Chapter 18: Intermission – Hayato’s Conflicting Feelings

Have you ever felt the need to work extremely hard? 

Not because you want outside people to look at you, but because you want the people you are close with, to well... actually look at you...

 

If I had to be honest, I never had what you called a real friendship.

 

I was born in a normal household, well... as far as my parents where concerned. They weren't geniuses nor successful people. They were... well... 'normal'.

 

However the problem relied on my siblings.

 

My twin sister, and my older brother.

 

Girls around me would approach me one by one to get close to my brother, not one looked at me.

Yet, he never acted cocky... he was a caring older brother.

Boys will usually just befriend me for the sake of getting close to my sister. 

Yet, she also grew tired of people using me. 

She was also a really caring sibling.

However, they were constantly getting achievements, their grades were great and they were looked up upon by many.

And me?

I was no one.

I didn't have grades as good as my sister's.

I couldn't even socialized as smoothly as my brother.

I hated that. I hated myself.

For being like this. For not being able to stand by their side. I knew that I had to do my best, so I tried.

'Don't worry about what other's said!'

'Please don't overwork yourself...'

Shut up.

Shut up.

JUST SHUT UP.

They knew nothing. They knew nothing about how much I was trying to make them actually look at me. 

Even if they cared about me, I felt that their eyes didn't really looked at me.

I felt like they were moving forward and I was being left behind. I felt... lonely...

Well... maybe I'm just being a spoiled brat for ranting like this.

But this was my selfishness. This was the selfishness I acquired after acknowledging that my first love was attracted to my brother. 

Yet when she was turned down, I was the source of her hatred.

At the end, I couldn't anymore. I gave up on trying, and eventually, went to a different school as my siblings.

My family seemed worried about me, but I told them I was fine.

Soon, that lie turned into the truth.

When I met her.

A beautiful girl with short black hair which reached all the way to her shoulders and bright cerulean eyes which seemed as the ocean itself resided within.

That day, when I skipped the opening ceremony, as I didn't really care about it. 

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I met her.

She seemed to get lost on the way, and ended up in the library, where I was.

By some tweaks in the gears of fate, we became friends and got closer, until eventually, I fell in love with her.

I worked hard to gather up the courage to confess to her. Back then, it was one of the only times where I cared for no one but her and myself.

And when I confessed, she accepted me, and the girl who lifted me up, became my girlfriend.

~○●○~

Some weeks after we started dating, what I knew will eventually happen, well... happened.

I got called by Kei, Shizuka's childhood friend.

During our talk I felt nervous, I didn't know what type of person he was.

However, I had no need to be worried. Kei was a good person, I also felt comfortable with him. 

It made me realize of how carefully Shizuka chose her friends, since they were all genuine.

And when we were walking home, he asked me to take good care of her.

To which I agreed. Shizuka did so much for me, so I also want to do so much for her.

I wanted to be there for the one I love.

~○●○~

I was currently laying on my bed. Looking back at today's events.

Suddenly, I remebered Kei's expression when he told me he was still in love with her.

All I saw was sorrow and regret.

An expression I knew too well, hence I used to possess that expression back then.

He cared for her, and from what I heard, even tried to make an appeal. Saddly, it all fell apart.

I'm sorry, Kei.

Because of how coward I was, deciding to hide my friendship with Shizuka, I hurt you, who only wanted to be happy, more than what you deserved.

However.

I promise, that I'll make her happy, so please... rest assured.

I will take her to the moon for you. Okay?

So I hope one day...

You can also find your happiness.

This. Is my selfishness.

Hayato Hayasaka's selfishness.

 

---

 (A/N)

When it comes to novels, I want to develop and give depth to each of my characters.

In my opinion, a novel won't shine its brightest without development aside from the MC.

Anyway, this gave depth to Hayato's character. All people have their struggles. That's why at least, I wanted him to be aware of his roots, and the aftermath of his confession.

Next chapter, depending on how it turns out, may come late, as it may be big. Since I'll write the present hunting for their Christmas exchange, in both Arisa's & Kei's POVs!

Anyway, I want to catch up on Alchemy Stars' current event!

So, Bye~!

~Coming Next: Chapter 16 - Present Shopping

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