Chapter 204: Chapter 202 – Clearing Thoughts

 With Ao Jin’s body still locked above my body in an angry grip of death and despair, I can’t help to be frozen. Staring into his bulging eyes, my mind is awash with fear and shame.

The knowledge that I stopped him from doing what was necessary to save his wife and child. Imagining the horrors, they go through every day and what they must now go through for the rest of their lives. Being tortured and played with for enjoyment.

Neither my body nor my mind can move away from his soulless glare.

However, I quickly feel my healing constitution go into action and some of the intense feelings abate, which prompts me to utilize my healing aura as well.

Almost instantly, I can look and move away from him.

He left a final demonic technique gift.

One that he sent to impress upon me the pain he’s been going through. What I just took from him.

To eternally share his last moments of pain and suffering.

It doesn’t appear that it sent over memories, but more of the emotions towards certain things.

 

… but deep within the pain is a tinge of hope. Hope that I’ll save his family for him. That I would care enough.

Despite the fact that he tortured me.

 

 Before I can dive into the thought of this, something else steals my attention away. The fact that my allies could still use some healing.

 Since I had already healed the Panther, who had run away, I move my healing to finish up taking care of the tamed creatures who assisted me in the battle.

 

 Eager to focus my attention on something else, I completely healed them to full and even got rid of some deficiencies they previously had. After that was done, I made sure that their cultivation journey, in the spirit beast sense, would move smoothly with the changes.

 Obviously, this left a very positive impression on the creatures. While the situation from before was close, they still grew an immense amount from it because of the massive amounts of strain they went through in the healing that compensated for it.

 I ended up doing a different style of taming contract with each of them. Basically, they would continue to get a tiny percentage boost to their cultivation, with the ability to increase it to higher levels if I ever needed their help. A retainer fee, of sorts.

 Without a doubt, this is going to have ramifications on the surrounding jungle.

 I’m suddenly reminded that I disconnected my healing from Gong and the group, in my desperation to survive the fight. And based on what I needed to do; it looks like it was the only decision I can make at that time.

 Quickly reattaching my taming, scanning, and healing connections, I’m quickly brought back to speed on the changes that have occurred with the normal networks.

 As I connected to Gong, I immediately sensed relief coming from her and my survival. Before she can even communicate back, I can see that we’ve lost quite a few spiders and with the demi humans, one is missing, with another being unconscious.

 Full of concern, I also connect to Ai, Lin, and everyone else I had previously had my healing connections to. Luckily, it appears everything is normal for everyone else. With that being the case, I redirect my attention back to the situation with Gong. I don’t heal the unconscious person, because I get a feeling that they would already be awake if Gong wished it.

  To make things a bit easier for her, I tame a spider nearby, so she can communicate via webs.

 In short, the removal of healing caused some panic among the demi humans. Understandably so. I’m a major contributor to the success underground and part of my healing goes to the plants. While it appears most of them are already self-sustaining in that environment, it still affects their growth.

 Some people took this as the opportunity to actively abandoned ship and betray the others. Which, of course, caused the backlash.

 Unfortunately, fear of death in this manner is much less than fear of being tortured to death if it was ever found out that they have the abilities that they do.

 The missing person had a contract breach, as they were trying to actively betray the group, and died. It apparently was a very horrifying event.

The unconscious person simply was abandoning the group and was locked in the interim period.

 All of this occurred when I was being tortured and having my head cut off continuously, which is why I was unaware these contract breaches happened.

 Managing a community is no easy feat. While Gong was superb at manipulating and controlling information within the city, this might be her first time in a true long-term leadership position, outside of commanding spiders and local demi-humans.

 Considering that, she’s been doing an exceptional job utilizing those connections to keep everyone together.

 One of the first things I’m going to need to do after getting the methods I need is to go back and help her solidify her position. Though after this event, there may be no need.

 Among other things I need to do in that city…

 My mind drifts around to some of the different things I need to complete and do, But I quickly realized that I’m doing something that I consistently do after a battle. Avoid thinking about what just happened.

 My mind can still see his eyes, red and purple, staring deep into my soul. Even though part of the trauma has been healed, the impact has not left me.

 Which reminds me that my cultivation method should be able to heal trauma better, even at this level, than my healing aura can.

  Slowly, I manipulate the Qi around my meridians and dantians to reactivate my cultivation method. Instantly, feel a soothing feeling throughout my body and mind.

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While the technique Ao Jin used on me ravaged my channels, it also expanded them in other ways I didn’t have originally have access to from demonic Qi.

Strangely enough, I seem to be able to hold and process Qi even better in my body than before. And if attacked by demonic Qi in the future, I’m confident I won’t be too adversely affected.

 With this being the case, I use my method to help with the traumas that I have and some others I sustained over time.

 

A strange feeling comes over me.

 It’s like I’m able to perceive the trauma from the third person perspective. Detached, yet in control. Allowing me to process these in a different way. Although the eyes are still in my memory, I’m beginning to realize what it actually means for me.

 Guilt. That I couldn’t resolve the situation and keep him as a friend.

 Frustration. I wasn’t strong enough to subdue him and put him under my control. If I had done so, perhaps I could have reasoned with him.

 Fear. That what happened to him could so easily happen to me.

 

 With these feelings being more discernible for me, maybe I put this aside and come up with a few simple solutions.

 Get stronger.

 Save his family.

 Bring him back. With caution, and only when I’m strong enough to handle him.

 Keep doing the right thing, but have items on hand to handle unexpected situations.   

 

Nice thoughts, but has a lot of steps invoiced in each one.

 The issues that were resolved before, was because I had the abilities or the strength to face them. Whether it was healing countless people in both the outer and Monchon city, or the journey up the stairs, it was because of my strengths.

 But it’s not only that.

 I think that even if people disapprove of what I do, as long as I keep doing what I believe is morally right, I can stay sane in this crazy world.

I can feel it… the temptation to go the typical path. To say fuck it all and not care about anyone. Take what I want and whenever I want.

I won’t do that, though. There is value in the morals my family instilled in me.

I have to believe that. I need to.

 

… even in a world that says otherwise.

 But I can only do what I believe is right if I’m strong enough to go against those who are willing to do wrong.

Or, if I empower those who have strength as well, to fight beside me.

 I would not be where I am without Gong, Ai, and Lin. 

There are also many other people who’ve made a huge impact on what I’ve been able to do for others in this world. It may be tough, however there are people out there that want to do right by others. 

They just need to be convinced it’s worth it.

 

Thinking back on the current dilemma, the little I know about Ao Jon’s family tells me it wouldn’t be an easy feat to save them from.

 But it’s something need to do. For my own sanity, if nothing else.

 Luckily, cultivators are typically complacent, and my scan tells me that this might be a situation that I can actually affect relatively soon.

 And it appears it’s through one contact I had made during my ‘market’ journey.

 

… I’ll find a way.

I promise.

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