Chapter 59: Interlude II: The Melancholy of a Queen…

Echoes of Fire and Shadows

Interlude II: The Melancholy of a Queen…

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-----??? POV-----

I was currently in the large and majestic throne room that my ancestor, Navar I, had built with her own hands.

The ancient obsidian brick walls absorbed whatever little light managed to get through the curtains I used to cover the countless windows in this throne room.

In this room that could easily hold a thousand of my subjects at once, there was no one else but me. No… I was definitely the only person left in the entire castle…

Normally, this castle would be overflowing with servants who took care of the upkeep of my ancestral home as well as my needs. There were also many of my subjects whose sole purpose was to seek to have an audience with me, but today was no such day…

While I sat on my golden throne with an empty bottle of Giant's Wine in one hand and a soft plush toy in the other, I was painfully aware of what day was today…

Today is the tenth birthday of my first and only son, Crux. My heir… My moon and stars… My one and only treasure... My everything… The one I love the most…

"..." I couldn't help but look at the empty bottle and frown. "This shit doesn't even do anything anymore…" I let out a depressed sigh before throwing the bottle against the wall, watching it break into a thousand pieces, and then picking another fresh bottle from the crate beside my throne.

It was once again this time of the year… The day I dreaded the most had arrived and I, yet again, had failed to bring my son back home after sending him away from our homeland for his own safety…

"What a pathetic excuse of a queen I am… Talented? The second coming of Navar I? The one who will save all Demonkind and the Dark Races from the sieging army of angels? Such bullshit!" I rose from my seat and shouted at the top of my lungs so I could let out all of the wrath and sorrow I had inside…

My name is Pyxis Nathania Vida Navar IV, and I am the current Queen of All Demons as well as the current Queen of Gliosis.

I'm the second youngest Demon Queen in the history of my family, following closely after my ancestor and founder of my country, Navar I, who officially claimed the title of Demon Queen at the young age of 100 years old. I claimed the title almost twenty years ago when I turned 102 years old.

Ever since I could reason, I was told more often than not that I was a prodigy or a genius. No matter what I did, I always excelled in every aspect of my life, and on top of being a so-called genius, I was also a hard worker.

From a very young age, I knew my place in the world and what was my mission in life, my duty, so because of that, I worked harder than anyone to be more than exceptional in whatever I did.

I was the pride and joy of my parents and when I ascended to the throne after defeating my own father in a duel as per our traditions, I became the pride of our country… Even our patron goddess and protector, Lady Lia, often praised me for my achievements and my efforts.

I had achieved everything that was expected of me and more. I was very proud of myself but I did not plan to stop there… I wanted to become the best queen I could be, the queen that my people desperately needed.

I wanted to release my people from this prison that also served as our home.

After my coronation, for the first time in my life, my father and I had an argument and it was a very serious one… 

He wanted me to get married and leave an heir as soon as possible. He wished for me to go ahead with the engagement he had arranged for me when I was still a child, but I didn't want to marry in such a cold way…

Even if I was the new ruler of our country, I was still my own person, and only I had the right to choose who I wanted to marry.

That was when I first started to realize how heavy my father's expectations actually were.

The man who used to be my fiancé back then was the scion of one of the ruling families of Gliosis. His name was Matheus Archibald Asannon… A Vampire… A member of one of the races under my protection. Someone who would live almost as long as I would.

However, instead of marrying Matheus, I married someone who actually suited my fancy instead, even if my father didn't approve of him… That person was the second son of another ruling family, Droam Darius Azorius. A human. Someone who would not live for more than a century. Someone who would definitely die much sooner than I would…

I had many suitors back when I first became Queen and even a lot more before that, but out of all of them, Droam was the only one who managed to win my heart and all of my love…

I must admit that I didn't like him that much when we first met. I was a little curious about him, but that was it. I felt like that mainly because I met him during a tea party hosted by his parents when he was merely a 10-year-old child. That was a few years before I rose to the throne.

Although I didn't have much of an interest in him, the same couldn't be said about Droam… According to him, he was so smitten the first time he saw me that he fell in love at first sight.

Ever since that moment when he first saw me, the cunning bastard became very persistent, going as far as asking me to marry him on a daily basis and calling me the love of his life.

Of course, I have never been that kind of despicable pervert, so I rejected him each time. He looked so heartbroken each time I rejected him. He never pushed any of my boundaries, but he never gave up. Every time I rejected him, he told me again and again that he would become someone worthy of me and that he would make me fall for him.

I must admit that I found his tenacity admirable even if I was troubled by all of his love confessions.

By the time he was 20 years old, he had become such a handsome young man who had such a way with words... It became increasingly difficult to reject his marriage proposal… Mainly, because I started to get interested in him.

He and I had more in common than I initially thought. In fact, the more time spent with him and I got to know him, the harder I fell for the handsome human man.

Like myself, he also had been considered a genius all of his life. By the age of 12, he was already a master of the style of the Blade of Tranquility, the secret sword arts that his family developed and had been passed down for generations ever since our country was founded.

He was pretty lazy at times, which really irritated me beyond words and got on my nerves so much! The clever bastard even used that as an excuse to make me scold him so we could spend time together!

I do have to admit that even if he was lazy, he knew when he needed to pull off his weight and always gave his all when he needed to do so. 

He was also pretty dorky and silly at times, more often than not he was making me laugh with his stupid antics and harmless pranks.

In fact, one of the funniest things about him is that he has a severe case of motion sickness. He can't, for the life of him, get on a boat or he will be sick for hours on end! This wouldn't be a problem if we didn't live on an archipelago and his family didn't live on a different island.

To make a long story short, the clever bastard managed to make me fall for him hard… 

Before I knew it, I couldn't imagine life without him by my side, so I married him. I married him because I obviously loved him and also to spite my own father a little…

Of course, life followed its course, and less than half a year after our wedding, I became pregnant with our child, the fruit of our love. I was both ecstatic and dumbfounded since normally, Demons struggle a lot when it comes to having children, even more so than elves, so getting pregnant in just six short months was nothing but a miracle.

Almost nine months after that, we welcomed our child into the world… It was such an auspicious occasion that even Lady Lia herself personally attended to watch his birth.

Being pregnant and giving birth to my child was difficult… It was probably the most difficult thing I had ever done… There were moments during the birth when I thought that neither I nor my baby would make it… But with Droam and Lady Lia by my side, everything went well. 

So after one final push, my baby boy was born. He was way smaller compared to other newborns I had seen before, but he was healthy and that was all that mattered to me.

Until that day, I never imagined that I'd love someone more than I loved my husband… It felt like my whole purpose in life was to meet the small being I was holding in my arms. I was so filled with happiness…

However, despite the happiness, the birth of our son gave us, Droam and I realized that there was a serious problem moments after he was born… 

Crux wasn't a demon like me… He wasn't a half-demon either… He was born as a human just like his father and his family… He was born as a full-blooded human…

If I hadn't given birth to Crux myself, I would have accused Droam of infidelity… In fact, I was so confused at that moment that I thought that I was the one who cheated even though Droam had been my one and only partner…

Lady Lia had to intervene and calm us down before any of us could do something stupid or accuse the other of something ridiculous.

She then explained to us exactly why our child had been born like that…

According to our goddess, it is a fact that demonic genes are far more dominant than the genes of other species. So much so that if a demon is involved, then no matter the race of their partner, the possibility of their offspring being demons is around 98%. In other other words, the possibilities of the child of a demon being born as a member of the same race as their partner are extremely low. 

Those same strong genes are the reason why we haven't gone extinct thanks to our difficulties in conceiving children.

So, following that logic, it should have been virtually impossible for our child to not be at least half-demon…

That is when Lia revealed that our son's body was not strong enough to endure the raw power of our bloodline... The power that all demons inherited from the original Demon King, Bass after the conception of our race.

As a result of my son's inability to endure that power, Lia had to seal his whole demonic side so he wouldn't meet his end in my womb before he could even start living… 

My son was truly a miracle baby… If it wasn't for Lady Lia, that miracle wouldn't have come into our lives…

I was relieved because I honestly didn't care what race my child was since I was going to love him all the same no matter what he was. He was alive and he was with us, and that's all I wanted…

But, at the same time, I was conflicted and scared… I was aware of what the implications of my son being a human were…

He would mature in the blink of an eye as most humans do, and just like his father, my child was going to grow up, marry someone, have children and then die way before his own mother…

A million thoughts ran through my mind… All I could think of was how this was such a cruel fate… I was so scared to lose him already… Even if I had made peace with the fact that Droam would eventually pass away, I couldn't imagine having to watch my son become an old man and then have to bury him… The mere thought of that just terrified me beyond belief…

The only reason why I didn't become a crying mess that day after such an auspicious occasion and such a tragic revelation, was all thanks to Lady Lia's words… Words that I still fully remember to this day…

"Pyxis, Droam… Do not fret, as your worst fears will not come true. Before you know it, an opportunity will come for your child to prove himself before you and the world. When that time comes, should he be successful in proving his strength, I shall unlock his demonic blood for good, allowing him to get access to the demon's long life span... For that purpose, you two must train your child so he will be strong enough for when the time comes." I could hear clear as day Lady Lia's prophecy in my head.

Lady Lia has the unique ability to see small glimpses of what the future will hold… Although she admitted that she's not capable of using that ability at will as those glimpses of the future come to her naturally at random intervals and that she can't choose what she's going to see, she has never been wrong about any of her predictions. 

Lady Lia's prophecy involved a task that was already expected of Droam and me… After all, Crux was now my sole heir. Even if nothing were to happen to me, he was going to take my place as the ruler of all demons even if it was until his short lifespan ran out… But I wouldn't allow that to happen. I wouldn't let my son die of old age before me, his mother…

I would do everything in my power to ensure that Crux would succeed in proving himself to Lady Lia and the world to ensure that his life would not become an ephemeral memory…

"Cruxy…" My eyes immediately started to water as I thought of my son's face. "Would you have been happier if I wasn't your mother?" I asked with sadness, but there was no one to answer that question.

After receiving Lady Lia's prophecy, everything started going wrong…

My child Crux was many things… He was sweet, gentle, thoughtful, way smarter than most children his age, very silly like his father, and a hard worker like myself, but he wasn't as talented as me or his father…

That's right… My son had no notable talents for swordsmanship or magic, he was just a normal human boy. He was able to understand and absorb most of the concepts we taught him quickly, but he struggled when it came to putting those concepts into practice. But that was to be expected… He was merely 3 years old when we started teaching him. His progress was slow and steady like it was supposed to be for a normal child who was learning something new.

But that wasn't good enough… And it was all because of me…

Since Crux was Droam's and I's child, everyone had high expectations of him, especially our parents… Because of all of my achievements, I had condemned my own child to live in my shadow because he wasn't as talented as I was when I was his age… I had condemned him to be burdened with everyone's expectations…

Even so, I was desperate… I wanted to make sure that my son would be prepared to face Lady Lia's prophecy… 

Even though Lady Lia was constantly reassuring me that everything would be fine as long as Crux kept learning at a steady pace, I couldn't shake off my anxiety… So, Against my better judgment, I asked my father and Droam's father for their help.

What a fool I was… They immediately proposed harsher and more difficult training regimes for the boy, as well as several tutors for other aspects that he didn't need to learn so early…

The two of them said that we had to be strict with Crux while teaching him, not caring and understanding… 

In hindsight, I can see that both my father and Droam's father took advantage of our youth at the time and the fact that even if we had a few conflicts in the past, we didn't have a reason to doubt their advice.

By demon standards, even though I was over one hundred years old, I was barely considered a young adult. Droam was a young adult too by human standards, so our parents knew that it was exactly because of the fact that we were young that we wouldn't refuse their advice.

Instead of listening to Lady Lia, I chose to listen to those two old men for a long time… That is a regret that I will carry for the rest of my days…

But…

Even after we suddenly became stricter and harsher with him, Crux persevered. He was improving, but his progress was still slow.

He never complained about his training and kept working hard… All because he didn't want to disappoint us… He was always saying that he wanted to be as strong as me….

Every time I remember him smiling at me while telling me that he wanted to make me proud, I can't help but hate myself so much… Those words only remind me of how much of a failure I actually am.

Truly, I could have never asked for a better son… It is such a shame that he couldn't get a better mother…

I never failed as a queen, as a student, as a daughter, or as a wife… But I failed in the most important aspect of all, I failed as a mother. I failed my son so many times that everything else just doesn't matter at this point…

"Cruxy… Would you ever forgive this idiot you had for a mother?" I once again asked a question that wouldn't be answered.

I hugged Crux's favorite toy tightly, all so I could pretend that he was here with me…

It wasn't until several years later that I realized how many times I had failed my son, and it was already too late by then…

On one particular day after his seventh birthday, we were spending time together in our favorite place in the world, just the two of us. It was one of the rare days where Crux actually complained about his training…

He had just finished his sword lessons with his father and then after having a short break, I would be tutoring him with magic. It was our usual routine.

But that day, I could see it… How dejected and depressed he looked about not making any progress with his training…

That day, I finally realized how badly I had screwed everything up… I had realized how everyone's crushing expectations were weighing on his shoulders and it was all my fault…

After seeing that, I knew that I couldn't allow that situation to continue any longer... I had failed my son and I had to put an end to everything before I could fail him again.

After hugging my Cruxy, comforting him, and reassuring him that things were going to change, I summoned my husband, his father, and my father to an urgent meeting.

I was willing to cut ties with our families for the sake of my son. I didn't want to see that lonely expression on his face ever again and I was going to make sure of it.

I went as far as picking up a somewhat hidden room in the castle for that meeting, just so I would make sure Crux wouldn't hear what we were talking about.

I was certain that I was about to blow up in front of all three of them, however, I was able to hold my anger back, because it wasn't a discussion where I could show myself being emotional. I knew that the two old men would take advantage of that.

After we all had taken our seats, before I could even open my mouth to tear our parents a new one, my father spoke up first.

He started by asking how much progress Crux had made, but before letting me answer his question, my father-in-law told him that Crux hadn't improved at all. He knew because he had helped my husband in one training session a few days before that…

My father grew frustrated and then said some words that I will never forget and that I will not forgive him for…

"Seriously… I give up. At this point, training that boy is completely pointless. He has shown again and again that he doesn't have a single speck of your talent, Pyxis. If he had at least some, he wouldn't be so useless. It would be the end of Gliosis if he were to become a Demon King considering his unbelievable lack of talent, so for the sake of our people, I suggest that you and Droam move on and start trying for a second child. Maybe, that one will actually be a worthy successor! As for the boy, you should just send him to a monastery so he can become a priest or a monk since praying doesn't require any actual talent!"

My father-in-law immediately nodded in agreement with my father, while Droam and I were horrified... Those were words a grandparent should never use to talk about his grandchild… 

I couldn't believe what he was saying…

While my father started making jokes at my child's expense and talked about maybe the next child would be the good one, I was stunned…

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As he kept talking about those nefarious things, I was filled with such an overwhelming rage and hatred that the first and only thought I had in my mind was to murder my own father right then and there. Even to this day, I still remember that dark heavy feeling…

My father's expression changed into one of surprise and disbelief as soon as he noticed that I was gathering all the mana I had to end his life in one single devastating spell. My own husband and my father-in-law were flabbergasted too, since barring the time I had to duel my father for my title of Queen, it was the first time that I was actively going against my father.

However, as much as I wanted to kill him, I didn't end my father's life there. Just when I was about to do it, I saw Crux standing by the door by chance… For the first time in a long time, he was crying.

Even when his training and his duties as a prince got overwhelming, my son almost never cried. Even as an infant, he rarely cried and instead usually wore a heartwarming and reassuring smile. 

But at that moment, that particular smile of his was gone. He looked completely heartbroken as tears streamed down his cheeks…

Everyone in the room including my father, who was the one who had caused those tears, was silent.

Even though my father had never shown his affection as my mother did to my son, Crux had a deep admiration for his grandparents when he was little, so to hear those words from someone he admired finally broke him…

Before any of us even had the time to say something to him, he ran away from us as fast as he could…

That's when I realized that I had failed my son yet again…

"..." I brought the plushie closer to me as I quaffed the entire bottle of wine. "Oh, Cruxy… I know there's no way you could ever forgive me… But even so, your mommy will not rest until I'm worthy of your love…" I whispered those words as I threw the empty bottle against the wall, just like the previous one.

Needless to say, I chased after him. There was only one place that I knew that he would go… Our favorite beach.

I didn't even know what to say to him or how to comfort him after hearing such devastating words… In fact, I couldn't stop praying to Lady Lia to help me out of this situation.

As I arrived at that beach with my mind running with a million thoughts, I found out that Crux was not there… He wasn't anywhere near the castle in fact… I couldn't feel his presence anymore…

I became anxious… For the first time ever, I didn't know where my son was… No matter how desperately I looked for him and how many of my subjects I sent to look for him, we never found him…

I was restless… I thought that it was my punishment for being a failure of a mother… I thought that I was never going to see my child again… 

My mind was even starting to wander towards even darker possibilities…

Thankfully, Lady Lia finally heard my prayers and came out of her Divine Realm to help me…

Thanks to the fierce attacks of the swarm of angels stationed outside of Gliosis, Lady Lia had to spend much of her time maintaining the barrier that protected us from our certain extinction… But even if she had limited time, she was very close with Crux… In fact, she doted on him quite a lot… So when she found out what had happened with Crux, she was livid.

She chastised every single one of us. Calling me and Droam a couple of stupid doormats, and she called our parents a pair of hypocritical old men who are so full of crap…

I knew that every single one of the words that she told us were completely true… Droam and I were doormats and allowed our parents to tell us how to parent our child and accepted their way as the only way, only because I was scared of my son dying of old age before me…

Lady Lia was right to call me an idiot until she lost her breath for not trusting her words…

After Lady Lia got tired of scolding us, she managed to locate Crux in the blink of an eye…

Crux was on an island an hour away from Bassand. He was there with a group of strange hooded individuals… 

In other words, he had been kidnapped. As soon as Lady Lia said that word, my heart dropped… I couldn't stop thinking about how much I had failed Crux in just a single day… There were no words to express how ashamed of myself and how guilty I felt…

But I didn't have the time to deal with those feelings... He was alive and rescuing him was my utmost priority.

Before I was able to rush to that place, Lady Lia explained to me that she couldn't tell where my child was exactly, but she could tell his general location. She told me that something or someone was messing with her perception, so she told me that I needed to be cautious as it was a huge possibility that the hooded individuals were part of the rebellious movement that was rising at the time…

"That damned rebel scum…" I gritted my teeth as I remembered the monsters who had taken my young son for their evil purposes…

The Order of the Four Petals… A rebellious group that is filled with criminals whose sole purpose is to depose me from the throne. They claim that they do it for the good of the people, but they have done nothing but threaten our delicate stability…

Murder, rape, kidnapping, even forcing young children into becoming slaves… Those were just a few of the many crimes the "self-righteous" group had committed in the past.

Such people had my son on their hands… I needed to rescue him and do it quickly, no matter the cost.

With Lia's help, she teleported all of us to the place where my son was being held captive. Even my father and father-in-law were there, even though I didn't want to be involved any further… Lady Lia brought them to cover more terrain, even if they were such "pieces of shit" as she called them.

The island was overrun with those black hooded individuals. Most of them were demons and vampires, but there were a few humans amongst them too. They were all stronger than the average soldier, but they were still nothing compared to me or the people of our group…

I wish I could say that I did what I was told by Lia or Droam to capture at least one of them to get to the mastermind of this crime, but I didn't…

As soon as we set foot on the island, I lost my mind and went on a rampage…  Men, women, demons, vampires, humans… It didn't matter to me their gender, their age, their race, their beliefs, and their motives… They had taken my baby away from me and as such, they faced the fear and despair only the Demon Queen could bring.

By the time I returned to my senses, the island had been set ablaze and I was in front of a door that led to the basement of a beaten-down manor… Not a single one of the black hooded individuals had survived. That much was clear to me the moment I saw the pools of blood nearby.

I didn't care in the slightest about the carnage I had caused. I could feel the presence of my son right after that door… He was the only one there, as I couldn't feel anyone else but Crux in our group on the island.

Without hesitation, I went into the basement to rescue my son…

Even to this day, I have no words to express the anger and indignation I felt at that moment… For a single moment, I went ballistic and let out a primal scream of wrath as my mana threatened to turn the entirety of our archipelago into nothing but dust…

If it wasn't clear before that I was a failure as a mother, that moment was the definitive proof…

My son was stripped down and restrained with chains, not allowing him to move in the slightest… He had been thrown into the smallest and most putrid cell that those monsters had available…

His face was all swollen and covered in so much blood and tears that I thought I was staring at his corpse… He had been whipped so much that his back was painted in a deep crimson color thanks to all the blood pouring out of his wounds… His body had cuts and bruises everywhere… He was also missing a few fingers from each of his hands…

Those monsters had mercilessly tortured and beaten my son, and almost killed him…

His rough breathing still haunts me in my nightmares…

At that moment, I thought that my heart would just stop… Why did my child have to go through such a cruel thing? He was such a gentle and caring boy, so then why? Why had the world had to make him suffer like that?

I swear those were my only thoughts as I looked at my unconscious son…

That's when I concluded that Crux was cursed… He was cursed with having me as a mother… I was certain that if I wasn't his mother he wouldn't have suffered so much…

I couldn't take it anymore… I didn't want him to continue suffering because he was burdened with a mother like me…

As I healed my son's wounds and regenerated his missing flesh, my mind was all over the place…

On that day, I swore to myself that I would never let my son go through something like that again... I vowed that I would destroy anyone who dared to threaten to harm him, no matter who they were… Whether they were god or man, they would taste a hell that not even the Goddess of Death would be able to replicate.

I vowed to completely exterminate the rebellion and the swarm of angels and to reform our country, that way Crux wouldn't need to become a Demon King and he could finally have the peaceful normal life he couldn't have because of me… The scum he has for a mother…

Fortunately, even though I was deeply distressed, I managed to fully heal Crux, so there wouldn't be any scars left on his body to remind him of that nightmare…

He woke up a few moments after I was finished healing him. I knew that after that event, he would be traumatized for life… With just a single glimpse, I knew that my precious and gentle son was gone… He was replaced with a scared boy who didn't know who to trust…

He immediately started crying and desperately calling for Lady Lia… Not for his father, not for me, his mother, for Lady Lia, the only person who had not failed him that day… 

It was simply heartbreaking and infuriating to see my own flesh and blood like that…

As soon as he spotted the Goddess, he jumped at her for comfort… Lady Lia simply hugged him and started singing his favorite lullaby, which thanks to her powers, were seemingly able to calm him down a little. He fell asleep after that while clinging to the Goddess…

Those were things I wanted to do for him, but couldn't bring myself to… After all that happened that day, I was afraid that would hurt him even more than I had already done…

Lady Lia admonished me pretty harshly for not trying to comfort my child, even though she said she understood how I was feeling… 

"No matter how long it takes, Crux. Mommy is going to crush those vermin... Anything and anyone that threatens your happiness will be erased…" I murmured my vow as I remembered the look on my son's face after his rescue.

Lady Lia told me while carrying Crux in her arms that she would make sure that he wouldn't remember the incident... She was going to block his memories of that day.

However, after scolding me again for my actions, she explained to me that this situation could happen again in the future since we didn't know who the mastermind who had orchestrated that incident was and we didn't have a way to find out thanks to my rampage…

She continued by telling me that there were a few holes in Crux's memories during the few hours he was held as a hostage. She speculated that those holes in his memories were surely the work of the one behind this incident, and that said person knew how to block the Goddess's perception to an extent.

All of us were taken aback since the Demon Kings are the only ones who know the few ways to fool the Goddess of Knowledge. The only people alive with that status are my father and me.

Naturally, my first thought was to doubt my father, but Lady Lia cleared him of any suspicion by using her Divine Authority to force him to tell us if he had betrayed his family…

Again, Lady Lia reiterated again that the situation we had just gone through could repeat itself in the future unless we took care of the mastermind behind the incident. Until then, Crux would be in grave danger. 

The enemy knew that they couldn't defeat me, so they would try to take away the only thing that could get to me…

I couldn't stomach the idea of my son going through that nightmare again, so I started making mental preparations to bring Droam's entire family to live at the castle.

After all, the Azorius family was filled with swordmasters and they were renowned across the whole archipelago for being excellent when it came to protecting other people. Crux wouldn't have better bodyguards while I was out hunting the one who had caused him so much pain.

But I'm afraid that Lady Lia quickly rejected that idea after reading my mind. She explained that since we didn't know who we could trust in Gliosis and since our enemy had the ability to fool her perception, Crux would still be in danger no matter how many bodyguards I gave him…

It was then that Lady Lia suggested something that I would have never considered before that incident…

She tried to tell me in the gentlest way possible that we needed to send Crux away from Gliosis. That for the sake of his safety and for the sake of the people of Gliosis, he needed to be away until the Order of the Four Petals and its leader were sleeping with the fish at the bottom of our seas.

If it was before the incident, I would have quickly shot down her suggestion. After all, what kind of parent would want to be separated from their child?

But there I was, faced with a choice no parent would want to make... It was either sending my son away and being separated from him for who knows how long or making him stay and risk his safety because of my weakness…

No matter how much I wanted to make him stay or how much I hesitated, the choice was clear from the start. The fact that Lady Lia made such a suggestion even though she had a deep affection for Crux showed the lengths she was willing to go to protect him.

With a burdened heart and overwhelming sadness, I accepted her suggestion. But, I had my conditions for that to happen.

I wanted Crux to grow with a family that would love him and that would help him grow when his real family couldn't. I wanted someone who would fight tooth and nail for him and that would never leave him alone… I wanted someone that would treasure his virtues and that would consider him a blessing… A blessing that few in our country barely knew how to appreciate…

Of course, the Goddess agreed with me. She told me that she already had some people in mind to be Crux's guardians and that would do exactly what I had in mind and more. She said that she would even send someone from here with him to protect him after we cleared some people from the castle.

I told Lady Lia that I would only send my son away after I learned everything from the people she had in mind and that I would personally pick the one who would protect him while he was away.

"And it has been almost three years since then…" I mumbled as I looked at the ceiling, feeling lonelier than ever.

I know everything about what my child is up to in that distant land to the west… His real identity as a person from another world, the fact that Lady Lia sent his guard further away in time, his talents finally blooming, the loving couple who adopted him, their daughters who love him deeply, his two fiancées that treasure him more than anything, and finally the fact that he is about to show the world his real worth in that tournament…

"Stop being an idiot, I don’t want to become an orphan, so take care of yourself and don’t worry about me… I am fine and feeling well at the moment." The words of my son that Lady Lia had passed onto me echoed in my mind endlessly…

Even if it had just been a few weeks after we sent him away, those words were the only things that made me able to get up in the mornings… They still do…

"An idiot… I guess that term fits me far too well…" I closed my eyes and tried to picture my son's face. "Have fun today with Lia, Cruxy… I wish that your days continue to be filled with happiness and that you grow into the upstanding and kind young man I always knew you would be." I prayed for my son to receive my message as tears started to stream down my cheeks while I imagined his smile…

Sometimes, I wish I could throw everything away… The throne, the burden of being the Queen, this country… I want to abandon everything so I could go and live a normal peaceful life with my son in the countryside…

But that will only remain as a fantasy of this poor excuse of a mother. I failed my son more times than I should have, but as long as I draw breath, that will not happen ever again.

This throne, this castle, this city, this country… All of them are my son's homes. Even if he is away, no matter how far, this place will always be his home.

I want him to return and I want him to bring his new family with him. I want him to introduce me to them and to his future wives, and nag him for being a playboy at such a young age. I want to recover all the time we lost and I want to apologize from the bottom of my heart for my mistakes as his mother…

I want to do all of those things, but all that won't happen until we find the one who kidnapped Crux… 

 

So until then, I will limit myself to observing my son from a distance and hope that he will forgive me once we see each other again face to face…

"Your Majesty! The Order of the Four Petals is attacking the South Harbor!" A panicked soldier suddenly came into the throne room.

While the soldier looked for me all over the dimly lit throne room, I let out a small sigh and cleared my tears.

"How many? I'm in a bad mood and I need to blow off some steam." I asked the soldier as I stood up from my throne.

"There's over a hundred of them, Your Majesty! They have several master mages and swordmasters on their side and we are struggling to contain the battle from spreading to the city!" The soldier replied.

"I see… Leave all of them to me and prepare to capture them. Do not let a single one get away or commit suicide, are we clear? Now go." I said as I started stretching a bit and prepared myself for battle.

"As you command, Your Majesty!" The soldier bowed before running back towards the action.

"Now then…" I said as I watched the twin moons high in the sky through the gates the soldier had left open. "Time for the hunt to begin once more."

Just watch, Cruxy… It doesn't matter how long it takes me, your mother will take care of everything so you can come back home.

---

Interlude II: The Melancholy of a Queen…

END

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