Chapter 41: Volume 2: Chapter 37: The One I Desire

Edited by: Waning_Crescents

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The loud chattering from the citizens traveled further away until everything turned quiet around him. Not only did the noises disappear, but also the scenery changed in front of him. The busy streets full of people transformed into a dimly lit corridor, which seemed to lead into some sort of basement.

W-what is this? Cal stared shock-ridden at the little boy in front of him. The boy’s hair color matched his; it covered the child’s neck, reaching almost all the way to his tiny shoulders. I-Is that me?

Cal stumbled a few steps forward, staring at the boy’s face as the latter tilted his head a little, crying out loud in protest. ‘I don’t want this! I will tell mommy! Let me go to mommy!!’ He tugged with all his might at his hand in an attempt to break free from the man.

W-what is going on here?

‘I already explained to you why you can’t go back to your mother. She is gone! accept that, Rhys!’

I-it’s really me…but how…?

‘You are lying! Lying!’

The man stopped in his tracks and turned his head to look at the child.

When the face of the man came into view with his piercing gaze and cold demeanor, Cal broke out in a cold sweat, and his heart rate sped up in an instant, but at the same time a vague familiarity washed over him. I-is that…my father?

Little Cal tried to yank his hand out of the man’s clutches, wanting to run away —most likely to the mother he spoke off— but the man just tightened his grip and roared in an angry voice, ‘Stop that! From now on, I won’t tolerate any insolent behavior, you hear?’

The child shrank back at that, dropping his futile attempts at breaking away. Yet his resolve shimmered strongly in his eyes, unwilling to succumb to this man’s wishes.

‘He will learn.’ A woman with long, elegant blond hair and a smile that wasn’t quite a smile walked up to them. ‘He will see that resistance is pointless and that everything is for a good cause.’ She crouched down to little Cal, still with the fake smile plastered on her face. ‘Isn’t that right, my dear?’

W-who is this? Cal clutched his head in agony. His breathing quickened at the woman’s intense glare and the maliciously calm tone in her voice.

When Cal watched the two adults walk further inside with the child in tow, he started to tremble. N-no... He followed with rapid steps. No! As if an inner voice called out to him to stop them, he reached out a hand, yelling at the top of his lungs. “Don’t go with them!!”

 

When Cal collided with something, he lost his balance and tumbled to the ground.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

All the surrounding noises returned in the next second; the chattering of the people rang in his ears loud and clear. A man with a child, their hair and faces different from what he had just observed, stared at him sitting on the ground, who gazed at them as if he had turned into a mute.

“I asked you something! What is wrong with you shouting at us like that?” The man snorted. “The streets are filled with deranged people these days.”

“Daddy, what is wrong with that man?”

“I don’t know. Just leave him be, he is probably not right in the head.”

The child nodded, and both went their way.

Cal sat in the middle of the pavement, not able to catch his breath. W-what was that?

 

After a little while, Cal weakly got back up on his feet; his entire body trembled as he staggered into a nearby alleyway, where he leaned with his back against the wall, sliding all the way down. This man…my father…and that woman… He wrapped his hands around himself, shaking uncontrollably. Just what did they do to me?

With his mind in utter chaos, he remained there for a long time. Men and women, young and old, passed by from time to time, sending him disgusted glares and spouting snarky remarks at him as if he was some hobo dirtying their district.

“Another one.”

“As if we don’t already have enough scum around here.”

“They just keep coming.”

Cal, however, couldn’t care less about any of this— in fact, he didn’t even listen. Just what does that all mean? Cal bit his lower lip. And what exactly happened down there? He pulled his knees towards his chest, wrapped his arms around them, and buried his head in his knees, not able to comprehend all the information and images that flooded his mind a few minutes ago. The more he thought about it, the more his stomach turned, leaving a bitter taste of pained loneliness. His fingers clutched the material of his pants, murmuring, “Sigal…”

 

A few minutes later, he took a deep breath and whipped his head back, resting it against the wall. When he noticed a shadow shielding him from the reflecting sun, he shifted his gaze slightly to the side, and his eyes widened. “S-Sigal?”

For a moment, he thought his eyes played tricks on him, showing him only what he desired. After all, in his state, he couldn’t even tell if he had fallen asleep and entered a dreamscape.

Sigal stood beside him, panting violently while beads of sweat covered his face. Cal stared wide-eyed at him, lost for words, as Sigal suddenly dropped to his knees and yanked him into an embrace. “I finally found you.”

“What—" Cal stopped himself from talking further when Sigal’s shivers carried over to him. W-what is wrong with him?

In the next second, Sigal pulled back and bellowed, “You idiot! What do you think you are doing?”

Surprised by the quick change of demeanor, Cal blinked at him in confusion. “I—“

Sigal clicked his tongue, grabbed Cal’s wrist, and pulled him up. “We can talk about this at home.”

“No.” Cal ripped his hand out of his grip. Even though what he yearned for stood right in front of him, the reason why he left in the first place hadn’t vanished. “I can’t…”

“What do you mean, ‘you can’t’?”

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“I explained so in my letter, haven’t I?”

Sigal let out a soft sigh as he said, “Cal, everything you said in that letter is not true. I get that you want to know where you came from and why you lost your memories in the first place, but you never have been a burden to any of us…especially me.”

“You changed.” Cal leaned back against the wall. “I don’t know why, but you changed.”

Sigal lifted an eyebrow.

“You used to be harsh with me, calling me ‘Newbie’ all the time, but since the incident, you changed your whole behavior towards me, and I don’t understand why.”

“Cal…“

“I have thought about it, the reason. There is no logical conclusion for it, unless...” Cal narrowed his eyes slightly. “It serves a purpose.”

“What are you getting at?”

“Either you are acting out of guilt, or you were ordered to keep an eye on me because I am a suspect.”

“That’s not—“

“Is it not?” Cal touched his own forehead with his fingers, half-covering his right eye with his palm as he did so, his feigned calm facade crumbling. “I…” He gritted his teeth. “I may have lied to all of you.”

Sigal stared at him in surprise. Did he actually remember something? I had considered this as a possibility after what I heard at the orphanage, but the chance seemed rather low.

“Sigal…” He glanced at him, trembling all over while tears filled his eyes. “W-what did I do?”

Sigal met his eyes with a pained expression. Without replying to Cal’s question, he closed their distance, grabbed both of his wrists, and fixed them on each side of his head against the wall before he leaned in to press his lips on Cal’s.

At this soft and warm sensation, Cal stood still as if paralyzed. His heart pounded rapidly, unbelievably loud, against his chest as his eyes widened in shock, yet he didn’t try to resist. Even though Sigal pinned him to the wall, intertwining their fingers as he did so, he never dared to force more than playing with Cal’s lips and gently nibbling on them. This tenderness engulfed Cal with an indescribable warmth, setting a wave of tears free to roll down his cheeks.

When their lips parted, Sigal gazed at him—his eyes communicating a known foreign tale—before he let go of his hands.

As soon as Sigal put some distance between them again, Cal’s senses returned, and he instantly covered his mouth with the back of his hand in embarrassment, blurting out, “W-what are you doing?”

“Sucking the nonsense out of you.” Sigal’s lips curved into a grin.

“What?” Cal’s face flushed red all the way to his ears. “You can’t just—”

“Listen to me, Cal. You did nothing wrong, neither are you a suspect.” Sigal’s playful grin disappeared. “The one to blame is me. It is my fault that this happened to you.”

Cal knitted his brows, not comprehending his words. “What do you mean?”

“I knew you had been in danger, and still I left your side.”

“So, I was not wrong about the guilt part, was I?”

“Yes and no,” Sigal answered. “The reason I changed towards you is not because of guilt. I never hated you to begin with, it’s just my way of dealing with things. I just never wanted a partner again because of…reasons.”

Cal tilted his head in question.

Sigal sighed helplessly as he tried to express himself. “However, you see…you’re kind of…how to say.” He searched for the right words in his limited nice-words repertoire. “You are different, I mean, you know, you showed me things…and…”

If Cal had been confused before, it changed at the sight of Sigal’s unskillful way of trying to tell him something; it rather amused him. “And?”

“Well, you are not all that bad…no, no, no, scratch that! I mean…” Sigal ruffled his hair. “I mean, the way you care and…”

Unable to watch this any longer, Cal unconsciously stepped forward, tiptoed, and wrapped his arms around Sigal’s neck, interrupting him by sealing his lips with his own.

Taken aback by this sudden ‘assault’, Sigal froze for a second, gazing at Cal before his arms slid to Cal’s back, pulling him closer. Their heartbeats thumped strongly at each other’s chests when Cal parted his lips, letting Sigal swallow him up entirely. A brief moan escaped from Cal as their hot breaths intermingled and their tongues playfully danced together in a heated battle of passion.

 

When they separated, both gasped for breath, bathing in the afterglow of their emotions. For the first time since Cal had lost his memories, a feeling of bliss rushed through every fiber of his body, letting him forget all his worries at this very moment. “Your communication skills are truly terrible, you know?”

“Who needs words when I can just do this?” He grabbed Cal once more, kissing him anew, but Cal pressed his hands against his chest, pulling back. “Wait…” He panted. “Please, let me catch my breath.”

Sigal laughed out loud for a moment before resting one hand on Cal’s cheek and asked, “Will you come back now?”

Cal touched the back of Sigal’s hand, warmly smiling at him. “Yeah.” However, his smile lost its glee as he added, “I won’t give up on my memories, though. No matter what I will discover or…how painful it will get, I have to keep going until I arrive at the truth.”

“I know.” From the words Cal chose, Sigal could tell that he must have already caught a glimpse of the darkness surrounding him, well aware of the pain that may lie ahead. “I won’t keep you from doing so, but at least let me be a part of it.”

Cal’s eyebrows drew together, the corners of his eyes dampening. “Mn. Thank you.” He let his forehead sink into Sigal’s chest, covering his face while he clutched his shirt slightly. “Let’s go home.”

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