Even If It's Not Love
A pair of dry sneakers lay neatly on one side. Even though she washed them carefully, the knots came loose. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t copy Woo-hyun’s butterfly knot, so she tied them her own way. So, it felt like they had become a completely different pair of sneakers.
Yoo-hwa reached out and stroked the front part of the sneakers. The tip of the sneakers, which were dry until yesterday afternoon, became damp because of the rain. After stroking it for a long time as if it were a puppy, Yoo-hwa picked up the sneakers. Opening the cabinet door, she stared at the empty space and pushed the sneakers inside.
Thud. The sound of the cabinet door closing resembled the sound of a corner of her heart falling.
Though she felt lighthearted after saying thank you to Woo-hyun for the last time, she still didn’t feel like throwing away her sneakers.
The fake flowers and the scarf became dirty, so she threw them away, and the cup ramyeon was eaten. There were not many things that made her remember Woo-hyun now.
Therefore, she wanted to leave something that could clearly make her remember him. So that the time spent with Woo-hyun was not seen as imaginary. So that she didn’t forget that she loved someone and even poured out her feelings.
Now, there was nothing in sight in this house that could make her remember Woo-hyun. It seemed that she had been in a different room for a while, and had finally found her original place after waking up from a long dream.
Yoo-hwa put on her shoes and looked at the door of her room. She could see the entire narrow room in one glance. She saw a cabinet with books that looked empty because it only had a few items. When the door was closed, it was a dark place, where the book that could always be seen disappeared.
Yoo-hwa looked at the empty place until the door was completely closed.
***
The day was cloudy. The somber sky seemed to leak a gray light. The memorial park had been carved out in the middle of a mountain in a tiered manner. The rear part was as high as a dome and the middle part below was hollow. Depending on the location of the entrance or the size of the grave, the price was a thousand times different.
Woo-hyun walked along a path that was wide enough for two adults to walk side by side. The grass, which was trimmed short, grazed the heels of his shoes and left them wet. As it had been raining last night, the smell of grass came up with every step he took.
Once, his father, who came to the memorial park with his young son, was speechless for a long time when he looked at the pamphlet with the price list that an employee had handed him. He, who opened his mouth in surprise, hurriedly dragged his young son outside.
“What’s so expensive about burying a dead person… And what is the maintenance fee?”
Muttering as if he were talking to himself, his father could not straighten his crooked shoulders.
“What are you sorry for?”
The young Woo-hyun asked, looking at his father’s dispirited face.
“Hm? What I’m sorry for?”
“You said you were sorry. To that man.”
His father kept repeating, ‘I’m sorry.’, to the employee as he held his hand and walked out the door.
“Me? You must have heard wrong. I have nothing to be sorry for that man… I took a little of his time, but that’s his job.”
Then, was he sorry for the pamphlet with the price list and not the employee?
Thinking back now, it seemed to be the case.
What his father was always sorry for wasn’t people, but money. To make money, not to lose money, to borrow money.
After that day, his father didn’t talk about the grave for a long time. Then, a few days before the accident, his father, unlike usual, called Woo-hyun and sat him down in front of him. His father took a soju bottle that he had bought for a few dozen won after a scuffle with the uncle from the small local store, and poured it into a soju glass. The transparent soju fell with a clear sound. His father was a little drunk, so he only filled half the glass because he was afraid that a drop of soju would leak out.
“Woo-hyun, how are you going to live from now on?”
It was a sudden question. It was difficult to live day after day, he couldn’t afford to look into the distant future. However, the eyes that looked at him were filled with anticipation and earnestness.
“Working and making a lot of money.”
That was the only answer he could think of.
“That’s right. Money, that’s good. For some reason, I think my son can make a lot of money. Yeah, of course.”
His father’s face was filled with a smile, as if he had established that his son could become rich.
“Then, please make a lot of money and buy a grave for me later.”
“…”
Woo-hyun looked at his father, who was lowering his head, at the sudden words. He continued as he poured the alcohol into the clear glass.
“Why are you staring at me like that? Is it strange that a father who had no house in his lifetime gets a house after he dies?”
“…”
He couldn’t say that it wasn’t.
Why would it be after he died? And not while he was living? And why was he saying that all of a sudden?
A chilly premonition rushed in, but Woo-hyun looked at him without showing any emotion. As usual, there were no emotions on his face.
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Chapter 87: 44.2
Yoo-hwa reached out and stroked the front part of the sneakers. The tip of the sneakers, which were dry until yesterday afternoon, became damp because of the rain. After stroking it for a long time as if it were a puppy, Yoo-hwa picked up the sneakers. Opening the cabinet door, she stared at the empty space and pushed the sneakers inside.
Thud. The sound of the cabinet door closing resembled the sound of a corner of her heart falling.
Though she felt lighthearted after saying thank you to Woo-hyun for the last time, she still didn’t feel like throwing away her sneakers.
The fake flowers and the scarf became dirty, so she threw them away, and the cup ramyeon was eaten. There were not many things that made her remember Woo-hyun now.
Therefore, she wanted to leave something that could clearly make her remember him. So that the time spent with Woo-hyun was not seen as imaginary. So that she didn’t forget that she loved someone and even poured out her feelings.
Now, there was nothing in sight in this house that could make her remember Woo-hyun. It seemed that she had been in a different room for a while, and had finally found her original place after waking up from a long dream.
Yoo-hwa put on her shoes and looked at the door of her room. She could see the entire narrow room in one glance. She saw a cabinet with books that looked empty because it only had a few items. When the door was closed, it was a dark place, where the book that could always be seen disappeared.
Yoo-hwa looked at the empty place until the door was completely closed.
***
The day was cloudy. The somber sky seemed to leak a gray light. The memorial park had been carved out in the middle of a mountain in a tiered manner. The rear part was as high as a dome and the middle part below was hollow. Depending on the location of the entrance or the size of the grave, the price was a thousand times different.
Woo-hyun walked along a path that was wide enough for two adults to walk side by side. The grass, which was trimmed short, grazed the heels of his shoes and left them wet. As it had been raining last night, the smell of grass came up with every step he took.
Once, his father, who came to the memorial park with his young son, was speechless for a long time when he looked at the pamphlet with the price list that an employee had handed him. He, who opened his mouth in surprise, hurriedly dragged his young son outside.
“What’s so expensive about burying a dead person… And what is the maintenance fee?”
Muttering as if he were talking to himself, his father could not straighten his crooked shoulders.
“What are you sorry for?”
The young Woo-hyun asked, looking at his father’s dispirited face.
“Hm? What I’m sorry for?”
“You said you were sorry. To that man.”
His father kept repeating, ‘I’m sorry.’, to the employee as he held his hand and walked out the door.
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It seemed like his father, who said sorry and apologized no matter where he was, didn’t remember that he had apologized to the memorial park employee out of habit.Then, was he sorry for the pamphlet with the price list and not the employee?
Thinking back now, it seemed to be the case.
What his father was always sorry for wasn’t people, but money. To make money, not to lose money, to borrow money.
After that day, his father didn’t talk about the grave for a long time. Then, a few days before the accident, his father, unlike usual, called Woo-hyun and sat him down in front of him. His father took a soju bottle that he had bought for a few dozen won after a scuffle with the uncle from the small local store, and poured it into a soju glass. The transparent soju fell with a clear sound. His father was a little drunk, so he only filled half the glass because he was afraid that a drop of soju would leak out.
“Woo-hyun, how are you going to live from now on?”
It was a sudden question. It was difficult to live day after day, he couldn’t afford to look into the distant future. However, the eyes that looked at him were filled with anticipation and earnestness.
“Working and making a lot of money.”
That was the only answer he could think of.
“That’s right. Money, that’s good. For some reason, I think my son can make a lot of money. Yeah, of course.”
His father’s face was filled with a smile, as if he had established that his son could become rich.
“Then, please make a lot of money and buy a grave for me later.”
“…”
Woo-hyun looked at his father, who was lowering his head, at the sudden words. He continued as he poured the alcohol into the clear glass.
“Why are you staring at me like that? Is it strange that a father who had no house in his lifetime gets a house after he dies?”
“…”
He couldn’t say that it wasn’t.
Why would it be after he died? And not while he was living? And why was he saying that all of a sudden?
A chilly premonition rushed in, but Woo-hyun looked at him without showing any emotion. As usual, there were no emotions on his face.
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