Chapter 12: Chapter 12

Elijah was not sure how to get down without killing himself. "What did you do!?" Sahar, the woman he rescued (halfway) said.

"Prevented what was probably the start of something I wouldn't like," Elijah answered, "in exchange for an artpiece," he had an appreciating gaze as he looked at the giant genetalia.

"What is wrong with you!?"

"It takes two seconds to draw two circles and an arch, but eighteen years to find the perfect chance to make such an astounding monument. It's fine, you have the right to be proud."

"Proud of what!? Couldn't you have chosen literally anything else to write instead of pen**!?" 

"It's the first word that comes to mind after giant!" Elijah said defensively. "Besides, it's not all bad- look at the view!"

"I'm on a giant pen**!! What do you mean look at the view!?"

Elijah have her a strange gaze and said "you really focus on the strangest things, you know that?"

"What, you mean this giant pen** I'm basically stranded on!? Oh wow, it's almost like you see them every day!!"

Elijah squinted his eyes at her in suspicion. "Are you... Calling me a homosexual?"

"NO!!! I'M NOT CALLING YOU A HOMOSEXUAL!!! I'm saying that you are oddly calm for being on a giant pen**!!"

"Wow, Sahar, you have a strange fixation on big pen**es."

Sahar was seething.

"So," Elijah changed the subject, "how'd you end up in a sacrificial chamber?"

Sahar glared at him some more before answering "it doesn't matter- a commoner wouldn't get it."

Elijah considered a moment about names of nobility he knew (which was a lot as he did a lot of paperwork in a noble's mansion) then narrowed the list to whoever mentioned a daughter missing, then the age of said daughter, and instantly came to a name. And her name matched. "You're the daughter of count Barodell."

"How did you know that?" See was shocked.

"Prophesy," Elijah said mysteriously, making a mysterious hand gesture.

"Did my father send you?"

"Is your father destiny?"

"No he's count Barodell, as you've started previously."

"Then no."

"Then how do you know who I am?"

"Lucky guesswork and lots of paperwork."

She looked confused at the answer, but decided to go down a different questioning route. "Then what about you?" She asked, "who are you?"

"Elijah, a commoner."

"If you're not a noble, and you're not from my father, then how did you find me?"

"Quite easily. I'm surprised no one found that hiding spot. The security here in Durm is really sh*t."

"Father said you shouldn't use bad words- it's improper."

"Like pen**?" Elijah suggested.

"That's... Not counted," She looked away.

"What IS that Elijah!?" He heard Sheridan shout from below. Elijah looked down from the top, and he could see Sheridan and Pont together, one with a blank expression and the other with a wry smile.

Trying to suppress his own smile so he could speak, Elijah replied "behold," then he stood for dramatic effect, spreading both his hands dramatically like a showman, "THE PHALLIC MONOLITH!"

"How'd you even do all... That?" He asked up.

"Magic! Isn't it marvelous! But," Elijah paused, "I'm kind of stuck. Can you help me down?"

"Somehow, I think it would be better to leave you up there for the duration."

"Aha!" Replied Elijah, "that's where you'd be wrong- I have a hostage!"

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"Who?"

"Sahar of Barodell!" He said excitedly.

"Hello uncle Pont," she suddenly called from above, "could you please help me down?"

Elijah's neck snapped back so he could look at her, then his eyes widened and he said "oh yeah that would make more sense."

After a slight struggle getting down, they were hastily shown to the mansion.

On the way, Elijah checked his counter:

[Elijah__ tabaxi halfbreed rogue level 1 11/10] 

They sat down in the guest room, where they were asked about their experience. Mostly it was Elijah talking animatedly about finding a cultist den. Sahar was fine with letting him do the talking.

"That's... Quite a tale..." Sheridan said.

"It was awesome! Oh yeah, I need a new weapon!"

"On the subject," Pont said, entering the room, holding a bent rapier. "Where did you get this?"

"What?" Elijah shrugged, "it's standard issue."

"With my family crest?"

"That is still some form of standard issue, isn't it?" Elijah turned to Sheridan in askance.

"Not my point," Pont said.

"On another note, the security here in Durm is really garbage."

That got Pont's attention. "What do you mean?" He asked.

And Elijah continued on his long tirade of how easily he managed to find the cultists and why the guards were so many and various 'colorful' things, for so long Pont completely forgot about his earlier accusation.

"Anyways, is there a bath somewhere so I can clean all this blood?"

"Indeed, I'm sure it would be appropriate to bathe early for all... this, despite it not being bath day," Sheridan gestured at his entire figure.

"Bath day? You bathe once a week?"

"Of course not," Sheridan replied, "we bathe once a month."

"I think I've decided to go on a journey to strengthen myself for a year- a pilgrimage of sorts. I've realized my own weakness and only such a journey can cure me of such ailment," Elijah suggested rather quickly.

"What happened to 'the dashing swashbuckler who saves damsels in distress'?"

"He needs a bath."

"What of your etiquette class?"

"Aren't I already going to school? For what purpose would I need that?"

"To enter the academy of course. They only accept the best of the best."

Elijah was very confused. "If they already know then why do they need to go to school? Isn't that redundant? What's the point of a teacher? To talk into empty air and hear his own voice?"

"Wait," Sahar asked, "you're going to school?"

"Are you as well?" Elijah asked, and she nodded. "Ooohh goodie," Elijah wiggled his eyebrows and smiled, "that will be fun. Don't mind my previous questions. As for etiquette- I'll figure it out. I leave on the morrow!"

"So soon?"

"I've got a deadline, I must make the most of it!"

And so with that, Elijah exited, not looking at the perplexed behind him, off to take a bath and sleep, as it was already dark by then.

"What an exciting day! Oh right!"

Elijah opened his status page. Reaching the threshold of experience, he could level up. So he did so.