Chapter 36: Chapter 36 – Conversation

I put down the sleeping Cai Yi gently beside the wall and covered her with a warm blanket from the inventory.

Jia seeing her friend in this state seemed like she was going through a lot of emotions at the same time then, she sat down and rested her back against the wooden wall while her green eyes looked at the sky, "It was too much pain both physical and mental for anyone to bear. The mental torture was the hardest, they didn't even treat us like humans, just playthings and they forced themselves on us doing whatever they like, it was so humiliating that death becomes much much more appealing." She rested her arms on her knees, dropped her head, and started crying.

I did not know if what I was doing was good for her or not, making her look at her issues even though they were still fresh.

Seeing her like this, I felt complicated. There is not that much you can do for people, I may have helped them in sorting their outward problems. But inwardly the trauma, the shame, the humiliation, the hate, and the spark of life they lost would be something that they'd have to face on their own.

The best I can do is just provide a safe space for them in which they would feel accepted, take their issues seriously and make sure not to make things worse.

If you couldn't help people, then don't make things worse for them.

I opened my right-wing and enveloped her in it, in an awkward attempt to provide a hug. I did not know what people were supposed to say in situations such as these, but I said what I genuinely felt at that moment, "You did a very good job. I'm sure that your father would be crying tears of joy if he saw how you turned out to be.

So brave, strong, genuine, and though you went through a lot your heart is pure and your face can't hide that. I know that because if I were him that's how I would feel. You did nothing wrong nor should you ever blame yourself for it, no one deserves that remember that okay? The things that were within your control were done perfectly! You held on, stayed strong, didn't let them win, were calm, and always acted in good faith and helped the other women who truly needed some help from someone who would understand them in their time of need. You did well Jia."

Hearing that she broke down crying even harder and grabbed onto my wing. When I saw her like this I felt genuinely happy for her, she was processing and letting out a lot of the stuff that she was burying.

I'm not delusional, we've just met I realized that her barriers are a bit lower towards me because I'm a monster and I helped her in her most vulnerable moment so there is a bit of trust between us. However, I'm sure that there were a lot of emotions that were still hidden, maybe even from herself because she said she didn't respect them, so she'd feel a bit of shame for being made to feel that humiliated by them, and at her self for not being able to do anything.

Even I felt some tears forming in my eye, this was emotional for me as well. After seeing that she started calming down, I threw her off my wing saying "Alright get off, you covered my majestic feathers with your snot..."

She smiled a bit with a face covered with tears and snot and whispered in a low voice, "Thank you"

I gave her a bit of time to completely calm down and then I told her to go help the others cook the food, they seemed like they were waiting for her.

Seeing them regaining some semblance of control in their own lives, I felt happy for them.

I'm very much aware that there were a lot of selfish reasons that motivated my help. Mainly the Quest, a feeling of righteousness, meaning, wanting to be a hero, and so on... However, all of those details don't matter at all.

What matters is simply these ten people had got a new shot at life, their pain stopped to a certain extent and hopefully, they'd give life a second chance and follow their destiny to wherever it'd lead them to.

Who wouldn't want that? I say that because some people chose to abandon helping people just because they realize there is a selfish element involved. There is but who gives a fuck? We are very flawed creatures, but if we could manage to live with our imperfections while making other people's lives just a tad bit better, how wonderful would that be?

How wonderful would it be for everyone you know to make your life a bit better? If they realize they aren't able to, they'd just give you a space to be.

Some say it's stupid, it's irrational, and it doesn't make sense! Why would I risk my life for others? When they see that the majority of people they meet are horrible so they become even more horrible themselves. They become what they hate the most, maybe they've gone through some bad experiences in which they were betrayed, their friends giving up on them, they were not helped or saved in any way by people who could have helped them and so as a reaction to those experiences, they become just like them.

For me, that is the lowest point for anybody. To make matters worse, they start rationalizing the whole ordeal, and to bury the guilt, they feel they start focusing only on the worst possible people on the planet to enforce their beliefs. They say to themselves 'See I told you they're awful and I was right to leave all of those people to die when I could have helped or changed something.'

It's like when someone goes through a bad breakup and so to avoid potential pain they close off themselves entirely, they become cold and callous. That's just no way to live because by then you become stuck in the same pattern in a loop of pleasure, comfort, and fear. We lose our passion for life, our magic, our wonder, and most importantly growth.

In my previous life, I was like that I had trouble socializing, it was not comfortable and there were a lot of deep issues that would be brought up on those occasions.

It was hard and so to avoid all of those issues I isolated myself and got caught in the same stupid pattern of constant daily entertainment and drugs. I was only looking for comfort, with no real desire to look beyond my issues, face them and see what lies beyond them. It felt like exchanging a life of adventure and exploring the unknown with a mental routine life in which every day is exactly the same as the one before it.

I know that I still had a long way to go, even before when Jia was crying and hugged me I felt so uncomfortable that's why I just waited for a while then threw her off with a joke. However, it's something that I'm deeply aware of and I'd do my best to overcome, it'll be scary and uncomfortable most times because I was avoiding them my whole life but it will be worth it!

I looked at the sky, it looked especially beautiful today, even though the sky is still as dark as ever. The atmosphere felt different, lighter, and more hopeful in a way.

After enjoying the grim yet captivating view of the sky for a while, I looked in the direction of the fire.

What I saw was exactly what I imagined cults to be like, several dark-robed people surrounding a fire chanting something, though they weren't chanting but eating. I then remembered the blood that was on the grill, I'm sure it's alright...? I forgot to tell them to look for another one, anyway as long as they have no idea then no harm done!

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Jia was walking in my direction with a huge roasted thigh, 'Oh shit, I must try that I thought!

It's been so long since I've eaten cooked meat, technically it's just around two weeks since I've been born, but it does feel like it was a lifetime ago.

"Here try this", she said feeling proud about the meat she cooked.

I took a small bite out of the meat and... the taste was shockingly ordinary! What the heck, I was expecting this to be amazing, because of magic and whatnot!

"It's not great, human meat is the best!" I said jokingly.

But she seemed shocked, "Do you eat humans?" she asked curiously.

I looked at her and replied "Not anymore, you guys have no taste. Red-Bellied snakes are the best!"

Examining her expression she seemed to be conflicted and I hurriedly said, "I was just joking relax, I've never eaten a human... yet." I spoke assuring her, yet my voice turned chilly while uttering the last word.

As if finally realizing that I was just messing her, she stood up opened my beak that was still filled with unchewed meat with her hands, and put one of her arms inside of my mouth saying, "Here eat this, seeing that you've saved me you can take my arm and we'll call it even."

The other women looking at us from afar looked shocked at the scene, they couldn't hear what we were talking about, all they saw was a giant monster putting a young girl's arm in his mouth.

"I don't want your unappetizing arm. Moreover, you're ruining my reputation with the ladies, get off me", I stated while spitting her arm off my mouth.

When I said the word unappetizing, I remembered something! The leader had salt and spices in his inventory ring, so I hurriedly grabbed some and threw them over the meat.

I was wearing the leader's ring on my claw, which made it look like I was using the inventory ring.

Seeing my actions, she looked surprised yet again and remarked, "You are even putting salt on your food, you were close to humans before, weren't you?"

I smiled mysteriously as if hiding a secret, "Could be...", then I grabbed some salt and spices and gave them to her to pass to the others.

I felt like, under ordinary circumstances even with Jia we wouldn't be able to talk this openly and comfortably, because I could tell from her reaction that it was strange, not in a bad way. Just people wouldn't give you that chance for them to open up and talk to you like they would with a friend.

The others all looked apprehensive, it could be because they think I'm just a spirit pet and she knows I was the one who saved them may be, plus the circumstances of our first encounter perhaps...

When she came back I asked her something, "So will you be going back home?"

She seemed to be reminiscing about something, and after a while, she spoke "I have no one left at home, and I just wanted to get away from there. Then, I heard about a merchant group planning to go to Vance city, it's a coastal city and I always wanted to go there so I thought why not go take a look. The rest is history..."

I was puzzled when I heard that and I ask curiously, "But why did you risk going so far when you're still so weak?"

Her face couldn't help but show a helpless face, she seemed hurt.

Shit, I didn't mean it to hurt her. It's just that's how I operated previously I grew stronger bit by bit then I expanded my exploration range, it seemed idiotic to me to just venture out without any form of assurance in one's ability, but she must have her reasons.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," I said with an apologetic smile.

She sighed, then looked at me and said "No, you're right. But I couldn't, I just wanted to get away. As for safety, we had a Foundation Establishment adventurer with us, on the route that we took was already enough. There were only Body Refinement monsters in those parts, with the rare chance of meeting a monster of a higher rank." After she breathed out she continued speaking "That group of bandits was very strong, usually they would have no business staying here, we were just unfortunate because they seemed to be hiding from something."

I took a while to process what she said and asked another question, "Would there be anyone who could come to look for you?"

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