Chapter 50: Chapter 46

"Maybe we should get a tour guide or something instead," Johan said.

"I like hearing how you explain things."

"But I don't know everything. I'm just going by what I can recall from my own trips."

"You like to go outdoors, don't you?"

"It's not that I'm an outdoors person, it's just that I remember my own personal excursions. I'm just repeating them from my own trips in the past."

"But you still go outside, right?"

"Not really. Ever since I started college, I've been busy getting my psychology degree."

"Why did you choose psychology?"

"I guess... because I have a lot of questions and there aren't that many answers. I want to find those answers."

"What kind of questions?"

"That's a bit of a personal thing. I'd rather not say."

"I believe in you, Johan. You can do it."

"Yeah, thanks."

As they continued their walk down the path, a sign caught his attention while a particular spot on the map caught hers. "Look, there's a zoo around here,” she exclaimed.

"That's Franklin Zoo. It's rather small but a really nice place."

"Can we go?"

"I don't think I can afford to go there."

"It's not free?"

"No, you have to pay."

"Oh. Well, I guess when I grow up, I'll be able to go."

"When you grow up?"

"I've never been to the zoo before, so I guess I'll have to go there when I grow up when I make my own money."

"You've never been to the zoo? Haven't your parents taken you to one?"

"My dad says it's a waste of time and money when I can just see the animals on TV while my mom doesn't care about going out unless it's for a date. My parents aren't interested in anything."

"But you had to go on at least a field trip, right? Schools always take students at least once."

"They did, last year at my old school, before I had to move here with my mom. I wanted them to wait after I went but she said no, so I didn't have a chance to go."

"I've actually been there three times. Once with my mother, then on a school field trip, and finally with my friends during high school. Every time I went it was so much fun. Now, I'm just saving my money. I have to learn how to spend it properly. But sometimes you just have to have some fun every now and again." He put his hand on his pocket, "In the end, I have all this money saved up but nowhere to spend it on except for school. I miss the days where I didn't have to worry about cash." A furlong look was on his face as he stared at the distance before he turned to Lucy, "Would you like to go to the zoo?"

"Oh, I can't impose that on you if you're-"

"It's fine. I'll make up the difference some other way. Besides, this is your first time, right? Everybody should go to the zoo when they're young. You'll make some wonderful memories. How about making some first-time memories with me?"

The invitation was such a surprise to her that all she could do was nod.

--

"That'll be $67.00,” said the ticket lady.

Remorse suddenly hit him. Nonetheless, he took out his card and accepted the charges. 'What am I even doing?' he thought to himself.

The mystery of where all these tourists disappeared to after the train ride had been solved after entering the crowded zoo. Lucy didn't mind as her excitement had peaked when she saw flamingos, the first animals that welcomed guests. Without a second thought, she ran towards the rail to get a better look.

"Look, there's a white flamingo," she pointed excitedly while turning around, only to see that she left Johan behind. He was walking briskly toward her, but she returned to drag him forward. "Look, there's a white flamingo."

"Interesting. Must be a new addition. I don't remember him since last time."

She eagerly took out her phone to take photos and Johan couldn't help but be amused. Once she snapped the final photo, "Come on, let's check out more animals."

"Calm down. Let's take our time. I said we were going to make memories together, didn't I?"

And throughout the day, both were enjoying themselves as they spectated all the assortment of animals. Elephants, tigers, tropical birds, and Lucy's favorite, giraffes. They were so majestic in her eyes as she was in awe at their height.

"They're so beautiful. Photos online don't even come close to seeing them in person."

"You know, some zoos have elevated platforms where you can feed them."

"Can we feed them here?"

"I'm afraid not. Looks like we can only watch them from the ground."

"Oh Johan, I want to feed giraffes."

Johan chuckled, "Maybe someday we can go to a zoo that will allow us."

The evening soon became evening as the entire park was successfully visited. As they approached the exit, a souvenir shop caught her eye.

"Can we get something?"

"I don't know. I feel like I spent too much."

"Oh. I hope I wasn't forcing anything on you."

"No, it's fine. I had fun today."

Both smiled contently when a drop of water hit Johan's face. They both look up to see that the clouds have gotten dense and thick. "It was sunny a few moments ago." Johan pulled out his phone as they find shelter under the store's canopy. After looking at the weather report, "It's going to start pouring soon."

"Are we going to race for the train like last time?"

"No way, not this time. I don't even have a jacket on."

"But it was fun last time."

"Not for me."

They go inside the souvenir shop where he finds two umbrellas. "You don't have to buy me one," says Lucy.

"An umbrella won't kill my budget. Don't worry about it."

At the register he took out his card and charged it only for it to be rejected.

"It looks like you have a limit on it," says the store clerk.

"Oh, that's right. I can't spend a certain amount a day. Do I have anything left over?"

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"You have enough for one umbrella. I suggest you buy a broad one you can share."

"Share?" says Johan with a bit of hesitation. "There's no other option, I guess." He trades the smaller umbrellas for a large one which successfully gets purchased.

Exiting the store, they are welcomed by a small shower. "Might as well put it to use," said Johan which prompted Lucy stand next to him. “You keep surprising me,” Johan said with bemusement. Taking a deep breath, with the umbrella on one hand, wrapping his arms around Lucy with the other, both exit the zoo under the chill of the evening.

--

"The train is going to be a sauna," commented Johan, watching the large crowd of tourist waiting by the train platform. "It was bad enough when it was dry."

"How about we just wait for an empty train?"

"Yeah, I would prefer that."

A small grumble was heard as Lucy held her stomach, "I guess we were having so much fun that I forgot to eat something."

"Oh yeah. We haven't eaten anything for a while now, and my card is spent."

"I have a few bucks. You want a burger or something."

"No, I can't ask you to buy me anything."

"It's the least I can do. You did so much for me today. I wouldn't mind doing this much." Leaving him with a warm smile, she headed toward the small food court.

'No, this is bad,' Johan thought. 'This has truly gone too far. Now she's spending money on me. I have to end this. This is getting so bad that I may never be able to tell her. I've been putting this aside for too long. I have to tell her and I have to tell her now. When she returns, I have no choice but do it then and there. It'll make the situation awkward, but I have to do it. I'll have to apologize for promising to take her to other places because clearly, that's not going to happen. I can't believe it's come this far; I was supposed to stand up for myself. This isn't right. This isn't right at all. I bet people have been staring at us with weird looks without us knowing it. It has to end now. Forget the food, don't even bite it. Just tell her when she returns-'

"Here," Lucy said offering him a burger.

"Oh, thanks," he replied as he grabbed it and took a bite. Upon realizing that he once again failed once again, 'Well, I do have an empty stomach.'

--

Train after train stopped to pick up tourist, all squeezing themselves inside, with barely enough space to breathe as the fog on the windows attested to. It took nearly an hour before the density of the tourist was small enough that Johan and Lucy could comfortably enter the next one.

Their conversation on the platform continued on the train, looking at all the photos she took, and simply enjoying each other's company when the train arrived back at the city. The rain was now pouring.

"Looks like this time we won't be racing to my car, huh?" he commented.

"But it was so much fun last time."

"I don't think wearing wet shoes with socks is very fun."

"Well, when you put it that way."

With umbrella on hand, they walk a few blocks down to the garage, submitted the ticket to the kiosk, and made it to his car.

"This is the same spot as before," Lucy commented.

"It was?"

"Yeah. You parked in this spot."

"Really? Maybe I park here all the time. I don't really pay attention to that kind of detail."

They enter his vehicle, turn up the heater, and drive out while continuing their chat, laughing and having a joyful moment together until they reach her block as he parked right in front of her building, surprising Lucy who said, “I thought you didn't want to be seen-”

“It's fine. Don't worry about it.”

"Okay, if you insist. Thank you, Johan, for today. I'm never going to forget it."

"I'm so happy that you had a fun time, Lucy."

"How about you message me once you get home? I'll have Google chat open. Oh, better yet, maybe you can give me your number now. It was kind of important earlier, right?"

"Uhh... yeah, about that..." She was smiling and gleaming with joy, looking happier than he's ever seen her. 'I got to tell her. This is my last chance. I have to tell her. If I don't, I may be forced to just stop seeing her, and that will just make me miserable for the rest of my life. I have to make peace with her, and this is the only way. I have to do the right thing."

"Johan, are you okay?"

"Yeah. I really need to tell you something and I must tell you before you go." He took a deep breath and suddenly grabbed the umbrella behind his seat, "It's still raining, so take this."

"That's okay. You can keep that. Besides, unlike you, I like running in the rain. I don't mind wet shoes." She giggled.

'Why did I grab this?' he thought to himself. 'I feel like facepalming. No, actually, maybe I can use this. Just tell her this is a souvenir and then let her know that this is it. I think that may work.'

"Lucy, remember what I said about making memories? Well, I figured that this can be a souvenir to remember me by."

"Don't worry about that, I have my souvenir." She then pulled out the crocus from her pocket. "Even though you never gave it to me, I'll cherish the moment you put it on my ear and called me pretty." She giggled again.

"Oh, you kept it. I figured you'd thrown it away."

"I would never do that. This was a part of our precious outing."

"Precious outing?"

"I guess it doesn't matter to you since you're always going out, but I don't have many friends and I already made it clear about my parents. I was very happy when we went out. I'm glad I could at least do it for the last time."

"Last time?"

"Yeah. I mean, this is the last time we'll hang out, right? You feel so uncomfortable around me, I can feel it. I mean, you didn't contact me last time. I figured you decided that you didn't want to hang out with me anymore."

"Wait, Lucy, when did you..."

"It's okay. I understand. I appreciate what you did for me today. I'm so happy to have met you."

"Lucy..."

"I'm guessing we'll never have a chance to exchange our new numbers. But it's okay. This was fun while it lasted. But I'm going to miss you, Johan."

"Wait, Lucy..."

"But before I go, let me give you a souvenir of my own and I don't mean the umbrella."

"What souvenir?"

Lucy took out her phone and started fiddling with it. Johan suddenly gets a notification from Gmail, a photo of Lucy with the crocus on her ear, posing like a model.

"I took it sometime when you weren't looking. It's a little joke. I just figured that you know, this was the only thing I could give you because you're special to me. Even though we won't be seeing each other, I... really care about you, Johan."

The drops outside from the pouring rain was creating a raucous tapping sound all around, but even with the distraction, her words sounded clearly enough that the world went silent afterward as he kept staring at the photo on his phone.

"Johan? Are you okay?"

"No, Lucy... don't leave."

"What?"

"No, Lucy. Don't go. Please, don't leave. Stay. Stay with me. Please Lucy, just stay with me, forever and ever! I never want you to leave! Please, Lucy, I'll do anything, just don't leave me!"

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