Chapter 9: Chapter 9: Stoned

With my leg healed and my [Fishing] attempt an utter failure, I summoned up the fragments of my motivation to take on the [Roast the Roaches] quest. It’d been four days since we’d summoned the demon spawn from the ocean, and I was experiencing cabin fever, unlike anything I’d ever felt before. But Keke and Cannoli were insistent. Every suggestion or request I had to leave was met with a response on why I didn’t have to.

“I want to buy new gear,” I said, tapping my finger against the tabletop.

“Just tell us what you want, and we can get it for you,” Keke countered.

“What if I wanted to learn a Craft? That’s a stat on the iPaw.”

“But there’s so many things you can do right around here! With us!” Cannoli smiled sweetly. “You don’t have to go far at all.”

I want to meet other catgirls, dammit. I frowned. “Why do you insist on continuing to hide me?”

They exchanged concerned looks. Cannoli’s fingers twisted in her lap while Keke readjusted her hat.

“Alright. I’m going out.” I stood and they bolted from their seats to block the door. “Seriously?”

“Because we found you first,” Keke spat, her cheeks bright red.

I looked at Cannoli, who conceded Keke’s statement with an embarrassed nod.

I couldn’t help it. I laughed. I laughed until tears threatened to spill from my eyes and my gut hurt. Here were two beautiful nekomimis, blocking me from the rest of their island because they didn’t want to lose me. The asshole that died in a gym trying to impress another girl.

“Don’t be a jerk,” Keke murmured as her eyes dropped to the floor.

Cannoli chipped at the ground with the toe of her shoe. “What’s so funny?”

“I’m not leaving you guys.” I said between struggling breaths. “You’ll have me around as long as you want me.”

“R-really?” Keke rubbed at her eyes. Were those tears? No way.

“Really.”

“But— But what if you find girls you like better?” Cannoli asked.

“I won’t.” I knew it wasn’t really fair to say, not when there was so much more land to explore, and I hadn’t had the chance to meet anyone else. But the thought of making either of them cry tore my stomach into knots.

They shuffled and glanced at one another.

“I won’t, okay? Why don’t we do this damn quest today and tomorrow you can show me around the town? We’ll go together,” I suggested.

Keke gave a solemn nod. Cannoli’s was a touch more energetic.

“Come on. We need five roaches. Where should we go?”

Keke toyed with a thick tendril of hair, chewing on her lower lip. “I know a place.”

---

“Does she do this every time?” I asked as the last remnants of glitter evaporated around Cannoli’s dress.

“Every time,” Keke confirmed, plucking the drawstring of her bow with seemingly growing impatience.

We were well past the lake from our first adventure, nestled deep in a thick cutting of trees. There was a collapsed stack of stone to the left, like some ancient entrance now blocked off. I briefly wondered if there were dungeons in Nyarlea.

Cannoli descended from her magical-girl high, and her smile faltered as she looked at us. “Please don’t laugh!”

“Pretty sure we’re beyond that point,” I said.

Keke’s body went rigid, and she held up a hand. “Shh. They’re close.” She signaled to follow and stepped carefully among the patchy overgrowth. 

I did my best to copy her movements, cringing when my foot snapped a twig. It was wild, like walking through a dense forest despite the beach lying maybe ten minutes to the north. 

Keke held up an arm, stopping me in my tracks. “There they are.”

In a clearing that began just outside our reach, a hoard of five broad-shouldered beasts with chests like men and heads like bulls stood in a semi-circle around a pond leading from a waterfall. Their cloven feet beat against the rocks and long tails whipped through the water.

They were massive. Much bigger than the first Encroacher we killed. How the hell did Keke think we could take these on? Sharp horns protruded from either side of their heads, and golden rings hung from their noses. They seemed to be communicating in the midst of drinking and bathing—one chuckled in a surly voice. It was oddly...human.

“What is this, a minotaur convention?” I whispered.

“A what?” Keke side-eyed me.

“Oh no,” came a whisper from behind me. Cannoli’s dress had caught on the points of a few errant branches, and we spent a few heart-stopping moments untangling her, praying not to alert the minotaurs to our presence. After we freed her, Cannoli clung to her scepter, writhing beneath Keke’s cowing gaze.

“How are we supposed to kill those giants?” I hissed, pointing through the trees.

“One by one, obviously,” Keke retorted.

I did have [Provoke] to try and grab one of the minotaurs if it walked away from the pack. But it didn’t seem like they had a patrol route or set movements like the other games I’d played. No, the monsters here weren’t pre-programmed or made of artificial intelligence; they were very real. That realization had sunk in along with the sharp teeth of our last opponent.

I swallowed against the building lump in my throat. I looked at Keke and Cannoli.

Don’t be a goddamn wimp, Matt. You have to protect these beautiful girls. They’re counting on you.

I looked around. Beneath the overgrowth of the forest was a layer of smooth, round stones. I dislodged one with my toe and picked it up. “Alright. I have an idea.”

“What are you going to do?” Keke hissed.

Pray. I shook my head and cocked back my arm.

“Matt,” Keke breathed.

But I was committed. I summoned every ounce of my two Strength and chucked the rock as far as I could to the group’s left. It clattered against the side of a boulder, immediately catching the attention of the minotaurs. They grumbled a brief, gruff conversation to one another before two standing outside of the pond snatched axes that made mine look like a toothpick. One struggled out of the water and joined them in making their way toward the sound.

“Those are big axes,” I whispered.

“What are we doing?” Cannoli squeaked.

“Playing it by ear,” I admitted.

“What?” Cannoli’s hands shook around her wand.

“What does that even mean?” Keke knocked an arrow into her bow and looked at me expectantly.

Well, two’s better than five. I stepped cautiously forward and gripped my axe in one sweaty palm. Focusing on one of the minotaurs in the water, I whispered, “[Provoke]!”

As the word left my lips, a new sensation took hold. I could feel the minotaur’s eyes as they turned on me and the sudden, unbridled rage he held. His attention hung like a weight on my shoulders. The beast beside him noticed the sudden change, and his gaze snapped to me. Here we go. 

“Get back. Get back,” I commanded the girls, backing deeper into the forest. If I could get them far enough away from the other group, we should be safe—

The minotaur I Provoked let out a deafening roar, and the other three turned their heads.

“Fuck,” I murmured.

There was no way we could take all five of them in the cluttered forest. It was a given that the minotaurs would be able to navigate it much better than Cannoli or me. Keke was the only one with that kind of chance from her Scout Class.

I raised my axe and gave my best warcry. Alright, maybe not my best, but the thought of dying again had me on edge. I ran forward and concentrated on another minotaur. It was impossible to explain, but somehow I knew that [Provoke] was ready again.

“[Provoke]!” I screamed a few octaves higher than usual.

Now I had the attention of two of them. They both clambered out of the pond and dashed toward me, wielding enormous axes and furious expressions. Damn, these guys were fast. The other three noticed Keke and Cannoli in the clearing and changed direction for them.

“Close your eyes!” Cannoli wailed.

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“Done! Go!” I covered my eyes with my hand, circling the two minotaurs on me back around the pond so their faces would be in Cannoli’s cast.

“[Blessed Light]!” Cannoli lifted her scepter, and a brilliant flash illuminated the face of every minotaur. 

There was a collective growl of frustration. The two minotaurs on me blindly flailed their axes, and an idea struck me. I sidestepped behind one and readied my axe.

“Over here!” I yelled.

The minotaur in front of me spun on one hoof to face me, raising his weapon. The one behind him swung in the direction of my voice. The axe cleaved into the side of his companion and cut through his abdomen. I dug the blade of my axe into the muscular bicep holding the gigantic weapon, and the minotaur screamed. Searing blood splattered onto my face and chest and coated my hands and arms.

He dropped the axe, and it hit the ground with a loud thud. Blood pooled at his lips as he dropped to his knees. As the vision of the other minotaur cleared, he saw what he’d done and howled with fury.

“Matt!” Cannoli cried.

I ducked beneath a mighty swing and chanced a look at the girls. Keke was gracefully kiting two of the minotaurs around the pond, leaping and diving from rock to rock as she loosed arrows into them one by one. The other minotaur had Cannoli in its grip, holding her petite wrists in both hands with a lecherous smile.

Oh, hell no.

“[Provoke]!” I yelled as I rushed the one holding Cannoli. 

The smile vanished, and it released Cannoli, all attention focused on me. The one behind me swung again, and the tip of the blade caught my shoulder. Adrenaline masked the pain while I struggled to come up with another idea. I didn’t have the Energy to run them around all day while Keke shot them down. I could already feel my breathing rasp.

“Really? You couldn’t take one of mine?” Keke shouted as another arrow found its target in one of the minotaurs’ chests.

“You’re doing fine!” I said. I looked over my shoulder and felt a shiver creep down my spine. They were gaining on me. Another swipe, and it’d be my head coming off, not just a paper cut to the shoulder.

But there was something to be said about being way smaller and less swole than a minotaur. Tossing my axe to the side, I carved my heels into the ground, turning around before crouching to my hands and knees. God, let this work. I threw my weight forward, hugging the closest minotaur’s legs to my chest. He kicked and roared as he fell; cloven feet knocked the wind from my stomach. But I held on. The weight of him on top of me was crushing, and I was grateful to hear Keke’s steady footfalls approaching.

“[Pinpoint Weakness]!” Keke shouted. The minotaur squirmed on top of me as one arrow lodged into the side of his throat. Then another into his stomach, narrowly missing mine. It gave one more gurgled moan and then lay still.

“Please don’t shoot me!” I yelled.

“You’d deserve it!” Her footfalls grew quieter as she made another circle around the pond.

“Grrrahhh!” The surviving Provoked minotaur heaved the dead body off of me.

I coughed and looked up to see the axe poised and ready to fall. Dammit. I really thought we had this one.

“No!” Cannoli appeared around his shoulders, her heeled feet digging into its sides and the scepter across its throat. “Get off him!” She clutched around the staff of her weapon with white knuckles, choking the beast with what little strength she had.

The minotaur reeled backward, stomping in awkward, uneven steps and swinging a helpless Cannoli around as she piggy-backed him. She squeezed her eyes shut, emitting high-pitched squeals as the minotaur pitched back and forth.

I wasn’t going to get another chance. I jumped to my feet and tried picking up the dead minotaur’s axe. There was no way in hell. The damn thing weighed as much as I did. Spotting my axe in the foliage, I swept it from the ground and incorporated the momentum in my swing, aiming for the target Keke’s arrow had previously pierced—the stomach. My weapon struck true, tearing the flesh in two and gushing blood onto Cannoli’s thigh highs.

The minotaur wavered, staring numbly at the open wound between snorted breaths. I struck again, burying the blade deep in its entrails. He teetered on his feet, lids fluttering over his eyes. It was going to fall.

“Cannoli, get down!” I commanded.

Her eyes were wide and wild, fixated on the blood on her tights.

“Cannoli!”

“Sorry!” She unwrapped her legs and released her grip on the staff, pushing away from the minotaur just as it fell back.

“Hey! I’m still here!” Keke called, breathless.

One of the minotaurs lay dead in the pond, covered in so many arrows he looked like a pincushion. Deep red seeped into the clear water, frothing grimly at the edge of the waterfall.  I wondered why it had taken so many arrows to fell him until I recalled that [Pinpoint Weakness]’s cooldown was much longer than [Provoke]’s.

The other minotaur had almost caught up to her. A swing of his axe trimmed at the edges of her hair.

“[Provoke]!” My voice cracked on the word. I felt dizzy. I was sure the iPaw was scrolling the same warning with every step I took. Warning! Matt’s Energy is low! Find a safe place to rest!

The minotaur dropped its pursuit of Keke and looked at me. He lowered his head and kicked at the dirt. 

Holy shit. Is this for real?

With a strangled cry, he charged me. I only managed two uneasy steps backward before I found myself caught between his horns, my stomach against his head, and the world flew by in a blur. I yanked and pulled at his horns, swung my axe against his back, inflicting only minor wounds as he carried me on.

Crack!

One horn lodged into a tree trunk, slamming my back and head into it with force. White stars and dark spots clouded my vision, and pain rocketed from head to toe. The minotaur rocked his head back and forth, trying to free its horn while swinging its axe and chunking the bark.

“Help! Me! Please!” I yelled the words between each narrow dodge of his attacks. I couldn’t get a good hit in, my Energy was depleted, and each of my attacks was pathetic.

“[Pinpoint Weakness]!” Keke cried from somewhere very far away.

Oh, thank Christ.

Her cry was followed by one arrow in the minotaur’s lower back, one at the base of his head, and one in my shoulder.

“Agh! Shit!”

“Sorry!”

The minotaur snorted, drooling on my armor. I managed to slide away from the horns, cradling my shoulder in my hand. My calves shook, and my feet ached. My whole body felt heavy.

“Matt!”

I dropped to my knees. Had we really done it? Had we killed five minotaurs? My skin felt tight and flakey as the blood dried. The adrenaline evaporated, and everything hurt. At least I protected them.

“No! Matt! [Stabilize]!”

I didn’t remember lying down. Visions came in and out through a black haze. Keke pulling the arrow from my shoulder. Cannoli casting [Stabilize] over and over again. The smells of cattle and blood and sweat. Blurry pictures of the girls’ worried faces.

By the time I was fully conscious again, the sun had set, and the stars were out. I sucked in a breath and twitched my fingers. My head was in Cannoli’s lap, and Keke was holding my hand. They both wore expressions that were way more upset than I deserved.

“Hey. Did someone die?” My throat felt dry, and my head was pounding.

Their faces flooded with relief, and the tension dropped from their shoulders.

“Matt! You’re okay!” Cannoli cried.

‘Okay’ was a strong word. “I’ll live,” I laughed wryly.

Keke heaved a sigh and lightly punched me in my good arm. “Tell us before you do something so stupid next time, jerk.”

“Yeah. I deserved that.” I slowly pushed myself to a sitting position. “Let’s go home.”

New Notifications!

[Roast the Roaches] complete!
Matt is now: Base Level 2!
Matt is now: Warrior Level 2!
Matt has gained: 1 Stat Point!
Matt has gained: 1 Class Point!
Matt has gained: 1 Level of Valor!
Matt has gained: 3 Points of Energy!

Warning! Matt’s Energy is low! Find a safe place to rest!