Chapter 57

 

For the next month, my routine stays pretty consistent while living at the compound. I wake up at dawn, train with whoever’s available from Bertrand, Quinn, or Angelene, I’d help out Torban and his team with the repairs, and then I’d fill my stomach with whatever Uriah decided on making that night before getting to sleep. 

 

Interestingly enough, Torban used to be an architect before he became a bandit and his unique expertise became an essential part of the reason why this compound exists in the first place. Derriv originally only controlled the territory around here and the buildings that stood on it but there was no gate here nor any walls. When Torban joined Candle, he made an entire blueprint detailing his ideas for this place and gave it to Derriv and the gigantic construction project began. Even the underground tunnel system was created by Torban and he told me this compound was his masterpiece. Derriv said the construction started about five years ago around when Ilya was born and continued until last year when they finally put on the finishing touches and the stronghold was completed. 

 

When I asked Torban why he became a bandit when he had such talent as an architect, he had a horrible scowl on his face and left the room. Bafal came to find me later that night and explained his father wasn’t mad at me but the reason why they became bandits is still a sore subject for him and it’s best to leave it alone. It was wrong of me to ask because everyone in this place has a story but not all of them are finished with their stories yet. 

 

It’s been a busy month for me because there’s always something for me to do no matter the time of day. I always have training in the morning, there’s always repair work to be done in the afternoon, and I spend my nights reading by candlelight. I attempted reading The Foolish Sage by Monoclais the Wise a few times now but I can’t for the life of me stand the way he writes. 

 

Wraine tried reading it a few times too when I got really frustrated with it but he couldn’t get past the first few pages either and he says it’s because Monoclais the Wise is a scholar and his book is meant for scholars, not us commonborn. I’d agree with him only if the book was written in Formal rather than Informal. If the book was originally written in Formal like I think it was, and this Informal copy was transcribed afterwards, then this book is meant to be read by people like us. It’s just difficult for us to read it like a scholar would since we’ve never even met a scholar before. 

 

Instead of The Foolish Sage, I’ve been having more fun reading the book about the Nasaar Kingdom’s flora. At least the author of this book kept his writing concise and factual rather than abstract and thoughtful. I’ve also been talking with Riane a lot regarding her knowledge of plants. Although she seems distant when I speak with her, she’s always willing to answer any questions I might have while she continues her work. She’s even let me use some of her tools to practice and I’ve made a small stockpile of Dyrep berry powder that I’ve been using every morning and every night. 

 

The Dyrep powder looks pure white and all it needs is a bit of water to turn into a slightly bitter paste which I then rub on my teeth. It’s been working pretty well so far considering I’ve gotten compliments on my teeth more than once now. Not only that but Riane even gave me her personal journal she used in the past when she was studying botany. I think she thinks I’m interested in medicine and healing but I’m too afraid to tell her I just want to learn how to make poison. I’m not sure how that conversation would go. Regardless, her journal gave me something else to read when I finished the book about Nasaar’s flora.

 

When I asked Wraine how it was going with his book on magic, he said it wasn’t going too well and he’s had to ask Olin for help on multiple occasions to get him to summarize the main points. He feels like he at least knows enough now to take the test at the mage’s guild and not get blindsided by the process. He even has an idea of what sorts of magic systems he wants to learn but that’ll largely depend on his aptitude once he takes the test. 

 

Wraine wants to go to the mage’s guild soon and after I made some purchases earlier this month, we still have about 2 gold, 49 silver, and 51 copper left. It’s still a pretty decent amount and it’s enough that he wants me to go as well to take the test at the same time with him. To be honest, I’m unbelievably tempted. I mean, who wouldn’t be? Magic is… well, magic. Fire bursting from my palm, lightning scorching my foes, and like Olin showed me firsthand, tree roots bursting from the ground to wrap up onto my enemies’ ankles. I think I’ll go. 

 

Speaking of Olin, two days after the war with Midriver’s Finest ended, he came back to the compound covered in cuts and bruises carrying a sick little girl around six winters old on his back. Derriv wasn’t joking when he said the slums had turned into a battlefield following the collapse of Midriver’s Finest and Olin nearly became one of the casualties. Riane was able to patch him up good as new, as she likes to say in that odd way of hers and she also treated Olin’s little sister, Paige. Paige has a close resemblance to Olin and has the same wheat blond hair her older brother has. 

 

Unfortunately, even though Riane was able to treat Paige, Olin told us the little girl has always had a sickly constitution and can only be out of bed for a few hours each day. Though having Ilya and Mary play with her even when she’s in bed seemed to lift Paige’s spirit considerably which in turn brightened up Olin and made him work harder repairing the compound. Olin’s not much older than Wraine and I and he’s only 17 winters old. When I asked him about his parents and how he could use magic, he spilled the beans pretty easily and only reinforced what I thought of him when we first met: not a trace of guile in his bones. 

 

He’s a nice enough guy and since he’s pretty similar in age to us, we’ve gotten along well and he and his sister usually have dinner with our usual group consisting of me, Wraine, Bafal, Ilya, Mary, Quinn when he’s not drunk, Angelene when she’s not drunk, and Derriv when he’s not drunk. But I couldn't help having sympathy for him when I learned about how he ended up working for Reed. 

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Olin and Paige’s parents owned an inn in the residential district when they were bought out by Madame Carrina, one of the three major bandit factions in Midriver. I don’t think Madame Carrina’s faction has a real name which I’ve learned is what Alira does. Alira didn’t bother with coming up with a name for his organization and instead relied solely on his personal name and the notoriety he built for himself to strike fear into the hearts of everyone living in Midriver. 

 

I’m not sure if this is Madame Carrina’s approach as well or if Olin just didn’t know what her gang’s called. Regardless, Madame Carrina bought the inn and paid them a pretty substantial sum for it which was surprising to me considering anyone else in this city would have taken the inn by force and told Olin’s parents to go fuck themselves. However, their problems only started from there. 

 

Olin was born with what he calls mana sight. It’s a particularly rare ability that sometimes shows up in humans at birth but it’s also a spell that can be learned at the rudimentary rank. Although, the learned spell can’t perfectly replicate the same effectiveness or efficiency as the natural born ability. Those born with mana sight are able to intrinsically see how a spell is constructed and then deconstructed by its practitioner. This is apparently a massive aid in learning magic and its practice. 

 

Olin’s parents suspected their son had this ability from the things he said to them while growing up and from the various gossip they heard every day while running an inn. But earning an honest living in Midriver is already difficult enough and they needed to save an entire gold coin to let Olin test his aptitude for the magic arts. It was hard for them but they expected to have enough within two more years while accounting for their living expenses. Unexpectedly, Madame Carrina bought their inn and gave them more than enough to let Olin take the test and then some. And that’s what they did. 

 

Olin took the test at the mage’s guild early one day and found out he’s incredibly talented with magic and ran to the house his family was temporarily staying in only to find both of his parents mutilated and the house ransacked. Olin wasn’t sure what happened to his family and immediately searched the house for Paige who he found hiding in the crawlspace underneath where the bodies were, traumatized by witnessing both of her parents being murdered. He told us since that day, Paige hasn’t spoken a word. She’ll only communicate by nodding or shaking her head now and that’s how he figured out who the killers were. 

 

It turns out the killers were a married couple who were friends with his parents. The most likely reason that Wraine and I could think up was that their parents told the friends about their newfound wealth because they trusted them and their friends betrayed that trust and killed them for it. It’s incredibly unfortunate and sad but this is the type of city we’re living in. 

 

From there, Olin took Paige and ran to the slums where they’ve been living since. Most of their money was gone since Olin took the test and paid for a few spells he could learn while the rest was stolen from their house. Since then, Olin’s been barely surviving in the slums casting Rejuvenation secretly for a few copper coins each time fearing the church’s retribution for stealing their business. 

 

At least he’s shrewd enough to understand the concept of intruding on others’ business and the lengths they’d go to get rid of that intrusion. While he was healing people, he built a bit of a reputation for himself in the slums and that’s probably how Reed found him. Reed offered him 5 gold coins to help him attack our compound. It was an amount Olin could only dream of while living in the slums for the past few months and with Paige falling ill again, he had to take it. As he should have. I would’ve done the same if I were in his boots. I’m actually really glad I didn’t end up killing him a month ago knowing what I know about him and his past now. 

 

Although, it’s only a reminder that every person I killed could have a story exactly like Olin’s or it could even be worse and that’s a depressing thought. When I’m in the moment of killing, I don’t feel anything inside. No regret, no remorse, nothing. I can’t afford to have those thoughts or feelings during a fight or I’d die instead of the people I’m killing. In the past, when I thought about those murders after the fact, I could justify them to myself and say they had to happen, keeping my heart unsteady but at least it was firm. 

 

But this past month and the constant nightmares I’ve been having have shaken me to my core. I promised myself I wouldn't drink anymore after my first hangover but it’s become something I need to keep living. Every night, after dinner, when the girls are fast asleep, I’d head back into the pantry and drink until I black out. It doesn’t stop me from dreaming completely but it does lessen it considerably and it also makes me wake up frequently in the middle of the night which further interrupts my dreaming. I’m tired every morning after waking up but at least I’ve nearly stopped dreaming. 

 

It used to be my favorite thing in the world to do. Every night on the farm I’d hope I’d dream that night just to take me away from that horrible place and visit somewhere special even just for a little while. Some place that only I, in the entire village, knew about. The city in my dreams was my solace and the place I loved the most because I thought it made me special. I thought it meant I was destined for greater things. But every time I came close to death, it only woke me up from those dreams, those delusions. I’m not meant for anything great. I’m not special. I’m nothing. The dreams that I used to love only hurt me now.

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