some times? No that doesn't seem right. I want them to be individuals all the time, but I'll never mind if I spend time with more than one of them. 

Perhaps… Perhaps what really needs to happen is for them to spend more time in pairs? It might make it clearer they are their own people. It's easy I think perhaps, to see them as a group, or when alone as a representative of the triplets, instead of whoever is actually singled out speaking for themselves. 

Of course, the issue with that, is, as much as I talk about them being individuals, they share a hell of a lot of opinions. A very surprising amount considering their different interests. And when you speak on one of those the other two just agree most of the time. 

Wait.*

Kamiko paused in her thoughts. An odd idea niggling at the back of her mind. *Have… has their connectivity power caused some issues there?* Kamiko knew most of the powers her family has of course, including the fact that the triplets could send messages to each other and keep themselves connected mind to mind.

*But I'm wondering now… is it not just messages? Are they changing each other's opinions on things? I'm… I'm not sure but I wonder what would happen if I asked Erra or Merra about what the best art piece was? They don't know enough about art to answer anything other than one of Kerra's works but… if they give a real answer, and one Kerra agrees with… that's a scary thought. 

Maybe I'm not the only one who needs therapy.*

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