Chapter 5: 5

Chapter 5

How Fast is the Blink of an Eye?

For a long time, neither Ironhands, Coldblooded, Xi Liangwu, or Xi Yingming said anything.

Xi Yingming suddenly said to Xi Liangwu, “Do you know how fast the blink of an eye is?”

Xi Liangwu immediately said, “No.”

Xi Yingming said, “Blink and let’s see.”

Xi Liangwu blinked, and in the time it took for his eyes to open and close, Xi Yingming swiftly drew a knife!

He had a knife up his sleeve, and in an instant Xi Yingming had slashed who knows how many times, then with a swish of his sleeve, in the time it took Xi Liangwu to blink again, the knife disappeared. Xi Yingming slowly spread his hands and said to Xi Liangwu, “You can count the number of times I slashed with the knife in the blink of an eye by counting the number of your hairs that were cut off, one hair, one stroke.”

Ironhands said, “No need to count.”

Xi Yingming said, “Oh?”

Ironhands said, “It was nine strokes.”

Xi Yingming put on a smile and said modestly, “Not very many.”

Ironhands said, “Nine strokes in the blink of an eye, the Panic-Stricken Sabreplay is worthy of its reputation.”

Xi Yingming smiled. “I wonder, Second Master Tie, how many palm strikes and punches those unrivaled world-famous hands of yours can throw in the blink of an eye?”

Coldblooded suddenly said, “His fists aren’t fast.” Saying that, he suddenly drew his sword.

His sword pointed right between Xi Yingming’s eyes nearly touching him, and Xi Yingming had only raised his sleeve knife halfway, not in time to block it before he felt the penetrating cold of tip of the sword graze the skin between his eyes.

Coldblooded said coldly, “My sword comes out before anyone has time to blink.”

Xi Yingming’s eyes fixed on the tip of the sword, cold sweat streaming down. Someone clapped and laughed, “Old Second, Old Third, you’ve joked around enough, it’s just that comparing Ironhands’ finger strength and competing with Coldblooded’s swift sword is like throwing an egg against a rock, you’re just asking to be humiliated.”

Then the voice said, “Brother Leng, Brother Tie, we eat the village’s rice, so naturally we safeguard the village’s affairs, don’t take offense.”

One he said that, Coldblooded sheathed his sword.

Xi Yingming only now dared to move, stepping back three spans, and he and Xi Liangwu bowed before this new arrival.

Ironhands turned slowly and saw a person with a white robe and ruddy face but an ordinary appearance, his every move lacking any particularly special bearing, and he seemed completely off his guard. Ironhands cupped a hand over fist in greeting. “I’m I’m not mistaken, Your Excellency must be the one they say ‘can’t be beat, no matter is difficult for, very capable’, Nine Lives Head Steward Brother Tang Shijing?”

The man returned the greeting. “That’s just what some jianghu friends say, but it’s like gilding a latrine in gold and silver. Actually, there’s no one who could live up to that!”

Ironhands smiled. “However, in Head Steward Tang’s hands there’s nothing that can’t be accomplished.”

Coldblooded continued, “So, having Head Steward take us to see Headman Xi would be the best thing.”

Head Steward Tang Shijing smiled. “It’s said that Fourth Xia Leng’s swift sword is superb, he’s steadfast and resolute, but isn’t a good talker, what kind of hearsay is that! Today, hearing just a few simple words from Fourth Xia Leng and I can tell the person who started that rumor didn’t know what he was talking about!” He threw back his head and laughed, evading by praising Coldblooded’s speaking.

Coldblooded said seriously, “Head Steward.”

Tang Shijing said, “You two have a seat first, let us have a little watery wine. You two have come such a long way, everything can be talked over the banquet table.”

Coldblooded answered coldly, “I’m afraid the wine drunk over the banquet table is fine wine, and what will be discussed will be a bunch of nonsense. And once drinks are over Head Steward will just pay us off and send us on our way. That’s the same as eating and leaving.”

Tang Shijing sighed. “If we go by the rules, it’s not easy for you two to see the headman. If you want to ask the local inspector or county magistrate to issue an order, the ones here wouldn’t take on that responsibility… If you two go back to the capital and have Mister Zhuge himself write out an order, that would take half a month…”

Coldblooded said angrily, “The way you say it is the same as saying you’ve already bribed government officials, what’s the meaning of this?”

Tang Shijing smiled. “Young Xia Leng, why so angry, it’s not a bribe, it’s just that the local officials trust Xi Family Village… It’s just like how His Majesty favors Mister Zhuge and how Mister Zhuge has faith in you.”

Tang Shijing’s comparison was an extremely audacious one to make, but it was also really apt: if a person in power favors a gentleman, then that’s a big help; if he favors a petty man, that would be a disaster. Ironhands sighed. “Headman Xi killed and wounded good, innocent people. As constables we have our duty to look into it, so why, Head Steward, will you not allow Headman Xi to see us?”

Tang Shijing said, “It’s not that I won’t allow you the headman to see you, it’s just that it’s not convenient at the moment for the headman to see you.”

Ironhands said, “Is that the headman’s wish?”

Tang Shijing shook his head. “No.”

Ironhands said, “Is is Madame Xi’s wish?”

Tang Shijing said, “Madame Xi and the little young master have gone missing, of course it’s not their wish.”

Coldblooded asked, “Then who’s is it?”

Tang Shijing answered, “Mine.”

Coldblooded asked coldly, “And what is your wish?”

Tang Shijing said, “I don’t have any in particular, it’s just that the headman can’t see anyone right now, and it wouldn’t do you any good if you did see him…”

He heaved a long sigh. “If you two really don’t believe it and are set on seeing him before you will believe it, then fine, you two come with me…”

They passed through the main hall and through many magnificent side rooms and into a vast study filled with books and paintings. Tang Shijing rolled up his sleeves and picked up an enormous candle and went down some steps.

The stone steps were steep. Tang Shijing led the way with Coldblooded, Ironhands, Xi Yingming, and Xi Liangwu following singlefile. Below was a cellar. The cellar had a musty, damp smell, and at the end there was a room constructed of iron bricks and iron bars.

This kind of “room” was one that Ironhands and Coldblooded were very familiar with. This kind of “room” was usually used for locking someone up, and this kind of “room” was commonly called a “prison”.

There was one person in the room. This person had originally likely been wearing an expensive, luxurious white silk robe, but now the robe was torn and tattered and covered in filth and lice.

The person’s hair was disheveled and he wasn’t doing anything but looking straight at his right foot which was propped up about a fingerwidth away from his eyes, as if he were examining his toes.

Even though his feet were dirtier than if he’d stepped in excrement, he was more entranced the more he looked and was mumbling, “The Five Marchmounts, ah, the Five Marchmounts1 are all here…” Then a hand grabbed his big toe and he shook it and pulled it hollering, “Mount Song, Mount Song ah, I’m gonna take you and flatten that Stone Monkey!…”2

The five of them went up to the iron bars, but the person still didn’t notice them.

Tang Shijing lightly knocked on the iron bars and called in a low voice, “Headman, Headman…”

Tang Shijing’s call shocked Coldblooded and Ironhands.

All signs indicated that the current headman of Xi Family Village, Xi Xiaofeng, really had lost his mind, but Coldblooded and Ironhands never imagined he would have gone this mad.

Tang Shijing knocked on the iron bars again, producing a clear, drawn out sound. “Headman, Headman Xi——“ This time he had raised his voice a bit and it echoed through the stone room and grated on one’s ears.

Xi Xiaofeng seemed at a lost as to where the sound had come from. He scratched his messy hair and said something no one could understand, then cut himself off midway and commenced and said these strange words:

“Diaochan was born with a sweet tooth, Zhang Fei and Zhang Yi lost their way together, Tang Sanzang recited sutras at the temple of Guanyin, there’s no medicine left in the pot, Heaven gave man the myriad things, man had nothing to give Heaven, both can be killed, in this broad and level Divineland there is only me…”

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These strange words dumbfounded the five of them who heard them.

Tang Shijing was the first to sigh. “The headman, he’s gone mad…”

Unexpectedly, that sentence seemed to be heard by Xi Xiaofeng. He jumped up crazily and started pulling at his hair and hollering, “I’m not mad, I’m not mad, who said I was mad——“ Then like a wild animal he loosed a long howl, “Come on all of you, one, two, three, four, five, haha! The Five Marchmounts! The five tall marchmounts, come, come, come help me cross over to the other side!”

Then he pounced on the iron bars and grabbed the bars and shook them, madly shouting, “Little Sis, ah, Little Sis——Dream Shattering Sabre, my dreams are shattered, where’s my sabre? Give me back my Dream Shattering Sabre!”

Tang Shijing shook his head helplessly at Ironhands and Coldblooded.

The five could only follow him and withdraw.

What could one say about a scene like that?

Ironhands and Coldblooded now understood why the three stewards Tang Shijing Xi Yingming, and Xi Liangwu wouldn’t let them see Xi Family Village Headman Xi Xiaofeng.

They went back to the main hall. Once they got out of that weirdly musty cellar they seemed to truly breath a sigh of relief.

Ironhands saluted with a hand cupped over his fist. “Only because we didn’t know… the inside details, did we press you just now and make things hard for you. It really is not the time to see Headman Xi, I hope you three won’t take offense.”

Tang Shijing said sadly, “How could we take offense, we owe you for being so concerned to go to all this trouble!”

Ironhands suddenly asked, “Oh right, earlier Head Steward mentioned that Madame Xi and the little young master had gone missing, what’s that all about?”

Tang Shijing said, “That was a village scandal that we didn’t want outsiders to know about… But since Brother Tie asks, I don’t dare not answer, only once you two hear it…”

Ironhands quickly said, “Whether official or personal business, we wouldn’t tell anyone, keeping our lips sealed is a part of our job, Head Steward, you can rest easy on that point.”

Tang Shijing smiled. “I’m grateful that you two chivalrous brothers won’t make things difficult for me… Two days ago, when there happened to be a violent storm raging, the headman raised his sabre and chased after the little young master trying to kill him. The poor little young master is so young, he was just crying and hollering, begging for mercy as he ran wildly out of the village. Madame Xi went out to stop him and was struck by the headman’s sabre and slipped and fell to the ground. When we hurried over, Madame just told us to go after the headman and stop him from killing the little young master, but we were still a step too late…”

Ironhands couldn’t help but ask, “What happened?”

Tang Shijing sighed and shook his head. “By the time we got there, we saw the headman slash at the little young master… The poor little young master had fled to the riverbank and had nowhere else to go. He was struck by the headman’s sabre and he fell, fell into the river…”

Ironhands said evenly, “It’s said that… Xi Family Village forbids its members from getting near flowing water, right?”

Tang Shijing said sadly, “Naturally, the little young master couldn’t swim, and he had been struck by the sabre… Ai…”

Coldblooded said, “This won’t do with him being so insane, how long do you think you can keep him locked up?”

Tang Shijing agreed. “Yes, all matters large and small in the village will just pile up waiting for the headman to tend to them.”

Coldblooded asked, “What about Madame Xi?”

Xi Yingming said, “Ever since that murder two nights ago, we carefully coaxed the headman back, but Madame was already… Ai, maybe she was grieved over the headman losing his kind, but she left the village.”

Xi Liangwu said, “Hmph, when the headman heard that Madame had left he wasn’t the least bit grieved, instead he brandished his sabre and said, ‘Good, that’s easier.’ Madame always treated us well, so hearing that makes one angry.”

Ironhands said, “In that case it seems that Headman Xi’s condition is really serious.”

Coldblooded asked, “Does Headman Xi have any other close relatives?”

Tang Shijing said, “The headman had a younger brother and a younger sister…”

Ironhands asked, “Head Steward, what do you mean ‘had’…”

Tang Shijing sighed again but didn’t answer. Xi Liangwu instead said, “The headman forced his only younger brother into the river. Most likely… most likely he didn’t make it.”

Ironhands said, “Oh…”

Coldblooded said, “So then, Headman Xi also has a younger sister?”

Xi Yingming answered this time, smiling, “Yes… Miss Meihong is fine, all things considered, so… we locked the headman up and didn’t dare let Miss Meihong see him… lest the headman’s… condition flare up and Miss Meihong was harmed as well. Then if something came up in Xi Family Village we wouldn’t know who to turn to to handle it.”

Ironhands said, “Of course, it’s best to exercise caution, Xi Family Village has its reputation within the martial world, but I wonder is this, Miss Hong can take the helm?”

Tang Shijing shook his head with a sigh. “That one… Miss Meihong? She just jumps and skips about, loves raising rabbits and shooting birds, stirring up trouble and fighting, she rarely pays attention to anything going on in the village… So…”

Ironhands said to Tang Shijing, “The world is in a messy state right now, and Xi Family Village is the eminent standard in this area in the martial world, I hope Head Steward Tang and you two stewards can stabilize the situation for the benefit of the martial world.”

Tang Shijing gave a wry smile. “Such a burden… is really too heavy, so I ask you two not to publicize this matter, otherwise… There’s a saying: Fortune never comes in pairs, misfortune never comes by itself. If the jianghu learns that Headman Xi’s lost control of the rudder, who knows how many fish in troubled waters there will be—“

Ironhands smiled. “We too mingle around in the jianghu, of course we’re aware of this. We would never spread this… Since the homicide case has been exposed and Headman Xi seems to have lost his ming, and since you’ve locked him up, I think we’ll go back and study the details of the case, then settle it. For now, don’t worry.”

Coldblooded said, “Your village’s… Miss Hong, I wonder where she is…”

Tang Shijing said, “The events of the past few days have put her in a bad mood, she’s been out mostly and seldom returns.”

Ironhands said, “In that case, we apologize for all the disturbances today.”

Tang Shijing suddenly said, “The eyes and ears of the world-famous Four Great Constables are naturally well-informed, this everyone knows, but I still don’t understand one thing…”

Ironhands said, “Head Steward, go ahead and ask.”

Tang Shijing said, “Yes, these matters, these so-called family scandals, have not been spread outside, and no one in the village would say anything, even the victims have been compensated by us so that I don’t believe word would leak out, and you two in the capital, I just wonder what brought you here, how did you know about all this?”

Ironhands smiled. “We didn’t come here for this in particular, we just happened to be here on another case…”

Coldblooded suddenly interrupted, “How we knew about Xi Family Village’s affairs is very simple.”

Tang Shijing was somewhat surprised. “Oh?”

Coldblooded said, “Because when Headman Xi forced his younger brother and that poor blue quarters girl into the river to fish out the moon, our boat was nearby.”

The three stewards looked at each other, a stunned look on their faces. Xi Yingming asked, “Then…”

Coldblooded said, “So Second Headman Xi, Xi Qiuya, didn’t drown. He’s with us.”

Xi Yingming and Xi Liangwu went “Oh” at the same time. Tang Shijing though happily said, “Second Headman is alright?… That, that’s great.”

Ironhands responded, “He’s quite shaken up at the moment… We rescued the girl first, then saved the man, so he had ingested quite a bit of water. In a few days, once he’s recovered, we’ll send him back. Now we’ve harassed you all too long, we’ll be on our way.”

Tang Shijing quickly saluted them. “of course.”

Xi Yingming said to Tang Shijing, “We’ll escort Second Xia and Fourth Xia out.”

Xi Liangwu led the way. “This way, if you will.”

 

NOTES

The five sacred mountains: Mount Tai, Mount Song, Mount Heng (Hunan), Mount Hua, and Mount Heng (Shanxi). Stone Monkey, aka Sun Wukong.

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