Chapter 5: Chapter 4: Anti-Social Usualty

We all regret our actions at one point, but this was more than just idiotic.
"AAAAAAAAAHHH!"

Reflexively, I raised my hands to observe the damage,
causing me to almost fall onto my stove.

"KEN-KUN!? What happened?!" Mai-chan screamed from the entrance. 

Quickly I tried to hold myself stable,
determined, not to have cooked face as a garnish.

I heard Mai-chan and Ajisai-san run into the apartment, as they seemed to run over Satama.
"Hey! Ouch! Watch where you're going!"

Mixed with adrenaline and anxiety,
my hands hurried to the cold places on my stove,
pushed me up, so I fell backwards.

Not one of my best maneuvers.

With a loud "Bump!" I fell with my back first onto the ground, yet my head felt most of the pain. I saw Mai-chan standing near the entrance, hands in front of her open mouth. Ajisai-san came shortly after and copied the same posture.
I had to close my eyes for a moment.

Ouch! My head... well, and my back. Too much Input.

For a second I laid there, frozen, with my hand still stretched, which then loosened up. I proceeded to lay on the ground like a dead body.

There are many problems that come with social life: The pressure, the need to be good or better, to show that one is special. Many issues exist, so I would like to avoid all of them. I see no purpose in talking to other people. I could stay by myself for the rest of my life, it is not like it offers much anyways. I can most certainly do without my sister. She is like a rock, that is getting bigger by the second. And let's not mention the fact that friends do nothing but desire interactions. It can be simply talking or going out somewhere. However I do not feel the need to leave my personal territory. 

Talking about useless friends, the ground felt very comfortable.

Ah! My hands! Such a stressful morning.

I opened my eyes again and tried to get up from my position,
but it only got worse. 

As I looked at myself, I saw Ajisai-san kneeling next to me, holding my hand and analyzing it, since it was slightly burned.
She looked worried, her hands were very soft. I felt her thumbs on the middle of my palm, where the burn was widened across. She very lightly went over the wounds, it tickled slightly.
What a nice feeling that is,

for someone who is not me.

I did not care what that was, if it was meant to be pleasing or not.
My head pounded more.
My heart raced.
Social contact is a part I can endure, since it does not always acquire direct physical experiences, but THIS?

My heart,
my hand,
I did not move a muscle.

I looked straight at her.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH???????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(I feel like the should be a camera looking at the sky right now.)

I started moving my other hand, and then she noticed my presence.

We stared at each other, not making a single sound.

The perfect example to partially explain my opinion with socialization. The awkwardness in that very moment filled the whole room in milliseconds, the lack of sound, that concentrated the atmosphere to this scenery.
My head felt very heavy. Nobody moved.

Slowly, Ajisai-san opened her mouth.

No sounds were made, but one could see, she was about to scream. And so she did.

"aaaaaaAAAAAAH!!"

She put her hands together in front of her head, looked down and closed her eyes.

"GOMEN NASAI!"

She very quickly stood up, ran and hid behind Mai-chan, who was further away. Ajisai-san's head shortly came out, startled, and went back behind her friend.

I was still frozen in place, not knowing what just had happened.

Mai-chan then came towards me to help me up. Ajisai-san stood at her place for a second, until she noticed her friend being at my shoulders trying to help me and came.

No! EnOuGh! 
I did not know if I was determined or afraid, but I quickly focused.

I stood up by myself, ignoring any pain in my hands.
I had reached a new level of low.

"I-I-I am alright. No need to help me."

"Are you sure?" Mai-chan asked "You hit the ground pretty hard. And your ha-"

"No no nooo all is good it is just a small burn no nothing no nothing." 
I wiggled my hands in front of me, arms fully stretched outwards, one of the most childish actions I ever made.
And I stuttered, but that was to be expected now wasn't it?

Satama then came into the room, her hands held on her head. She spoke up from behind.

"Come ooon people. Be more careful. I'm not your local doormat. You missed that one already."

"O-Oh sorry Satama."  Ajisai-san apologized "let me help you too."

And whilst Mai-chan and Ajisai-san tried to help and apologies to Satama, I had to comprehend the situation.

Wh..What..Where... Too much...too close...I can't. My goodness I need to calm down.

But I couldn't. Ajisai-san just touched my hand. With my whole teenage life spent alone, I thought I would have maybe achieved some kind of immunity against physical touch, but no. The embarrassment rised into my head. I did not even dare to look at my hand, yet the pain from my heart made it rest on my chest. There was no time for any kind of foolish feelings, I had to calculate my moves now, I had to get away.

As I calmed myself, looking to the ground, my hand at my chest, Mai-chan stood up and looked at me.

"I am so sorry to have interrupted your morning Ken-kun." She bowed, as natural, speaking in a higher voice.
Ajisai-san quickly followed her.
"M-M-ME TOO!"

Oh no, no you did not interrupt my morning I thought to myself. You just happen to have given me the MOST STRESSFUL START OF A DAY IN ALL TIME! DO YOU KNOW HOW THIS FEELS?!

But I just smiled and looked away, scratching my head.

"N-No problem. It's all fine now. Nothing serious happened."

"A-Ah! Y-Your hand looks very injured." Ajisai-san said "Let me look i-if I have a bandage or-"

That was my chance.

"N-No need" I declined "I have medication myself I- I am going to get it from the bathroom very quickly."

"O-oh."

And so I took my chance from my perfectly executed plan to run to the bathroom. A strange, but good place to calm down for some time.
I rushed to the door, went inside the bathroom, closed it and sat down.

Checkpoint!

Life is not an easy task. It can be like hiding from an apex creature, but I was hiding from two. I was exhausted, mentally and physically. Everything went so quickly, yet so slow at the same time. I felt like I was dying inside. But now I had time. I could clear my mind and sort my thoughts. As my body calmed down, it realized the pain again, which is why my hands started hurting.

Argh! Really painful. We should have bandages in the cabinet above the sink.

I looked around, the sink was next to me, and above it was the cabinet. I tried to open it, but a sudden flow of pain rushed into my hand again. 

"Ah!"

I held my mouth shut.
Silence again.
I hoped nobody heard me.

I tried again, this time with my left hand, which seemed slightly less injured. I took the bandages and started putting them around my right hand first. But when I looked at it, I remembered the touch of Ajisai-san. Shivers went down my spine. I sighed heavily. It was hard to breathe.

So weird, so embarrassing. I will never let that happen again. I mean sure, fair, it was supposed to be friendly, but it was very uncomfortable. I am not made for any kind of social contact. Once I am done with my bandages, I should just stay here. They will go away eventually. Yes, they will.

I continued strapping the bandages around my hand. Then I stopped. I looked into the mirror of the cabinet.

Why does this always happen to me? I asked myself Can I not just live alone? I could just move somewhere, it doesn't need to have a lot of space. I can live in a small apartment. I could cook for myself, maybe get a job, just to buy more anime related stuff. I do not want people around me, please. If only I could get away. I w-

*Knock! Knock!*
I jumped up. The door raised me from my inner thoughts.

"I-I am not ready yet!"

I shouldn't have talked! Everything is going so wrong.

"I-I am s-sorry Ken-kun. Sorry I c-couldn't help."

It was Ajisai-san, innocent, but a threat in my current state.

Not Again! Stop! Stay calm!

I exhaled, calmed myself, and tried to answer in the best way I could.

"N-No, it is no problem. You tried your best. I have all I need in here and I'll be with you guys soon."

WHY DID I SAY THAT?!

"O-oh. So you don't need help then..."

"Exactly! All is good."

I heard her steps, slowly getting quieter and quieter. A tiny screeching from a chair and then slight chatter from the girls.

I jinxed myself.

This is exactly what happens when social anxiety and fear meat up, as if they were to be old friends. But with friendship comes stress and with stress dispute. The inappropriate co-existence of these feelings make life for a human unbearable.

In school, I can avoid problems fairly easily. The teachers adapted to me, only rating me by my exams, which I barely pass. They probably want me gone, not having to deal with me anymore. I feel the same about them and so life continues. When people speak to me, I ignore them and go about my day. Fortunately, almost no one shows interest towards me. And so I live my life day after day year after year, waiting for it to finish at one point. Right now however, I had to bear with what was given.

I finished up bandaging my hands, closed the cabinet and stopped in front of the door.
I calmed myself, sorted my thoughts once more.

Alright, you will open the door, go to the kitchen, answer questions if needed and make the food. With that I can keep my distance and avoid any kind of communication. It is perfect! I can not fail.

I opened the door and went down the corridor only to see my plan already having failed.

"M-Mai-chan? What are you-"

She was standing in the kitchen in front of a big boiling pot. She wore an apron, which belonged to me previously and held a ledle in her  right hand.

"I thought, since you already burned your hands, I might as well make the food myself. You can rest now. You have already done so much. I will just make a little more for the rest of us."

I was freaking out.

THIS CAN'T BE! WHAT IS THIS MORNING!?

I attempted to put on a smile and went towards her.

"B-But you ca-"

Mai-chan confronted me. She threatened me with her ledle. She seemed to be very enraged.

"Are you afraid I can not cook?"

If there is a woman in front of you, let me assure you: Accusing her of a lack of skill in cooking is the LAST thing you want to do at that very moment.

I smiled again and tried to speak as friendly as possible.

"No, of course not. I would never-"

She pointed to the table with her ledle and went back to work.

I, overwhelmed as I was, erased my ideas and possible solutions. Everything had failed. I simply obeyed and went to the table sitting down on a free chair. I was exhausted. The flow of adrenaline was too much for me. The rat has now settled and given up, sitting in the hole of three lions. My sister sat next to me, eating her Ramen, not waiting for anyone. Ajisai-san, who sat in front of me, looking at the ground, made slight noises.

I want to get out of here.
I looked at the clock, that was to my left on the wall.

1:03 pm. I wonder how long I will sit here.

I crossed my arms on the table and laid down on them.

What has this become? I just wanted to eat and now I have to wait for the others to have food as well. I did not sign up for this.

I looked at Mai-chan in the background, cooking more Ramen. Then I looked at Ajisai-san. She raised her head, saw me, and sank it again, being embarrassed once more.

You see, this is what I am afraid of. Social life is nothing but a pain. I would not even have friends if it was for me. Ah yes, friends. Sometimes I wonder how I even got them. Tamadaka Mai-chan has been my friend since highschool. I do not have anything against her existence. She is not annoying me, like my sister is, but she would have never been my friend if it wasn't for Renki.

When I was a young child, still in Kindergarten, I had a healthy social life, made friends all over the place, the usual. My parents became friends with the Kurogane family. They are a noble family that wanted their kid to grow up in a natural environment. Due to that, their son Kurogane Renki became friends with me, my best one very quickly. There were sleepovers, amusement parks, nothing where we wouldn't go together. He followed me through my whole life and currently is at my school as well. Once I lost my parents, he was at my side, even though I did not need him. He sticked to me like a baby to a mothers leg. When all friends left me for who I became in my teenage times, he was still there, trying to help me. He made me become friends with Mai-chan. Against my will, but he is very close to my mothers character. "No" was rarely an option.

You are reading story Dimensional Wish| Dreaming For Another World. at novel35.com

And now here I was, having some type of infuriating sociality I would like to abandon if I could, but there is just no way.

15 minutes of silence later, Satama started yelling.

"Maaaai-chaaan! Are you gonna be ready soooon?"

"Wow Satama-chan, are you always this hungry?"

Oh you don't even know.

"I can't stop myself, Gooomen neeee~" She smiled unnaturally, as if she was joking.

"Does Ken-kun feed you well?" Mai-chan asked.

"Not at ALL! He always takes too looooong."

Hey! At least my food is from the highest of qualities.

And as if she read my mind, Satama changed to an innocent look.

"He always makes me call him F-"

"SHUT IT GOBLIN! You're eating WAAAY too much! In a championship you would be more than just first place!"

Mai-chan laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"You can not treat your sister like that, she is very young."

"I don't see where that is my problem. She is like a Monster!"

Satama got mad and pushed on my head with her finger.

"WHAT DID MISTER RAT JUST SAY TO ME! I am the ONLY cute sister you have and the only one who doesn't leave you alone!"

"I COULD VERY MUCH LIVE WITHOUT YOU! So far you have been NOTHING but problems to me!"

Mai-chan looked at us, smiling. But we were not in the mood for that.

"What do YOU want now!?" we asked together.

"Oh, do not worry. I will not interfere."

"Tch!" we said and stopped.

I layed back onto my hands.

So many unnecessaries. One day, I'll get out of here.

I wanted to rest, so I gave a last glance towards Mai-chan, who was still giggling back there, and Ajisai-san, who smiled for some reason.

So annoying I thought and closed my eyes.

Later then, I raised my head. A sacred smell entered my nose.
All the stress, the inconvenience, it vanished.

Shoyu Ramen, my savior.

I opened my eyes to a full new bowl of Ramen, gracefully designed.

"There you go!" Mai-chan said.

W...what is this?

The Ramen, it was so strange, so different. Had I found a worthy opponent to my cooking. The smell was enough to make my mind fade.
Such a sensational aroma. I was surprised and looked at the cook.
What before was an aura of a friendly person was now the one of the ultimate enemy, the final boss.

I would fight back one day, but it was time to test her skills.

As she sat down, she gave me a quick grin. She knew I was doubting her.

"Itadakimasu!" we all said in unity and started to eat.

I did never,
in my whole life,
exspect this.

In a sudden shock, it all entered my brain!

The taste.
Satisfaction.
Wonderfull.
Marvellous.
Magnificent.

I sat on my chair, having food on a table, but it felt like heaven. I was flying through the air, nothing but a breeze. Laying on the clouds, made out of such fluffy ingredients. Nothing to describe my emotions.

SUGOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIII!

"UNYAA! Mai-chan, this is beautiful. You are much better than Onii-chan."

"Haha, arigatou Satama-chan."

Ajisai-san's eyes were twinkling, she felt the same as Satama.

"OOOOH! Mai-chan, can you teach me how to cook like this as well?"

"Sure. What about you Ken-kun? Enjoying your meal?"

She smiled. But I was somewhere else. No one could reach me where I was now. Food is the ultimate lifeform, and it will be with me for the rest of time.

"Seems like he is enjoying it Haha."

I did not care about their laughs.
I was gone.
Playing in the clouds.

And so, we would feast to our hearts content. As with every meal, I was back in my happy feeling. Calmed. It was moments like those, that were showing me what life has to offer, until I would forget it again. Eating together, delighted faces all around, such beauty in our hands. This time however I was not the cook, Mai-chan was. I did not forget that and I would avenge my status one day. But now, that was unimportant.

"Where did you learn to cook like this, Mai-chan?" Ajisai-san asked.

"Mostly my parents are at work, so I had to teach myself cooking."

"Wow. You are incredible."

"Mai-chaaaan, please adopt meeeeeee. I hate living with Onii-chan, you are much better."

As much as I want you gone, you're walking on a tightrope little one.

"Satama-chan, don't say such things. I bet your brother tries his best to make you happy."

Ajisai-san, you have no idea what I am dealing with.

"No. Onii-chan is off most of the time, living in his room. He does not care about me."

She looked at me for a second, I felt her glare on my face, then she continued.

"And he always buys himself these b-"

"ENOUGH! You're FLYING next time!"

"What are you gonna do, kick me out? You know Obasan and Ojisan won't let you."

"I will gladly disobey."

As we continued our dispute, I heard Ajisai-san whisper.

"Should we...interfere now?"

"No no, let them play a little."

I ignored their talk, as I was in the middle of a fully aggressive argumentation.

And so, the time passed. Satama and I stopped at one point and ate our food. At the end, we were all full, to no surprise. Truly a magnificent experience.

"Mai-chaaaan! Daisukiiiii! Please make me food agaaaaaain!"

"Of course Satama-chan. NExt time when I am visiting you, I will make you everything you want."

"Heard that RAT?! Take notes on how to treat your sister!"

"You could also be a little more grateful at times, Goblin!"

"Mai-chan, I think we should go now, it is already past 2."

Oh! YES! PLEASE LEAVE! FINALLY! I WILL BE ALONE AGAIN! Well...semi-alone.

"Oh you're right. Yes we should go."

"Mai-chan, where are you going?"

Satama, don't keep 'em here.

"Well, Ajisai-chan and I are going to the Terrace mall Shonan to buy some stuff."

"I need some medications for my father as well, he is currently pretty sick. Poor Dad."

"If you two have nothing to do, how about you join us?"

NO WAY! I'M STAYING HERE! NOT EVEN TRUCK-KUN COULD GET ME AWAY!

Suddenly however, there it was again, that glare on my shoulders.

"Say, Onii-chan, don't we need some ingredients?"

I wanted to turn towards her, to answer her with the most negative words I could come up with.
But she was different now.
She stared into my soul, my poor soul. For some Reason I started to feel terrified. Everything around my vision got darker and darker. I was struck with suffering and agony. The Wall, the giant, her true form has arriven once more.

"Satama, I don't th-"

Suddenly, my back froze, a shock through my bones.
Her voice echoed in my head again, she repeated herself.
"Say, Oniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-chaaaaaaaaaaaan"
Loud as a ship's horn, deeper than a whale's call, slower than before.
"Don't we need some ingreeeeeeedieeeents hmmmmmmmmmmm?"
Her presence alone felt like thousands of eyes were watching me.\

"I don't even have the money fo-"
"Oh don't worry Ken-kun. If you really need something I can pay for it."

Mai-chan...how could you?

Shortly after, the void of terror was gone.
"Great, then Onii-chan will meet you guys there." Satama said happily.
"I-I do-"
"Ok. We will meet you at 3pm in the mall Ken-kun. Don't be too late."
"But I-"
"Ja nee~"

Mai-chan grabbed Ajisai-san by her arm and dragged her very roughly and quickly out of the room.

"Bye bye~" said Satama, waving her arm.

They ran away, shut the door and were gone.

I sat on my seat, looked at the door, my hand stretched towards it. I didn't even have a chance to decline, since it all went by so fast. My head was filled with questions. Then I loosened up again, closed my eyes, and faced the ground.

"This is all YOUR FAU-"

But Satama was already gone, as she had run into her room.

So there I was once more.
Alone in an empty room.
The table, decorated with empty and dirty bowls.
Chairs randomly spread.
And the clock, the only sound, ticking.
It was more irritating than anything else.

I opened my eyes, got up from my chair, not raising my head. I grabbed all the dishes and started cleaning them in the kitchen.

I hate society.