Chapter 36: Chapter 36 Private conversations

Stella looked surprised and on the verge of protesting, but Sarah grabbed her by the arm and towed her out of the room. Khachi gave Nathan’s shoulder a firm squeeze before the door closed behind Siltul.

Sudraiel put her spear in the holder next to the desk. She came around the edge of the desk, pausing to open a drawer in the side and extract a bottle and two glass cups. She set them on the edge of the desk and spun two of the chairs in front of the desk to face each other. She sat in one and offered the other to Nathan.

Nathan tentatively sat, taking the glass that was offered to him. Sitting across from the guildmistress like this was odd - she looked positively ancient, but her every motion was imbued with a strength, a certainty that suggested somebody strong and confident in their actions.

I wonder what level she is.

Sudraiel had taken a moment to collect her thoughts, then offered her glass in the familiar gesture for a respectful toast. Nathan clinked her glass gently, and they both drank deeply.

Nathan’s nose was briefly overwhelmed by the assault of strong cinnamon-flavored whisky that had an extra shot of sourness. It was remarkably smooth for its level of spice, and he managed not to cough. The drink reminded him of Fireball, but probably a bit weaker and significantly more sour.

The Guildmistress watched him with an expectant look. “Many apologies for keeping you from the Heirs. I’m sure you have some celebrating to do with them, especially for reaching the level 27 class development. I have my own work to do, and will not keep you long. But. I believe this is a good time to seek to better understand you.”

She paused a moment, cocking her head and considering the weapons mounted on the walls of the office. “You saved the lives of the Heirs today. That dungeon should have killed you all. Single handedly and without preparation you managed to triumph over a threat I would have sent two accomplished teams against with every bit of foreknowledge I could provide. This is known to me, and known to the Heirs' parents. That is a bond that does not weigh lightly. You are somebody now, Nathan Lark. Eyes will rest on you, including mine. I find myself wanting to know more about you. What is your background? What do you want?”

She waved her hand dismissively. “I don’t want to know the details of your world. Whatever Giantsrest wanted is not of interest to me. Waking Giants know we don’t need more disruption now. I want to know what Nathan Lark’s plan is, and why.” Her elderly frame was full of poise and strength as she gazed at him over her glass, clearly inviting him to answer.

Nathan took a deep breath to focus his mind and consider how to answer. He took another drink of the whisky-esque drink to stall. She’d stated her goals simply, and left it up to him how to respond. In a way, this was about the most efficient and polite interrogation Nathan could imagine. He couldn’t help himself respecting that and feeling like he should be straight with her in return. Which was probably exactly the intention here.

Well, I certainly appreciate it more than Taeol’s approach. And Sudraiel genuinely has only helped me.

He opened his mouth and spoke. Slowly, haltingly. “Earth… is very different from here. There are many more people. No danger. No monsters or dungeons. Very little conflict. There are nearly eight billion people living there, and I was expecting to live my entire life in one city of millions or another.”

That statement clearly shocked Sudraiel, but she didn’t interrupt as Nathan continued.

“I had spent my entire life training to do a job that is impossible here, and was close to reaching the most advanced qualification my world offers. It takes twenty years of education to get there. And I was almost there.”

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Nathan thought of his graduate school research project. The threads of evidence he had been pursuing that would have pushed the edge of human knowledge a little further forward. It would have allowed more precise stem cell manipulation, holding potential for therapeutics and understanding mammalian development. A small step towards growing stem cell therapies, artificial organs and better basic science. From here, the day-to-day experimental worries seemed less important. Even if his big experiment had failed, he would have learned something, and set it up differently next time.

“I was ready to be happy with that life. It would have been slow, philosophical. A lifetime spent building knowledge to give to the next generation, just as generations before me have provided a foundation on which to build. I was ready to be another step in the pyramid that delivered us from suffering and death.”

Nathan realized his eyes were wet. He reached up to touch them, his fingers coming away wet with tears. He took another drink, looking at the ceiling for a moment as he tried to master his emotions. He looked back to Sudraiel, who was watching him kindly. She didn’t seem in a rush to interrupt, so Nathan took another minute to collect his thoughts, to think upon what had changed, and what his purpose was now. All of this had been swirling through his mind for weeks, but he hadn't verbalized it. Hadn't expressed it even to himself.

“But then Taeol brought me here. I have so many reasons to hate him, but just one of them is that he took that life from me. An existence that I wanted. That I worked for.” Nathan put down his glass and scrubbed at his eyes again. “Even if I could go back now, I would not.” The ember of Rage inside Nathan burned a little brighter, and he clenched his fists around his tears. “I’ve discovered a love of battle, and the Path of Rage calls to me. I had dedicated myself to a peaceful life searching for knowledge. But I did it because that was the way I was best able to help people. I love knowledge, but the reason behind it was always to simply do good. And I find I love battle, the thrill of breaking my foes just as much as I ever did learning new things.”

“Taeol showed me a great evil, up close and personal. What magic can do is amazing, and I wanted power like that for the longest time. I wanted to use it to fix things, make things better for all. But when I find people who have such power? They use it to control others, to subjugate their wills and make them slaves.”

Nathan found himself crying harder. He’d wanted so badly to have magic, for so long. Even if he’d managed to mostly forget that dream. And then he’d met those with that power and they were using it for the worst ends imaginable. Nathan’s imagination quickly spun out parallels between Earth’s history of oppression and tyranny and what Giantsrest was likely doing with similar morals and even more power and control. He didn't need to see Giantsrest split between rich estates and squalid slave barracks to know that was what it likely was.

It felt like a betrayal. Like Nathan’s dream of wonder and power was turned to darkness and horror. He’d been confronted with a tool of great beauty bent to great evil and Nathan found that his choices made him well-suited to ending the magic that made the horror possible. He couldn’t use it, but he could break it. He took a shuddering breath, and continued talking to Sudraiel

“I can do something about Giantsrest. If I truly have the values I think I do, then I must fight them. Maybe I won’t topple Giantsrest, frustrate their genocidal ambitions and free all of their slaves on my own. But with my Talents, I stand a good chance of leaving a dent. A better one if I plan, and think, and get help. Even if I don’t succeed, then another will have an easier time because of me. That thought, that I will make ripples and benefit those that come after, that's what drove me forward in science. It’s the same thing driving me now. I can't be a scientist, here and now. I don't have the resources, I don't have the class. But I can fight for what I believe in.”

Nathan rubbed his eyes again, before looking around Sudraiel’s office. He delved deeply into his feeling of confusion. “But then I came here, and saw this city. Gemore stands against Giantsrest, but your greater threats are the dungeons and monsters of Davrar. And I think - can I take up this cause too? If a dungeon is built on magic, I can deal with it in a way few others can. I can help this city. Do I have that responsibility too?” Nathan floundered for a second, looking for the next thought. But he felt wrung out. That was everything. He had done his best to honestly lay his dilemma before the guildmistress, in the hope she could help him.

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