Chapter 145: 213. Reminiscence

After Rika had begun her meditation, Yoshika, Eunae, and Hyeong Aecha were left in a somewhat awkward position. They couldn’t leave the meditation chamber for fear of Seong Misun’s wrath, but there wasn’t much for them to do inside the chamber except—well, meditate. Though Hyeong Aecha made a point of checking up on the various formations, and Eunae would occasionally argue with her sister through the shield, it was clear that they were at something of an impasse. Eventually, Misun left—though not before leaving a xiantian mage behind to watch them—and Yoshika had a chance to sit and speak with Eunae.

“Is it alright for us to be in here? We wouldn’t want to do anything to disrupt Rika’s breakthrough.”

Eunae sighed as she took a seat next to both of Yoshika’s bodies and gazed at Rika’s silent form sitting in the center of the room.

“The Sky Hall is designed to accommodate a few trusted attendants to manage the formations and help defend the user from attacks. It should be fine, I think.”

Yoshika looked askance at her with Eui’s body.

“You ‘think’? Also, is getting attacked really that much of a concern?”

Eunae blushed and looked away.

“Well, it’s not like I’ve ever been in here before. We’re all taught how it works as part of our education. And yes, being attacked during a tribulation is a huge problem. It’s actually how the vast majority of xiantian cultivators meet their end. Either the tribulation leaves you vulnerable to attack, or the attack leaves you vulnerable to the tribulation—either way, the result is the same.”

Yoshika nodded. She could see how it would make a good opportunity.

“But we’re in the heart of the country, behind layers of shield formations—who would attack here?”

“First of all, don’t underestimate the potential threat of domestic rivals. The noble houses can be horribly petty and vindictive. Second, even in Goryeo, there are spies. An upcoming tribulation is one of the most valuable pieces of strategic intelligence a nation can obtain. There’s a reason people are so secretive about it.”

“Hm, fair enough. Speaking of the tribulation, are we going to be okay? We’re awfully close to where the strikes are going to come down.”

Eunae covered her mouth to giggle.

“As if you have anything to worry about—you’ve already survived this. We should be safe, though. The Sky Hall will protect us. After all, it’s only the tribulation’s target that needs to face it under her own power—the rest of us are under no such restriction.”

Yoshika shrugged. She supposed the heavens didn’t care one way or the other for collateral damage, as long as they could punish the so-called transgressor.

“What about afterwards? We’re stuck here for upwards of a month—ancestors, Kaede is going to be so upset with us again—but we’re still going to have to face your family after all this is over. Actually, what’s your sister’s problem anyway? Other than the queen, the rest of your family never said so much as a word about you—and even she only did so in private. Your sister, though...”

Eunae leaned back and gazed up at the sky sadly.

“Misun has every reason to hate me. She knew me for sixteen years before you ever met me, and I was not the same person you met back then. I was—well, I was a bit of a brat, growing up. No maid, tutor, or governess was safe—if they told me to do something I didn’t want, I told them otherwise. I—I want to say that I didn’t know what I was doing, that I was too young to understand the ramifications of my power, but I figured it out pretty early.”

Yoshika sat quietly as Eunae spoke, sensing that this was something she’d needed to get off her chest for a long time.

“You have to understand—Yan Yue is right about my power. It’s evil. Seong Heiran was a vile monster, and every time someone compares me to her it’s like a lance through my heart. It doesn’t just force them to obey me, it twists them into something else—forces them to love me unconditionally—and the more I ask of them, the more twisted they become until there’s nothing left of who they once were.

“And I would do that to anyone at the slightest provocation. I reveled in it. My gaze was the only reason I wasn’t sent off as a branch member, but it wasn’t enough to make my family love me. Everyone else, though? It became enough of a problem that I ended up being isolated from anyone other than family members who could resist my gaze—and guess who’s responsibility it became to babysit the little monster?”

Yoshika grimaced.

“Misun...”

“Mhm. My sister—our family plays up the mother/daughter relationship between the clan and our ancestor in public, but we pay closer attention to blood bonds than we like to admit. My mother and Cousin Min are far too busy working as the left and right hands of the queen, but Misun? She was the next youngest, and despite her talents—or maybe because of them—she had...has a bad habit of shirking responsibility. Dealing with me was the perfect combination of low importance and high stress to force her to shape up—or so my mother said.”

There was a long, awkward silence before Yoshika cleared her throat, speaking in Jia’s voice to try to nudge Eunae towards a happier conclusion.

“So, what changed? You eventually became the Eunae we know and love, and we can’t take credit for everything.”

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Eunae chuckled mirthlessly.

“No, I suppose not. There were two things that set me on the right path—or perhaps it’s more accurate to say two people. The first, and lesser of the two, was Kim Yongsun. While I was mostly kept out of the public eye, I still had to do my part as a member of high society—under Misun’s careful scrutiny, of course. Well, Misun’s scrutiny wasn’t careful enough, and I met my cousin Kim Yongsun. I’ve never told anybody this, and I fear I might regret it, given your history keeping secrets, but Kim Yongsun is actually one of my thralls.”

Yoshika’s indignant protest died in her throat as Eunae’s words sunk in.

“Wait, what?”

“It’s not as bad as some of the people whose lives I’ve destroyed over the years, but the damage is there, and quite permanent unfortunately. Didn’t you think it was strange how fervently he argued for my leadership before? Or how quickly he backed down when I asked him? Or for that matter how quickly he changed his tune when I asked him to help you with Heian.”

The more she thought about it, the more Yoshika’s frown deepened.

“We thought he was just a bit...odd.”

Eunae inclined her head in acknowledgement.

“Well, he is that. But, there’s more to it. I actually blamed myself for his strangeness for quite a long time, but it turns out that’s just how he is. Anyway, that became a huge incident, and it was the first time using my gaze on someone actually caused serious consequences for me. In the end, it was swept under the rug since the damage was minimal and Yongsun was already known to be a bit strange, but it still affected me. For the first time I actually began to consider the people I was hurting.”

Yoshika let that sink in for a moment. Eunae’s past was more troubled than she had imagined—maybe even a match for her own storied histories.

“Who was the second person?”

The warmth of Eunae’s smile was enough to wipe out the tense mood all by itself.

“I think you could have guessed, but it was little Haeun. It wasn’t right away, mind you—she’d already been born by the time I met Kim Yongsun—but that girl grew up absurdly fast. Even as a little baby she noticed how lonely I was—how everyone else ostracized me. I couldn’t even tell you how it happened, but by the time she was a toddler the two of us were practically inseparable. For the first time I felt what it was like to have someone truly close that loves you for who you are, and I realized how hollow the ‘love’ I had inflicted on my victims was.

“So, I promised myself that I would never use my gaze on anyone else, announced before the entire main branch that I would not be their weapon now or ever, and was subsequently shipped off to the academy. Perhaps they wanted me to test my resolve—see if I would break, and succumb to temptation—or maybe they just wanted to separate me from Haeun. I might have, but then I met Rika and you. My first real friends.”

Yoshika hesitated. Seong Eunhee had told Jia exactly why Eunae had been sent to the academy, and it wasn’t out of some kind of spite or hatred. She wanted to tell Eunae that she’d had someone on her side all along, but she’d sworn not to tell anyone about that conversation, and she suspected that went double for Eunae. Instead, she settled for giving her friend a two-sided hug—embracing her with both bodies.

“You’re not a monster, Eunae. We don’t think you ever were, either. If Misun doesn’t see that, then that’s her loss. You’re our friend, and we love you.”

Yoshika abruptly switched from Jia’s voice to Eui’s, a sly grin crossing her face.

“Though—ahem—maybe not quite as much as Rika does.”

Eunae slapped Eui’s shoulder, though her giggling betrayed how she really felt.

“Eui! Oh ancestors, Misun’s going to tell everyone about that! The last thing we need is another scandal right now. Damnit, Rika, why do you have to be so reckless?”

Yoshika pointedly refrained from commenting. She didn’t exactly have a leg to stand on, there, and if anything, she had pushed Rika into being even more reckless. Eunae sighed and gave Yoshika’s bodies one last squeeze before releasing the embrace.

“Well, I’m going to get back to work—these formations don’t really require any maintenance, but it will help me sort out my thoughts and figure out what to do when we get out of here. You...should focus on your training. This is an extremely mana rich environment thanks to all the formations at work, but also—and perhaps more importantly—this is going to be your last chance to be free of xiantian observation for some time. Don’t waste it!”

Eunae skipped away to join Hyeong Aecha’s pointless fussing over autonomous formations leaving Yoshika to her training. Without hesitation, Yoshika brought forth the mote of divine essence that she had been keeping in her dantian. Eunae was right—this was a rare opportunity to practice something that she’d been putting off, even since renewing her focus on training. She needed to learn how to manipulate divine essence that wasn’t hers, and this was the perfect chance to practice without any nosy xiantian mages interrupting her or finding the little piece of Jianmo that she carried around in her soul.

Sitting cross-legged face to face with herself, Yoshika closed her eyes, and got to work.