Chapter 486: b-breakdown

"With that said" Nira kicked out at the dirt slightly and turned her body slightly to the side, "I suppose I can answer more in full, and not to you as just someone who's Kamiko's friend. Obviously, my desire to not mention the monitoring, the fear that it could end up like Meridithna and the other things I mentioned were all still true.

"There is one angle we haven't really gone over. See, the other thing… is I'm not sure what it would do to Aslena. You watched her flee did you not? It's all hit her at once, all the bad things she's done to Kamiko mostly, have basically slapped her in the face. She's… coping for now. The question is, could she have done this when she was younger?"

Kat opened her mouth to comment but Nira waved lightly in her direction and kept speaking, "I believe kids are adaptable, and I'm not saying she wouldn't have been able to handle it at all… but I think it would have changed her in a major way. By the time I decided that it truly was a problem in need of… I hate to use the word fixing when it comes to my children… perhaps mending would be better?

"Anyway, once it was a problem that I admitted to myself was something that needed to be changed, she'd already given up a number of things. While she did bully Kamiko, that was one of the few childish things she ever indulged in. Aslena didn't watch cartoons, she didn't have friends or run around outside. She didn't play with toys all that much, it she would always dedicate herself to her craft.

"Now, you might say we should have let her do other things, well, we didn't force her to do anything at all. Leave her in a room with toys and sewing equipment and she'd go for the sewing equipment," Nira threw her arms up into the air "heck, leave her with just toys and she'd probably find a way to turn them into sewing equipment.

"And the bad things she did were rarely directly malicious, or even close to that. Most of them were… inconvenient certainly, and perhaps slightly traumatising at worst, but none of them were TO cause issues for Kamiko if that makes sense. It's like… ah, take your demonic energy. It creates flames like all demons. You could argue that creating ice is an unintended side effect, or if you don't think that, at the very least, the fact it also chills the area around the ice as it melts IS a side effect. It's sort of like that.

"Most of the time, Aslena needed someone to try an outfit on for her, or be a model for one reason or another. Kamiko didn't enjoy it and we tried to teach Aslena that fact, but she never really seemed to let it sink in. She'd given up a lot to pursue clothing design, why wouldn't Kamiko be willing to do the same to a lesser extent…"

Nira let out a long huff of air, Kat noticing that it was only now she actually drew in breath. "The final thing is… while I do monitor them pretty much constantly, that's all it is, only pretty much. I can't scry them all the time, I'm not quite so skilled that I can split my mind like that. Sure, I could easily process a few thousand thoughts in a second, but they are all sequential. I never picked up the skill that lets you REALLY multitask.

"The scanning is more like… a background process. It's always running, and there is alerts, but I have to check it regularly to make sure I don't miss things. This means that… well… even I'm not sure the extent of things Aslena has or hasn't done. Oh, don't get me wrong, I probably know about 90% of the things she's done to cause Kamiko pain, but I didn't watch most of them, just know they happened, and it's the other ten percent I worry about you know?

"What if I'm overreacting? What if I'm misinterpreting the diagnosis? I can only guess based on the bodies responses that I get back. Like, when Kamiko is upset, her heartbeat might rise. It also rises when she's happy. Sure, there are a lot of extra details but I'm decent enough to guess almost all the time. Still, that's a risk and I'm not sure if it's fair of me to take it. There have been plenty of times where I was too busy to double check with a quick scry.

"Maybe I was in a medical procedure that couldn't be stopped, maybe I was locked in combat with a dragon. Whatever it was, it meant I couldn't check," Nira's tears had returned "and you know? I worry that I actually have no idea what's going on in my kids lives. Isn't that crazy? I've monitored them closely for their entire lives. I probably know them better then they know themselves…

"But do I? can I really know them like that? Clearly I didn't know enough about Meridithna to stop her from leaving. I'm forever worried that I'll mess up something important because I thought I knew something I really didn't and that terrifies me. I don't have a diagnostics ability for my family relationships Kat. I can see ATOMS when I concentrate Kat. But I still can't see into someone else's mind. You can, but only somewhat. I doubt that little glimpse would be enough for me…" Nira finished off with a sigh. Hands clutching onto her gardening clothes, breath coming in slightly ragged.

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*Well… um… holly shit ok then. That's… well that's a little more than I was expecting to hear if I'm being honest with myself here and I don't really know how to process that. I vastly underestimated how complicated this is. I honestly feel like kind of a bitch for pressing Nira so hard for an answer. 

I mean, some people might argue she needs this. Heck, I might argue she needs this. Still… I really didn't want her to… break down like that. Oh sure, she still looks like she's holding up alright and is only a bit frazzled, but a demon at least a few centuries old's 'bit frazzled' is probably a normal humans 'the world is over and everyone's dying tomorrow' levels of panic. 

I mean… what the hell do you even say to that? I can't even begin to comprehend the position she's in at this point. It's just… it's so far outside of what I'd think a human could understand. I mean, I'm not human anymore but… I don't really KNOW what a demon thinks like. I don't know how much my thought process still needs to change.

Just living for as long as Nira has must change a person. Humans, when they get older, start to become more set in there ways for the most part but… is it the same for demons? Do they have something built into them genetically to help stop that? I mean they must right? Humans already have an issue with stagnating at points and demon society would surely be the same if they had that issue.

Maybe I'm just not seeing it though? Nira is, for many intents and purposes, a scientist and has been for a long time. Perhaps she's more able to come to grips with new knowledge? It's really hard to know. Are human scientist like that? It's more a gut feeling then a real world knowledge thing… so perhaps I'm wrong?

I can't even compare her to any other demons. I've never seen anyone else even close to her age freak out like this and I don't even really know her age, and… even then, I'm not sure I've really seen a freak out like this before. She… she told me because she thinks I can understand and… I was happy to hear that until… until I realised I CANNOT understand. It's not even close. I have no idea.* 

"I'm sorry" said Kat

*I don't know what else to say. It's all I can say. I came on to hard here.* 

"It's ok dear. I didn't mean to unload all that on you…" said Nira slowly

Kat shook her head and said, "No I'm not saying because of that… or well… I sort of am. It's because… well… as much as you where willing to open up to me because I'm someone who understands… I don't think I do? I mean… I don't really deserve that kind of faith. You've… you've spent so long thinking about this clearly and… I didn't really mean to make it all so painful…"

"It's fine Kat" said Nira smiling as she walked up and brought the younger demon into a hug. Kat stiffened for an instant before relaxing in Nira's grip. "I didn't expect you to understand everything, however, I know you do understand ENOUGH. That's why I shared. As much as I love my husband, he doesn't understand, he CAN'T. He is so weak to his family that this sort of thing would fly over his head. Oh sure he'd listen to me, and hear me out, and maybe give suggestions… but he can't understand even what you can Kat, so I really do thank you for this"

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