Chapter 224: Chapter 194: Clue

When I awoke, Keke wasn’t there. Her scent covered the bedsheets, filling my nostrils and putting me at ease. I groaned as I stretched my ligaments—every bone and muscle in my body felt weighty. The last day or two had hit me a lot harder than I’d anticipated. The constant tension we’d been suffering was at last melting away, and I struggled to find the willpower to leave the one place of comfort we’d found.

I really could just sleep for a couple of days, I think.

Sighing, I turned my head to the side and tangled my fingers in the sheets behind my head. It’d been so long since I’d been able to wear the robe Shizen gave me. With how clustered together we were and the relentless hint of danger constantly nipping at our heels, I’d lost the chance to wear it ever since we arrived on Ichi. Until I wore it to bed last night, I’d forgotten just how comfortable it was. Between the robe and Keke, I fell asleep within minutes.

I knew I’d be bombarded by something the moment I left the room. There was still much to do—probably more than ever. The discovery of the Experience Farm meant we had an incredible opportunity to better ourselves. To be honest, we couldn’t ask for a better position. And yet, the thought of more fighting made my stomach churn.

At least here, in this bed, I was safe.

Okay. That’s enough of that. There’s stuff to do. Come on, Kelmer.

I forced myself to my feet and reached for the ceiling. My muscles screamed in protest, beckoning me back to the bed. Before I could fall prey to the bed’s seductive comfort, I switched into my casual clothes and left the room, closing the door behind me.

I happened to see Cannoli walking down the hall to my right, her tail swaying side to side.

Ah, right. What do I do about her?

Space, Keke had told me. Just give her space. 

Hoping to stay out of her sight for the time being, I took the opposite path and made my way to the dining room.

It felt great to see everyone eating and smiling. Cailu waved me down from the other end of the table, and I took the seat closest to him. Keke came to sit next to me, and beside her sat Ravyn.

“We have much to do today,” said Cailu. He was dressed in a simple tunic and pants. Reminded me of something I’d seen in art from the renaissance.

“I figured as much,” I replied simply. “Got another fight for me?”

“Yes. We can discuss it after breakfast.”

“Sure.”

“I went to see Lara this morning,” Tristan said across from me. “She’s awake now, thank goodness. Ceres too.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s good to hear.” Truth be told, I was sorely missing Ceres’ voice. My day felt absent without a ‘Sir Matt’ to accompany it. “I want to pay her a visit first before we start.”

Cailu nodded, tipping a golden cup against his lips. His cheeks were flushed, and his stare looked vacant. Well, more vacant than usual.

He’s not drinking wine this early, is he?

“Hey,” Ravyn said, leaning over the table to look at me. She fed a cookie to Ball as she looked at me. “Have you seen Cannoli?”

“Saw her, yes. But she went the other way.” I shrugged. “Why?”

Ravyn frowned and relaxed in her chair.

I guess that’s the end of that.

By the time breakfast was over, I’d barely said a word. Cailu asked that I meet him back at the arena when I was finished checking in on Ceres. Keke offered to come with me, but I declined. With how hectic things had been lately, I needed to clear my head and hear my own thoughts for a while.

I descended one of the staircases to the ground floor. Halfway down the stairs, I saw Cannoli waiting at the bottom. She had her arms behind her, kicking at a loose pebble on the ground. Despite our disagreement, I couldn’t help but smile.

I hope you’re okay, Cannoli. 

While I considered how Ravyn had acted during breakfast, I continued down the stairs. Putting a serious talk off wouldn’t do either of us any favors. Our gazes met, and she quickly bowed at the neck, averting her eyes.

“Good morning, Cannoli,” I said with a casual wave. “Did you sleep okay?”

Cannoli looked up at me. Dark bags hung under her half-open eyes, and her skin had more of a pale sheen than usual. 

That’s a no.

She clasped her hands in front of her, and they shook slightly. I’d hoped she’d eaten or bathed since Magni’s death, but I had my doubts.

“Mhm. Can I talk to you for a moment?” she asked, her small smile clearly forced.

“Yeah, sure.” Despite anticipating the question, my heart skipped a beat. Does anyone like hearing ‘We need to talk’? “What did you wanna talk about?”

“Um.” Cannoli fidgeted. “It’s about how I acted earlier. When you… had to help Ceres.” She kept her stare glued to the ground the entire time she spoke. It left me feeling uncomfortable. “I still think it’s wrong what Kirti does, and I’m still mad at you.” 

I felt a tinge of irritation, but I kept my mouth shut. 

“But I shouldn’t have lashed out at you the way I did. So, I’m sorry. It just, well. It hurt me. It hurt me a lot, and I said some things I shouldn’t have.”

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In cases like this, I’d usually reassure whoever apologized to me that it wasn’t a big deal or that we could move on. Water under the bridge, as far as I was concerned. Many of my friends said I was a pushover in that regard, always willing to bend over backward for people. ‘Wipe your feet on the welcome Matt’ is how they would sometimes refer to me, and I despised the term.

So, I’d take a note from my friends today. There would be no reassurance, no bouncing back. Saving any of my girls, no matter the cost, was never something I would apologize for. This world wasn’t holding its punches. And after watching the fight between Cailu and Magni, I knew I still had much to learn about Nyarlea. Hell, probably lots to learn about myself.

This time, I would simply accept the apology.

“Thank you for apologizing,” I said. “We can agree to disagree.” I continued past her when she caught me by the hem of my shirt. I was eager to talk with Ceres, and while it may have come off as insensitive, I wasn’t in the mood for a sermon. I turned my head to look at her. “Something else, Cannoli?”

“Really, Matt. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry,” she squeaked. Tears fell down her cheeks. I stood frozen in place as she sobbed quietly. I couldn’t leave her like this.

“Hey,” I said, embracing her. “It’s okay. Really.”

Damn it, Kelmer. What happened to accepting the apology and walking away?

“No, it’s not. It’s not okay at all.” Cannoli’s body felt so small against mine. She buried her face in my chest and balled my shirt in her hands. Her tears soaked my front, and my heart crumbled as I tightened my arms around her. “I couldn’t bear to watch it, to see it. To know that those souls were gone, forever kept from Saoirse’s cycle. It tore me apart. It’s cruel.”

“Have you thought maybe that Kirti doesn’t actually destroy souls?” I suggested. I’d regretted the words as soon as they’d left my mouth. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for this sorta conversation, but here we were. 

Cannoli whimpered something I couldn’t make out.

Keep trying? I had to make sure Cannoli was getting by. “I mean, she did use the word ‘Essence’ once or twice. Maybe she’s just an edge lord.”

“Huh? An… edge lord?” Cannoli drew back, an eyebrow cocked. Her puzzled expression looked out of place among her red cheeks.

I flushed. “It, uh, shit. It’s a, uh, term for someone who’s being a little too dark and stoic, sorta?” Did this even make sense as I was saying it? “To the point where it comes off childish. Like someone who can’t grow up. We’d call it edgy in my old world.”

“Edgy.” She hummed the response. “Are you an edge lord?”

Ouch.

“N-no. Not me,” I said, chuckling. The heat was rising in my face. “Why would I be an edge lord?”

Cannoli pursed her lips and averted her gaze.

Oh no. She does see me as an edge lord.

“A-anyways,” I said, scratching the back of my head, “try not to beat yourself up over it. We all say stupid things sometimes. Maybe just try and stay away from Kirti. I think she enjoys taunting people.”

“Oh, she does,” Cannoli said matter of factly. “You can see it if you watch how she speaks with Cailu and Naeemah.”

“Yeah, probably. I’m sure Cailu keeps her around because she’s effective.” I shrugged. “If he could take someone else, I think he would. Regardless, she’s not our problem.”

“Maybe.” Cannoli relaxed in my arms, letting her forehead rest against my chest. “I’ll try to be better. I will.”

After a time, I let Cannoli go, and she sighed. It seemed to be one of relief.

“Thanks, Cannoli,” I said after a few seconds of uncomfortable silence. “We can talk this out later, okay? Hopefully, we won’t have to work with her for much longer.”

“Yes.” Cannoli offered a wry smile. “I hope so. Are you visiting Ceres?”

“I am. I heard she woke up, so I wanted to pay her a visit and see how she’s feeling.” I started to walk away as I spoke. “I’ll see you soon. Make sure you eat something, okay?”

“Okay. Have a nice visit.” Cannoli rubbed her sleeve against her nose and tiptoed upstairs.

As I entered the Second Shell, I replayed the conversation with Cannoli over and over in my head. It was awkward and stilted, just as I had imagined.

There was no way I could’ve let Ceres die. I made the right choice. I know I did.

I hoped Ceres would agree with me.

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