Chapter 6: Ch. 5 – Bothered New World

(..ke up.), I hear a muffled voice, (Suggestion: wake up! It is half-past reasonable!)
“Hey, voice in my head, just... shut up for five more minutes.”
(Response: acknowledged.)

I can’t even see clearly yet and that disembodied voice is already pissing me off. It sounds like my new voice but in a very robotic monotone. God, I hope there’s a way to change that.

Ah good, my eyes have finally started doing their job. As I look around I see that I’m sitting in the shade of a tree. I couldn't identify the type of tree if my life depended on it; orange, spiral patterned bark, white leaves - I'll write this up to my eyes not working properly yet. The grass looks a brownish-green, no wildlife or monsters in sight - knowing my luck this will change in a few minutes.

It seems to be a few hours before sunset. Just a few hours earlier and I’d be sitting directly in the sun – whose bright idea was it to drop a freshly born vampire just outside with no cover from the sun!?

Curiosity gets the better of me and I stretch out my hand out of the shade. An incredible pain envelopes my hand and I quickly take it back. The exposed area looks heavily burned. I'll need an extremely strong sun blocker if I want to enjoy anything that ISN'T the nightlife.
(Proposal: refrain from doing that again), nags the copycat.
“Yeah, yeah. Can you please stop talking in this weird monotone rip-off voice? It's creeping me out.”
(Response: you can adjust my settings to your liking in your status menu.)

Right, Eva said something about almost all worlds having access to status screens. Or was it Jeff? Now if they had told me how to access it… And just as I think that the status screen appears in front of me.

“Hey, Zero-Four-Two, where do I find your settings here?”
(Response: they are in the ‘navigator’ tab.
Query: shall Zero-Four-Two be my new designation?)
“Hell no. Crap, what's with the 50 or so setting tabs… how much shit do I need to configure.”

Status, inventory, classes, race, skills, titles, experience, party, UI, controls, music, system, admin, again a few glitched entries. Wait ‘admin’? Why do I have that? Ok, never mind, clicking on it gives a password prompt and 'admin' is wrong. Was worth a try.

There are also Jeff’s documents. Those will have to wait until I’m somewhere safe.

“Say, why is all of this in English? That wasn’t my first language, I’m nowhere close to good with it. Shouldn’t it usually translate everything into my primary language?”
(Response: Unknown. There’s no option for it in the settings either.
Hypothesis: due to a lack of resources only the most popular language of a given world is supported.)
“But the most ‘popular’ language clearly is ‘moron’.”

sigh

“This will totally not bite me in the ass down the line, nope, nope, nope.”

Ah, there’s ‘Navigator’. Let's see what can I change. Active, name, voice style, volume, personality. Good, 'active' is the promised timeout button for the brain bug.

Let's see, voice is set to ‘same as user’, no thanks, what else can I choose... 001, 002, 003, ... it goes all the way to 083 but no hint what is what... Couldn’t someone label them so I’ve at least a small idea of what I’m getting into?

“Since you’re truanting in my head you should know which number would fit me best, right?”
(Response: negative.)

sigh

You are reading story Deteoh – A Glitched World’s Isekai Story at novel35.com

“Random selection it is then. How about 21? Please say something.”
(#!/(&§”)*&/)§/$?)”)
Oh god, my ears. Did someone unleash a banshee?! “That is a clear no.”

Not only half the menu options are glitched out but the voice clips as well. What the hell has happened that the universe is in such a sad state.

After a couple more bleeding ears from a multitude of satan imitators, screaming children and 80s dial-up noises I finally end up with a distinctly normal voice; if I had to guess a woman in her early 20s.

“Ok, one half of the selection done. If I adjust the ‘personality’ setting will you stop the leading ‘Response:’ or ‘Proposal:’ crap, ?”
(Response: affirmative.)

grrrrr

Ok, what options do we have this time... hey we’ve names for a change! Klutz, idealist, bitch, princess, aloof, tsundere, ... do we have anything normal, please?

I scroll through the never-ending list and make my choice. To verify it works as intended I ask, “Are there any other pressing changes I have to make in the setting?”
(I don’t think there are any vital settings that need changing but I’d suggest setting exp distribution to manual at least.)
“Ok, I’ll do just that.”

In the experience tab, I see that I already have 3 exp but the cheapest level up would take 1000.
“Can you observe my exp total and give me a heads up when I reach the required value for the next designated goal? I think I want to save up for level 2 wizard first.”
(Yes, I can do that. But be aware that you can only assign exp during a ‘rest’. You can’t suddenly assign a level up during battle to turn a situation around.)
“Good, I’ll keep that limitation in mind. Say, how much can you interact with the outside world? Can you see things I can’t?”
(No, that is not possible. I’m operating on the same senses as you. Though I can use [Appraise] while you are busy otherwise.)
“Wasn’t [Appraise] an expensive spell? I don’t think I’ll have the MP to spare for that for a long time.”
(Normally that is true but the title that added me also made [Appraise] free to use and always give the maximum possible amount of information.)
“So much for the no cheats premise.”
(Not a cheat. Everyone can use it - if they have the MP.)
“I’ll stand by what I said.”

It seems to be still a few hours before the sun is gone so that I can go... anywhere else, really.
“Do we have a place where I can take shelter from the sun tomorrow?”
(None yet. How about looking around?)

Genius…

I see a wooden… construction in the distance. “Is that a village?”
(Looks like it to me. I estimate it to be 1050 DU away.)
“What the hell is DU?”
(Distance units. The local counterpart to feet or meter. Its exact value varies with the local gravity constant and is relative to the current distance between the sun and the moon. For reference, currently, you’re about 2.07 DU tall.)
“Ok, timeout. This DU concept sounds like utter bullshit! What madman comes up with such an idea? This is totally impractical. How even do you measure the sun-moon distance when your distance metric depends on said distance!? Science with such a base unit is also impossible! How do you record research results if they are only valid for a given time of day! What a load of crap!!!”
(Rant detected, sir.)
“What?”
(Rant cleared, sir.)
“...someone’s watched too many memes.”

sigh

“So with that weird distance, how long to reach the presumed village?”
(Less than half an hour of walking.)
“No weird time unit?”
(No weird time unit.)
“God, this world isn't even consistently weird.”

“Ok, notify me when the sun is down and it is safe to go. Until then I’ll check the menu, I guess.”
(Understood.)

Let's start with my status.

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