Chapter 35: Chapter 32

'I should've checked the weather,' Johan said as he watched his window getting ravaged by the rain. 'I guess I'm stuck in my room for the next few hours.' He sighed. 'I might as well get my mind off of things until the rain lets up.'

He sat on the chair in front of his desk, trying to find ways to entertain himself. He went on YouTube to watch a documentary, try to read articles or find some other means of distracting himself. But all attempts to ease his mind were in vain as his mind would not give him peace of mind.

'She's still not online,' he thought himself as he checked Google Chat. 'What is she doing? Don't teenage girls have their phones on them all the time?' He let go of the mouse, put his computer to sleep, and laid on the bed. 'What am I doing? I'm supposed to forget about her. What I sent her was my declaration that I'm moving on with my life. I'm never going to see her again. I got to get my mind off of this. Curse this rain, suddenly coming and ruining my plans.' Setting his attention to his phone, he went to his Google profile and pulled out the option to delete his account. 'I have no real use for this anymore. I might as well just delete it and get this out of my system.'

Looking at Google Chat, the message he left for her remaining unread, he sighed, turned his phone away, and laid it face-down on the bed.

"You need an awning," he heard a woman say outside his bedroom door. "I can't even stand in the doorway without that rain pouring on me."

"I've only been living here for some time," he heard Wendy say, "it never occurred to me until now. Maybe I'll let the landlord know."

The rain continued to tap on the bedroom window, the wind was howling, and the occasional thunder cracked. In combination with the door closed along with the distance between him and the dining room, the gossipy talk of Wendy and Francesca penetrated through his bedroom door.

"So, are you roommates?" he heard Francesca.

"Yup. We've been friends since high school,” he heard Wendy respond.

"Oh, that's great. I bet it would've been scary to live with a stranger."

"I know. I'm so glad that he agreed to live together during college."

"It must be nice to have a great friend like him."

"Yeah, except he doesn't like me anymore."

"What do you mean?"

Johan covered his ears to turn their voices into a muffle. It might have worked had the lights not gone out in that instant.

“What happened?” Francesca said loudly enough to penetrate his defenses.

“Something happened to the power," Wendy said. "Look, even the street lights are out. Don't worry, I know where to get a flashlight.” Johan remained on his bed, listening to the muffled sounds of Wendy searching through the apartment. The inevitable knock on his door appeared. “Johan, are you okay?”

“Of course,” Johan said disgruntled.

“Do you have a flashlight?”

“It's in your room, remember?”

“Oh yeah. It's in my room."

Inside the darkness of the night, listening to the rain pattering outside, Johan closed his eyes in the hopes of finding his escape.

--

“This should do,” said Wendy as they turned on the flashlight. “It's not much but it will until the lights come back.”

“We can use our phones as well,” Francesca said.

With the flashlight and their phones on, they returned to the table.

"So where was I?” said Wendy. “Oh, right, Johan. Something's up with him and this isn't something recent. I've noticed this ever since we graduated high school. He's been getting worse every moment. Lately, he's been feeling depressed, only to be happy, then get back to being depressed. I can't figure him out and I'm kind of getting scared."

"That sounds serious. Maybe he should see a therapist."

"I guess but he'll get offended if I mention it. Besides, I've been thinking back and trying to recollect everything up to this point. I recalled he had a lot of friends in high school. He was a really outgoing person. He was so happy to be around others. But now I hardly see him leave the house to have fun. I don't think he has any friends anymore."

"What about his old friends?"

"That's the thing. Me and Johan shared our friends, but I think I drove them away. It happened when I came out, you know. I used to be a guy named Edwin but since then I became a girl named Wendy."

“Oh, you probably shouldn't mention your old name.”

“What do you mean?”

“Your old name, from your... uhh... past life, let's call it. I'm sorry, but I'm still not familiar enough with how these things work. Forgive me.”

“I don't care. After all, that was who I am years ago. I'm not about to erase a part of my past for the sake of others' discomfort.”

“Still, you're going to make others feel uncomfortable if you're not careful with your words. Others just like you are very sensitive to their past selves.”

“Let them be offended. I don't care anymore. Besides, it's all my fault my friends left me. Some of them found it weird and said nasty things about me. I never heard of them again. Few of my friends were supportive but I lost touch with them. Only Johan is the last high school friend, but I have a feeling he also feels the same way as the others did when they left.”

"That sounds terrible of him."

"I don't blame people, okay? This was a sudden revelation and back then nobody knew how to deal with this. They were ignorant."

"It was only a few years ago since you were in high school."

“Yeah, but still, I suffered the consequences from my decision.”

“But that's so wrong. How could they do that? Especially Johan.”

"Don't blame him. I blame nobody, okay? I was angry, for sure, but then I realized that I kind of pushed this on them. We had this dynamic, this paradigm, and I simply ruined it. I soon realized that I should've been more careful, waited for the best time. I should've considered the situation but I was being selfish."

"Still, this is not right. This is discrimination."

"It was my choice and I have to live with it now. My old friends are gone now and Johan is the only one left."

"So you want him to tell you these terrible things? Why?"

"I don't have proof of it since he's not being rude or anything, but I have this gut feeling that he doesn't approve of me. He just feels so cold and distant. I didn't notice it at first but as the years passed us by, he doesn't seem too thrilled about it either. His attitude has changed so much. We used to talk about anything back when I was Edwin, but now as Wendy, I'm lucky he even says 'Good Morning' to me every good morning."

"Either way, you have a feeling he is treating you with disapproval, right? That must be your woman's intuition."

"Stop humoring me, Francesca, I'm being serious. And my gut feeling doesn't prove anything. It's all speculation at this point."

"Well, I can't just stand here and allow this to happen. I'm sorry to say but after learning this, I can't see him the same way. I mean, if he feels this way about you, what about me and Hera?"

"I'd rather he be honest and tell me he doesn't approve instead of pretending everything is okay. I feel that him lying to me is worse. I want him to just tell me the truth."

"I can't believe you are putting up with this. This is not right. People have a right to be who they want to be, and you're no exception. Nobody has the right to judge you."

"Nobody should judge anyone, I agree, but I did get judged and lost some friends. I have plenty more now who are supportive, but this is just the life I have to live."

“I'm so angry, Wendy. I'm sorry to say but this really boils me inside. Do you know how hard it is for us to be ourselves in this judgmental world?”

“Have you experienced inequality?”

“I did, from Hera's parents. They're more conservative in their views. They didn't accept Hera's more masculine traits, and they certainly didn't approve of me. It made me so mad.”

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“I'm sorry to hear that. I'm glad you two are doing well.”

“Thank you, Wendy.”

Wendy sighed, "But I'm not giving up on Johan. I know you don't like the idea of him being adverse, but he's not a bad person, not at all. I believe in him. If he doesn't approve of me, there's gotta be a reason behind it because I know him. After all, despite what you may think of him, he's still here. He's still my roommate. He's still my friend, and I won't give up on him. Especially now since he might be in love."

"He's in love?"

"Not with me, in case you still think that. He's normal.”

“Wendy...”

“Straight, hetero, cistern, whatever. The point is, he told me about this dream he had about this girl, this peasant girl. He says he's been having it for a long time. I just thought it was another idea for one of his novels so I humored him. I told him he was the reincarnation of this nobleman in his dream who visits this girl. At the time I thought it was neat, I'm into this kind of stuff, but the more I think about it, the more I realize he's probably projecting his feelings into his writing. Maybe there's a girl he actually likes."

"Well, he looks the part. He wears fancy clothes and is a gentleman. He's good-looking enough to get any girl. I don't see how this could be a problem."

"That's exactly it. He can get any girl he wants, but he's rejected them all. It's weird. He has no friends, he's cooped up in here all day long, he's projecting these romantic feelings as a fantasy, but none of the women on campus has he ever had an interest in. He's such a mystery now."

"Has he mentioned this girl to you outside the dream?"

"I don't know about this but I once caught him chatting with a girl named Lucy. Apparently, they met but he's never mentioned her ever since. Who knows what happened."

"Maybe she's family. Like a sister or cousin."

"He doesn't have any siblings. Maybe it was family, but he never mentioned such a person. But you know what, I have this crazy theory. It's out there but I can't come up with any other explanation. I think he's trying to hide Lucy.”

“Hide her?”

“It's just a guess but after thinking about it, maybe he doesn't want anyone to know who Lucy is. Margaret said that Lucy may be a nickname. She kept thinking Johan was seeing a man, but I shot that down. That's not Johan for certain. However, he never showed interest in girls either. So maybe, Lucy is some person who is out there and he's ashamed of mentioning her. But that's as far as I can get. If it is true, who could Lucy possibly be? What could she possibly identify as?”

"Maybe she's a minor."

“What?”

“Here's my theory. Maybe he's seeing someone younger than him, and I don't mean one or two years. Maybe as far back as high school.”

"Ew, Francesca, what are you mentioning?"

"I don't see why he would hide any person, man or woman. The only thing I can think of is this relationship could be taboo. He might like a younger girl."

"Francesca, that's disgusting. Why would you even mention that in the first place? How could Johan, or any grown man, have an interest in someone so young?"

“It's possible. There are men that are attracted to younger girls.”

"No way. Johan is a gentleman. He wears suits, for goodness sake. I've known him for so long. He's a very respectful person. The last thing I'd expect of him is to be a disgusting pervert going after little kids."

"Calm down. I didn't say, little kids. I was talking about a high school student."

"You might as well have. A grown man going after kids are the worse people in the world. High school included. It doesn't matter if high school was not too long, Johan knows better than that."

“Look, I don't like it either, and besides, this is all a guess. But to me, it's a possibility.”

“No, it doesn't. You're talking crazy. I feel so disgusted hearing this.”

“Well, sorry for mentioning it.”

“You bet you are. Never speak about this again. The idea of someone liking young kids makes me sick to my stomach.”

“It's just a guess. But, let me ask you this last thing then. Suppose Lucy really is a high school girl. Suppose Johan has fallen in love with someone that young. What would you do?”

Wendy looked at Francesca with a perturbed look on their face. “The very thought makes me nauseous. I feel like throwing up.”

“So what would you do?”

Wendy thought about it for a moment before answering, “I'd probably call the police.”

“You'd do that to your friend?”

“No person in their right mind would be interested in young girls. That's impossible. Only criminals and the mentally disturbed would think to find such a thing attractive.”

“But you said he was a good person. I mean, you're practically ready to forgive him for being so disrespectful to us.”

“Because Johan is a good guy. Your guess about him liking... you know... that's not true. It will never be true because I know him and I can tell you with confidence Johan would never ever do something so immoral and apprehensive. He would never be attracted to a minor.”

A loud crash coming from Johan's room interrupted them as they both headed toward the door.

Wendy knocked, “Yo, Johan. You okay in there?”

--

Within the room, a flash of lightning gave Johan a glimpse of the chair lying on the floor.

Wendy continued to inquire but there was no response coming from him. He just stood by the wall, a look of confusion and lividness was on his face as he breathed heavily. “But have I not been doing the right thing?” he told himself. “Have I not done everything right? I said I wasn't going to meet her. So why? Why am I being punished so?”

The bright light from his phone illuminated his bed as he snatched it and throws it against the wall. He falls onto his bed and clutches the sheets. “I have no more friends. They're all gone. Everyone. Even Edwin. He's gone too, replaced with someone so vile. To think I stuck around for so long. To think that I gave them validation. I was such a fool.”

As his anguish continued to devour him, from the distance, between the newly made crack on his phone, despite the blurry vision caused by his tears, a green dot stared back at him.

--

The sudden arrival of the bedroom light awakened Lucy. “Oh my gosh, what time is it?” She turned her head to look at the clock only to meet the wall right in front of her face. A great discomfort was felt on her spine as she tried massaging it. She planted her other hand to sit straight up and noticed that the firmness of her mattress was not present in her grasp. “Am I sleeping on the floor?” When she got her bearings and finally got up to her feet, she glanced at the clock on the wall displaying 8:00 pm. “Five hours?” Her eyesight was now getting clearer, enough to finally see the day of the week in the middle of the clock. “Friday!? It's Friday?”

She hopped over her bed and grabbed her phone confirming the date and time. “What happened last night? Why did I fall asleep for an entire day?” She looked around her surroundings searching for any clues as to what may have caused her deep slumber when her eyes noticed a new notification on her phone. She nearly dropped it before grasping it tightly as the name Johan gave her quite a spook. “Oh, I forgot. I asked him to meet me again. Oh gosh, what have I done?”

With her mind now intact, she recalled the situation that had occurred with her mother and sighed. “I just wanted to talk to someone, that's all. Johan, I know you don't want to talk to me again. I know you made it clear. I was just so lonely. I know you're not a bad man. I don't know why we can't be friends. We have so much fun chatting. Why can't we do it again? But I guess you made it clear and are going to reject me again.”

She pressed Johan's name and the screen instantly turns black. Pressing the power button did nothing. “Oh, that's right. Jenny busted my phone.”

She hopped into her desk chair and turned on her laptop. Entering Google Chat, a long message was waiting for her. A sense of dread emerged within her as she read the first line.

Lucy, please accept my apology

In an instant, the words vanish along with the lengthy message that followed. Refreshing the page confirmed that it was no accident on her part. Instead, a new message appeared before her.

Disregard that last message.

A few more seconds pass before the next line appeared.

I changed my mind. I would love to meet you again.

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