Chapter 1: Good Enough

 

“I’m sorry, but you’re not good enough this year. Try again next time!” exclaimed a robotic voice, announcing their failures as it had done for the past…. 200 years maybe?

That was expected though. They knew they weren’t good enough. After all, if they were good enough, would they really be them?

They got out of the testing pod, and walked back to their dorm.

—-

A man sat at a desk, staring at them in disappointment. He then tried to cover up his disappointment, presumably for the sake of their feelings. They knew he shouldn't have bothered. He sighed.

“Another failure? I thought we worked this out with you Sera. By grade points, you’re the best student we have. If you’re not good enough, no one is. Why can’t you pass?” the man said.

That was simple. Sera wasn’t good enough. They couldn’t pass. 

“... I keep telling the higher-ups that this whole system is flawed but they never change anything.” 

“No, it’s not flawed. I’m flawed” Sera replied logically. 

“Sera, the system our institute operates on is never supposed to fail anyone. No matter how flawed they are. The fact that it’s failing you means somethings off about things” he said, sighing again. 

“Well maybe I’ll get it next year.” Sera said. They knew they wouldn’t, for they weren’t good enough, but they didn’t want to be the one person that causes this whole excellent system to be replaced or changed just because they specifically are flawed.

“Sera, you’re not the only one this has happened to. I mean, sure, you’re the one who has been here the longest. But you’re not the only one getting stuck for years in our system. This isn’t an isolated incident, it isn’t just you.”

Maybe it wasn’t just them, but they knew that they were likely worse than all the others, being themself, who is not good enough. They didn’t bother to explain that now though. For some reason when they explained such logical things to people, they tended to look at them sadly and direct them to a therapist. They had already disappointed enough therapists, they didn’t need another. Plus the man in front of them was basically their therapist nowadays anyway. 

They knew he probably wanted some sort of response or reply from them, but they didn’t have an idea of what they should say. Given that they were too useless for thinking of anything original. 

“... Why do you think this system is wrong? What could possibly be made better?” they decided to say. They could at least entertain this man’s thoughts, since he certainly was better than them, given that he wasn’t them. 

“Well, perhaps on the surface the system seems good, but there’s simply so many ways it goes wrong. “ he explained

“An education based on the satisfaction and feeling of fulfillment of the one being educated sounds great, in a lot of ways. Or at least it’s much better than how things were in the old days. In this system, everyone gets to learn what they want, when they want, and they “pass” and move onto the rest of their life once they feel they’re ready, or they know enough, or that they’ve graduated. But that’s a flawed premise from the start. The system depends in the student’s thoughts, emotions, and goals, so if something is wrong with those in the first place then things can go awry”

“So if things went awry with me then that means I’m flawed right? Aren’t my thoughts, emotions, and goals my responsibility?” Sera commented. 

“No, you don’t get it. Everyone is supposed to end up happy and well learned. Even with flawed thoughts, emotions, and goals. The system needs some sort of override, some sort of way to help those out of truly defeatist and impossible mindsets, people like you who refuse to help themself or ever believe that they can be better.” He leaned back on his desk, looking thoughtful. “Maybe some sort of special therapy program or something. Or some way to simply change people’s minds.”

“No,” they said. 

“No?” the man questioned?

“If my thoughts were changed, I wouldn't be me. I don’t want my brain being messed with.” 

“Even if it would help you?” he inquired

“I don’t deserve help.”

“Of course you would say that. Of course. I don’t think we’re gonna be making any progress today, so I think we should probably wrap up the session at this point. Thank you for your time, I guess.”

They got up from their chair, and left the administrator’s office. They didn’t want to take up any more of his time than strictly required of them. For someone like him surely had a better way to spend his time than with them. 

—-

 

“Unfortunately, #782931, it seems like you’re not ready for graduation. But hey, that’s okay! This isn’t a setback or a rejection or anything. Instead, think of it as a chance to be even better, to learn even more! Better luck next year!” the same robotic voice from all the prior years said.

Sera noted that they’d changed the rejection message this year. It no longer said anything about them not being “good enough”. Maybe the administrators didn’t want the system too harsh or disheartening or something. This was worse in their opinion though. It felt even more shallow and hollow, a half hearted attempt to comfort the pitiful failures. Like them. 

They had their appointment with the administrator directly after testing for this year. According to rumors there was a new guy this time, apparently the old one “wasn’t properly supportive” and “was an oldtimer who doubted the technology of the system”. They weren’t sure why the administrators still cared so much about seeing them every year for “feedback”. It wasn’t like they were ever going to change anything based on whatever feedback they got anyway. 

Sera walked down several long halls and knocked on the door of the office. “Come in” said the voice of a woman in a polite manner, reminiscent of an airplane's announcer’s voice. 

This time, a woman sat at a desk, looking at them over her glasses after glancing down at some papers in front of her. 

“This is your 800th year right?” the woman questioned, adjusting her glasses. 

“Yeah, I think”. 

“Right, how does that even happen? Your case is so extreme compared to all those I’ve seen this year for feedback.” 

“I don’t know. I guess I’m not good enough.”

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“Are you the one who put those ridiculous ideas in my predecessor's head about our system somehow failing you? If so, no wonder you can’t pass.” commented the woman.

“No, he thought of that on his own.”

“Strange. Though I suppose he was from Before, educated without true perfection. They really should just send everyone from Before back so they can get re-educated properly at this point, they simply cause too many problems.” she said. 

“Are you going to ask me for feedback or anything?” Sera asked

“No, not really. I don’t think we actually need feedback on our system at this point, especially from someone who failed for 800 years straight.” the woman said dismissively.

“Oh. Why am I here then?” 

“I believe we still have to officially take feedback due to some law or something, it doesn’t matter. You can take your leave”. 

Sera got up quickly and left the room, once again to preserve the time of the administrator who surely had much better things to do. Especially if this whole thing was really just a useless show they did for regulation at this point. 

—-

“Congratulations  #782931, you passed! Now go out there and pursue your passion young one! There’s so much to do and explore out there in the world!” the still quite robotic voice said without much passion.

Sera got out of their testing pod, and headed to their last and final meeting with the administrator for feedback. It had been 312 years since they learned that feedback wasn’t needed anymore, it was just a requirement that had to be done anyway, but they still had to do one every year. 

They walked down several halls and knocked on the door of the office. “Come in” the woman’s voice said again, polite and unchanging over the years.

Sera sat down at a chair, and looked up at the administrator still sitting there with her glasses, at her desk, staring down at some paper. 

“So, you finally passed? After 1112 years?” she said absentmindedly. 

“Yes.” 

“About time really. I guess this definitely proves that the system isn’t flawed at all, it just takes some people a long long time. So don’t try to tell anyone that you were somehow failed by us, got it?” she said sternly. 

“Okay, I won’t.” they replied.

The woman shifted at her desk, and stared at them for a second.

“Although we don’t really need feedback anymore, I’m still curious. Why did you pass this year, out of all the years? Did you figure something out? Find out some sort of purpose? What’s different” she asked, genuinely curious. 

“I found out what I want to do. What I need to do.” they replied. 

“Oh, well that’s good. You may take your leave.” she said dismissively. 

Sera got up quickly and left the room just like every other time. They still needed to make sure not to waste any of the administrator’s time after all. 

 

—-

 

Sera stood on a bridge, looking out at the ocean. They were fascinated by the way the setting sun reflected off the water. Truly, this world was beautiful. They were glad they were able to see it one last time. 

Yesterday, they graduated. They had meant to complete their mission then and there, but instead they had found themself lost for a day. Wandering, considering, wondering. Could things have gone differently, if they were good enough? Did the system really fail them? No, it couldn’t have. It accepted their mission and their resolve by granting them a pass after all these years, right? So it had to be the right choice. 

Sera didn’t feel like they had learned their passion though. Or that they were perfect. Or that they were any better than they had been at the start. All they had was a direction to move forward in. They were still them, just moving forward now.

So they did. They took a step forward. Sera did what must be done.

For a moment, they felt free. The wind whistling past their face as they fell was music to their ears, and for the first time in forever, they felt alive. 

 

Sera closed their eyes, and smiled. 

 

They heard a crash. Then pain. Then silence.

 

They finally did something good.