Chapter 8: Proposals

When the alarm rang at five-thirty, they groaned and hoped that it would shut up, but it was relentless. Their girlfriend got up and stretched, and then she pushed them towards the edge of the mattress until their feet slipped down and they had to sit up. Their head was dizzy, and as much as they rubbed their eyes, their vision wouldn’t clear up until they splashed handsful of cold water in their face.

While their girlfriend was in the shower, they went into their office and put their mug of coffee down on the desk. Above it, in proper office fashion, hung their framed diploma. They looked at it and couldn’t help but shake their head. There it was, and it was useless. At least it made them feel competent when they turned on their laptop and their work phone. No new messages. Thirteen portals were scheduled for their shift.

“All good?” she asked when she was about to head to work.

They shrugged. “It’s a calm morning, nothing has happened yet. Maybe that’s because it’s Friday.” Their phone vibrated to remind them of a scheduled portal in a quarter of an hour, at six-thirty. “Hope I don’t get too bored while you’re gone.”

She gave them a peck on the lips. “You could unclog the shower drain.” They smiled but knew she was only half-joking. The drain was prone to clogging.

“Hey,” they said as she was about to leave. “You ever thought about marrying?”

“Marrying?” She raised an eyebrow. “Like, us?”

“Yeah, I mean… I don’t know. But you could design the invitations, you know.”

“I could design… the invitations?”

“You’re really good at drawing. Like those roses you drew the other day. I really liked them.”

Her confused smile turned into a chuckle and then into a genuine smile. “I’ll think about it.” This time, she gave them a proper kiss. “I guess we could marry. I mean, why not.” And with a wave, she turned around and left the flat to cycle to work. They felt a portal being opened and saw who was stepping through. The visitors were ten minutes early, but they didn’t mind.

It was a quiet day and they had plenty of time to do work around the flat. The drain was unclogged, all the dishes done, the floor hoovered, and they were almost bored. Browsing social media was fun for a while, but after the third hour, it had lost its charm and they decided to try and find an occupation.

A few texts later, they sat in a cabin in the northern-most part of Finland. A fire was crackling in the fireplace and cast shaky shadows on the wooden walls. Outside, in the dark of the winter day, snow was falling and covering the ground faster than anybody could clear it. All sounds were buried under a layer of thick snow, and it was so quiet that they could hear every single snowflake hit the ground. There, in the cabin, Agbar sat on a large, wooden chair with Peter by their side.

“It’s quiet at the moment,” they said.

“But that’s good, isn’t it? We don’t want demons roaming the Earth, and if they stay in Hell on their own, that’s even better.” Peter held a glass of whiskey in his hand and swirled the double-rye in it. The bits of ice clanked against the glass. “Less work for you.”

“I committed quite the massacre yesterday.” Agbar sipped on their beer. “I had lost count of the number of unscheduled portals, and then one imp pushed all the right buttons.” They sighed. “So much bloodshed. And I ruined one imp’s flat.”

Peter leaned forward and rested his elbows on his legs. “I don’t mean to condone violence.” He sipped on his whiskey and cleared his throat. “My child, you are fulfilling the duty that has been bestowed upon you. And you are doing a good job. What you did yesterday was an act of violence, that much is undeniable and I won’t sugar-coat it. But, the way I see it, it was the lesser of two evils. Those imps… I think they were testing you. Trying to see how far they can go. And you protected Earth against them and whatever they were up to.”

“Isn’t there a third option? Or a fourth, even?” They stood up and walked closer to the flames. “Does it have to be either violence against imps or violence against the Earth? Can’t the connection between Earth and Hell be undone? Or blocked and only be opened for scheduled portals?”

Peter sighed and looked at the whiskey swirling around and around in his glass. “I’m afraid that is impossible. Then the whole crucifixion would’ve been for nothing, and we’d be in the same situation we were in right after Eden.”

“My brother mentioned that. A single carpenter caused so much chaos, is what he said.”

“You could say that.” Peter laughed, but his laughter wasn’t reciprocated. He stood up and put his hand on Agbar’s tall shoulder. “I want you to know that you are doing a great job. As far as I can tell from up there at the gates, there really isn’t anything you could do much better. Just be mindful of your actions. Do what has to be done, but also take good care of your soul.” He drank the rest of his whiskey in one go. “Now, let me ask you something. Why the demon form? You know that you don’t have to impress me.”

“The what? Oh, I see.” They chuckled through their disordered thoughts. As they turned around and shook their head with a smile, they forgot about their worries for a moment. “I like this form, to be honest. I think it suits me. It makes me comfortable, and the more time I spend--” A heavy pull to elsewhere tore at their heart. “What is…” They bent over and tried to resist, but deep inside of them, a voice was calling, luring them away from the cabin. Then, with a flash of lightning, they disappeared, and Peter found himself alone in the cabin. He sat back down on his chair and filled his glass, waiting for Agbar to return.

In a small, unfamiliar room, two fiery pillars rose from the floor to the ceiling, and when the flames perished in an instant, Agbar and Agarus were each standing in a circle drawn on the ground. The two of them were standing still and erect, both aware of the other next to them but not turning around. With their appearance, the sparse light that had been flowing through the curtained window had vanished, and darkness was drowning the room. Only small flames that cast long shadows of the two Dukes, their crocodiles, and the person kneeling in front of them pierced the darkness.

“It worked,” he said as he looked up at the tall hawk people before him. “I can’t believe it worked.” He looked around and noticed the crocodiles that were wandering the room more like shadows on the walls than animals, but his gaze quickly returned to the Dukes.

“You have summoned us,” Agarus said, but the human only replied with a nod and a smile. “For what reason have you summoned us, mortal?”

“Oh, I…” He brushed his hand through his hair but remained on his knees. “I’m just so excited I finally got it right. It was a lot of work to put together your seals from all the texts, and I still wasn’t sure if I should add the X or not, so I did both, and--” He looked back and forth between the two demons he had summoned. “I thought there was only one of you. Why did two of you show up?”

Agarus looked at his sibling and replied, “There are two of us, and you drew both my as well as their seal on the ground. Thus, we both appeared.” He returned to staring straight ahead. “Why did you, mortal, summon two Dukes of Hell?”

“I want…” He clenched his hands into fists. His voice was high-pitched and jumped from syllable to syllable in excitement. It reminded Agbar of a teenager meeting Justin Bieber. “I want power. I’ve been stuck in the same old rut for years now. I want to live, I want to laugh, I want to be able to dream again. Dream big. Break down the walls that I’m trapped in. Get out of this cage. And for all that… I would offer you my services.”

With as little movement of their head as possible, Agbar scanned the room. The man in front of them kept rambling about what he wanted from them. He was about forty years old. Behind him, on the far side of the room, was an undone bed with stained sheets, and his desk was littered with printed pages from all kinds of books about demons. They even spotted what they recognised as a page from The Lesser Key of Solomon. The curtains were torn in some places, and the floor was in dire need of a hoover. Shelves filled with heavy, important-looking books lined the walls, and above his desk, there was a framed diploma: University of American Samoa, Law School.

“Your services?” Agarus asked. “We reign over legions of demons. Why would we need a mortal soul like yours alongside them? We have no use for you in war, and what good could you do us in any other manner?”

“My Lord, I can serve in any way you want.” The man began to stutter. “Just… tell me what to do and I will--”

“You don’t understand. Neither of us has any use for you.”

“Well, that’s… maybe you don’t. But what about you?” He turned to Agbar. “I’m not sure which one of you is Agarus, but one of you could arrange a deal with me, right?”

“I am Agbar of the Ars Goetia. Duke Agarus is my brother. His words are true. Neither he nor I have any use for a mortal soul like yours.”

“Why did you approach us for this matter?” Agarus continued.

“It’s… You know, it’s hard to put together the seals from what little information is available, and yours were some of the first I was confident would work. I figured, before I try to summon Lucifer or someone like that--”

“Summon him, then.” Agarus shook his head. “Or any other demon who might be interested in your soul. You have read the texts. You know who to summon.”

“I can summon him right now.” The man jumped to his feet and took a few steps back to reveal the summoning circle that had been hidden behind his back. When he saw the circle, Agarus’s eyes grew large, and for the first time, he was visibly lost for words.

“You fool,” were the first words that slipped out of his mouth. “How can a man be intelligent enough to draw three perfect seals, yet foolish enough to put them to use?”

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The man went back on his knees in front of the seal of Lucifer and started chanting Aramaic phrases he had rehearsed in front of a mirror many times. Both Agarus and Agbar understood the words he was saying, and with every sentence uttered, it became clearer and clearer that this person knew exactly what he was doing. Word by word, the flames in the room shrunk until they fizzled out and the dark crocodiles returned to the eternal shadows, and when the last one of them was gone, the seal of Lucifer began to glow. Agbar and Agarus went down in genuflection, each resting one arm on their knee, and bowed their heads deeply. Then, dark, blue flames floating in the air illuminated the room. Before the man’s eyes, some of those flames bundled together and revealed the pale, grinning face of Lucifer behind them.

“Finally!” Lucifer cheered and danced a waltz across the room. “It has been ages. Last time someone summoned me, they hadn’t even invented lighters yet. You’ve done a very good job, mortal. And I see that you’ve brought along two Dukes. Having a nice get-together, the lot of us, isn’t that lovely? Oh, you may rise,” Lucifer said. The two Dukes rose to their feet and flanked Lucifer, one on each side two steps behind him, but when the human attempted to stand up, he was fast to add, “Not you, mortal.”

“I apologi--”

“Don’t sweat it. I’m just glad to be here. Now, you’re looking for business connections, isn’t that so? I’m always interested in investment opportunities, so you better not waste my time, mortal. Tell me what you’ve got!”

“I… my Lord, I am looking for power in exchange for my service. I want to bend another man’s will to my liking. In exchange…” The man paused for a second and admired the three demons. “…I offer my services to you. Whatever you want, I will do it.”

“Hm.” Lucifer tapped his chin. “A classic, really. Giving you power in exchange for your eternal soul. It hasn’t happened in a while now because the spells and seals got lost over the centuries, but I don’t see why I shouldn’t give you a chance.” He looked over his shoulder at Agbar. “You know, mortal, Agbar here is adopted too, so it’s no big deal, really.” Something about his words hurt them, but they didn’t let it show. Lucifer walked a quick circle around the human and beckoned him with a gesture of his finger. The man stood up and approached him. The Dukes towered over Lucifer, but he was still taller than the human. “Agarus, Agbar, you two are dismissed.”

The Dukes stepped backwards with their heads bowed, and once they were inside their summoning circles again, they disappeared in a pillar of flames and took the seals on the floor with them. The last thing they could hear was Lucifer as he said, “Now, let’s get down to business.”

Back in the cabin in Finland, Peter wasn’t surprised when he saw Agbar step out of a portal, but Agarus’s appearance was unexpected. He was aware of what had happened as it wasn’t the first time he had witnessed a demon being summoned, but he was curious nonetheless.

“A lawyer, I think,” Agbar said. “Lots of books about the law, statutes, all that. Seemed a bit depressed. A bit power-hungry.”

“Power-hungry is a polite way to put it.” Agarus took a glass from the counter and poured himself some of Peter’s whiskey. He drank it in one go and his face distorted in disgust. “I can’t believe you drink this. This lawyer is a moron. He should have known better. Summoning Lucifer himself, who in their right mind would think that’s a good idea? OTHER NAME or SOME OTHER, but not Lucifer.”

“He summoned Lucifer?” Peter looked concerned. “Oh my, that’s… that’s not good.”

“He’ll go right back to Hell after making that deal, you know that.”

“Oh, I’m not worried about him being in the mortal world. Just that lawyer’s soul… it’s gone for good, really. I’m not sure if there’s a way for him to get out of that.”

Agbar observed the two casually talking about the man’s soul, and they couldn’t help but find a morbid curiosity in humans who summoned demons to request something, anything, really, in exchange for their soul. They hadn’t offered their soul for power. Quite the opposite, Hell had approached them first. They didn’t like the idea of people giving away their eternal souls for temporary bliss, and they couldn’t image how desperate one had to be to willingly do so. Still, the act made them curious.

“Say, the lawyer offered his soul to us first. Does that mean we can make deals too?” they asked no one in particular.

“Yes,” Agarus replied. “I never taught you that because I don’t do it myself, and I forgot to mention it. We can make deals. With any soul, dead or alive. Humans, imps, succubi, the whole lot. The only advice I’d give you is that you shouldn’t offer deals to demons that are more powerful than you. Besides that, be as specific as you can about what they will get from you, but be vague in what you will receive from them. It’s that simple, really.”

“Perhaps,” Peter interrupted, “I might offer some advice as well.”

“What advice could you give them on deals?”

“Well, my advice would be not to make any deals at all.” He looked at the swirling whiskey in his glass, his mind adrift. “We’ve had this conversation before, Agbar. Or a similar one, at least. I’m sure you remember.”

Agbar did remember the conversation they had had. Their mortal soul was still intact, and all their actions would have consequences on the Final Day. Still, they could make deals, and the idea was enticing.

 

Although Saturday usually was their short day, Agarus had asked them to cover him for an hour in the afternoon. This cut into their time spent with their girlfriend, and while that was annoying, Agarus had promised to make it up in the future. And so, the day after being summoned by the lawyer, Agbar was on duty at four in the afternoon. For the most part, it didn’t look much different from what they had intended to do: they were playing video games with their girlfriend and taking turns on the controller. There were a couple of scheduled portals, but all they had to do was take their phone and keep a record of them. Unscheduled portals were always a bit slow on Saturday because the connection between Hell and the mortal world was blocked on Sundays, and most demons didn’t like the idea of being stuck on Earth like that.

The potential extra day on Earth didn’t stop all demons from opening portals on Saturdays, and this Saturday, too, an unscheduled portal opened. With a sigh, they looked at their phone. There was no notification, but their girlfriend didn’t know that. Any claims they made – some minor issue they had to fix, it wouldn’t take long – were accepted. With an excuse on their lips, they went into their small home office and closed the door so they could focus, and their girlfriend could keep playing without their mumbling in the background. They only had to promise to be done by five to make dinner together.

In Delaware, somewhere near the coast, Agbar was waiting next to the opening portal. As they were waiting, they looked around and let their mind wander. Under an overpass, hidden from the passing cars behind a few bushes and trees, they closed another button of their dark red shirt and tucked it into their pants. Their white feathers were still peeking out, but not as much any more.

A succubus with scared eyes stepped through the portal, and she had a small wooden box with her. With her deep, raspy voice, she said, “Duke Agarus. I apologise for entering the human world without permission. I--”

“I am Agbar,” they said and saw the fearful expression on her face turn to terror. “But you may proceed. Why have you entered the human world?”

She swallowed hard and grasped the box firmly. “I… I am a tattoo artist. One of my clients asked me for a tattoo with ink that glows under UV light, but supply in Hell is short at the moment.”

“Then tell your client to wait. You will get your hands on this ink eventually, won’t you.”

“Yes, but…” She sighed heavily. Had Agbar’s white eyes conveyed any emotion at all, maybe she would’ve been more at ease, but she couldn’t read a thing in them. “The client is an Overlord. If I tell him to wait… even if you deny me entry… I wouldn’t have come here if I didn’t have to, you must believe me.” She watched Agbar take a few steps, thinking about what to do. There was a chance, or so she thought, to gain the Duke’s favour. “My Dark Lord, I thought I would meet Duke Agarus and brought a bottle of wine that I heard he really likes.” She held the wooden box out to them and they took it from her hands. A well-aged, dry, red wine. It really was their brother’s favourite kind. “I’m not sure if you’ll like it too, but please, take it as a sign of my good will.”

“Do you have a human disguise?” Agbar asked. The succubus nodded, and when she closed her eyes, her body began to glow lightly until she appeared in a human form. Agbar eyed her and tried to find the right words. “Am I correct in assuming that you bought this disguise from the same type of shady back alley dealer that opened this portal for you?” The disguise was human enough, but the portal had been unstable, and it wouldn’t have surprised them if she had vanished between the dimensions forever.

Agbar looked at the wooden box, then at her, and at the surrounding area. The two were still well hidden, but once they left this spot, they would have to be more than careful to remain as inconspicuous as possible, even on a Saturday morning.

“The store you wish to visit,” Agbar said, “is not far from here, is it?” The succubus shook her head. Agbar gave the box one last look. “I will give this to my brother. It is of no use to me. You may proceed with your business… under some conditions.”

A knot formed in the succubus’s throat, but she tried to keep smiling through her disguise. “What… what kind of conditions, my Dark Lord?”

“I will allow you to enter the human world this one time. Once you have bought the inks you need, you will return at once. I will accompany you to the store to ensure your good behaviour and open a safe portal for you to return… And perhaps, one day, you will be able to return the favour.” They extended their right hand to her. “Is that a deal you’d be willing to take?”

She swallowed hard, her eyes twitching between their eyes and their hand. The portal behind her had closed long ago, and although Agbar didn’t seem to want to hurt her even if she were to decline the offer, they made her nervous. Her left hand wiped sweat off her forehead, and her right hand reached out to shake theirs.

“It’s a deal,” she said. When she touched their hand, she felt heavy chains around her neck that tied her soul to Agbar.

“Good.” Agbar began to glow themselves and turned into a human shape. “I’m sure you won’t regret it.”

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