Chapter 257: Chapter 220: Earthshaker

Ceres’s wallet was louder than Ravyn’s protests after we finished dinner. She covered the Bells and refused to accept any from the rest of us. I have to admit, it was pretty funny to watch Ravyn bursting at the seams to throw everything on Cailu’s tab.

Everyone was in good spirits and happy to be off the boat. We turned in early, and even though there were four beds, Keke still crawled into mine. Not that I’m complaining. It was going to be hard to fall asleep without her. It was a peaceful night.

Which was good. Because the next morning was a punch to the face.

Tristan and co. joined us for breakfast, and Cailu found us in the Golden Dragon. He sat down and stared at me with that look on his face I’d come to hate—furrowed brows, mouth in a thin line. Whatever he was about to say, I was not going to like it.

“What?” I grumbled, stabbing my fork into the chopped onyans and letting it stay there. Tie a napkin on that thing and it’s a surrender flag. “Just spit it out.”

“Matt.” Cailu frowned. “After carefully considering our next steps, I believe it would be in our best interests if Tristan, Destiny, and Lara remained here.” He glanced at Ravyn. “And you, if you still wish to assist him.”

My stomach jumped to my throat, and I suddenly felt dizzy. No, this was too soon. We were supposed to have a boat ride to Nyarlothep together. “Why?”

“For a multitude of reasons.” Cailu clasped his hands on the table, his gaze on me never wavering. God, I hated it when he looked at me like that. Like a kicked puppy. “First, because many of your iPaw’s advanced features will not be available until you have both reached Second Class.”

I blinked. “The hell does the iPaw have to do with this?”

“Because we will be able to keep in contact with one another through the device,” Cailu said.

Okay?

“That’s incredible. We wouldn’t have to rely on letters being lost or messages not being carried,” Tristan reasoned.

“Correct. For example, if more royal missives were to find their way to any of us, it would be a combined effort,” Cailu added.

“Great. But we already knew that we had to hit Second Class. What does that have to do with them staying here?”

Cailu inhaled through his nose. He was losing his patience with me. I didn’t care. “As I said, a multitude of reasons.” He gestured to Tristan. “We will have time to meet the queen together at a later date. To ferry four people to Nyarlothep, then back to San Island will come at great expense, time, and manpower.”

“And here I thought you had an infinite Bell stash,” I countered.

“Matt…” Tristan trailed, then looked at me. The kicked-puppy-stare was catching on. Uh oh. “He’s right. It doesn’t make sense for us to go with and then come back. Especially if hitting Second Class first would make such a big difference.”

I knew what I felt was selfish. Like a little kid who didn’t get the candy bar at the grocery store no matter how loud he screamed. But damn it if this entire trip didn’t feel like some horrendous reality television series. Cailu’s Road Show: Crushing Matt into Roadkill.

In an insanely uncharacteristic gesture from Ravyn, she reached across the table and touched my wrist. “Tristan and I should stay.”

Somehow, I think it would have hurt less if she’d slapped me across the face and called me a jackass. I watched my fork teeter side to side, then crash down against my plate. I pulled my hand back.

“The rest of us leave tomorrow, then, I guess,” I murmured. “Cool. I’ll catch up with you guys later.” I pushed away from the table and stood, my appetite shot. Every time I thought things couldn’t get worse, something surprised me. Yeah, this was coming. Eventually. Not now.

“Matt—” Keke started.

I ignored her and left the Golden Dragon. I didn’t know where I was going. I didn’t care. This sucked. This all sucked.

I weaved through the meager clusters of catgirls, ignoring their murmurs and concerned glances. At the edge of the shopping strip, there was a dirt path with a smudged sign pointing uphill. I couldn’t read what it said; my vision was blurry.

I marched down the path, kicking every rock and branch I could find. I hardly noticed the steady incline, concentrating instead on the sun on my back and the salty breeze against my face. When I made it to the top, I found a worn lighthouse towering over the ocean far below.

When did I climb this high?

“You know, there are a lot of stories about how this place is haunted.” A familiar voice behind me had me jumping out of my skin.

I spun on my heel. “Ravyn. You followed me?” 

Ravyn shrugged. “You always run away when you’re mad. We… we both do. But I don’t think you really want to be alone.” She walked toward the edge of the cliff and took a seat, letting her legs dangle in free fall. “Sit.”

“You know I’m not great with heights.”

“I won’t let you fall. Sit.”

Not push me over, either? I sighed and cautiously made my way beside her. Not willing to so casually throw myself over the cliff, I sat down a few feet away from the edge and scooted up next to her. Don’t look down. “Where’s Ball?”

“Up there somewhere.” She leaned back on her hands and nodded at the sky. “I wanted to talk to you without the peanut gallery listening.”

That made me chuckle. “That’s new for you.”

“Yeah. A lot of this is.” Ravyn swung her feet back and forth. It took a lot for me not to look down at her legs. The mile-high drop was a good deterrent. “I like heart-to-hearts as much as you like cliffs.”

“I know.”

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Ravyn licked her lips and stared off into the distance. “This split… It isn’t hard on just you, you know. It’s hard on all of us.”

I slowly copied her pose, letting my hands rest on the dirt behind me before staring up into the sky. “You say that, but everyone’s been so excited about it. Even when it was first mentioned, Ceres was practically glowing.”

“Ceres’s whole life is Shi Island, Matt. Of course she’s excited to help.” Ravyn shook her head and lowered her voice. “Besides, since you’re going back to Erina, she’ll stay by your side the longest.”

Is that jealousy I hear? “You looked like you couldn’t wait to get away from me.”

Ravyn flicked away a fly from her shoulder. “Like I said. We run away.”

I chewed on her reply for a long time, and we sat in silence. It wasn’t awkward, just… there. I’d grown pretty used to it with her and my conversations; more of a feature than a bug.

“Can I tell you something?” she asked after a time.

“When have you ever asked me permission to tell me anything?”

“Hush,” she retorted, but she smiled.

“Yeah. What’s up?”

Ravyn sat up and folded her hands in her lap. “Sometimes, I think about the night I pushed you away.” She sighed. “Okay, more than sometimes. A lot.”

Our brief encounter felt like such a distant memory with everything that had happened. I would be lying if I said it didn’t have a few cards in my deck of dreams and nightmares, but I figured she’d never let it bother her. 

“I feel like I really fucked that up. I got scared. I ran.”

“Why did you run?” I’d guessed at a dozen answers but hoped she’d just tell me. 

“Because I don’t want to get close to you and then watch you die,” she whispered. “I can’t do it again, Matt.”

It was the rawest confession I’d ever heard out of Ravyn. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t promise her that I’d stay alive. After all we’d been through, it wasn’t as easy to proclaim that I’d always be there to protect them like I did in my first few months. Not when everything in Nyarlea was ready to chew me in half—a few Defiled and a handful of catgirls had nearly succeeded. “Ravyn—”

“I know. It’s fucking stupid.”

“It’s not stupid.” I gently rested my arm around her shoulders. “I just wish I could say I’m immortal. Or that I’ll live forever. But I can’t.”

Ravyn leaned against me, curling her thick tail against my hips. “That just means you’re taking Nyarlea seriously.” She hesitated, then wrapped an arm around my waist. “I’ll never know if Finn wasn’t strong enough for this world. But… I think you are.”

I flushed, a warm pride sliding from my head to my toes. I rested my head on top of hers, memorizing the perfumed smell of her hair. “Thanks, Ravyn.”

“Yeah. Maybe—” she drummed her fingers against my side, then sucked in a tiny breath, “—maybe we can both stop running from what we’re scared of.”

“I’m willing to try if you are.”

She hummed her response and laid her ears down against her hair. “You know I’ll deny it if you tell anyone I said any of this,” she chided playfully. “And then I’ll set you on fire.”

“Of course. You have a reputation to uphold.”

Ravyn relaxed, letting herself completely rest against me. “Matt… it’ll be weird without you, too.”

At last, I felt like I knew where we stood. There was still so much more I wanted to ask and say to her, but for now, this was enough. It would have to be enough. 

We stayed like that for a while, accompanied only by the ocean air. And maybe the ghosts in the lighthouse, but that was okay, too.

“We should head back,” Ravyn said.

“Yeah.” It was really the last thing I wanted. But she was right. I needed to face this. “Keep Tristan away from any dragons, huh?”

Ravyn stood and stretched. “Dragons? On San Island? Don’t be a baka.”

Does that mean they do exist?

I finally looked over the edge. The ocean crashed against the cliffside, waves sputtering to mist on impact. Even if the drop still made me dizzy, I felt safer with Ravyn at my side.

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