Chapter 33: CH 33

Chapter 33 – Heart Like A Restless Monkey


You should take responsibility.

One-sixth of a dream.

Fang Juexia wasn’t sure if Pei Tingsong was being sincere right now, but the moment he heard that sentence, his heart shook quite violently, and his fingertips went numb. Plainly speaking, not too long ago, they had still been at odds with each other, but now Fang Juexia got to indulge in this sense of belonging, which came from Pei Tingsong putting them squarely in the same camp. 

When did he become like this?

—Being so easily moved.

After listening to Pei Tingsong’s merciless sarcastic taunts, Liang Ruo, who was standing to the side, clenched his fist, and felt that a fishbone had gotten stuck in his throat. He had heard about Pei Tingsong’s style a long time ago, and even their agent said that he shouldn’t come into conflict with him, so Liang Ruo swallowed his anger back down for the time being. He didn’t want to cause trouble, so he could only pretend that Pei Tingsong didn’t exist. 

“Juexia,” he turned his head, and while displaying a hint of weakness in his eyes, started to speak, “If you have time, we can…”

“Sorry.” Fang Juexia expressionlessly interrupted his words, firmly leaving no room for negotiation. “I don’t have time, and you have even less.”

Liang Ruo couldn’t believe it; he would never accept Fang Juexia  becoming just a stranger passing him by on the street. Even if they had to traverse different paths because of the past, all those memories they shared were true.

“Actually, you really don’t have to keep worrying about it.” The corners of Fang Juexia’s mouth raised slightly, forming a smile full of grace but no emotion as he said, “If it had been anyone else back then, I would have still stood up for them back then.”

For Liang Ruo, this sentence was the largest possible mockery he had ever received.

“I’m going back, I’m tired.” Pei Tingsong held onto Fang Juexia’s shoulder as they left. “Hey, even if you didn’t have headphones, you didn’t have to run so far away to listen to it ba.”

“It’s too noisy inside.”

“Can’t you just ask others first, about whether other people brought some earphones or not? Such an axis.”

“You’ve even learned to use the word ‘axis’. “

As he watched the two people leave, Liang Ruo supported himself against the sink. He took in a deep breath, faced the mirror, and with great effort, managed to piece his usual expression back onto his face.

The mirror in front of him seemed to turn into the mirror installed in the practice room, and there, reflected beside him, was that cold person, still standing next to him. 

But now, everything was different.

The two people left the bathroom, and after they turned the corner and were walking down another hallway, Fang Juexia tried to remove Pei Tingsong’s arm off his shoulder.

“Hey, how come you’re throwing me away as soon as you’re done with me?” Pei Tingsong was completely dissatisfied with being abandoned like this, and complained, “Sure enough, you’re heartless.”

“My shoulder hurts…” said Fang Juexia in a low voice, after which he glanced at Pei Tingsong and asked, “How long have you been hiding and listening outside?”

This particular look gave Pei Tingsong a different feel; this no longer felt anything like the Fang Juexia who was indifferent to everything. Pei Tingsong let out a long “en” sound. “From the start of Liang Ruo’s first sentence? I followed him in anyway.” After saying that, he thought of Fang Juexia’s behavior in the bathroom and inquired, “Why didn’t you just directly refuse him a few moments ago? It can’t be that you really were leaving room for me to perform in ah?” 

Fang Juexia lowered his head and laughed. “Did you feel like that because I didn’t refuse and kept listening to him as he went on, it made me seem a bit indecisive?”

That wasn’t it. Pei Tingsong was clear on Fang Juexia’s  personality, and even though he looked calm most of the time, he was actually very powerful when standing up to someone.  

He shrugged. “I just felt it was strange.”

“I know Liang Ruo’s personality better than you do. He’s a person with an excess of ego.” Fang Juexia said all this in an unremarkable way, “If I had decisively refused him and interrupted him, that would only serve to make him feel like I still care a lot about the past, and he would feel very satisfied.”

Pei Tingsong asked, “What kind of logic is that?”

It couldn’t be that Liang Ruo had the kind of personality where he would feel good only if he could get Fang Juexia to hate him?

Fang Juexia continued, “In fact, I didn’t say anything just now merely because I don’t feel anything about him, just like he was a stranger.” He looked at Pei Tingsong and said with a simple tone, “Would you refuse a stranger sternly?”

Pei Tingsong sometimes felt that the person in front of him was terrifyingly precise. He would classify everyone into categories that they should belong to. There were no gray areas in Fang Juexia’s mind; he was always clear-cut. If there was someone who meant nothing to him emotionally, then they would be automatically classified into the “stranger” category. 

It seemed that even disgust was considered by him to be a waste of energy.

“But,” Pei Tingsong still found the whole thing surprising. “You could stand to hear him utter all of those nauseating words?”

Fang Juexia shook his head. “If it’s coming from a person I don’t care about at all, why are we even talking about ‘standing’ anything?”

If it’s a person he didn’t care about, then whatever they did, he wouldn’t care at all. Fang Juexia was such a strange person, with a logic that was completely different from that of ordinary people. He could separate his emotions cleanly, and as long as he wanted to, he could walk out of the past at the fastest possible speed. 

The speaker didn’t mean that, but the listener picked up on something from his words. 

Pei Tingsong actually captured something.

He ran to catch up quickly with Fang Juexia, then walked ahead of him, and turned to block his way.

Fang Juexia looked up at him, and with an expression that said he didn’t know what was going on, asked, “What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” Pei Tingsong said, smiling with both hands stuck in his pockets. 

“Crazy.” Fang Juexia bypassed him and was about to walk away, but he was blocked by Pei Tingsong again, who shifted to the right side this time, and almost ended up running into his shoulder. 

“Pei Tingsong,” Fang Juexia’s tone changed, and he looked him straight in the eye as he questioned, “Exactly what are you trying to do?”

Seeing the obvious impatience on Gege’s face, Pei Tingsong didn’t feel angry at all. Instead, he was actually a little pleased with himself, just like a small child. Before forcing the other party into growing anxious, he obediently gave way. “Not doing anything.”

Completely inexplicable. Fang Juexia shook his head and walked by himself in front of him. Pei Tingsong followed behind him step-by-step, his two hands stuck in his pockets as he smiled contentedly.

It seemed that exercising patience had become a measure of emotional depth.

Very interesting.

When they got back to the table and sat down, Ling Yi couldn’t help but complain, “You two even have to be hand-in-hand when coming back from going to the bathroom ah.” 

Fang Juexia looked at his hand and commented, “Are we hand-in-hand?”

Lu Yuan directly ignored this fact and picked up from where Ling Yi left off, quipping, “You don’t say, do you remember back in high school, if the girls couldn’t all go to the bathroom together, then they’d rather not go. That’s a good relationship ah.”

He Ziyan laughed and added, “Yuan’er, I’ll accompany you to the bathroom later.”

Everyone talked and laughed, and Fang Juexia soon forgot what had happened before. The central axis of his memory was pulled back to where it was before he had left his seat, and the initial reason for which he had left popped up again. 

Right ah, he had just wanted to listen to a recording.

Fang Juexia took out the earphone Pei Tingsong had given him before and connected it wirelessly to his cellphone, which was when he realised that he only had one earbud in his hand. Touching Pei Tingsong’s arm, Fang Juexia asked him for the other one in a low voice. However, more and more people had now come to occupy this main hall, and so his voice was completely covered up by the noise. Seven Luminaries had stood up from their table, looking as if they were preparing to go onstage. 

“What did you say?”

Fang Juexia moved to draw in closer to him, and it just so happened that Pei Tingsong also drew in closer towards him at the same time. The distance between these two people shortened by twofold just like that, and they nearly ended up touching. Fang Juexia retreated a little, blinked quickly a few times, and then turned his head.

The other group members didn’t notice this little episode, for their attention had been completely drawn to the opening act on the stage that was starting up. 

Pei Tingsong drew closer to Fang Juexia again, this time sticking close to his ear to whisper, “What did you say just now?”

“I…” Fang Juexia paused and restored his calm demeanour. “I wanted to ask you for the other earbud.”

“Oh,” Pei Tingsong nodded. “I’m only lending you one.” Upon seeing Fang Juexia turn his head to stare at him at this, Pei Tingsong started laughing. “Even if you stare at me, I’m still just lending you one.”

This person was really… Fang Juexia had to work very hard to control his emotions. 

He really couldn’t do anything when it came to Pei Tingsong. 

“Press play ah.” Pei Tingsong propped his chin on his hand, “What, are you afraid of me listening to it ah? The original recording is on my cellphone, and I can listen to it as many times as I want to.”

Fang Juexia really couldn’t continue listening to him anymore. He took a deep breath and clicked on that recording. Placing his arm against the table and his forehead against his arm, he held a half-lying posture as he listened to the evidence preserved by Pei Tingsong. 

Right now, he wasn’t thinking of anything, he just wanted to figure out what had happened last night. 

Pei Tingsong also imitated him, lying on the table together with him, and staring down at that recording’s progress bar. This pair of earphones separated them from the noisy hall, and they were like two high school students who were secretly lying down on their desks to listen to music during a lunch break. They were sharing the same audio but hiding different thoughts. 

Fang Juexia covered his other ear with his hand, and the volume of the recording was pulled to the highest it would go. Suddenly, he heard Pei Tingsong’s voice—

[This is you absolutely wanting to sleep with me.]

His heart immediately jumped up.

[En!]

[Then can I hold you?]

Upon hearing his own voice utter these words in such a tone, even without waiting to hear Pei Tingsong’s response, Fang Juexia really wanted to die. After just listening to the recording for a few seconds, Fang Juexia had already resigned to his fate and started to take out the earbud, but Pei Tingsong was faster, and stopped his movement mid-way.

“There’s still more.”

[What-whatever you want.]

The Pei Tingsong in the recording sounded like he had lost a bit of his usual swaggering confidence, but it was still definitely him. 

How could this happen, how could this happen….

When Fang Juexia heard his own voice next, his hand couldn’t help but pinch his thigh.

[Hey, I can’t see you anymore.]

It was too interesting—Pei Tingsong had never run into a more interesting situation in his whole life. He found holding back his smile at this too hard, and so he raised his head and lifted his arms, while his own divine prophecy was now playing in the earbuds. 

[Fang Juexia, if you keep being so flirty, you will regret it when you wake up tomorrow. 

[Like this is fine ba.]

The rustling of the blanket as they turned around sounded very realistic. Clearly, the venue was so noisy that even talking to people was difficult, but their hearing seemed to be infinitely magnified at the moment. Them hugging, him patting his back, his sweet replies, him singing disorderly songs—all these details were reproduced through the sound, and pulled Fang Juexia, who didn’t want to believe it, back to that drunken night.

He had even regarded Pei Tingsong as Little Abacus.

At this moment, Fang Juexia seriously considered the maneuverability and success rate of him biting his own tongue right there and committing suicide.

Accidentally noticing that Fang Juexia, who was lying on the table, was currently pinching his own thigh, Jiang Miao worridely asked, “Is everything ok? Juexia, what’s wrong, do you not feel good?”

Pei Tingsong held back his smile and explained for him, “It’s fine, he’s good.”

Saying that, he then patted Fang Juexia’s back. “Right, Juexia Ge?”

After seeing Fang Juexia’s red ears and neck, Pei Tingsong felt more satisfied than ever.

The progress bar reached the end of the recording, and ended with Fang Juexia’s last sentence of —[Sleep ba, Little Abacus.]

Fang Juexia felt that his self-esteem had never been so thoroughly devastated to such a point before. He took off his earbud, slapped it onto Pei Tingsong’s thigh, before sitting upright and taking in a deep breath.

He needed to pull himself together. That wasn’t him, that was him after drinking alcohol. 

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Pei Tingsong restrained himself to take a cool breath, but still smiled as he put away the earbud Gege had returned to him. He seemed extremely pleased with himself as he drew closer to ask, “I didn’t deceive you ba.”

Fang Juexia’s face was so hot right now, he even felt hot all over.

“You are too thin-skinned.” Pei Tingsong stared at his red earlobe, a little distracted, and couldn’t help but recall the cherry during the magazine photoshoot.

—Would break with just a pinch.

On the stage, the host appeared, and everyone began to clap. The first program was Seven Luminaries opening up the scene, but Fang Juexia simply didn’t have any attention to spare for them. He even forgot that there would be fans here, specifically taking reaction shots at this time, his mind was too full of the things from last night.

“You… Did you record anything else?”

Pei Tingsong spread his hands,.”Just this one.”

That was good news, at least. Fang Juexia blushed and asked, “Then what happened later, I fell asleep?”

Later—

Pei Tingsong’s memory instantly returned to the eve of that tsunami, back to that soft surprise attack.

That later part was too dangerous for him, dangerous to the point that when he thought about it now, those butterflies started up their perilous death throes once again. 

“Yes.” He replied stiffly, “You fell asleep, you slept really well, and you know what happened later.”

After hearing what he said, Fang Juexia felt relieved.

Losing face was just losing face. If he had just hugged him to sleep, then that was really nothing. They were both men, and they couldn’t do anything that would cross any lines anyway. 

Yet, the scalding heat on his face didn’t dissipate with this reasoning, instead, it seemed to spread even further, just like prairie fire. Fang Juexia poured himself cup after cup of water and guzzled them down in an attempt to douse this heat. However, it didn’t seem to be working, and he couldn’t even focus on the show taking place right now.

The other members were watching Seven Luminaries’ opening performance. Lu Yuan, who was swaying to beat on the surface, whispered, “Isn’t the accompaniment too quiet?”

Ling Yi let out an “en” and said, “His voice just cracked…”

“This kind of not very professional gala, none of the sound equipment will be very good,” Jiang Miao said, saving against a rainy day. “It may be the same for us when we go up. Everyone should get ready in advance ba.”

All of them were discussing the stage, but Pei Tingsong couldn’t hear a single word. The half-dead butterflies in his heart seemed to be enjoying their final gleaming performance before the sun set, and didn’t seem to know how to stop fluttering. He needed to get out of the memory of that unexpected kiss and divert his attention elsewhere. He subconsciously clenched his fist, with which Pei Tingsong felt something. 

“There’s one more thing,” Underneath the table, he stretched out his right hand towards Fang Juexia and asked, “Do you know why I wore a glove today?”

Fang Juexia certainly didn’t know. When they were getting styled, he had wondered why the stylist Jiejie had only put leather gloves on Pei Tingsong, and that too only on one hand. He had simply written it off as a new trend.

He looked down at the glove and shook his head at Pei Tingsong.

Pei Tingsong wore an expression that loudly said— “I just knew that”, and then he winked at him, and his voice took on the hint of a command as he ordered, “Take it off.”

Although Fang Juexia felt something was odd, his hand still grabbed Pei Tingsong’s fingertip involuntarily and pulled off the white leather glove.

In the dim light of the venue hall, he held Pei Tingsong’s hand and drew it closer to himself to look at it clearly. In the area between the thumb and index finger on Pei Tingsong’s right hand rested a clear bite mark, blue and purple, and the spots where his skin had been broken had already started to scab. 

“You did a good job.” Pei Tingsong raised his eyebrows. 

“Me?” Fang Juexia couldn’t believe it. Forget about biting people, he was already this old and he had never gotten into a physical fight with anyone before. 

But after listening to that recording just now, he could believe anything. 

Pei Tingsong wore an innocent expression.”Or else who could it be? I regret not having recorded a video now. You should really see yourself when you’re drunk.”

It couldn’t be that it really had been him… Fang Juexia stared at the bite mark and felt guilty inside. He really didn’t think that his drunken behavior would be this bad. 

“Does it hurt?” Fang Juexia raised his eyes and looked at Pei Tingsong.

He didn’t know why, but as soon as he looked into Fang Juexia’s eyes, Pei Tingsong couldn’t help but recall that night— recall the warmth of Fang Juexia’s skin and the aroma of his shampoo.

“Nonsense.” Pei Tingsong turned his head and pretended to look at the stage. 

“Sorry.” Fang Juexia apologized to him, “There’s nothing here to wrap you up with either.”

Pei Tingsong glanced at him stealthily. “No need, I’m not so delicate.” Then he awkwardly added, “Help me put on the glove.”

Fang Juexia nodded, placed Pei Tingsong’s hand on his knee, and softly pulled the leather glove onto his hand. After putting it on, he even pinched at the tips of his fingers to check if they were empty.

“Done.” Fang Juexia was very satisfied with this achievement of his. He looked up with a smile in his eyes.

Pei Tingsong pulled his hand back, uneasily clenched his fist, and coughed, “Then-then, you can wrap it up for me later, after we return to the dorm.”

Fang Juexia thought that he had heard wrong. His eyes widened a little. “Huh?”

“What ‘huh’, you bit me in such a way, what if I get infected?” Pei Tingsong felt extremely awkward as he ordered, “Wrap it up for me when we get back. You bit me, so you should take responsibility.”

Fang Juexia’s eyes were still looking at him like that. They were so bright that Pei Tingsong’s heart started to jump around like a restless monkey while his thoughts started to run wild, just like a galloping horse. He then gripped Fang Juexia’s shoulder and forced him to face the stage.

“Watch the show, what are you staring at me for?”

Seven Luminaries’ performance ended to the sounds of the fans’ strenuous support chants. The other performances took place in their requisite order, and it wasn’t long before Kaleido’s turn came. Under the guidance of the staff, the six boys rushed to the backstage in a hurry. As they turned a corner, a woman accidentally bumped into Fang Juexia.

“Sorry.”

Fang Juexia supported her and politely said, “Be careful.”

The woman looked like she was about 30 years old and was decked out very tastefully. She kept apologizing to them and made way for them herself. 

He just felt that she looked familiar, but time was tight right now, and Fang Juexia didn’t have even a moment to care about her. They went on the stage according to the instructions given to them. Sure enough, the sound from the equipment was the same as before, and the accompaniment was very quiet. However, what kind of broken acoustics equipment hadn’t they come across in all their previous commercial performances? So, this much really counted as nothing.

The six people held handheld mics and sang both a fast song and a slow song, using their own strength to enthrall the whole audience. During the performance, Ling Yi and Fang Juexia exchanged their parts, with Fang Juexia’s voice easily reaching up to those three high notes. He Ziyan and Pei Tingsong also exchanged their rap parts, while Lu Yuan and Jiang Miao exchanged dance movements.

It was an idol’s natural instinct to enjoy performing. During the time they were unknown, Kaleido had learnt to take every hard won performance seriously, and even if the people watching them from below that stage didn’t recognize or care about them, they would still spare no effort in trying to unleash all their enthusiasm. 

They liked doing this— shouting out the names of their bandmates on the stage, and then smoothly switching parts with each other without carrying any worries.

This kind of display of ease while performing couldn’t be attributed to mere talent, but the tacit understanding and ability developed by six boys who had spent countless silent nights together in a small exercise room. Sweating, getting hurt, falling down, standing up, singing two or three lines of lyrics repeatedly— all the while imagining fans and a stage that didn’t exist yet; they had all endured those boring and exhausting days together, and then they had grasped each other’s hands to explore the unknown road ahead.

So, at this moment, Fang Juexia looked at his bandmates on-stage and thought of Pei Tingsong’s words.

[Based on the fact that one-sixth of his dream when it finally comes true has to have my name written on it.]

He liked this one-sixth.

“Everyone, thank you very much.”

He liked the satisfaction of bowing to the audience alongside them, hand in hand.

He wasn’t actually fumbling around in that dark room all by himself. And it wasn’t the corner of cold furniture that he touched when he reached out, but a hand.

The other five people’s warm hands.

The audience below almost forgot that this was a charity dinner, and thought that they were at a concert instead. It wasn’t until Kaleido finished their performance that everyone belatedly started clapping. The host came on the stage to chat with them, and only at this time did the group members find out that the company had donated 300,000 yuan in Kaleido’s name. Looking at the surprise that flashed across Jiang Miao’s face, Fang Juexia knew that Qiang Ge didn’t tell any of them.

However, to their greater surprise, their Domino fans had held a fundraiser and had gathered together 200,000 yuan in just three short days after learning that they would attend the charity dinner. This was the first time that they had participated in such activities since they had become popular, and their fans had constantly forwarded Weibo posts and called for donations, hoping to use their little strength to give these six boys confidence.

“Then let’s invite Ms. Jiang Yin, one of the directors of the charity fund, to come onto the stage to present our Kaleido with a small gold commemorative ring and to thank Kaleido for their contribution to the many autistic children.”

A lady in an evening dress emerged from the backstage, picked up a small gold ring from the red velvet cushion held by one of the Mistress of Ceremonies on-stage, walked over, and handed it to group leader Jiang Miao with both hands.

Fang Juexia looked at her, and only then did he realize that she was actually the woman who had accidentally bumped into him a while ago.

Jiang Yin….

After their segment finished, Kaleido stepped down from the stage according to the directions given by the staff. When Fang Juexia was just exiting the backstage corridor, he overheard the voice of the host on the stage. That person seemed to be talking to the woman named Jiang Yin, and he even mentioned ‘Escape For Your Life.’

Cheng Qiang hugged them one by one backstage. “You guys were all so good. You performed especially well, so no wonder you’re my cubs. Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go, we can eat down there now and finally watch the other performances in peace.”

“Qiang Ge.” Fang Juexia asked, “The Miss Jiang who gave us the prize was?”

“Ah, she’s really powerful.” Cheng Qiang said, “You remember Zhou Ziheng, who became the Berlin Film Awards Emperor some time ago ba? Mm, he goes to the same school as Xiao Pei. Jiang Yin is his agent.”

“Not only that,” They left the backstage area and prepared to enter the audience seating from the aisle outside the venue. “She’s one of the producers of ‘Escape For Your Life.’ What, did she speak to you in private?”

Fang Juexia shook his head. “That didn’t happen.”

“Hey, I thought she would come find you to get you on the show.” Cheng Qiang laughed and continued, “Still shouldn’t dream of pies in the sky.” He escorted the six people back to their seats like herding ducks. He was very pleased to see Pei Tingsong support Fang Juexia all the way to their seats.

This fanservice hadn’t just changed their popularity, but it seemed to have also brought the little wolf cub back into the fold. 

The programs continued one after the other, and the Kaleido’s members watched with great interest. He Ziyan could see their fans from his seat, so they also interacted with the station Jies for a while. After all, they didn’t have to go on-stage again, and one by one, these fans had started to grow flustered. Seven Luminaries was the most popular group on site, with their every move causing a scream, so the organizers had shifted their award ceremony to the very end.

The Seven Luminaries group donated 500,000 yuan, and their fans also donated 500,000 yuan in their name. The host finished the interview and invited the editor-in-chief of the magazine to present them with a small golden commemorative ring after they had made their donation.

“Then, does Seven Luminaries want to say something?” The host handed over the microphone, and Liang Ruo, who was standing in the very center of the group, took the microphone and looked down at the guests below.

“First of all, I would like to thank the organizers for giving us the opportunity to participate in this grand ceremony. This time, the charity’s goal was to help autistic children in improving their living and growing environments. I think this is very meaningful. In fact, when I was a teenager, I also didn’t like to talk very much, and socializing with others was a very big obstacle for me. But I was very lucky. At that time, I was helped by my good friends…” When he said this, Liang Ruo looked over at the spot where Fang Juexia was seated.

He was here again.

Pei Tingsong had to put in a lot of effort to manage his expression, despite never having done so before, and resisted letting the level 10 sarcastic expression from being displayed on his face. However, he did reach out and take hold of Fang Juexia’s shoulder, pulling on him to face himself.

Fang Juexia had a confused expression on his face. He was pulled into facing Pei Tingsong, only to watch him pick up a marshmallow from the table and stuff it into his mouth.

“If you don’t eat any now, they’ll all be eaten by Ling Yi.”

Ling Yi, who was secretly chewing on some food while making small movements, was suddenly cued, and got so scared by this that his shoulders trembled a bit.

Caught off guard by the mouthful of sugar stuffed into him, Fang Juexia’s eyes were full of the words ‘completely baffled.’ Pei Tingsong also ate a marshmallow, and then he put his right hand in front of Fang Juexia.

Fang Juexia just looked up at him without saying anything.

“Hand hurts,” Pei Tingsong mouthed at him.

Fang Juexia’s cheek was bulging, so he nodded at him to show that he understood.

Then, he stretched out his index finger and expressionlessly poked at Pei Tingsong’s hand. Pei Tingsong hadn’t expected such an action, and his hand ended up bouncing up a bit like a little grasshopper. He stared at Fang Juexia in disbelief. 

After eating the marshmallow, Fang Juexia also mouthed back, “Oh, I thought you said it didn’t hurt.”

Then he pointed to his ears—

“Bad hearing.”

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