1.3.3.5 - Indecision

 

 

Hey everyone!

 

It's Saturday again. I still haven't made up my mind about whether I want to keep posting Euphie on Scribble Hub. So far Zetro and ScrollWrite haven't made any additional income.

 

Remember that at any time you can become a Patreon of rank 2 or higher to gain full access to the currently available chapters of Euphonia.

For now you can read your weekly chapter in these places:

 

To give you additional information, I haven't decided to entirely abandon Scribblehub. I'm going to have you read elsewhere to see what happens for a while. I'd be unhappy to leave behind the lovely stats Euphie has on Scribblehub.

 

If the number of comments on Euphonia's chapters increase on Scribblehub (more lovely encouraging and cheering your author on!), I'll reconsider moving the story exclusively to Zetro and ScrollWrite. I still give up on the whole ranking thing on Scribblehub, since when I worked really hard to make it happen for Euphie, and when it didn't, it really depressed the hell out of me. XD

 

All my effort was for the sake of Euphonia's success. If I don't make any money along the way, I'll just have to be happy with that. Short of getting free encouragement from my readers, I decided to turn to making what money I could off it. At least a little money to improve my situation would keep my spirits up.

 

I'll tell you all a few things about myself. I don't know if I shared much about myself, but here's my situation and who I am:

 

I was in a car accident at the age of 2 years old, went through the family car's windshield and had my head cut open to where my mother claims my little brain was visible. Despite this, I recovered, although I suffered wearing the scar for my whole life, like I was marked to be utterly different for my whole life. This, of course, impacted how I was received in school by my schoolmates. My bubbly behavior was taken the wrong way and I ended up being exiled, shunned, hated, tortured for my young life.

 

I ended up leaving High School because a teacher took me aside and said to me, your grades aren't going much anywhere, but I KNOW how smart you are. He said some harsh and true words to me that day and I decided that I would give up on education since it only ever brought me misery. Now, despite all this, I was very strong. I never turned to any kind of self-harm, nor did I turn to drugs or alcohol. What I found that filled the void was the love of pets and my lovely Fantasy books. I amassed them throughout the years when I was going to school and only stopped collecting books, finally giving up much of my physical library up for digital kindle copies (for organization and convenience).

 

Working for a while, without having experienced any love outside that of my mother and grandmother, I looked online for that special person who would really get me. Eventually, it happened. In a forum (of a rather naughty nature), I found the love of my life. Let's rewind a bit. Back to things that happened prior to these events. However, my mother fell into drugs and alcohol (the latter harder than the former) as well as finding several boyfriends, bringing them home, and a second husband after the divorce from my biological father. It all went poorly, and several of these men were abusive in various ways. I won't go too deeply there. After leaving High School, my mother had a conniption... and not about my quitting High School. My ever-supportive grandmother was up at our place at the age of over sixty years and while my mother was drinking in the house, she brought paint, recruited me to work on the fence, since it was required by the management that we handle that when they inspect your home and find that various things need to be done. So in the sun, we painted that fence, got halfway done when my mother came storming out of the trailer, drunk as a skunk and started attacking my grandmother out of the blue. Who in the world knows why. She never said anything nasty and was only helping us.

 

Well, angry with my mother, I confronted her for her bad behavior, asked her to go inside and leave her aged mother doing the work with me alone. This turned into a serious conflict and I ended up telling her flatly that I was leaving. I was around sixteen or seventeen at the time and started walking away. Got a long distance away from the house. I was determined to make it all the way to my grandparent's home or until my grandmother picked up me up. She did that as I hoped, taking me back to talk with my mother who had calmed down and reconsidered her behavior. But my mind was made up at this point. I was sick of it.

 

I moved in with my grandparents soon after and pursued my future, getting a GED at a Community College, working fast food, and while I was in the midst of all this, I met my love. It was around four years online that we dated each other, roleplayed, spending time every single day together. She, herself, was coming from a sad moment in her life. She never told me about it until two years before our relationship ended. She attempted to commit suicide, related to her work as a teacher. The children were so hard on her, so abusive, she cut her wrists and nearly bled out. Her life was saved, and she stayed in a hospital for a while, and that's where she met me... online. She comforted my despairing heart and soul even while hers was saved by my presence in her life. For those four years, I put her ahead of everything in my life except for working.

You are reading story Euphonia – Requiem to a Cursed World at novel35.com

 

Eventually, she invited me to visit her in New York. I gladly accepted and flew there and spent a lovely week there, touring New York City, attending my first anime convention. It was absolutely wonderful. I was in so deep in love with her. Some time later, since we concluded that we were compatible enough, we decided to plan to live together. Since her mother was planning to move to Texas, since she was ever her mother's daughter, she suggested that we do the same, going to Austin. She established an apartment for a month or so, and then invited me. I flew there, leaving much of everything behind. Although I was sad to leave my grandmother, I always felt that she would always be there. Things tend not to go so well.

 

Prior to moving, while dating the love of my life, my mother had a stroke and lost her ability to speak and even think much. She passed away in the local hospital. I was the one who stayed with her overnight. No one else had the courage. I'd made up with my mother in the last year or two. She cleaned herself up and things were looking up for her. Circumstances took her from me and my sister. I dearly miss her. This would only be my first taste of loss, however.

 

Fast forward to my life with the love of my life, Sureia. Things were sometimes tense with her mother, given that no one, no matter their gender/sex, would ever be good enough for her little girl. I, myself, made poor choices back then, due to her desire to hog a great deal of Sureia's time, leaving me alone at home many nights. I ate alone, spending a bit too much, but the money was certainly flowing when I was working, since I was in technical support and I had very well-paying jobs. It all took a toll on my health and, of course, I had a growing health issue — but I wasn't alone. Sureia and I both had symptoms. She experienced weakness in her legs while walking up stairs or just moving around, pushed herself beyond endurance because she couldn't find sleep. I started having TIAs, in the form of aphasia. My ability to hear would lag to the point where I got terrified, and she had to comfort me.

 

At relatively young ages, we were kind of falling apart. This culminated for her in her learning that she had brain cancer. She became somewhat estranged and was mentally affected prior. This was terminal, of course. She had a tube surgically inserted in her head to help lower the pressure on her brain, but whatever they did for that week was to no avail. She passed on, leaving me alone.

 

I ended up moving back to where I grew up, having to pack up the whole house in my total despair, many days screaming, crying. My cat was quite sad for me. He was the best thing that happened to us. One day, three or four years into our relationships, we spotted him, a little kitten, a bit mangey but cute. We chased him down and rescued him from some bushes and an anthill he was sitting on. He's quite beautiful and a mature cat these days. In fact, he sleeps at my side at this moment. He comforted me through the worst of my gales of sorrow. After a year, I gained enough money to take a trip to Japan and had a cleaning journey.

 

While there, I explored much of it and even climbed 1,500 stairs up to a temple. I still have the little bell charm I bought from a vendor up there. That bell serves as proof that life continues and I can achieve things when I work hard. I think without that trip, I might not have found the relative peace I enjoy today, although my sorrow is still buried deep in my heart. After that trip, I returned to Austin, got an apartment, a nice job with a Government Sponsored company, doing what I did best, technical support. In those days, I tried to find another love, finding a user instead that took advantage of my kindness. In my sadness, I'd probably become too kind and giving, falling prey to someone who, when I had a couple of strokes, did not visit me even once in the hospital, nor did she correspond with me on Discord. She totally abandoned me. That goes to show how little I truly meant to the person. I thought I had at least found a friend, but I was wrong.

 

I gave her an older but lovely computer and a phone that I could have used for many purposes for another three years... art among these. I was pretty much scammed out of hospitality and what I gave her. I can't regret it too much, since it's under the water and past.

 

So, my strokes took more from me. I was rendered deaf, or rather I have what's called Auditory Agnosia. I sometimes have a hard time finding words, although I work through it and do my best to become what I want to be: an author that people won't forget. Someone that hopefully people cherish in whichever way.

 

The underlying issue that I have is a heart disease that led to the clots that caused the strokes. It's called Mitral Valve Stenosis. That's related to my reported SVT. I'm on a bit of a timer at this point. I have no idea how long, but I'm going strong so far, aside from heart pangs and some weariness, sometimes poor sleep.

 

In conclusion, I've lost my mother, my grandmother, the love of my life, Sureia, and recently my grandfather, who was a bit cruel towards me but still took me in after my strokes when I had to come home for the last time. I live alone today with my cat and a new cat I've named Aqua-chan. My two kittens comfort me as much as my two loyal and lovely friends, ShinjiHinako and Assurbanipal II. My house, the one I grew up in, is falling apart, so despite my condition, I'm doing what I can to try to make enough to supplement what I get from disability (something I had to pursue for a year or two before gaining it). My family pretty much treat me like a black sheep. My sister, father, and niece. My sister doesn't quite ignore my existence, although she never helped me through any of my sorrows or the difficult things I've faced.

 

I've shared a great deal with you now about myself. Some may say it's too much, and many may not have finished reading this. Those that have stuck through it and feel sad for me, thank you. I'm strong, I get by, try to stay positive, do what I can. Life is still worth living, despite what difficulties we face. There's ALWAYS someone out there that has it far worse than you. I know this well.

 

If you think it's greedy to ask for a little cheering, a bit of financial aid, I'm sorry.

 

Rellawing

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