Chapter 32: Chapter 29

"Are you really okay?" Margaret asked Johan as they sat at a bus stop.

"Yes, I'm okay. I just tripped, that's all."

"That didn't look like you tripped to me."

"I just got dizzy, okay?"

"You were crying."

"I got something in my eye."

"Even I know that's a lame excuse. What is going on with you lately? There's something wrong and you need to tell me."

"Margaret, you're overreacting."

"You suddenly fell to your knees. Of course, I'm worried about you."

"I got a pang in my stomach at that moment, that's all."

"You're a terrible liar, you know?"

Johan scoffed, "You're overreacting, Margaret. I just needed some rest, okay? I have been studying for the upcoming midterm so I got sick. All I need is rest, that's all."

Margaret inched closer to him. "You sure you don't want to talk about it?"

"There's nothing to talk about."

"What about Lucy?"

Johan scooted away from Margaret, "I made it clear that Lucy doesn't exist."

"You're not good at making up stories, at least as excuses. But fine, I'll play your little game. Let's say that Lucy is a character in your story. Perhaps she's based on someone else? Maybe not named Lucy, but perhaps you're using these stories to clear mind. You're clearly distraught about something and I have a feeling that it's someone in your life. This Lucy has something to do with it."

Johan got up to his feet. "Listen, it's just the stress of studying for midterms, okay? I just need to take it easy and everything will be fine. I have to go home now and prepare dinner." Taking his grocery bag, he turned around and proceeded home.

Margaret watched him walk away for a few moments before getting up and walking in the opposite direction. "Midterms have passed.”

As he continued his walk home, 'I'm getting tired of Margaret. She's not even my friend. Who is she anyway? She's Wendy's friend, but why does she even bother with me? I keep telling her I am not interested in her at all.' He sighed, 'Who am I interested in anyway? Am I just fooling myself? Jeez, do I have to go home like this now? The last person I want seeing me like this is Wendy. This erratic emotion I'm outputting, no wonder he thinks I'm going insane. Probably because I am. I feel like I'm losing my mind. as if I'm going to fall apart any moment. Is there no respite from this?'

In this delirious state, the whims of the world meant nothing to him. His moral compass in need of repair, to him he could do no wrong as long as his misery would end. Nothing mattered in the world other than relief.

He pulled out his phone and opened Google Chat. 'These sweet words written by her; I will never delete them. What a time I had. That feeling of joy more than any other moment in my adulthood. I wish it lasted forever, to never even bother moving forward, just remain in that time period for all eternity. Now all I have is a timestamp, a mere moment, and nothing more.

'But in the end, this was the right choice. There is nothing that could be done. Besides, if I truly cared about her, then the best thing I can do is for her to grow up to become a healthy and strong person. I would just be getting in the way of that process. I want her to be happy, and she won't be able to find it with me hanging around her.

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'And yet, despite the right decision made, I feel worse off than before. I don't know her besides. We've only talked online and we didn't share anything private. So why? Why do I feel this way? Why can't I let her go? Could it be that I truly am... that I truly am...'

Staring at the once living conversation, now nothing more than a relic of the past, Johan suddenly became bewildered. He pulled his phone away from his face as he surveyed his surroundings. “This can't be a prank,” he said as he returned his attention to the screen. “This must be a glitch. There's no way.” He was denying all he could, conjuring all forms of reasons in his head, as he stared at the green dot next to Lucy's name.

“This isn't real. She can't possibly be online. No, maybe she's using Gmail or something. This is just a coincidence. But then again, didn't she delete her account? That's just my assumption, I have no proof that she deleted anything. But still, this must be a coincidence. It has to.”

When he realized that he was twiddling his fingers, he stopped himself and shook his head. A moment of silence commenced, continuing to stare at the green dot. “Has she noticed me yet? If she did, she probably would have logged off by now. But she's still online. Maybe she really is just checking her email. Probably for school or something. But she had to notice by now. But it could be she hasn't yet. Maybe I should log off before she does. It would probably be the right thing to do.”

He pulled out the menu and scrolled toward the log-off option. His index finger hovered over it briefly before it coiled into his hand and tucked under his thumb. “We left on good terms, though. I made my amends and we parted ways. There was no animosity on our last meetup.” His fingers tapping against his phone caused him a temporary panic, pulling his hand away. He scrunched his eyes as he looked around his surroundings again. “Would it be so bad to simply just say 'Hello'? I mean, surely just saying 'Hi' wouldn't be a violation of anything, could it? Okay, how about I type it but not send it? Just try that.”

Swiping away the menu, Johan pulled out the keyboard and typed 'Hello'. Once he finished, he saw a message underneath, 'Lucy is typing'. “Oh my gosh, I forgot, it tells the recipient when you are typing. Oh no. Had I remembered, I probably would have forgone this stupid idea. What was I thinking? This was a bad idea. She's probably perturbed by my appearance when she's trying to do her homework. I can't believe...” He paused for a moment as the message underneath disappeared, and his rational mind revealed another angle to the situation, one that brightened his spirits. “It said that she was typing. She was typing at that moment. So I was noticed. But what does that mean? Is it okay to reply? Maybe it's okay to say hello after all, right?”

He took a vigorous breath and exhaled just as strongly before hitting send. A look of surprise was upon him as his 'Hello' was underneath her 'Hi.' “What just happened?” It took him a brief pause to reason that she simply replied at the same time as he. Though still apprehensive, it had a calming effect on him which gave him the courage to type 'How are you?' before hitting send. His message stood by for a millisecond before her 'How are you?' appeared.

He was in such awe that he had to close his mouth with his hand. “Is this for real? This must be a bot.” He typed, 'I'm doing well,' and as his finger pressed the send button, Lucy's 'I'm doing fine' appeared first with his coming in second.

This was followed by a new message from Lucy, 'Lol'.

What started out as confusion was now amusement. Johan couldn't help but smile as the next message from Lucy appeared, 'Is this really happening?'

This was more than enough to elate him as he chuckled while responding, 'So it really is you?'

'Yeah, it is,' she responded back. 'You're not a psychic as well, are you?'

'As well?'

'It's a long story.'

'No, I'm not a psychic. It's a weird coincidence. I actually thought I was chatting with a bot for a minute.'

'Oh, that would make sense. I didn't consider that.'

'I don't know. I'm not convinced. Maybe you really are a bot.'

'I'm not a bot.'

'Really? Then prove it.'

'I can prove it... if you send me $400 in gift cards. I swear, I'm the real Lucy and not a scammer.'

Johan covered his mouth as he started laughing heartily.

With a smile on his face and uplifted spirits, he continued his way back home with laughter filling the air.

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