Chapter 561: I Can't Take My Time

Two more hours are left.

Sumire's gaze fell towards the stadium seats and sighed. She could already hear the people from here. It seems even those who didn't get a ticket are coming here. It should be okay, right? She has improved a lot these last few months. Quite some time has passed since she broke down or trembled whenever she was near a crowd. It should be okay.

She took a deep breath. But even if she repeats this over and over, it doesn't change her fear. 

'I came to Tokyo, not just for Yuhi. She already had another plan if he didn't want to see her. I came to Tokyo to be alone.'

For as long as she could remember, she has always strongly believed that a person like herself does not deserve to be around others. She doesn't understand where that thought came from, but there exists something dark in her heart. There is a strong sense of self-loathing. 

No matter how happy she becomes, she ends up pulling away first to avoid hurting those who have become dear to her. The cycle repeats over and over. She finds a small bit of happiness, clings to it, and just as she is starting to become hopeful that things will change, something bad happens.

If Ru weren't involved with her, he wouldn't have gotten into the accident. He is alive now; he didn't die. That should have reduced the burden on her shoulders, but that isn't enough. It doesn't change the fact that he got hurt because of her.

People have always disliked her for some reason, so she didn't get along well with her classmates. But she wasn't alone either. A few stayed by her side, but all those people ended up getting hurt because of her. 

She recalls that time she caught her best friend, Momoi Futaba, searching for something outside in the rain. Later on, she learned that somebody had tossed her bag outside. 

Futaba, a model, had brought her work clothes with her to school; she did that to reduce the time getting changed for the first shoot. When they found her bag, the clothes were all torn.

Futaba smiled and said it was fine, but that incident caused a scar on her heart.

A friend from another school experienced harsh treatment from her superiors and got sent on dangerous jobs. Asahi was part of an elite school that trained assassins, so her information was limited. But it turns out somebody else caused that debut that led to her friend's death.

Lastly, a friend of hers who went abroad, Siena, kept receiving harassment messages every single day. It was not just one or two, but over fifty messages a day. 

All of this was because they were close to her. If those three pushed her away just like all the others did, they would not have had such a hard time.

It is because of her because she exists. A person like her does not deserve to be around other people; it would be better for her to be alone.

'I have been so happy since I met Yuhi again and came to Tokyo, but after I received that message reminding me of all my sins. I ran away.'

Yes, this was the main reason why she ran away. She indeed found a clue regarding Ru being alive, but that was only half the reason.

Her thoughts broke off when she heard approaching footsteps; she knew who it was even without turning around. 

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"Only two, that makes me sad."

Masaru chuckled. "If you wanted to see your beloved, you could do so anytime. You know he attends a university in Tokyo, right?"

"Once," Sumire mumbled. "I went to his university once and asked for him. But he wouldn't see me. I waited at the gate for a long time and caught a very bad cold. Yuhi-san was the one who found me and brought me back."

Even under those circumstances, that person did not come out to meet her.

'Ah he must be fed up. The one who had to deal with the most harassment and hate for being around me was Ichinose Arashi.' He is a year older than her and was the student council president in her last school. He was very popular, had good grades, good looking, and rich. Many girls liked him with all those traits, no, not just girls. 

"You already understand the reason why. Don't pretend that you don't know."

"I don't have feelings for him. I never did."

"Exactly, but he has always liked you. When Arashiyan learned that the guy you always loved was Terashima, it hit him hard."

"I know."

"You didn't even like him once?"

"I can't lie about that stuff, you know. I didn't like him that way, but I was comfortable around him. I was comfortable seeing such an honest and pure-hearted person, but at the same time, I resented him too. He is completely different from me. He has never experienced any hardship and has lived with a silver spoon in his mouth."

Whenever she talked about her problems with him, she could recall how uncomfortable he was. 'Ah, this person doesn't know what to do. No matter how much I grow to like him.'

"I see." Masaru trailed off. "So I will ask the question that is most likely going on in your boyfriend's mind. Why are you in such a rush?"

"I-I am not rushing." Sumire tried to answer calmly, but it came out more emotional than she intended. She averted her gaze and looked down at the ground.

"You don't have to rush. His soul isn't going to suddenly disappear. I know for you, it's still painful for you to sing. Even though you're getting there step by step now. I understand full well that it's still way too soon. Lady, I don't think-" Masaru trails off and hugs her.

"I'm sorry for making you cry. But I am serious. As your friend, I just want you to take things at your own pace. "

"I can't afford to do that; unlike in the past, I can't take my time. Everyone's still suffering. When I left, my mind was jumbled, and I was like a lifeless doll. I couldn't think straight. All I knew was I couldn't remain here, remain in a place where everything reminded me of Ru I couldn't sing, because then I would remember even at the very end my music was for Yuhi, and never Ru. I know even if I do this, it wont erase my sins.. But I want to ease their pain just a little bit. "

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