Chapter 29: Chapter 28: Busy hands are safe from being misguided by the unjust

“Using a bathroom in the dungeon?

Well… it’s kind of awkward.

I mean, as an adventurer, you kind of just do what you have to do, you know? But it’s also a real problem in a way that’s hard to explain. I’m not a shy person or anything, mind you. But… I don’t want anyone watching me when I ‘take a break’. I think that’s fair, right?

But the thing about being in a dungeon is that you just kind of… always feel watched.

One time, I had to work and I had a bad stomach issue that week. I was in the central beginner’s dungeon. Fairly standard-fare. Level one spriggans, things like that.

Well, I had to make a quick stop after clearing floor three and, hand to the gods, the moment I was ‘in the middle of it’, I heard footsteps coming up from below.

— You need to understand that the central dungeon doesn’t have patrolling monsters. It’s literally the easiest, most friendly dungeon there is.

So here I am, leaving my mark on history and there comes this huge, hulking behemoth of a dryad stomping her way up. Dryads don’t come until floor ten! Let alone ones this big.

Now, was I just particularly unlucky and was part of some sort of cosmic happenstance that day? Maybe.

But what I think is that the dungeon took particular offense to my, uh, difficulties and decided to catch me, literally with my pants down.

It almost worked too. I made it out of there, but not with my pants or my dignity and let me tell you that there was no worse feeling in my life then stepping out of that dungeon portal and being seen by a thousand people on the busiest marketplace in the world as ‘the guy who shit himself in the easiest dungeon there is’.

Nobody ever believed me. But I swear it's true. Hand on my heart.”