Chapter 15: Chapter 15 – It’s definitely Not fate

Of course it’s not fate. 

Don’t be ridiculous. 

I’m not even sure where she got that notion was my voice not loud enough or—

“I’m a genius!” Talula giggles excitedly from her bedroom and…okay. 

Sure.

Whatever makes her happy, I guess.

However, on the topic of fate, my main objective of the day before getting distracted by a certain someone involved paying a visit to some deities in preparation for our annual harvest festival scheduled for the first day of October. In a few days.

I’m not sure why but it comes as a surprise to some foreigners when they realize Cryla is a deeply religious country where our deities play an important role in keeping our growing population consistently well-fed.

We don’t have books or weekly church but we worship different sets of gods at the beginning of every season and made significant offerings in their places of worship once a year in exchange for their continued blessings to our country. 

It’s a very straightforward transaction. 

In spring we worshiped Äkräs, Demeter, Saturn, Daikokuten, Xipe Totec, Zenebe, and a few minor deities whose specialty lay in agriculture or fertility.

In summer we only worshiped Mati-syra-zemla and Mbaba Mwana Waresa for moist earth in our farmlands and efficient rainfall in all parts of the country essentially devoiding the notion of drought from Cryla’s history. 

During the autumn season we used to worship Xarpo but her requested offerings became too great so I had no choice but to end our relationship prematurely. It was a very violent affair and required multiple visits to the council of gods since I later sued her for failing to uphold her side of our contract and received a chuck of our offerings over the millennial as consolation. 

Even the elder gods had agreed that her demands were excessive so under their recommendation Freyr and Modron whose domain also involved fertility became our new deities of the autumnal equinox; and I find their presence more tolerable than Xarpo but don’t tell her that, we’re still amidst repairing our relationship since her incredible mastery over her domain could increase our winter exports exponentially thus resulting in a century-long negotiation as we both refuse to compromise on any of our prerequisites or accept the request of the other.

It’s fine. 

I’m nothing but persistent it’s not like she has any other choice. 

At this point in time, Cryla is one of the few groups who even worship gods at all and no one else pays as I do.

Nevertheless, the winter season is often shared between my main body and a few of the higher-ranked demons from the underworld but—that’s really unimportant at the moment.

“I noticed a ten percent decrease in last year’s spring harvest. Is everything alright?” I ask after spending some time exchanging pleasantries with Modron in her personal domain. As a goddess of fertility Modron’s depiction is of three red-haired women cradling bread, fruit, and a vaguely humanoid-shaped baby of an unidentified gender in her arms.

Her domain is more akin to an overgrown jungle with modern furniture, to be honest, but I preferred the scenery to the blank expanse of nothingness some deities seem to love floating amidst. 

It’s very disturbing.

In the early years, she acted mainly as the goddess of bread but over the years her domain has strengthened to include fruits and offspring, vastly increasing her base of worshipers as these two concepts were universally more desired than loaves of bread.

In addition, the list of deities specializing in bread is much longer than one would think considering it’s bread. But In the Middle Ages bread was all the rage and some unfortunate deities with domains in useless concepts like kindness or equality transferred to bread in their pursuit of strength. 

It did not age well.

“Onǝ oʇ oυɿ ƨiƨɈǝɿƨ ʇǝll υnɔonƨɔioυƨ ɒmibƨɈ Ɉʜǝ blǝƨƨinϱ. Wǝ’ɿǝ ƨo ƨoɿɿγ ʇoɿ Ɉʜǝ inɔonvǝniǝnɔǝ.” Modron replies despondently, her voice sounding melancholic over the mental gymnastics my brain performs to even translate whatever the hell she just said. 

That’s unfortunate. She seemed so healthy when we met last year.  “Is she feeling any better?” 

“Sɥǝ ıs ɟınǝ, ʇɥɐnʞs ɟoɹ ɐsʞınƃ˙ ∀n ıɯdoɹʇɐnʇ ʇǝɯdןǝ oɟ onɹs ƃoʇ ʞnoɔʞǝd doʍn bʎ soɯǝ oƃɹǝs ın ⊥ɹɐʌoןıɐ˙ Hǝɹ dǝdıɔʇıon ʍɐs ʇɥǝ ןɐɹƃǝsʇ ɐnd ɯosʇ ɟɹǝbnǝnʇןʎ ʍoɹsɥıdǝd so sɥǝ ɟǝןʇ ɯoɹǝ oɟ ʇɥǝ dɐın ʇɥɐn ʍǝ ɥɐd˙ Iʇ ɥɐsn’ʇ bǝǝn ǝɐsʎ ɹǝɔoʌǝɹınƃ ɟɹoɯ ʇɥǝ dɐın oɟ ʇɥǝıɹ nnɟoɹʇnnɐʇǝ ɐɔʇıons؛ bnʇ ʍǝ ןooʞ ɟoɹʍɐɹd ʇo ɟnןɟıןןınƃ ʇɥǝ onɹ dɐɹʇ oɟ ʇɥǝ dǝɐן ʇɥıs ɐnʇnɯn.” She pulls up a picture of what must have been her largest temple in Travolia now left in ruins and overgrown with weed.

In some areas of the world, the temples of some deities are demolished in preparation for urban development. If the temple has been a vessel for a deity’s arrival to earth then breaking it down could negatively impact their well-being.

”That’s so awful.” I pull a jug of liquified aether from my storage dimension and the dim halos above her three heads brighten immediately.

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“I wouldn’t mind adding your idol to our temple in CL 1 if it’d help. Your service to our nation has been consistently wonderful and it would hurt my heart to see a goddess of your caliber weakened from the action of some ignorant few.” Which is actually mostly true. She’s definitely worth the pain of liquifying my core for her share of aether every year.

I just wished she could make them taste better though, the demons do a wonderful job on our spring harvest, and with the plethora of gods blessing our spring sowing Cryla’s summer crops are similarly always delicious. However, the foods grown in autumn are just…disappointing.

”⅄-ʎon ʍonןdn’ʇ ɯınd¿”

“Not at all.” I say, “I would be honored to have your presence at the Year’s end festival this winter. We’re few in numbers but I promise we can be very devoted.” To the point of fanaticism. Crylans don’t do anything in halves. We give it all we’ve got even if sometimes it’s clearly much better to just let it go.

Ask Xarpo, I’m still sending her gift baskets to this day.

“⅄ǝs¡ ⅄ǝs¡” Modron exclaims delightedly. “⊥ɥɐnʞ ʎon so ɯnɔɥ ɟoɹ ʇɥǝ oɟɟǝɹ˙ I ʍonןd ןoʌǝ ʇo ɾoın ʎonɹ ʇǝɯdןǝ.” 

It takes me a bit longer to translate but-

“It's my pleasure to help. However, I've been wondering if there’s anything we could do to make our autumn veggies in the upcoming years a little more…agreeable to the taste buds. Not that they’re not great at the moment, their mediocre flavors really reminds me of simpler times. But I would really appreciate it if they could be more complex on the tongue, more….” 

“Addıɔʇıʌǝ¿”

“Yes. Exactly that.” Well, not exactly. But in words like ’delicious!’ or ’appetizing!’

You know, words that don’t sound so viciously ominous.

“∀ɹǝn’ʇ ʎon ǝxdoɹʇınƃ ʇɥǝɯ ʇo ʇɥǝ onʇsıdǝ ʍoɹןd¿”

“Not everything.” At the moment. “Just a few easily transported selections like potatoes and carrots or even some fruits if you’re feeling generous. I wouldn’t mind increasing your annual offerings if you’d like, and I assure you my actions are completely within the rules of the heavenly court and every one of the separation clauses.” Just against the FDA’s but...only a little bit. 

But really, what would I even say to them? 

The brand is already called fruits of the gods so technically I'm being very transparent and it’s not my fault no one else believes me.

In addition, eating more fruits and veggies at the end of the day would be more beneficial than harmful to some people, void knows they definitely need it. The health department might even give me an award for single-handedly strengthening the immune system of billions of Astorians across the continent from this kind feat alone.

They get increasingly delicious fruit and vegetables that taste too good to be true and Cryla gets a good reputation for having fruits and veggies that taste too good to be true. 

It’s a win-win for both sides.

“∀nd ʇɥıs ısn’ʇ…ıɯɯoɹɐן¿” Modron asks hesitantly.

“Gosh, no. No.” I reiterate, “It’s all just a little extra flavoring to increase the overall quality of our food. No one ever gets harmed eating more veggies, yes?“

“…І Бцэѕѕ.”

“See,” My grin widens,” That makes it completely harmless, even righteous. So many people die every year from insufficient nutrition but your actions might change the life of a single person out there killing themselves on an all-meat diet like their unfortunate ancestors. And isn’t that just wonderful? This gives you a chance to exert your influence on the outside world in a positive manner. It gives you a chance to be a hero. I’ll even make figurines in your likeness to promote these wonderful creations.”

And fast forward to the present I exit her domain after spending more time building up her self-esteem with positive reinforcements and a buck load of honest compliments. 

Some deities have a knack for detecting lies. So I make sure to always believe the lies I tell them, I'm very good at self deception.

Now to repeat the same rhetoric to the other gods on my list and next year the exports from Cryla should see a very significant increase in buyer demand.

And maybe, just maybe we’ll finally get known for one good thing.

That’s all I ask. 

One vaguely positive association with the word Cryla and I’ll count it as a win.

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