Chapter 849: 840 You Are The Secret Which Blooms In My Heart Part 7



SUMIRE

After a few minutes however, she starts to regret it. This is only the first fifteen minutes of the movie, why is there such a scene so early on?

Heat coursed through her legs, as she projected herself as the heroine and the male lead as Yuhi.

If Yuhi were to touch her like that, how would it feel?

Toh brushed his lips against her ear. "I can feel your want."

Sumire shuddered. "I'm not---"

"You can't fool me. Who are you thinking of?"

Sumire bit her lip. She didn't want to hurt his feelings. But, she had to be honest. "Yuhi."

Toh didn't seem surprised. "I see." He trailed off. "I don't mind Sumire."

"You don't?"

He nodded. "It was the same before when we dated. There were times where I touched you and knew you were thinking of Terashima."

"Oh."

"So, if that's what you want." Toh slid a finger under her nightgown. "Then that is fine. I can serve as a good distraction."

"I--I don't."

"Ssh." Toh whispered as he kissed her.

"Toh--"

"It's alright, I'll respect your choice." Toh mumbled as he caressed her hair. 

"T-then, why are you still touching me?" Sumire questioned.

Toh chuckled as he continued to stroke her legs. "Because, your still worked up."

Unfortunately she couldn't deny that. Stupid movie, and her stupid hormones.

'I wonder if I can summon that dream space myself. I want to see Yuhi. Then maybe I can unleash some stress-'

Sumire shakes her head. She can't do something that selfish. Besides after hearing what Hino said. Yuhi-san probably won't meet with her for awhile. 

"Too bad you're exhausted. I would have made this pleasant for you."

"I don't remember you having such a dirty mouth." Sumire mumbled, causing Toh to chuckle.

She didn't say that to be funny. Her thoughts break off seeing the gentle look on his face. Why does he look at her like that? It makes it hard for her to be cruel. But if she can be honest with Sano, she can do the same with Toh.

"What is it beautiful? If you keep staring at me, I will have strange thoughts." Toh joked.

"I was just thinking, if Lucifer didn't mess things up for us. Would we have stayed together?"

Toh paused but nodded. "I wouldn't have let you go."

"Would you-and I have gotten married?"

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She knows what Sano's intentions were, and Ru also mentioned about being with her forever. But what about Toh? If she thought about it carefully, they have never talked about the future. When they were dating, it felt like they were on borrowed time. 

"Is that what you wanted?"

Sumire frowned hearing his reply. "This isn't just about me. This is about you. Did you love me enough to want to marry me?"

"Yes. I would have married you."

So, even Toh was that serious about her? She truly doesn't understand why. Why do they all love her so much? There are so many fish in the sea, so many who are prettier, smarter and carry no emotional baggage. 

Toh gently tucked in a stray strand of her hair behind her ear. "Always Sumire. I have always, and will continue loving you."

"Even if it breaks you?"

"The entire world can come crashing down and I will still love only you."

Sumire felt the tears threatening to spill from her eyes. Don't cry, she has no right to cry. She can't accept his words no matter what. Toh plants several kisses on her forehead, eyelids, nose and then briefly at her lips. 

All she could think of at this moment was the day they broke up. The kisses they shared, his pained face as he let her go, as he cried in front of her for the first time. How he held her so tightly when he brought her back to his place. 

How from the moment they met, she has always felt safe around him.

A safety she has never felt with anyone else. She can't let him into her heart when there is already someone else occupying it. But she can't stop her tears, can't stop the feeling of regret of what could have been. Had their circumstances been different. 

"Ssh." Toh mumbled. "It's alright Sumire."

But it isn't and they both know it. He is even using her name, so he understands how serious this situation is. 

"I-I want to-I don't-" Sumire couldn't form any proper sentences.

Toh continued to give her gentle kisses. "You don't have to give me an answer right now. I want you to use the time Terashima is giving you."

Right Toh was the one who first mentioned that idea. Toh knew what Yuhi was doing, and yet he still ensured that he was still respecting her boundaries. Even now this person hasn't changed, still treating her with respect, still treating her preciously.

"Use this time, and think about it properly. Give me a chance to show you that I am serious."

"I-I think I know already." Sumire mumbled.

How can she dismiss his actions as simply pitying her? There is no doubt that the reason Toh returned was for her sake. 

"Good." Toh nodded. "As much as I want you to keep clinging to me, do you want to eat something?"

Sumire's cheeks burned embarrassed and she slowly nodded her head. Toh kissed her forehead again before slipping his arms away from her. She immediately missed the feeling of his arms around her waist. She finds herself watching him until he disappeared behind the doors.

But even then she kept listening until his footsteps completely faded away.

Traitor. Traitor.

She shakes her head. 'I need to stop falling into old habits.' That's right, this is only because they are living together. Living together with him just reminds her how she was practically living in his house when they were dating. It's only a bad habit, it means nothing.

'Yet, I just said I would be honest.' If she were to be completely honest, she has missed Toh more than she is letting out. Missed how being with him made her feel safe, missed how easily he could cheer her up and make her smile. Missed those soothing touches. Whenever he touched her, she would always feel his love over his desire. 

Sumire tossed and turned, restlessly. This is no good. Maybe she should move back to hers and Yuhi's home? The longer she stays with Toh, the more her thoughts wander on 'what I could have had with Toh.' It's a dangerous thought, especially since in the end wasn't she the one who let him go?

'I knew what was happening with Alicia, and even met up with her. I could have stopped it.' She could have easily stopped Lucifer's actions back then, and Toh wouldn't have had to leave. But she chose to leave things the way they were, she let him go.

Toh thinks he is the first one to walk away, and that he didn't fight hard enough. But the reality is, she didn't try either.

*Unedited*

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