Chapter 121: Chapter 119: The heavy world

Sometimes, when I sit beneath the stars and I gaze up towards them, praying that tomorrow will allow me to become a better man, I wonder if the promise of fulfillment that I feel in my heart is really true.

In those moments, when I am deliriously lost in the sights of the heavens above, I feel empowered and emboldened to make so many changes to my life. I feel the will and desire to become a stronger, cleaner man. I feel the urge and the need to become more whole, in both body and spirit. It is midnight, and its totality is what allows me this sensation. It is the light of the stars above our heads, a romantic sight as they are for a lonesome man such as myself, that makes my heart beat in a strange way that it does not do during the daytime.

Perhaps it is because at night, I am alone.

Not that I am not alone during the day, but during the day I feel troubled about being alone. I feel as if the sunlight obligates me to be a social creature, which I have failed to become.

But during the night, when the stars are out and the world is asleep, I hold no such obligations, as they simply cannot be fulfilled. The night alone is when I am at peace with my own insecurities, and as such, I can dwell on the matters of my own soul.

Somehow, however, the sun will rise again soon in the morning to come, and all of these hopes and aspirations, born in the night, will vanish again until the next to come as I once more hide from the dayglow both within and outside of myself for yet another day.