Chapter 44: Your Highness, Why Are You Crying?

October 9, 2022Merchie

After kneeling for so long and being hit with such heartbreaking news, Qi Changyi finally fainted in the pouring rain.

When he woke up again, he was lying in his own warm bed, wrapped in his own warm quilt. Jiang Yubai was sitting at his bedside, bandaging the wound on his palm.

“Your Highness, you’re awake. Do you feel uncomfortable anywhere?”

Jiang Yubai asked with concern.

Qi Changyi stared blankly at the velvet bed canopy and shook his head.

Li Yu escorted Jiang Yubai out of the palace. When he returned inside, he saw that Qi Changyi still looked like he was only half awake. It was as if his soul had left him; he didn’t blink or move a muscle.

“Your Highness, you should eat something, don’t starve yourself.”

Qi Changyi remained silent.

Li Yu called for a servant, who brought up a bowl of plain rice porridge. He dipped a spoon into the bowl and lifted it to Qi Changyi’s lips, but he still didn’t move; he was like a soulless, dead-eyed doll.

His head hurt, his hand hurt, his knees hurt, and worst of all, his heart hurt so much that he almost couldn’t breathe.

Qi Changyi curled into a ball and clutched his chest, before burying himself back under the quilt. His tears flowed out uncontrollably and wetted a large patch of the blanket.

He thought Pei-gege liked him back, even if it was just a little bit.

But now, it was clear that there wasn’t a single shred of love; if there was, Pei Zheng wouldn’t have willingly sent him so far away to marry someone else.

Wrapped in the quilt, the little man curled up even tighter. His body trembled faintly from his soft, unrelenting sobs.

When Zhao Litang entered the bedroom, the first thing that he saw was the big white lump on the bed.

Li Yu hurriedly bowed, “General…”

Zhao Litang placed his finger on his lips and made a ‘shh’ sound. He glanced at the other servants, who immediately bowed their heads and retreated from the inner room.

He had been busy with military affairs and hadn’t visited Qi Changyi for a long time. He didn’t expect the strange news; The Emperor actually selected a prince as the marriage candidate?

Zhao Litang couldn’t wait any longer; right after meeting with the Emperor, he rushed over to Qi Changyi’s residence.

The courtyard was already laden with luxurious gifts of all sorts, all of which were extremely eye-catching.

He walked to the side of the bed and tried to lift the quilt, but it wouldn’t budge.

Zhao Litang used a little more strength and pulled the blanket off, revealing the little man that was lying beneath it. One side of his face was buried in the mattress, and fresh tears were still streaming down his cheeks.

He was so quiet and still that it was worrying.

Zhao Litang’s heart ached. He wanted desperately to scoop the little man into his arms and comfort him with soothing, gentle words.

During his meeting with the Emperor, the Emperor ordered him to lead the squad that would escort Qi Changyi to the borderlands. He couldn’t oppose a direct order from the Emperor; no matter how reluctant Zhao Litang felt in his heart, he had no choice but to obey.

He hadn’t even touched the little man, but he was already shrinking back in fear.

Zhao Litang’s hand froze in mid-air before it fell back to his side.

“Changyi, it’s me, it’s Tang-gege. Look at me, turn around and look at me.”

The little man on the bed did not move.

“I know you are very sad, but there’s nothing you can do about it now. I will protect you along the way, and I will make sure that you reach the borderlands safely. If the barbarians don’t treat you well, I will definitely ask the Emperor to bring you back, okay?”

The little man still did not move.

Zhao Litang was growing slightly anxious. He was afraid that the little man’s mind was still caught up in the past.

“Changyi, ai1, if you had just listened to me before, left Pei Zheng, and gone with me to the borderlands, none of this would have happened.”

When he heard Pei Zheng’s name, the little man slowly turned to face Zhao Litang. His voice was quiet and weak, “It was Pei-gege…who told them to send me away…”

Zhao Litang’s expression flickered, “So you already know?”

Qi Changyi wrinkled his nose and nodded lightly.

“Who told you?”

“Fourth brother.”

“These two, just what do they take you for? Forget about the fourth prince, he’s never thought of you as his younger brother. He’s only indifferent to you because you aren’t a threat to him.”

Zhao Litang clenched his fists, “And Pei Zheng, he has only ever treated you like his pet, ordering you around as he pleases. If your face wasn’t so similar to the fourth prince’s, he wouldn’t have anything to do with you.”

Zhao Litang had kept these words to himself for a long time. He didn’t want to break Qi Changyi’s fragile heart with the truth: that these two people whom he loved so dearly, never cared for him at all.

Sure enough, Qi Changyi’s dull eyes suddenly focused again, but they were so full of grief that one couldn’t bear to look at them.

“What, what are you saying…Pei-gege only…because I look like fourth brother?” Qi Changyi’s voice trembled.

Zhao Litang nodded.

“He never liked me, so he only treated me well when he was in a good mood because he never cared about me. So it doesn’t matter what happens to me, as long as fourth brother is okay, right?”

Zhao Litang reached out to wipe Qi Changyi’s tears, but the little man turned away to face the wall. He viciously bit his own fingers as tears continued to streak his cheeks.

Zhao Litang stared at his trembling back. His gaze was deep and inexplicable; he wasn’t sure that telling him the truth was the right thing to do. After a while, he finally got up and left.

For two whole days, Qi Changyi cried. He did not eat, and only took a few sips of water before he began to sob once more. His eyes were always swollen and red.

He sat at the desk in silence. The little booklet that was covered in Pei Zheng’s name lay open in front of him, its pages stained with tears.

That dreaded day had come. The ninth prince’s once deserted palace was now bustling with maids and eunuchs.

A set of red robes was spread out on the bed, along with an assortment of items used by women, such as golden hairpins, jade pendants, rouge, and face powder. A few maids pulled the doll-like prince to sit in front of a bronze mirror, and carefully began to powder his face.

Li Yu thought it was really strange, “Momo2, isn’t that a women’s wedding dress? And why is there so much makeup? What’s going on?”

The momo looked around nervously and spoke in a whisper, “Gonggong, don’t look into it too much. We’re only following orders, we don’t know either.”

Qi Changyi’s face was extremely pale, even his normally red lips were completely bloodless.

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His eyebrows were drawn, his cheeks were powdered, his lips were stained with crimson rouge, and the reflection in the bronze mirror suddenly came to life. Even when his face and heart were filled with terrible grief, he was still…

The most alluring beauty3 of the Celestial Dynasty.

The maids all sighed and complimented him, they never expected that His Highness was actually this beautiful; he would probably put all the women of the Emperor’s harem to shame. However, his delicate eyebrows were still creased and gloomy.

“Your Highness, you should be excited! You’re getting married, and you’re representing the entire Celestial Dynasty. You can’t be crying like this all the time, it’s like you’re going to a funeral instead!”

“Nonsense!” A momo immediately slapped the little maid who had just spoken. “Who told you to speak such inauspicious words, get out!”

The little maid covered her face and ran out.

The momo felt both fear and pity for the little Highness. Those who were sent away for marriage usually never returned.

“Your Highness, we will dress you now.”

Qi Changyi allowed several pairs of hands to be placed upon him.

He wore a long red dress embroidered with a golden phoenix. His ink-black hair that flowed down his back had been twisted into a bun, leaving only two loose strands that rested on his shoulders. When the last gold-and-emerald hairpin was inserted into the bun, the maids all stepped back and lost their breaths.

He looked just like her, he looked just like his mother, Noble Consort Ning, who had once shocked the world with her beauty.

The wedding sedan was already here, so one of the momos pulled Qi Changyi out of the inner room and walked outside. Everybody in the courtyard froze as they watched the gorgeous, picturesque figure walk out of the hall, walk out of the courtyard, and walk out of the little palace gate with heavy steps.

Qi Changyi stood at the gate and looked back at the place he had lived in for more than ten years. The inside of his nose suddenly felt warm.

He knew every brick and tile, every blade of grass, and every tree here like the back of his hand. After this final goodbye, he would never see any of it again.

Don’t cry, don’t cry, he told himself, every tear that he wanted to shed had already been shed during the past two days. From now on, he was not allowed to cry.

Since he was being sent so far away to get married, it meant that he had a husband now. No one here would miss him anyway, so it would be better if he just left.

It would be okay. He wasn’t just leaving the palace; he was leaving his broken heart behind as well. This way, he would never have to feel this pain ever again.

“Your Highness, it’s time to leave.” Li Yu whispered from beside the little man. He had already decided to accompany His Highness to the barbarian tribe. No matter how difficult the future was, he would always be by His Highness’s side.

Before the tears could fall again, Qi Changyi straightened his back and climbed into the sedan chair.

The sedan chair headed towards the main palace gate, where countless people and horses were already waiting.

The guard patrol accompanying the wedding sedan was formidable in size and strength. They rode out in front, led by the great General Zhao Litang of Zhenyuan.

A’mu Le and the other barbarian envoys cupped their hands and said their goodbyes to the Emperor, who stood at a nearby pavilion to send them off. They followed behind on horseback.

Qi Changyi’s wedding sedan left next. This time, he didn’t open the curtain, so he couldn’t see that the great and mighty Emperor of the Celestial Dynasty actually had tears in his eyes as he watched the sedan leave.

Behind the wedding sedan, several other sedan chairs followed. It was unclear who was inside each of them.

At the end of the line, there were twenty carriages filled with gifts from the Celestial Dynasty to the barbarian tribe, accompanied by more guards.

The long procession exited the palace gates, and the people on the street immediately shifted to the side. No one dared to look up; one of the heavily armed guards could easily dig out their nosy eyes.

The squad at the head of the group soon arrived at the gate of the Imperial Capital. They slowed down to allow the officials to perform a search4.

Once they passed through this gate and began the journey southwest, they would only get further and further away from the stifling royal palace.

Qi Changyi was alone in the empty sedan chair and clutched the red robe tightly. There was no one else in here, he didn’t need to hold back anymore.

He was about to leave the Imperial Capital. He promised himself that he wouldn’t think about the past anymore. But there was still an unforgettable figure that hovered in his mind like a ghost, and a low whisper that echoed in his ears.

“Always think of me, and always remember me.”

“Always believe in me, and never leave me.”

How could he do any of that now?

He was leaving Pei Zheng forever, yet he didn’t even get the chance to see him one last time.

Qi Changyi’s heart began to throb with pain, and his eyes were suddenly hazy with tears.

Had he always been a substitute for fourth brother in Pei-gege’s eyes? When they hugged and kissed, was Pei-gege thinking of fourth brother?

However, since he was now married to the barbarian leader, he could no longer think about Pei-gege all the time.

The relationship between them would likely end here.

He couldn’t recall many of the poems he had learned in the past, but he remembered one line, “we will only be one couple in this life5“.

Therefore, in the future, only his faceless, nameless husband would have a place in his heart.

Qi Changyi closed his eyes, and the tears beaded at the corners of his eyes rolled down.

Suddenly, a cold hand covered his still-closed eyes. Qi Changyi felt another hand gently wipe his tears away.

A low voice laced with a coaxing tone rang in his ears.

“Your Highness, why are you crying?”

 

Notes

I- why don’t you tell me why he’s crying you scumbag, and Zhao Litang why did I make him say it like that I don’t think he was that blunt in the novel

Sorry there are a lot of terms in here, I might’ve just fcked everything in its ass

Please let me know if it’s unclear or shit or whatever, and thanks for reading~~

1. 哎: a sighing sound

2. 嬷嬷: no it’s not the dumpling, in this context it’s like 姑姑 (gugu), which is an older maid. Usually 嬷嬷 also refers to wetnurses in the palace.

3. I kind of ruined the pretty symbolism or whatever right here, but in the novel, it says that he is “倾国倾城的美人儿”, so the qingcheng of the title is in there and yeah uh

4. 审查: I know it sounds really weird there to say ‘search’, the people at the gate are basically the border patrol.

5. This has nothing to do with anything, but I think that this line in the novel (一生一世一双人) is based on a famous Qing Dynasty poem, called 一生一代一双人 by 纳兰容若. It basically means the same thing, and the poem is about a couple who were very in love but were later separated; ultimately, even the purest love cannot withstand the cruelty of reality.

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