Chapter 184: 248. Want

Iseul’s wide-eyed mania relaxed somewhat as she reacclimated to Ja Yun’s body and soul, though the expression she settled on still felt a bit off on Ja Yun’s face. Yoshika crossed Eui’s arms and scowled at the elemental.

“Iseul, what’s going on? We thought Ja Yun was just going to talk to you, not...this.”

Ja Yun’s body perked up, her ears and tail going straight as she grinned at Eui.

“You remember me! You were asleep last time, so I thought that—oh! Of course, you’re Yoshika! You shared all of Jia’s memories! I get it now.”

“You’re not answering the question.”

“Right! Sorry, sorry. Still figuring things out—this is really disorienting. Oh, ancestors, I’m actually so embarrassed! I think I’ve made a big mistake.”

Rika glared at Iseul.

“You’re damn right you have! I don’t appreciate you just taking over my girlfriend’s body like this.”

Iseul blushed bright red, and Ja Yun’s tail started to curl inward as she waved at her face.

“Oh my, that’s not helping. Um, Rika, I didn’t ‘take over.’ I couldn’t do that even if I wanted to—this only works if Yun cooperates. Anyway, I thought it would be more sensible to answer your questions this way, but I’m starting to realize that’s not quite true.”

Yoshika sighed.

“Right. We’ve spoken to Ja Yun about it before, asking your opinion doesn’t help us figure out what Muddy wants because you’re not Muddy.”

Iseul nodded, moving too much of her head in the process.

“Yes! Well, no. I am Muddy—though I don’t like it when you call me that. I’m also Iseul, but Muddy’s not me, and neither of us are Ja Yun. I’m only borrowing her feelings and her body—does that make sense?”

She was met by a round of blank stares and shook her head.

“Sorry! I’m not good at articulating. I’ll try to explain better. When I’m Muddy, I can remember being Iseul, but it doesn’t mean anything. When I’m me, I can remember being Muddy and I hate it. As Muddy, I don’t care if you feed me garbage for fun or make me clean the floors, but as Iseul, what the hell, guys?! Jia, you dropped a super hot rock on me!”

Yoshika scratched her cheek awkwardly.

“We, um, might have gotten caught up in the game a little bit. We didn’t intend to hurt you, and you did get out of the way.”

Iseul crossed her arms and grumbled.

“Well, it’s not like it would have hurt or anything, but it was still super mean.”

Eunae shook her head.

“We’re getting off track. Iseul, what did you mean when you suggested that asking you about Muddy’s opinion was more sensible than we thought?”

“Oh! Okay, well since I remember what it’s like to be Muddy, I can predict how I would answer something if I weren’t me...sort of. It’s hard to imagine myself without my emotions even when I can remember existing that way, and plus there’s always the possibility that I’d just lie.”

Rika grimaced and rubbed at her temple.

“Are you going to lie?”

“No? I don’t think so. I kind of want to because the answer isn’t very beneficial to me, but I also don’t want to disappoint you. It’s all so confusing and contradictory! How do humans deal with this? Why do I want to be like this all the time?!”

Tears began to run down Iseul’s face, though her expression didn’t change, and she began tugging nervously at the tuft of fur on the end of her tail. Rika’s expression softened and she reached out to gently rub Iseul’s back.

“Okay, okay. Just calm down, alright?”

Iseul nodded.

“Sorry! I’ll try, but I don’t really know how. Normally Yun would just wait until she had some time alone to m—”

Rika slapped a hand over Iseul’s mouth, smiling stiffly.

“Okay, how about you start by not saying anything that would make Yun die of embarrassment?”

Iseul nodded slowly, and Rika released her.

“Good thinking! No wonder Yun is so head over heels in love with you! Oh...oops, I already messed up—why is that embarrassing?!”

The other girls all buried their faces in their palms. Yoshika was starting to feel embarrassed for Ja Yun.

“Perhaps we should just stick to the matter at hand. Iseul, does Muddy want to...become you? For lack of a better way to express it.”

Iseul’s entire posture sank, and for a moment it looked as if Ja Yun had returned before she shook her head sadly.

“No, it doesn’t. It doesn’t really want much of anything at all. It’s purpose was fulfilled, so all it does is just eat and grow. I hate it...it’s such a miserable existence. I don’t want to go back to that—please don’t make me!”

Yoshika felt bad for Iseul. Watching her struggle to express her emotions was heart wrenching, but unfortunately, there wasn’t any alternative.

“Iseul, at the bare minimum, you’re going to have to give Ja Yun’s body back, you know that.”

The elemental nodded slowly.

“Yeah, I know. You’re right, sorry. That wasn’t right of me to say. What I mean is, please don’t let me stay that way. Once I go back, I won’t care anymore, but I need you to convince me to! If you’re right, that I have my own soul buried somewhere within me, then you need to make me see the value in working to unearth it.”

Rika shook her head.

“I said it before, but I don’t think that’s true. Think about it, Iseul, you’ve been sticking to Ja Yun this entire time—even returning to her after finishing with the cleaning. Nobody told you to do that. Is it really true that you don’t have any wants as Muddy?”

Iseul furrowed her brows.

“That’s—I...hm. I don’t know. I can’t think of any reason why I would do that.”

“My point exactly! There isn’t a reason. It’s just what you want to do. It’s subtle—maybe a bit stunted—but I think you’ve already started to cultivate your own soul at least a little bit. When you go back to being Muddy, you just need to keep that up.”

“I—I don’t know if I can...”

She hung her head dejectedly, and Yoshika struggled to think of a way to help her.

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“We might have an idea.”

Iseul looked up to meet Yoshika’s gaze, her eyes full of hope.

“Really?”

“It’s...a little unorthodox, but we’re going to be working with Eunae to better understand soul magic. We’re not exactly sure what it would entail but maybe you, as Muddy, could join us for those sessions. It would also represent a good opportunity for us to work on understanding the way elementals communicate as well.”

Iseul’s face brightened immediately as she glanced frantically between Yoshika and Eunae.

“That sounds fantastic! Is Princess Eunae okay with that too?”

Eunae shrugged, looking a little bit uneasy.

“I suppose so. I’m still a little nervous about the entire thing, but I did promise and a bit more oversight might be reassuring.”

Yoshika clapped her hands once.

“Then it’s settled. Iseul, you’ll be joining us for training in the evenings from now on. Ja Yun is welcome to come too, of course. Now, please give our friend her body back.”

Iseul nodded overenthusiastically.

“Right! Yes, of course! Thank you so much for helping me!”

She closed her eyes for a moment, then slumped forward as if having fallen asleep. The cloak of slime around Ja Yun’s shoulders once more resolved itself into the wobbly round shape of Muddy, and Ja Yun blinked her eyes open and sat up straight.

“Uh...I guess I’m back...”

She stared blankly for a moment, her face slowly turning bright red.

“Oh...oh no. Ancestors she said—oh no!”

Rika failed to suppress an amused snort, wrapping a comforting arm around Ja Yun’s shoulders.

“Hey, it’s fine. She didn’t say anything too embarrassing.”

“That is a matter of opinion, and I strongly disagree.”

The girls fell into an awkward silence after that, and Yoshika stood up to brush herselves off.

“Well, we’d better rest up for tomorrow. Thank you all for entertaining our discussion, and of course for the lovely party.”

Rika chuckled, standing up to give them a parting hug, one body in each arm.

“No problem. You should probably take Jung and the kids with you and tuck them into a proper bed. We’ll meet up tomorrow morning at Murayoshi’s?”

“Indeed.”

Yoshika gathered up her family and gingerly escorted them to their assigned quarters without waking them—which wasn’t easy when Jung was so much taller than either of her bodies—before retiring to her own room to meditate for the rest of the evening.

 

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There was already a certain beauty in the act of creation, but Jia found Murayoshi and Forge’s work to be particularly mesmerizing as she watched it unfold with her soul sight. Forge was everywhere at once—every strike of the hammer, every lick of the flames heating the metal, each droplet of water used to quench the shaped metal—and she moved in harmony with her partner’s aura, bringing each piece to life.

Murayoshi worked fast, churning out spearheads, swords, and armor plates at a rate that boggled Jia’s mind. There was no doubt that such an output would be impossible without the tsukumogami’s assistance. Forge’s name wasn’t for show—shaping metal was the very essence of her being in much the same way that Heian was shadow.

Jia’s thoughts turned to her spirit familiar turned adopted daughter. Since their last conversation—and the vision that had accompanied it—Heian had been staying permanently manifested. It wasn’t the longest she’d done so, but it was certainly the first time she’d done so of her own volition. Certainly, she’d been spending a lot more time out and playing with Narae recently, but she still generally preferred to spend the majority of her time napping away in Jia’s soulscape.

The change of heart was something of a surprise, especially after Heian had revealed that she didn’t particularly want to be embodied—rather, she just had the same compulsion to do so that was intrinsic to all spirits. Narae wasn’t about to complain—even at that very moment, the two of them were getting into trouble under the uneasy care of Kasai Hanako, who’d volunteered to babysit.

Heian was always something of an enigma, but she’d been acting especially strangely of late. Jia just hoped that she was doing the right thing by going forward with the plans to craft her own body. In the worst case, it would still go a long way towards empowering Rika’s technique, and Heian could always make her own decision about whether she took a body for herself anyway.

“Hey guys! Sorry I’m late. I ended up staying up all night chatting with Yun and Eunae and we lost track of time!”

Jia’s musings were cut short by Rika arriving, accompanied by Eunae. She waved off her friend’s apologies.

“Don’t worry about it. He’s been so focused that I don’t think he even noticed us arriving.”

The old blacksmith scoffed.

“Just ‘cause I ent acknowledged ye don’t mean I ent noticed. What’s the fox girlie doin’ here, eh? Come to show off another paintin’?”

Eunae shook her head and bowed in greeting.

“No, Grandmaster. While I value the lessons learned from your assignment, I don’t think I enjoy baring my soul like that. I’ll stick to hobby painting from now on.”

“Mm. Why ya here, then?”

Eunae shrugged, her cheeks reddening slightly as she answered.

“I’m here as emotional support for—for my girlfriend.”

Rika's eyes widened, and she stood a little bit taller than usual as a grin crept its way onto her face.

“Well consider my emotions supported! You ready to get started, Yoshika?”

Jia chuckled, joining hands with Eui. She was happy to see that her friends had sorted something out between themselves. Yoshika nodded with both bodies.

“We’re ready when you are.”

Murayoshi rolled his eyes and returned to his work.

“Well get on with it, then. I ent got all day, an’ yer already late.”