Chapter 14: Chapter 14

I was roused from the foggy world of dreaming. For some reason, everything felt... loud. I could hear distinctly not just the sound of the hvac system, but the slight rumbling of many things throughout the building. The movement of water through pipes. The distant noise of people moving around away from the room.

I had my head to my pillow still, my eyes closed, but yet I felt like I could see so much. It was like what had happened to my nose. Both my hearing and scent together, it was so... clear.

My conscious mind finally began to take hold. There was a reason this all felt different. Something was changing. I sat up, and reached for my ears, and yes, there it was. They had not only grown more pointed on the tops, but were also already flopping down slightly. Presumably they were changing inside as well.

They perked up - it was a very odd sensation - as I caught a new sound.

Crying.

I got out of bed, and walked as quietly as I could around the divider. 

"Jackie?" I said at a barely perceptible whisper.

No answer, but the crying got a little bit louder. I walked over to the wall, and slightly turned up the dimmer switch, bringing a faint amount of light into the room. Jackie was lying stomach down on her bed, and a visible furry growth was coming out of the base of her spine.

"Are you okay?" I asked, still very quiet.

She let out a faint wail. "No. I'm literally growing a tail. I feel utterly humiliated, and it feels like someone is trying to rip my spine out."

Jackie continued to sob, and I unconsciously took her hand, holding it firmly. I barely had a moment to question my foolish impulse, before she started gripping extremely hard - but I took it without complaint. I looked to the side of her bed, and pressed the button that would call someone for some assistance. I hoped there was someone working this late who wasn't busy.

"Why... why... whyyy....," Jackie moaned at a whisper. "My life is ruined, my life is ruined...."

"It's okay Jackie. I went through it. You'll get through it too. Just relax."

"I'm a monster."

"You're not a monster. You're a person."

"I'm going to die," she cried further. "My fever feels so hot. I'm going to get brain damage. I'm going to die."

"It's okay," I said, "I pressed the button. Someone will come and help you."

"No no no," she buried her face in the bed sheets. "I don't want anyone to ever see me again. I hated being around people before, but now... now..."

"Jackie, you're not alone. I know how you feel. And the people here care about us. Our families care about us. They told us that the changes can occur faster when under stress. Try your best to calm down."

This time she seemed to listen. She sobbed. "Okay."

I stood there with her, as her tears wetted the sheets. I had no idea what to do. Thankfully, the door opened after a few minutes, and Melina came in.

"Thanks for that," Melina said. "Like seriously thank you. I wasn't doing anything important, and Tessa was going on about - "

She saw Jackie, sweat beading on forehead, and just generally looking extremely rough. 

"Ah," she said. "Someone needs some help."

I remained there, holding Jackie's hand as Melina got her the painkillers. She pulled a case out of the medical supply cupboard in the room, and placed a patch onto Jackie's arm. Jackie slowly calmed down. From the audible cracking sounds, it seemed like there was still a lot of pain - but knowing the pain would decrease helped.

"And seeing this kind of pain," Melina laughed as she put away the case, "is why I doubt I'd ever want to give birth."

Jackie gritted her teeth. "I don't... I don't think plan on it. I've had enough of this. Besides, I don't want to be the mother of more of whatever freakish thing I turn into."

Melina gave a "I don't get paid for this" look, giving the slightest smile.

"You press that button again if you need anything," Melina said, "alright?"

Jackie silently nodded as Melina left.

I stood there with her. She was still holding my hand, but more limply. I began to draw my hand away, but she returned to holding more firmly. 

"Do you want to do something to maybe take your mind off of this?" I asked.

"Like what?"

I glanced to the front of the room. "There's the TV here and an old Switch. We could play a game."

"I don't play games."

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"Is your mom just not - "

"I think they're boring. Why would I want to play a game when I could read a book, something with an actual story, with depth?"

"Games can have story, and have depth."

"Not any I've ever played."

I made a light chuckle. "How many games have you played exactly?"

"Leave me alone." 

Now she let go of my hand. 

"I think that it might just help distract you from the pain."

"I can handle it."

I didn't press it further. I'd been doing too many impulsive things regarding Jackie, and I needed to give her space. She may not be interested in playing a game, but I didn't feel very tired. Although it was one in the morning, I had been sleeping irregularly the past few days.

I walked up to the TV and examined the small case next to the Switch, looking at the different games. I'd heard of some - some really, really old Metroid and Zelda games - but then there was one that piqued my interest. An old game that my dad had shown me once called Stardew Valley.

After brushing off the console's dust covered controller, and trying my best to ignore the feeling of my new finger-pads on the thumb sticks, I was able to get the game to start. It unlocked a lot of really old subconscious memories in my mind - the music, the old-fashioned pixel art style - it felt like watching a dream. Soon enough the game set me loose to accomplish its goal; to take an old abandoned farm, and bring it back to life.

The game had an interesting little world to explore, but it definitely showed its age. There were all sorts of little quirks from other really old games, like how clunky it felt to move. But I tried not to judge it too harshly, it was a game from the 1990s, if I remembered right.

As I began planting a small little field of parsnips on my farm, I noticed Jackie sitting at the front of her bed, watching. I got into the little rhythm of the game. Hoe the ground. Plant the seeds. Water the field. I glanced over at her occasionally. Her undivided attention was on my playing, even though I didn't think it was very interesting.

I decided on my second day in game, after taking care of my crop patches, to explore the town. The game was very old, but I was impressed that despite the limitations of the time, they still made things look nice. There were lots of different little areas to explore - some of them apparently blocked off for now. Perhaps this game was bigger and more complex than I had thought at first. Especially the people in town - they actually appeared to have little routines that they followed. Even just talking to them was kind of fun in its own way.

"What are you doing?"

Jackie breaking the silence startled me for a moment, but then I returned my focus to the game.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"What's the point? Isn't there some... score or something? I don't know."

"Not all games have to be competitive and all. This game is just about making a nice little farm."

"So you're playing a game... about doing manual labor?"

"I guess," I laughed. "But I think it's fun."

Jackie made an unimpressed frown.

"If you want to try it," I said, "I think there's a multiplayer mode."

"I thought you said this wasn't a competitive game."

"It's not," I said, "at least I don't think so. You just kind of build a farm together."

"I'll pass."

Jackie stopped watching after that. I started to kind of get my fill by that point. I was playing a game that was from my grandparents' generation, and so it was no surprise that it felt a bit archaic at times. By the time I stopped, I found that Jackie had gone back to bed. I had meant to ask her if she was feeling better - but had forgotten.

After dimming the lights back down, I laid in bed thinking about her. What did I want regarding Jackie? I'd thought she was cute before, but other than that and liking some aspects of her personality, we weren't even really friends. Now we had both seen each other going through a very vulnerable situation. Seeing her intense amount of emotional baggage was very... intimidating for me. 

Part of my mind seemed to advise me that once this whole mess was ended - at least, when I could go home - I should kindly see myself out from her life. She was not my responsibility, there were other girls...

Except there weren't. At least normal, human girls anyway.

What Jackie had been saying had wormed into my own mind. That awful self-deprecation. That nihilism. The very real fear that even from those that loved  me, they'd never look at me the same way again - and that many would not even want to get get to know me in the first place. I shook the thoughts out of my mind. I'd cross the bridges as they came. The important thing though, was that I didn't need to act like Jackie was my concern. I could find someone else.

But yet I felt like I should be concerned for her well-being. She had opened up to me. She needed someone, anyone to just help her ride it out. If everyone acted like they didn't need to help her... then she would be alone. I doubted that I could be that kind of person to support her. But I guess she doubted she could be a good enough person for me.

Maybe in the end we just needed to do our best. Maybe I could try to be better. Try to be better for her.