Chapter 77: [Vol. 2 pt. 28]

After returning to the real world, I gave my mind a few moments on the top of my bed to readjust before heading over to my computer to check on things. I had to make sure that there weren’t any emergencies that needed worrying about or anything. That meant checking all my email, checking my phone, checking Fiscord, skimming comments on my videos – all that stuff. The whole process took me about thirty minutes, but it probably would have been significantly faster had I not gotten distracted by cute art that I wanted to share with people.

One of my favorite artists even uploaded a new picture of a girl being absolutely annihilated by some oversized minotaur cock. Naturally, I had to save that picture and send it to Lily.

The girl in the picture had heart in her eyes, so that meant it was definitely consensual, too.

Once I was done with all of that, I checked out what movies were playing before going downstairs and finding my mom in the living room.

“Hey, I thought of something,” my mom said as soon as I entered the room where she was lounging on the couch like usual.

“Should I be scared?” I asked.

“Yes, you should be terrified. Absolutely terrified. It is one of the most horrifying things that I have ever thought of.”

“So, it’s pretty harmless. Got it.”

She stuck her tongue out at me before going on to explain the supposedly horrifying thing she thought of. “Back when I was growing up, there was this old game that this really catchy phrase. ‘Rip and tear, until it is done.’ Ever heard of it?”

“Nope.”

“What a child you are. Well, to be fair… it came out before I was born, so I can’t judge you for not knowing it. Anyways, I thought of a spin on it that you might be able to use in your videos.”

“And what would that be?”

“Lick and suck, until it has come.”

“Pffftt. What made you think of that?”

“Nothing in particular. I was bored and remembered that game, and I guess that my naturally perverse mind that you’ve inherited wanted to find a way to corrupt it.”

“Uh-huh. Keep telling yourself that you’re the one who’s responsible for my mind. We both know that, if anything, my mind is the one that rubbed off on you.”

“While there is proof of that… it’s weird to think that a mother became more perverted because of her son, so I’d rather not think of it that way.”

“Yeah, that’s fair. Alright. I’ll let you think that you’re the one who corrupted me.”

“But it’s also weird to think that a mother has corrupted her son.”

“Listen, you’re going to have to choose one or the other here. Either I’ve corrupted you or you’ve corrupted me.”

“You’re too relaxed about this! Think about my feelings!”

“That sounds too annoying. Can I let you borrow my credit card instead?”

“Ooh, yes, please.”

I walked over to her and flicked her forehead before sitting down next to her. “What’ve they been talking about? And is there seriously nothing better on than the news?”

“I have nothing to do but watch TV all day. I’ve already seen everything else that’s ‘better.’”

I would have told her to get a hobby, but the truth was that she had countless hobbies. She was just in the middle of one of her relaxing phases. The way she liked to work was that she’d spend a few months doing basically every single hobby imaginable all around the clock, and then she’d take the next few months off to be an absolute vegetable on the couch who wants to do nothing but mindlessly watch the television. That was pretty fair, I thought. Plus those months where she didn’t want to pursue her hobbies were also months where I’d get to save money since it was me who funded her absurd amount of interests.

“And they’ve been talking about China,” she continued.

“What a surprise. It’s all anybody talks about anymore,” I said.

“Personally, I’m hoping something finally happens. People have been talking about how a coup is probably going to happen any day now for months. That rogue general sounds like a really cool guy even without all the propaganda, too.”

“You know there’s probably going to be a civil war if that happens, right? Millions of people would die from that.”

“Millions are already dying from a lack of resources, Damian. Their government refuses to cooperate with the rest of the world when we’re living in a time where global cooperation is a necessity to return things to how good they were before. They’re the only major power left refusing to move with the rest of the world. Even if more people die in the short term, more people will survive in the long term.”

“You’ve been watching too much news to be able to say all of that perfectly.”

“Maybe, but am I wrong?”

“I wish you were. I just want to find a way to do things peacefully to save as many as possible, but I know that won’t happen.” And that was something I definitely would not be adding to my ever-growing list of things to do.

“I’ve raised such a good boy.”

“I don’t think hoping that millions of people don’t die is something that makes me notably good.”

“Maybe not, but my point still stands.”

“I think you’re only making it a point so that you can pat yourself on your back as my mother.”

She laughed a little. “Maybe. Anyways, that rogue general is apparently getting even more of the military to go and join up with him.”

“I’m amazed that he hasn’t been assassinated yet.”

“Well, when he has loyal subordinates and is in control of the only nukes they have left in their country… it would really be signing their death warrant if they did that.”

“That’s the one man you never want to defect. The one in control of your nukes. Have any countries officially supported him yet?”

“Of course not. The moment a country officially endorses him, China will consider them his ally and nobody wants to get involved with what happens in their borders. Of course, it’s obvious that everybody does support him. They all say the usual ‘we’re paying close attention to the situation’ line which is as neutral as they can be, but it’s obvious they’re all hoping for the general. Not to mention that, supposedly, the general has been receiving some food shipments from an unknown source.”

“And here I thought this whole situation would be over in less than a day when he first made that declaration. It’s been what now, almost half a year?”

“Mhm. Isn’t that kind of funny? Or ironic, I guess. China refused to give up their nukes like the rest of the world… and now it’s that stubbornness that’s going to be their downfall. If the general wasn’t sitting on top of their last nukes, the rest of the military would have been able to roll in and take him out with relative ease.”

“But now they’ve got a guy who knows all of the government’s secret hiding spots with an arsenal of nukes pointing at them.”

“And their government can’t even run away to other countries. Serves them right for being a bunch of greedy isolationists. God, it pisses me off. They wouldn’t even be a country anymore if it wasn’t for the rest of the world working together to stop the climate from screwing us all. And what have they done to thank us for it?”

“Leave the rest of us alone.”

“Well… I guess that’s kind of true. The good thing about them being a bunch of isolationist pricks is that nobody else has had to deal with their shit.”

“You always get so passionate about this stuff.”

“Of course! Back in my day, I was on the streets with the firefighters and our military when we—”

“Please, I already know exactly how the story goes. You’ve told me a million and one times before about how you were there at the ‘frontlines of change.’”

She crossed her arms over her chest and pouted at me. “Hmph. Fine. I won’t tell you stories anymore.”

“You’re welcome to, but think of some new stories to tell, please.”

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“You’re so mean to me. First, you haven’t given me any grandchildren yet. Now you won’t even let this old lady tell you stories from her youth! I lost my legs for this country, you know!”

“Yeah, yeah. And dad was the one who gave you first aid, and you threw a bunch of cheesy pick-up lines at him while he was stopping you from bleeding out all over the street. I know.”

“Listen, Damedame. When you see a really cute guy, or girl, in front of you, it doesn’t matter if you just lost your legs and are bleeding out. What matters is getting their number.”

“I’ll keep that in mind in case I ever lose my legs. But if it’s alright with you, I’m going to hope that never happens.”

“But then we could be cyborgs together.”

“I know the transhumanism topic is all the rage these days whenever people can finally shut up about China, but I’d rather stay all natural.”

“No fun. Oh, you gonna use that line I gave you?”

“The lick and suck one?”

“Yeah, you should totally use it. And give me credit for it when you do.”

“We’ll see.”

“Come on! If you don’t use it, I’m going to find out how to message your girlfriend and tell her in secret to whisper it to you the next time you’re doing things together.”

“Please don’t.”

“By the way, when do I get to meet her? She’s in France, right? Why haven’t you flown her over here yet? You can’t make me grandchildren if you’re an ocean apart! I’ll even go stay at a hotel for the visit so that you can be as loud as you want together! Come on, Damiaaaaannnn!”

“I’ll let her know that you’re begging me to fly her over here. That’ll probably make her happy. And nervous.”

“Also, I’m so going out on a date with her.”

“I don’t know how to feel about my mom wanting to take my girlfriend out on a date.”

“Look, I have to make sure that she’s good enough for you. Plus it’ll be fun to have some alone time with another girl. Maybe she’ll appreciate all my stories. And hey, if she’s cute… I mean, it has been some time, so—”

“No. Go get your own.”

“Ugh, but dating is hard. Can’t you hook me up with a cute boy or girl instead?”

“I’ve already got enough things to do.”

“But I’m your mother! What’s more important than helping your mom get laid?”

“That sounds… so wrong.”

“I don’t want to hear that from you. Are you forgetting what you had open on your computer that one time I had to go use it?”

I immediately cringed when she reminded me of that. “That was mortifying.”

While I might have felt embarrassment from it all over again, my mom laughed at the memory. “I remember how much you panicked to try and explain that liking incest porn wasn’t the same as liking it in real life.”

“In my defense, I think that’s a pretty natural thing to do when somebody related to you finds out you’ve been watching incest porn.” It was fake incest porn, of course. Paid actors and actresses pretending to be related when they really weren’t. But still, the theme itself was the problem.

“You turned it into such a big deal that it was hilarious. Ah… little did you know that kind of thing was already vanilla to me. You were so young back then. I probably should have put some stricter controls on your computer to stop you from looking at it in the first place.”

“Please change the topic.”

“Oh? Look at this, the famous Damian who acted in porn and now makes a living off of posting videos talking about sex stuff is embarrassed by some light teasing from his own mother. Ooh, I should take a picture so that your girlfriend can see what you look like when you blush.”

“She’s probably made me blush on her own already!”

My mom stared straight at me and wiggled her eyebrows. “Nice.”

“You need to get a life. Maybe I should hook you up with somebody after all.”

“Just let me have your girlfriend. She’s super cute.”

“I’m not letting you have Lily. Oh, I should probably tell you. I’m going to have another girlfriend soon.”

“A-another one?! Since when is my boy such a player… wait. This means even more grandchildren.”

“I knew you’d appreciate it as soon as you thought of it that way.”

“Yeah. So, how many other girls like you? Probably a ton, right? You need to get as many girlfriends as you can! Come on, I’ll even be your wingmom. I’ll even make some dating profiles for you and manage them. I’ll set the dates up pretending to be you. All you’ll have to do is show up and knock them up!”

The bluntness of that was enough to make me laugh. “You’re insane.”

She nudged my arm with her elbow. “Just wait until you’re my age. You’re already a degenerate, so imagine what an extra twenty years of fine aging is going to do to your mind. You’ll probably have a son by then who is being stubborn and not giving you any grandkids, so you’ll offer to take his girlfriends and do it yourself.”

“I don’t think I’d ever cuck my own kid like that.”

“Hey, twenty years ago, I didn’t think that I’d be sitting on the couch with my son teasing him about the time I found incest porn on his computer. But look where we are now.”

“Look where we are indeed. We’re sitting on a couch when we could be going out to grab some food and a movie.”

“Oh? You want to take this old lady out on a date? Well, if you insist, then I suppose I wouldn’t be able to turn down a date from such a fine, young man.”

“I’m doing it for the good of charity.”

“I should slap you for that one.”

“Why don’t you put your legs on so we can go instead? I’m hungry.”

“Hmph. Fine. And I want Italian.”

“The people or the food?”

“Is both an option?”

“If the Italian place has actually hired any real Italians, then sure.”

She didn’t waste any time in putting her legs on after that. Italians always were her weakness. And so was their food.

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